Difficult family members/visitors

PostOpPrincess, BSN, RN · Sep 11, 2009

You can call it BS all you want.
Doesn't change anything. The nurses at my hospital that are constantly staying in hot water with management, constantly getting in trouble are the ones that think it's "a bunch of BS that they don't have to conform to"....then they wonder why they don't get charge shifts, get promoted (even when some of them have advanced degrees and are constantly getting patient complaints.
It's not rocket science.

Actually, it kind of is.

Interpersonal skills are not always easy to obtain and requires work to acquire. What I think is missing here is "A" meeting with "B" and coming to a reasonable agreement.

On one side, the nurses who've had their fill of overbearing people.

On the other side, the financial implications of not having a service-oriented style towards the family/visitors, etc., can truly impact a healthcare system and eventually could shut the entity down. It's happened...and it is happening today.

Let's face it folks. BOTH sides have a point.

I think that creating a forum where nurses learn HOW to deal with difficult patients/people is an excellent start. I agree that today's society is not only exhibiting misbehaviors, but that a lot of it comes from mistrust/distrust. We have a lot of obstacles to overcome before the patients even come in!

At the same time, we can't escalate the situation by our own misdeeds--like passive-aggressive attitudes, and just negativity in general.

As a human being, I can only take so much. As a fiscally aware person, what I do will affect my job.

I think the trick is finding a balance.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 11, 2009

i blame the "customer service" attitude that so many hospitals are embracing these days rather than the "patient care" model. twenty years ago, it was all about patient care. we refused to fetch milkshakes for npo patients and explained our reasons -- and managment backed us up. a visitor asking for coffee would be directed toward the cafeteria (we pay for our own coffee and i'm not sharing it with nursing, respiratory, pharmacy, the docs, social workers, pts, ots and housekeeping -- none of whom contribute to the coffee fund -- and provide numerous family members with free coffee as well.) a visitor expressing and "attitude" about a nurse would be invited to discuss it with the manager -- who just might back up the nurse. a visitor who wanted to overstay his welcome would be escorted off the unit by security. things have changed, and not in a good way.

BabyLady, BSN, RN · Sep 11, 2009

i blame the "customer service" attitude that so many hospitals are embracing these days rather than the "patient care" model. twenty years ago, it was all about patient care. we refused to fetch milkshakes for npo patients and explained our reasons -- and managment backed us up. a visitor asking for coffee would be directed toward the cafeteria (we pay for our own coffee and i'm not sharing it with nursing, respiratory, pharmacy, the docs, social workers, pts, ots and housekeeping -- none of whom contribute to the coffee fund -- and provide numerous family members with free coffee as well.) a visitor expressing and "attitude" about a nurse would be invited to discuss it with the manager -- who just might back up the nurse. a visitor who wanted to overstay his welcome would be escorted off the unit by security. things have changed, and not in a good way.

so what you are saying, is that you think that hospitals should go back to the "days" when they fully support nurses that didn't want to lift a finger to do anything outside of their job description.

wow...let me know where you work.

i have never had a job in my life (in any field of work) where i could dictate to my employer who i was and was not going to cater to and still expect to collect a paycheck on friday.

fetch milkshakes for npo patients, eh? last i checked, diet orders were no different then medication orders...they were to be followed.

emilee1978 · Sep 11, 2009

Babylady, I think you are determined to present yourself as more compassionate and understanding than the rest of us, which is more frustrating than the annoying family members!!!!!!!!No one is saying that family members aren't under stress, and that the subsequent stress can make you act out. What the general feeling of this vent thread is, IMHO, is that our American "entitlement" society has carried over into healthcare, and it's frustrating. Nothing's ever YOUR fault, no one is responsible for their actions, and stress (in some cases real or imagined) gives you carte blanche to behave like a 2 year-old. My issue is that it seems that most hospitals tolerate more misbehavior than a McDonald's. If any of these said family members walked into McD's and yelled, threatened, verbally and or physically abused staff, you would be promptly escorted off the premises if you were lucky, not given a voucher for a free Big Mac. How come hospital's standards are lower than McDonalds?

morte, LPN, LVN · Sep 11, 2009

You can call it BS all you want.
Doesn't change anything. The nurses at my hospital that are constantly staying in hot water with management, constantly getting in trouble are the ones that think it's "a bunch of BS that they don't have to conform to"....then they wonder why they don't get charge shifts, get promoted (even when some of them have advanced degrees and are constantly getting patient complaints.
It's not rocket science.

the ...BS.... comment was aimed at only the bold.....i truly dont think you are that naive....so, yes that is ...BS....

Ruby Vee, BSN · Sep 11, 2009

so what you are saying, is that you think that hospitals should go back to the "days" when they fully support nurses that didn't want to lift a finger to do anything outside of their job description.
wow...let me know where you work.
i have never had a job in my life (in any field of work) where i could dictate to my employer who i was and was not going to cater to and still expect to collect a paycheck on friday.
fetch milkshakes for npo patients, eh? last i checked, diet orders were no different then medication orders...they were to be followed.

wow! you must be the premiere employee of all time. either that or management.

tferdaise · Sep 12, 2009

Where I work, its all about customer service, and what we can do to make the patient and family's happy. Our policy is, if you have a difficult patient or family, then get the Charge Nurse involved ASAP, works for me. This way I dnot haev to waste valueable time kiss thier a$$'s and take care of my other patients.

