Difficult family members/visitors

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

Oh yes, don't you love it when they can tell you're busy and it offends them? Personally if a nurse wasn't devoting 100% of her time and attention to me, I'd rather know it was because she was working hard and not just ignoring me for no good reason.

The few times I've been an inpatient, I've thought - "thank God, that must mean I'm not dying..."

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

How do you all deal with these type of people? Some of them are nothing but trouble. I am a student but work as an CNA and I have seriously had it with a lot of these family members. I hear it only gets worse when you become a nurse. Some of them are so disgusting and disrespectful that it is hard to believe that people like this actually exist in this world. I mean really I believe some of these people are mentally ill seriously! We do back breaking work so that their loved one can get well and they are not even appreciative of that. They can be so condescending and demeaning to us. I really wished that visiting rules could be tightened up. It seems like the must disgusting ones stay in there for hours upon hours, making it difficult to get our job done. I don't understand why these people can't be required to step out of the room when we go in to provide care. Nine times out of ten the patient is fine. It is the family/visitors that come and stir up crap. Do we have to even interact with them? When I walk in to the patients room I usually greet everyone who is in there. I am to the point where from now on I will address the patient only, do what I have to do and get out. Any crap they try to throw at me I will simply refer them to the charge nurse or management. I am at my witts end There is so much stress on the job and these people do nothing but add unnecessary stress to what we do. ugggggg. Please help! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

One thing that I never want to forget in nursing..is think about what happens when YOU are in the hospital.

You miss work (if you work)...the lives of your family members get disrupted, you have the insurance company to deal with, and if you don't have insurance, the reality that bills are going to be mounting when you get home and is going to have a major devastating effect on your lifestyle.

They don't have privacy, they have people come into their room at all hours of the day or not to take vital signs, labs, they become the guinea pigs for nursing students, medical students and residents, etc.

These people are going through some of the worst times of their lives...even if it's just a "routine" test or a "routine" surgery...to us, it's routine, to them, it's a major life event.

People that have never worked another job other than nursing...have a hard time grasping the concept that it doesn't matter if you work in nursing, business, or another profession...you STILL have the public to deal with and your management will expect you to keep them happy...b/c if patients stop choosing the healthcare facility that you work at for their needs, you'll be looking for another job.

I saw a hospital shut down in my area...a major hospital, totally shut down because people just stopped going there...the level of care had been sliding for years...a new system moved into the area...provided better care, better staff, and people just stopped going to the other place.

The reason nurses, especially new grads, are having a hard time finding work right now is because when people lose their jobs, they lose their health insurance...when they lose their health insurance, they stop going to the doctor unless it's something major that cannot wait.

Ask nurses on this board that work as travelers...many hospitals have simply stopped renewing these contracts.

New grads: Some that graduated in December still can't find jobs.

I'm not saying that you don't have the occasional family member that is difficult..however at the end of the day, they don't owe us anything.

anewday · Sep 8, 2009

One thing that I never want to forget in nursing..is think about what happens when YOU are in the hospital.
You miss work (if you work)...the lives of your family members get disrupted, you have the insurance company to deal with, and if you don't have insurance, the reality that bills are going to be mounting when you get home and is going to have a major devastating effect on your lifestyle.
They don't have privacy, they have people come into their room at all hours of the day or not to take vital signs, labs, they become the guinea pigs for nursing students, medical students and residents, etc.
These people are going through some of the worst times of their lives...even if it's just a "routine" test or a "routine" surgery...to us, it's routine, to them, it's a major life event.
People that have never worked another job other than nursing...have a hard time grasping the concept that it doesn't matter if you work in nursing, business, or another profession...you STILL have the public to deal with and your management will expect you to keep them happy...b/c if patients stop choosing the healthcare facility that you work at for their needs, you'll be looking for another job.
I saw a hospital shut down in my area...a major hospital, totally shut down because people just stopped going there...the level of care had been sliding for years...a new system moved into the area...provided better care, better staff, and people just stopped going to the other place.
The reason nurses, especially new grads, are having a hard time finding work right now is because when people lose their jobs, they lose their health insurance...when they lose their health insurance, they stop going to the doctor unless it's something major that cannot wait.
Ask nurses on this board that work as travelers...many hospitals have simply stopped renewing these contracts.
New grads: Some that graduated in December still can't find jobs.
I'm not saying that you don't have the occasional family member that is difficult..however at the end of the day, they don't owe us anything.

