Difficult family members/visitors

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Sep 7, 2009

Like I said before I can't even believe that people like this exist in this world...

I certainly believe that people like this exist. We live in a society where values such as entitlement, instant gratification, dishonesty, individualism, greed, selfishness, disrespect, passive aggression, contempt, and apathy have been running rampant. This is simply reflected in the behavior of our patients, their families, and the many visitors who are willing to trample over anything and anyone to get what they want.

nurse_clown · Sep 7, 2009

How do you all deal with these type of people? Some of them are nothing but trouble. I am a student but work as an CNA and I have seriously had it with a lot of these family members. I hear it only gets worse when you become a nurse. Some of them are so disgusting and disrespectful that it is hard to believe that people like this actually exist in this world. I mean really I believe some of these people are mentally ill seriously! We do back breaking work so that their loved one can get well and they are not even appreciative of that. They can be so condescending and demeaning to us. I really wished that visiting rules could be tightened up. It seems like the must disgusting ones stay in there for hours upon hours, making it difficult to get our job done. I don't understand why these people can't be required to step out of the room when we go in to provide care. Nine times out of ten the patient is fine. It is the family/visitors that come and stir up crap. Do we have to even interact with them? When I walk in to the patients room I usually greet everyone who is in there. I am to the point where from now on I will address the patient only, do what I have to do and get out. Any crap they try to throw at me I will simply refer them to the charge nurse or management. I am at my witts end There is so much stress on the job and these people do nothing but add unnecessary stress to what we do. ugggggg. Please help! Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

Ya! I've been an RN for more than ten years... family members are the worst. Most of the time, they have nothing to offer me so, I pretty much ignore them.... I have a lot of work to do so, I make it clear that if they are wasting my time, they better be quick! After a lot of experience, I have developed a way to handle difficult people so, they don't annoy me and they don't catch on to my irritation. I used to kick visitors out of the rooms and sometimes, off the unit. I don't do that much anymore. That was when I worked in acute care. The family members are more inclined to voice their opinions and demand a lot more... Plus, when people are in the hospital, they are sicker than chronic care or long term care and the family's want answers. Which is fine. Abuse wont get anyone anywhere. They'll get kicked off the unit. I don't tolerate any abuse in any form. I will also not tolerate my staff getting abused either. Nursing requires a lot of skill and concentration. Family members who interfere get a warning and I offer support. The second time, I offer more support and a stern warning... The third time, I tell them to leave because they are not helping anyone and interfering in my nursing process. They don't have to be there.

I am a good confident nurse. I study and make sure that I am up to date on my skills and reading. I exercise to ensure that I am healthy to provide the best nursing care to each patient. I take my role as a nurse very seriously. I believe I project that attitude when I greet each patient each shift. I look like I mean business so, really I don't have many problems with the families. I look like I'm in no mood to be bullied. I'm only there for eight hours so, I give it my all!

One family member commented once that I don't smile. I told her "this is serious business... once all the work is done, then I'll smile. I smile for the patients but when I'm walking in between rooms, I am thinking. So no, it seems like I don't smile but inside I'm smiling from ear to ear because I love my job."

StNeotser, ASN, RN · Sep 7, 2009

It sounds like my SIL was visiting. I've seen her do the same thing at customer service counters when demanding a phone book. So, yes, some people act like this wherever they go.

See the only time I really worked with the public was when I worked in a convenience store while going to High school 20 years ago. I think attitudes were a lot different then. A lot of people who have done waitressing or retail say there are always people like this but it's worse in health care.

I do agree, it's important to build a rapport with family members from the get go and it makes the relationship go a lot more smoothly from there.

BEDPAN76 · Sep 7, 2009

Staff told me this happened last Saturday: Family was visiting pt. who was unresponsive, GT feeding etc. They sat there all afternoon eating sunflower seeds and spitting the husks onto the floor! :barf01:

Batman24 · Sep 7, 2009

I'm always nice to the patients and families to start. Smile, introduce myself, try and make it a very friendly and open environment, etc. I always ask everyone to leave when providing care and then if the patient requests someone to stay that's cool. It gives the patient some control and affords them the appropriate privacy. It's amazing that when you go in the room and it's clear care needs to be given that all visitors don't get up and say they will come back in a bit. It's common courtesy to the patient.

