First year nurse, feel so miserable and alone

  1. I'm just a few short months away from hitting my one year mark as a new nurse. I have my dream job, amazing coworkers, an amazing boss, and I work with the most amazing kiddos and families every day.
    But the honest truth? I feel so miserable and alone. I'm on nights so whenever I'm awake, the rest of the world is asleep. My roommate and I are super close but literally never see each other (maybe 1 day/week if we're lucky.)
    im so tired all the time, all I want to do on my few and far between days off is sleep. I feel so alone. I want to meet new friends, I want to meet a guy, but how the heck do you do that when your life is the opposite of everyone else's?
    I feel so lonely and being single makes it so much worse but at work, I'm surrounded by girls, I can't seem to find any nice guys when I do finally muster the energy to go out and I'm starting to feel hopeless. My family is a few states away and I only see them every few months.
    At this point, I feel numb. I'm just going through the motions of everything and not actually enjoying anything... I hate this person I've become, especially since "on paper" everything looks like it's worked out perfectly for me.
  2. Visit stacylethani profile page

    About stacylethani

    Joined: Dec '14; Posts: 50; Likes: 16
    from WA , US

    16 Comments

  3. by   Sour Lemon
    Think of how many people work overnight or are just "night people". If you want to meet guys, get online ....fish in a barrel!
  4. by   TruvyNurse
    Try to go to days or as SourLemon suggested..online! Plenty of eligible 3rd shifters out there!
  5. by   Davey Do
    You never know where love will find you, stacylethani!

    I love telling this story:

    I had been separated from my Ex for about a year, was working both 8 and 12 hour MN shifts, and am asocial. No prospects, right? Then, one night, a medical nurse, who has also been separated from her Ex for a year, is pulled to work geriatric psych for 4 hours.

    I immediately liked her, asked her out for coffee, and we've been together for 12 years come June!

    Love will find you. Just be open for it.

    Good luck and the very best to you, stacylethani!
  6. by   Been there,done that
    Some people can do nights, I appreciate them.

    I could never do it. It messed with my mind, body, and soul. Finish your first year and get on day shift.
    Then work on the romance part.

    Best wishes.
  7. by   not.done.yet
    Night shift never worked for me either. I loved my coworkers and job but became very depressed on night shift. I was lonely and felt separated from "normal" life...and I am in a good, strong marriage! Having a significant other would not solve this. It is very possible you just need to get on days. In the meantime, do what you can to improve sleep quality, make sure you are exercising and focusing on nutrition and start reaching out to other nurses who work nights to "hang out" at Waffle House at 2 AM or your local late night Thai/sushi joint or whatever floats your boat. They might not be boys, but chances are they know some, so why not get to know them just in case?

    As an aside, it has been my personal experience that the more you yearn for and chase "love", the more elusive it is. Use this time to really get to know yourself and enjoy being single. Romance yourself. You will be happier - Happy women are confident and confidence is sexy.
    Last edit by not.done.yet on Apr 16
  8. by   ruby_jane
    Whelp, you're probably not meant to be a night-shifter. I wasn't.

    Your comments about being "miserable" and "alone" tug at my heart. Please make sure you are getting an adequate amount of sleep, sunshine when you can, and hydration. Please consider talking with a counselor if you feel this is more than situational depression. Hang in there. Also realize that no matter when you work, singlehood in your early adult years can be tough. It was for me....and I wasn't even a night shift nurse at the time!!!

    There's a beautiful passage in "The Hobbit." Tolkien writes about the hobbits being in the scary dark forest, and if they'd only have looked up, they would see that above the forest, the sun was indeed shining. Sometimes we get so caught up in being on the forest floor that we forget to look up.
  9. by   GypsyNurse0503
    I started out as a night CNA before becoming a night nurse. I could handle it as a CNA, but as an RN...I don't know whether I had just gotten older, my priorities had changed toward more daytime-necessary ones, or my chemistry changed, but my brain and my spirit just couldn't handle nights anymore after about 15 months on the night shift as an RN. I became depressed, withdrawn, felt isolated, brain fogged, etc. So your shift might definitely have something to do with things.

    I agree with those who have recommended online dating. You'll meet a bunch of creeps and weirdos, but you will if you were meeting them in public, too...only, because I was never part of the "bar crowd" I never knew where to meet men in real life anyway, especially living in a county notorious for having one of the oldest (>70 on up) populations! Haha! Online dating was good to me and I met my current boyfriend on one of the popular dating sites; we're very happy together and surprisingly compatible, considering we probably would never have been moving in the same social circles in the real world and likely would have never met without the help of online dating.
  10. by   not.done.yet
    My hubbie and I met online also. Married going on 9 years now, together for 17. And most importantly....we are ridiculously happy.
  11. by   djh123
    Quote from ruby_jane
    There's a beautiful passage in "The Hobbit." Tolkien writes about the hobbits being in the scary dark forest, and if they'd only have looked up, they would see that above the forest, the sun was indeed shining. Sometimes we get so caught up in being on the forest floor that we forget to look up.
    Thanks... I'd read 'The Hobbit', maybe even twice, but not in years. Great passage. And re: Davey's passage on meeting his flame, yeah, may that happen to me too... and sooner rather than later, but I realize you can't force it...
  12. by   kbrn2002
    Nights are not for everyone. I speak from experience having worked nights for 15 years. I enjoyed it, until I didn't. I got tired of only seeing my husband for an hour here and there. I left for work while he was still in bed, he left for work before I got home. I got tired of needing to stay awake after work if there was anything that needed to be done that could only be done during normal business hours. While I loved my night crew I also got tired of never socializing with anybody outside that small circle. On occasions I committed to social events on my days off, it played hell with my normal sleep schedule.

    If you are experiencing depression related to working hours that most people just aren't physically wired to work you will be better off trying to switch to a day or afternoon position. Since you have a year under your belt this should be easier to do now, reach out to whoever controls the schedules and express your interest in changing shifts when a comparable position opens.
  13. by   cleback
    Quote from Been there,done that
    Some people can do nights, I appreciate them.

    I could never do it. It messed with my mind, body, and soul. Finish your first year and get on day shift.
    Then work on the romance part.

    Best wishes.
    This. You sound like me when I worked nights. I now work a combination of days/pms. I look back and regret how much time I spent miserable.
  14. by   Myca84
    Oh, that was so sad. My heart broke a little for you. My first year on nights was rough also. You are going to have a full year behind you! Congratulations! There is no reason not to put in a transfer request for the next day position, or be put on the wait list. You could also consider travel nursing now or check out other opportunities on day shift. You can always come back to night shift. Start looking at other options for yourself because you should not be unhappy.

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