Just because you are going through the worst time of your life doesn't give you the right to come into a facility and be abusive to staff. I have family members to who have been ill and been in the hospital. So I have been on the other side. Why are we entering their room at all hours of the day and night to do labs, vitals etc? To help them get well. We are not doing it because we are trying to invade their privacy. We provide excellent care to our patients. Yes I am totally aware that if patients don't come to our facility that we don't have jobs. That does not mean that we should be subjected to abuse to have patients come in. When you truly care about the well being of your patients, are breaking your back everyday to make sure your patients are OK, and you have family members coming in being nasty and disrespectful to you for no reason, it becomes a bit demoralizing after a while.

Fiona59 · Sep 8, 2009

We currently have three families "keeping notes" on us. When we enter, who we are, what we do, how long we stay.

I am so fed up of Readers Digest, Dateline, etc. telling people "to watch the nurses like hawks" and that only by being your "relatives advocate can you ensure quality care". Shouting at me doesn't make me want to come into your "loved" ones room more than I have to.

Don't even start me on the verbal abuse because, I'm just plain incompetent and lazy (uhm, the patient coming back from surgery is way more important than your bedblocking husband who's waiting for a bed in LTC (and hasn't been a surgical patient in 45 days) and standing screaming in the hallway for icechips during a code isn't the way to make you loved).

Someday, I'm going to ask the wife in room 25 where she works, just so that I can go stand beside her for her day and comment on every last action she makes, ask why she's wearing what she's wearing, and then complain to all her co-workers when she takes a bathroom break.

Katnip, RN · Sep 8, 2009

One thing that I never want to forget in nursing..is think about what happens when YOU are in the hospital.
You miss work (if you work)...the lives of your family members get disrupted, you have the insurance company to deal with, and if you don't have insurance, the reality that bills are going to be mounting when you get home and is going to have a major devastating effect on your lifestyle.
They don't have privacy, they have people come into their room at all hours of the day or not to take vital signs, labs, they become the guinea pigs for nursing students, medical students and residents, etc.
These people are going through some of the worst times of their lives...even if it's just a "routine" test or a "routine" surgery...to us, it's routine, to them, it's a major life event.
People that have never worked another job other than nursing...have a hard time grasping the concept that it doesn't matter if you work in nursing, business, or another profession...you STILL have the public to deal with and your management will expect you to keep them happy...b/c if patients stop choosing the healthcare facility that you work at for their needs, you'll be looking for another job.
I saw a hospital shut down in my area...a major hospital, totally shut down because people just stopped going there...the level of care had been sliding for years...a new system moved into the area...provided better care, better staff, and people just stopped going to the other place.
The reason nurses, especially new grads, are having a hard time finding work right now is because when people lose their jobs, they lose their health insurance...when they lose their health insurance, they stop going to the doctor unless it's something major that cannot wait.
Ask nurses on this board that work as travelers...many hospitals have simply stopped renewing these contracts.
New grads: Some that graduated in December still can't find jobs.
I'm not saying that you don't have the occasional family member that is difficult..however at the end of the day, they don't owe us anything.

First, I disagree. They do owe us respect. Just like you respect the sales clerk in the retail store, or anyone you come across.

20 years ago, people did not behave like this and they had the same stresses and the same disruption in their lives during a hospitalization. In some ways, worse because there were no flat screen tvs-you had to pay a daily fee if you wanted television. Visitation was restricted on all units, not just ICU. There was no free internet. Patients were discouraged from asking questions of the doctor about their treatment so were even more in that dark than now. So sorry, the stress excuse doesn't fly with me. It's just a sign of decline in behavior in all aspects of care. Back then very, very, few people would consider being rude to hospital staff. They respected authority figures. And yes, there were recessions then and people in general were not as well off as we are now.