If patient is tired I have no prob letting the visitors know the patient needs some rest or just took some meds and will be nodding off soon. Most get the hint and so many patients are grateful for that. Visitors forget these people are there because they are ill or injured and need sleep.

LLLLiiiFFEsaveer · Sep 7, 2009

"ALL VISITORS ARE TERRORISTS" - A little behind the scenes motto!

(psst.. Its just a joke) - I do enjoy also interacting with the visitors. Repeat that again. Once more. And again. I really do...

chuchie, ADN, BSN, MSN, LPN, APRN, NP · Sep 8, 2009

Some people have no control in their lives so they feel the need to be overbearing when they are in an environment that appears to give them control to make up for it. If someone is throwing garbage on the floor then remind them to pick it up since it is a safety issue. If someone is cursing or talking to you in a demeaning manner tell them that their language is inappropriate and you must ask that they stop. If they start overreacting and are scared about their loved ones status, then I would acknowledge their feelings and tell them that the nurse will be in to explain what the machines are for, how their condition has changed, etc. Some people will never change their terrible attitude, but it doesn't mean that you can't be assertive and try to have them understand.

Cinqly, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

you really have to wonder sometimes if the family members are in need of more help than the patients themselves!! :uhoh3:

i work in the icu, so we have a little control since there are visiting hours and supposedly a 2-person max limit on visitors. however, these "rules" can be negotiable at times. it can depend on the nurse, who may at times allow more visitors or extra visitation. and it can depend on the family, who sometimes take it upon themselves to find ways of sneaking in extra visitors or just blatantly ignoring the rules. it can be very frustrating when you have an extremely sick patient who is requiring you to jump through hoops just to keep them breathing or their heart beating, and the family comes in and the first thing they say is, "excuse me. hey, nurse. excuse me. can you get us some cream or something? her skin is so dry, and we need you to put cream on because it looks bad." well, yes. it is bad. your loved one is in critical conditions and her dry skin (which is usually not even that dry) is about the last thing on my "to-do" list of saving her life. it can be very frustrating, especially when they go crazy on you or refuse to limit visitation to 2 people. they don't seem to understand that yelling the patient's name over and over, squeezing their hand and trying to wake them up is about the last thing they need in the icu. yet, when you tell them nicely to quiet down (with explanation of why), they yell at you instead! luckily our management backs us up and allows us to call security to escort them out. usually with the threat of suspended visitation rights the family members will get themselves under control. i think a lot of it stems out of a fear of the unknown, and they just try to hold onto the one thing they understand, even if it is silly.

i am usually ok with bending the rules as long as it doesn't compromise my patient. the second it does, i'm the first to ask them to leave. i always tell them why, stating that it is important for their recovery and allows me to do my job of taking care of them. my philosophy is to education the family as much as possible, and even make sure they see some of the care i am providing so that they know how invasive and serious it is. that usually shuts them right up, and they have a nice quiet visit and are respectful of the staff. then again, there is always that one.....

cherrybreeze, ADN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

After being an RN for 8 years, it really seems to me that this bad visitor behavior, which comes in many forms, has gotten worse on the whole over the years. Wonder why that is.