I can't help but believe this comes from management marketing nurses as servants, waitresses (no offense) and handmaidens instead of the educated professionals that we are.

tferdaise · Sep 12, 2009

OK lets get to root of this, people who act like this, were raised like this. They learned it from thier parents/family and it will continue from generation to generations. Will it go away, nope but only get worse....

I certainly believe that people like this exist. We live in a society where values such as entitlement, instant gratification, dishonesty, individualism, greed, selfishness, disrespect, passive aggression, contempt, and apathy have been running rampant. This is simply reflected in the behavior of our patients, their families, and the many visitors who are willing to trample over anything and anyone to get what they want.

tferdaise · Sep 12, 2009

First off it does get harder once you are a nurse, since all the responsiblity is on your shoulders. BUT, you need to learn boundries with patients and families. I don't have a problem doing this with families or patients. I do not allow ANYONE to yell at me or to order me around. At our hospital (its old) so we have 4 patients per room. So if I have a patient who thinks its OK to demand things or disrespect a staff member I have a talk wtih them. If I have a family member who drops the F bomb every third word, I remind them they are in a hospital and that kind of language is not nessary and if they don't stop, I just call security and have them removed from the room and hospital. I tell me patients this, I well treat with the same respect as I deserve, but once you cross that line, I inform them and I do follow through with what i tell them I'm going to do...

Being a CNA, is really tough, but just remember this and take it with you on your journy, if you have a CNA who has this problem step up and back them and remind the patient and or families that this behavior isn't nessary in the hospital...

How do you all deal with these type of people? Some of them are nothing but trouble. I am a student but work as an CNA and I have seriously had it with a lot of these family members. I hear it only gets worse when you become a nurse. Some of them are so disgusting and disrespectful that it is hard to believe that people like this actually exist in this world. I mean really I believe some of these people are mentally ill seriously! We do back breaking work so that their loved one can get well and they are not even appreciative of that. They can be so condescending and demeaning to us. I really wished that visiting rules could be tightened up. It seems like the must disgusting ones stay in there for hours upon hours, making it difficult to get our job done. I don't understand why these people can't be required to step out of the room when we go in to provide care. Nine times out of ten the patient is fine. It is the family/visitors that come and stir up crap. Do we have to even interact with them? When I walk in to the patients room I usually greet everyone who is in there. I am to the point where from now on I will address the patient only, do what I have to do and get out. Any crap they try to throw at me I will simply refer them to the charge nurse or management. I am at my witts end There is so much stress on the job and these people do nothing but add unnecessary stress to what we do. ugggggg. Please help! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

cosmicsun · Sep 16, 2009

I'm really sad the way families have changed over the years. They are very aggressive and disrespectful with the nurses. Management supports their behavior and staff has no where to turn but to take the abuse. The families act real sweet to the doctors when they make their rounds, then go right back to drilling the nurses and complaining about this and that. It starts before you even walk into the room - they are prepared to attack. New admits - hostile from the get go. It's really sad. This will back fire on the hospitals as they lose good nurses. The only ones who will end up staying are those with really thick skin and who are total ******* themselves. Somehow, those aggressive nurses do put the families in their place and get away with it. They have power or contacts within the hospital. It's an abusive culture all the way around. I'm not kidding. I woulnd't recommend anyone become a nurse.

GeorgiaPeachRN · Sep 16, 2009

I've been in nursing for over 20 years. I started as a nursing assistant, and I am currently preparing to enter an MSN program. I love being a nurse, but bedside nursing is about to kill me mentally and physically. I do recognize the importance of excellent customer care and that customers include the patients, their families, and their friends. But, bending over backwards constantly for so many years has taken its toll on me.

And make no mistake about it. People ARE ruder. It's not an issue of "good" nurses against "bad nurses." We are all human, and dealing with increased hostility and disrespect is an energy-sucker. I choose now to apply my experience and skills in a different area of nursing which is removed from the long hours of running myself ragged only to be treated as an object of abuse and scorn.

cosmicsun · Sep 16, 2009

What other areas are there where you can make decent money? I dread going to work and being abused. I also used to love it. No, it's not about good nurses vs bad nurses at all. We all know there are clicks, nurses who are in with the managers, and nurses who can get away with anything (regardless of any complaint) versus nurses who are attacked because they are vulnerable - whether they are new, timid, lack confidence, shy, whatever. They get eaten - it's known in the nursing culture and it's real. Age makes no difference.

But, back to the abusive family members - ahhhhhhhh. Their anger at their health situation, perception of improper care by their doctors, etc., all gets targeted at the poor nurse. So, yes, the working conditions are too much. What other options are there????

Thanks.