Hubby's girl · Sep 8, 2009

:banghead:I don't enforce visiting hours or say ANYTHING anymore about behavior of visitors. Yrs ago I suggested nicely that two visitors stay in an extra room that we provided(bed) so they could rest rather than sit in a chair all night. I was reported as being rude and they wanted me fired. Never again will I say anything. If our hospital wants their rules followed --then they will have to do it. They don't want to upset anyone, they don't want to lose customers to competing hospitals.

carebear01, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

I totally understand, and yes, it does get worse if you are that patient's nurse. The family is upset with the doctor, so they take it out on you. The are mad that their family member didn't get cream and sugar for their coffee, they take it out on the nurse. I can't stand when I have to deal with family members who are rude to me for no reason!

southernbeegirl, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

I think there is one thing that is the difference in how people act now and how they did 20 yrs ago....

PERSONAL ACCOUNTABILITY!

what in the heck has happened to personal accountability. it used to be if you came in the hospital and acted like a jerk...they'd walk you to the door. now? they'll reward your behavior with a free meal, free movie tickets, free healthcare...it's insane!

the fact that we see people at the worst stages in their lives is true. that gives the patient an out to act like a jerk and most of us would just let it roll off our backs in empathy.

that, in no way, explains the behavior of their family members/visitors!

society has turned into a group of 'give me' type mentality. it's all about "what are you going to do for me" crap. no longer do people have to be accountable for their own actions.

it makes me sick.

i sat in many, many hospital rooms and ICU waiting rooms with my first husband. he would be in the hospital for 2-3 months at a time (dx porphyria). it was basically our second home. i slept there more than i did at home when he was inpatient.

i was grateful for the nurses finding me a recliner or cot to sleep on. i was grateful for the nurses that cared so much about us that they would bring a VCR/tv in for us to watch movies.

i wasnt the perfect family member either. i'm not proud of myself of how i conducted myself sometimes when i was frustrated. i had to do a lot of apologizing in my day. the main cause of my anger was always the IV tubing. he had D50 running continuous into a port and had had many port infections while inpatient. i would get mad.

and i was right to get mad. that was an important part of his care...preventing infection as he had been in the unit with septic shock more than once.

but that didnt excuse how i acted at those times. not one bit. and im still ashamed...years and years later, about how i acted.

so dont tell me that people get a free ride to act how they want because it's a stressful time in their lives.

you still know right from wrong and you still know how to act like a decent human being.

there is NO excuse for bad manners.

mizfradd, CNA · Sep 8, 2009

Someday, I'm going to ask the wife in room 25 where she works, just so that I can go stand beside her for her day and comment on every last action she makes, ask why she's wearing what she's wearing, and then complain to all her co-workers when she takes a bathroom break.

:yeahthat:

:roll

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

Just because you are going through the worst time of your life doesn't give you the right to come into a facility and be abusive to staff. I have family members to who have been ill and been in the hospital. So I have been on the other side. Why are we entering their room at all hours of the day and night to do labs, vitals etc? To help them get well. We are not doing it because we are trying to invade their privacy. We provide excellent care to our patients. Yes I am totally aware that if patients don't come to our facility that we don't have jobs. That does not mean that we should be subjected to abuse to have patients come in. When you truly care about the well being of your patients, are breaking your back everyday to make sure your patients are OK, and you have family members coming in being nasty and disrespectful to you for no reason, it becomes a bit demoralizing after a while.

There is a fine line between abuse and tolerance.

As a staff member, there is a difference between a patient or family member venting versus taking it out on the staff...and even if they "went off" on the staff...are you going to joint the argument and have a chip on your shoulder or are you going to take steps to diffuse the situation????

That isn't unique to nursing..everyone that works with the public has to learn that skill.

People are simply, not on their best behavior when they are going through a crisis...because that is what a hospitalization is...it's a crisis to those that have to live it.