Dealt with one this weekend. Her father (the patient) was a very nice gentleman. His wife was there some of the time, and she was nice, too, but I was getting irritated with the fact that EVERYTHING that was done was written down (what's the name of that med you're hanging? How do you spell it? etc etc etc). Daughter was another story. While on the surface she was nice, she was just plain overbearing. His room was at the end of one hall, but she constantly was coming up to the desk to find me to ask me for something (like to tell me his IV was beeping). Just put the light on! So she not only bugged me, but anyone at the desk, especially our HUC! When I wasn't visible when she'd take her little strolls, she'd look in every room door she passed to see if I was in there. When she DID put the call light on, she'd stand in the hall and pace and wait. She caught me early on Saturday morning for a beeping IV. With my hands full of IV meds for the patient whose room I was heading to, I said I'd be there when I was finished (if she thought I'd change course and address HER concerns first, well, she was wrong!). Came up to the desk later since the patient was having a (tiny) amount of blood draining from his incision. I was in the back doing discharge papers for another patient who was waiting for me, I said I'd be right there. She got back to the room and put the light on! My clerk said, well, let's see what she wants....and when she answered the phone, the daughter said she was just "reminding" me of the page.....this was LITERALLY as soon as she got back to the room. I redressed his incision, having to make several assurances that this was not unusual. Then she asked about another (normal) finding. I again assured her it was normal, not unexpected, and nothing to be concerned about. "I just want to make sure you know this hasn't happened before." "Just so you know, this IS a change." OK, I get it. Still not something to worry about......ack. During all of this she says, "you must be really busy today." Um....I was down here in less than two minutes from your first request, so what gives you that idea? I was prompt to her requests as soon as I was able to be. I knew what she was implying but didn't indulge it, it was ridiculous.

She seemed to be trying to pass herself off as someone who worked in the medical field (I was tempted to ask what she did for a living, but just didn't want to open the can). However, I overheard her as I was charting outside his door reading the patient his op report....and with the way she mispronounced/tripped over every other word, no way she had as much knowledge as she seemed to think she did. She also had completely set up camp in our visitor lounge (had bags, a PRINTER for her laptop, and several other items in the corner of our visitor lounge. :banghead:

Best one was, her weak attempt at name dropping. A "friend of a friend" came by for a visit, she told me. Said his name, "do you know him?" Nope. "He used to be on the board here." ............So? I have never heard the name before in my life, and do not care. Better yet was her telling that same story to the surgeon making rounds the next morning......he didn't care or know the name, either (I was laughing inside at his dismissal of that ).

Sunday afternoon, when I went in there to refill his ice chips (a request I got approx every hour, when they were always slightly melted), she was on the phone in the lounge. He says to me, "Cherry, thank you. You really have taken wonderful care of me." Made all my dealings with his insufferable daughter worth it. :)

Sorry for the long story.......it had just gotten to the point of beyond ridiculous. He was nice, so I hate to say that I hope he's gone when I go back on Wednesday, because I don't think I can handle that scrutiny again! It almost makes it WORSE when they act nice to you but you know you're actually never going to be able to do enough to make them happy.

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

Wow...is that even the way to ask somebody for a favor? By barking "vase"...Shaking my head. Like I said before I can't even believe that people like this exist in this world...

Know what that kind of behavior gets from me?

"I'm sorry, did you need something?" (as I resist the impulse to sneeze - loudly, dramatically, and right in their direction - actually, three inches from my face WOULD make me sneeze, especially if they were stargazer lilies...).

When folks pull that kind of crap on me, I usually try to kill them with kindness...it makes them end up looking quite stupid and there's not a darned thing they can say about me or my behavior. Usually, if you're nice to someone who's acting like an idiot, they have no idea how to take it, and they'll tend to get out of your face.

fuzzywuzzy, CNA · Sep 8, 2009

During all of this she says, "you must be really busy today."

Oh yes, don't you love it when they can tell you're busy and it offends them? Personally if a nurse wasn't devoting 100% of her time and attention to me, I'd rather know it was because she was working hard and not just ignoring me for no good reason.

After a lot of experience, I have developed a way to handle difficult people so, they don't annoy me and they don't catch on to my irritation.

Do tell!

See the only time I really worked with the public was when I worked in a convenience store while going to High school 20 years ago. I think attitudes were a lot different then. A lot of people who have done waitressing or retail say there are always people like this but it's worse in health care.

I worked in a convenience store only 2 years ago and as bad as the visitors are in my facility at times, I have to say the customers at the store were much worse.

carolinapooh, BSN, RN · Sep 8, 2009

Staff told me this happened last Saturday: Family was visiting pt. who was unresponsive, GT feeding etc. They sat there all afternoon eating sunflower seeds and spitting the husks onto the floor! :barf01:

Oh...my....GOD...WE HAVE A WINNER!!!