Father of a nursing student needs advice

[Keane68]

Hi

I feel a little like a fish out of water here. I have been following this site for some time. I do believe you call them lurkers. :) I have followed it because my daughter decided to go to nursing school and I thought this would be a good place to find out the real information about the profession. Well, it has been. Good and bad. I want to say to each and every one of you that you are amazing in your support and compassion to each member in this community. I need advice concerning my expectations as a parent of a nursing student. She will be graduating in May 2014 with a BSN from Ohio State. She will be 22 when she graduates. She has been a great kid. I have paid for her schooling. I did it by starting a savings fund when she was born. I am one of those parents who said your job is school even though she has held part time jobs. She works part time at Ohio State's hospital. My parental brain is now saying it is time to apply to jobs and apply for a residency and see if you can get it. I have talked to her and I feel like she is burned out from 17 straight years of schooling and may need a break. I guess I need some advice. Do I just back off ? Am I the only parent like this ? I know some of you must have children in college. I am not sure why part of me continually pushes. I hope it's because I want the best for her. I don't want to push her away. Thank you for reading and again you guys really are great. I hope each of you knows how fortunate you are to have a place to talk or just vent if you need it. Jim

[Wrench Party]

Sorry, she doesn't really get a break for at least another year or two.

Better for her to take the NCLEX, get her license, get her first job, and then buckle down through a year of said job,

THEN take a month or so off to backpack or whatever else post-college age folks do these days.

She'll most likely work at a facility with 12 hour shifts, so once she's off orientation, she can schedule herself accordingly to

get time off.

[Rnjess1984]

I felt the same way as your Daughter. I took a leave a absence from the hospital I worked at. (After confirming I had a job waiting for me when I got back) I worked part-time at the hospital while in school and my manager agreed to hired me after I graduated! I went to Costa Rica for 3 months for a language program through EF. My hospital loved the idea because none of the night shift spoke Spanish! So they were more than happy to hold my job. This was 8 yrs ago so I'm sure things have changed. But you never know what's possible till you ask! I came back...got back to work...studied my butt off and took my boards! Best choice I ever made! Instead of starting work burned out, I started refreshed and ready to tackle the world (in 2 languages)!

[RobtheORNurse]

As a nurse and a father who has two kids graduating from college this year, I would say let her have a little break. Nursing school is grueling on a good day and it is easy to get burned out. Let her have some time to decompress from all of the textbook preparation for nursing so she can get ready to learn the art and science of nursing. As anyone here will tell you, you really learn the craft at the bedside, not in the classroom. The classroom just gets you ready to start. She'll be fine dad, you'll see.

[fangirl]

Just my two cents. I graduated high school at 18. I, too was burned out. I talked my parents into letting me take "just one year off from school". I ended up waiting eight years to go back. In that time, I had gotten married and had a child. I wish I would have gone to college straight out of high school. Things are so much harder once life happens. I also understand her wanting to talk a break after surviving nursing school. The choice is ultimately hers. Good luck in whatever she chooses.

[Pknutson]

Have you asked her what she wants? What area is her main concern in Nursing? Many aspects of Nursing. Community Nurse, School Nurse, Geriatrics, traveling Nurse, ER,OR,etc. If she has a particular area, then just encouragement is all she needs.

[imintrouble, BSN, RN]

I find it curious that we parents of young adults, work so hard to make life easy for our children.

There are two mistakes to be made in the OP.

Dad, trying to coddle his grown daughter.

Daughter allowing it.

I hope keane68 updates us on whatever choices they make.

[vintage_RN, BSN, RN]

I was gonna say...my parents never paid a cent of my school, and would laugh at me if I ever suggested they pay for a vacation for me (nor would they ever offer one). I've had a job since I was 14 and have had to work to pay for everything on my own.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

I wonder why Dad never came back?

[jetsy62]

First of all, I want to say you are a wonderful father. You planned and were able to provide a way for your daughter to be able to go to college if that was what she wanted. Turns out, your thoughtful planning paid off because she chose nursing as her profession and will be able to graduate with no debt. All should be so lucky. But really, it was not luck, you were financially able to and choses to do this for your daughter. The second part truly is up to her. Again, you can suggest, advise, listen to her side, etc. but in the end she needs to decide what her path is. Just like she did in deciding to go to college and chose nursing as her path. And once again, you will need to decide which part and how much you are going to finance. Personally, I think together you both will work this out just fine. If life was really so black and white, yes or no, etc.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

I'm gonna interrupt this lovefest for this helicoptering, snowplowing dad. (You know, the ones who hover and remove all obstacles.) Alert: Cold wet blanket incoming!

News flash: This "kid" is a twenty-two-year-old college graduate with a professional license. You have no responsibilities towards directing her career, and what you should do now is back off to let her decide what she wants to do, including deciding how she wants to research the job market, or not. If she fails, she will learn how to deal with failure in her life-- it's too bad if it's the first time, because it will be a shock to her tender sensibilities, but it's way past time she had the opportunity to learn how.

We all learn by failure, from the time we first try to crawl, walk, ride a bike, or pass geometry. We do our children no favors if we cushion them from reality and increasing personal responsibility. In our house, this started at about 9 months. "If you stand up in the bathtub, you're out." They would try it once or twice, scream bloody murder when they got lifted out and toweled, (because what kid doesn't love tubby time?) but then they got the concept of consequences for your actions. More opportunities followed. :)

When you were twenty-two, was your dad getting you a job, telling you how to live your life, and were you expecting him to do that, and fully accepting everything he said? If so, I guess that may be part of the problem.

My answer, based on my parenting two who developed quite successful careers and families on their own, is blunt. Butt out. Be there if she calls you for advice, but by now your answer should always be, "So, honey, what are you going to do about that?" Exceptions: if she seeks your opinion on something you have particular expertise in, unrelated to nursing. For example, my dad was an insurance man, and I sought and accepted his advice on malpractice, auto, and homeowner's insurance when these were new concepts to me. But I would have been astonished -- and offended-- if he had tried to tell me how to proceed in my career.

[roser13, ASN, RN]

Thank you, Grn Tea. This thread needed a wake-up call.

i was trying to go there in the beginning, but not nearly as eloquently

[toomuchbaloney]

I tried to deliver a similar message a bit more gently.

LOL