There are a couple of nurses in my unit that constantly get parental complaints....they keep saying, "I have no idea of what their problem is! I never said anything to them!"....well, the few times I have been present to witness the conversations...the parents had questions and then these nurses seem to get an "attitude" when answering back as if they are doing the parent a favor by taking time out of their busy schedule to bother with them.

I saw one mother that absolutely went off on a nurse because she came in and when she went into pick up her baby the nurse snapped, "I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't touch him and let him sleep. I've been holding that baby for the last hour and I don't want him woke back up."

With NO other explanation.

As soon as that came out of the nurse's mouth...I knew it was going to be bad...and battle of words soon followed. The mother stormed out...got a manager, left the hospital, etc. Needless to say, the nurse was in the manager's office and came back having no idea of what she did wrong.

Guess who was assigned to this same baby the next day? Yup....me.

Mom came in, in between feeds...wanted to pick up her baby...I asked if I could talk with her..she said sure..we sat down...I asked how she was...she was doing well...then we talked about her baby's care regimine..the importance of clustering care...the importance of rest, overstimulation, how they heal.

Guess what...no one had ever told her any of these things before...the nurse the previous day just assumed she already knew because her baby had been in the NICU for a week.

Once she knew..she let her baby rest...went and got coffee and came back during feeding time to hold her baby and was HAPPY to do it.

When I started in nursing...that was the one skill I did bring to the table from my previous career is knowing how to handle people when they were really, really upset and find a way to bring them down and leave happy instead of lawsuit happy.

This is all that hospital administration is trying to get across..you will never work in any job that doesn't put as #1, the people that bring the money into the front door.

morte, LPN, LVN · Sep 9, 2009

There is a fine line between abuse and tolerance.
As a staff member, there is a difference between a patient or family member venting versus taking it out on the staff...and even if they "went off" on the staff...are you going to joint the argument and have a chip on your shoulder or are you going to take steps to diffuse the situation????
That isn't unique to nursing..everyone that works with the public has to learn that skill.
People are simply, not on their best behavior when they are going through a crisis...because that is what a hospitalization is...it's a crisis to those that have to live it.
There are a couple of nurses in my unit that constantly get parental complaints....they keep saying, "I have no idea of what their problem is! I never said anything to them!"....well, the few times I have been present to witness the conversations...the parents had questions and then these nurses seem to get an "attitude" when answering back as if they are doing the parent a favor by taking time out of their busy schedule to bother with them.
I saw one mother that absolutely went off on a nurse because she came in and when she went into pick up her baby the nurse snapped, "I would really appreciate it if you wouldn't touch him and let him sleep. I've been holding that baby for the last hour and I don't want him woke back up."
With NO other explanation.
As soon as that came out of the nurse's mouth...I knew it was going to be bad...and battle of words soon followed. The mother stormed out...got a manager, left the hospital, etc. Needless to say, the nurse was in the manager's office and came back having no idea of what she did wrong.
Guess who was assigned to this same baby the next day? Yup....me.
Mom came in, in between feeds...wanted to pick up her baby...I asked if I could talk with her..she said sure..we sat down...I asked how she was...she was doing well...then we talked about her baby's care regimine..the importance of clustering care...the importance of rest, overstimulation, how they heal.
Guess what...no one had ever told her any of these things before...the nurse the previous day just assumed she already knew because her baby had been in the NICU for a week.
Once she knew..she let her baby rest...went and got coffee and came back during feeding time to hold her baby and was HAPPY to do it.
When I started in nursing...that was the one skill I did bring to the table from my previous career is knowing how to handle people when they were really, really upset and find a way to bring them down and leave happy instead of lawsuit happy.
This is all that hospital administration is trying to get across..you will never work in any job that doesn't put as #1, the people that bring the money into the front door.

,,,BS,,,

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Sep 10, 2009

,,,BS,,,

You can call it BS all you want.

Doesn't change anything. The nurses at my hospital that are constantly staying in hot water with management, constantly getting in trouble are the ones that think it's "a bunch of BS that they don't have to conform to"....then they wonder why they don't get charge shifts, get promoted (even when some of them have advanced degrees and are constantly getting patient complaints.

It's not rocket science.