We had a lovely, kind lady admitted last week for uncontrolled pain. She is one of those people that is a joy to take care of, you know, thank you, I appreciate it, sweet, kind. Calls for help when she needs it. You know the kind of patient I mean, just a really great person. Well, we were so excited that we got her pain under control and she got to go home. THAT VERY NIGHT, she was on the bsc and turned the wrong way and broke her hip. (We assume she has mets to the bones.) She went to the hospital and then came back to us for pain management. Her sister walked off the elevator, took one look at me, and collapsed in my arms. She kept saying "they were so mean to her, they were just so mean. I am so happy she is here!"
My problem is I really, really like this woman and her family. I cannot take care of her, it just hurts too bad. I know she is going to die soon, I can see the decline. But my heart is just breaking. I have been a nurse for 10+ years and have been in Hospice over 2. I have never had this problem. I go in and see her everyday. (I even brought some Christmas stickers in to decorate her traction boot, I told her nurse tonight that we could include her in our celebration and draw a Menorah Candle on the velcro straps if she would like:cool:) She is just so darn sad. Is it awful that I can't be her nurse? I feel like I am being selfish by not taking care of her.
Ive been there, done that. I ended up taking care of the patient because I felt I was the one who would/could provide for her in ways no one else could. Just do what you feel is right in your heart. It would be a hard decision to make either way. Just try and think of how you are going to feel once she is gone. Will you be glad you did/didnt care for her during her time of transition into the afterlife. What do you think the patient would want? Will you feel guilt later if you dont? i am not saying you should/shouldnt care for her, I just want you to make sure you consider how you will feel later so you will have no regret. Good luck to you. Hugs to you!
I am off the next three nights, so it won't be an issue. I would like to say that I am perfectly fine with not being the one to do the hands on care for her. I work with the most amazing group of nurses that you can imagine. She will get excellant care from who ever is her nurse. I just think that for my own piece of mind it is best that I am not her nurse. I told her and her sister that I would be in but I just couldn't be her nurse and we all had a good cry together. I think sometimes, especially in hospice, we need to be able to say, "for my own well being it is best if I step back." That is what I choose to do. I mean, I have taken care of nice people before. I don't know what it is about this particular woman that makes my heart ache. There is some type of connection there for me that makes it more difficult than what is normal.
Anyway, THANK YOU all for your kind words, I really do appreciate them.
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
My heart also breaks for you and this lady. Be extra good to yourself through this. You are human and have feelings; this is good, although right now it does not feel this way.
I think you have to ask yourself if you can be an effective nurse, not only to this patient, but to your other caseload.
There is nothing shameful or non-professional in recognizing that this is simply a situation which is beyond your ability to safely handle, d/t your emotional connection with the lady.
Quite the opposite, in fact. Part of nursing is boundries, after all. Having the self-awareness and courage to recognize yours is one more indication of your worth as a nurse.
chenoaspirit, ASN, RN
1,010 Posts
Ive been there, done that. I ended up taking care of the patient because I felt I was the one who would/could provide for her in ways no one else could. Just do what you feel is right in your heart. It would be a hard decision to make either way. Just try and think of how you are going to feel once she is gone. Will you be glad you did/didnt care for her during her time of transition into the afterlife. What do you think the patient would want? Will you feel guilt later if you dont? i am not saying you should/shouldnt care for her, I just want you to make sure you consider how you will feel later so you will have no regret. Good luck to you. Hugs to you!