baby sleeping in same bed as parents

Nurses General Nursing

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Someone who is related to me has a new baby. They mentioned by the way the baby has slept in their bed with them every night for his 8 week old life. I am worried they will accidently crush the baby, not mention a host of other issues. They basically told me this is what they want to do. I need help- what do my friends at All Nurses say?? Does this fall in the category of parental decisions and butt out?

Thanks in advance

Margaret

Specializes in Community, OB, Nursery.

There are a lot of inherent risks in putting your kids in a 1000lb steel death machine and driving to the store or wherever else too, but most of us do it every day. Having your kids in the bed with you seems a lot safer than having them in the car with you.

I certainly don't look down on anyone because they DON'T cosleep but do educate parents who want to how to do it safely.

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Specializes in nursery, L and D.

I think parents would feel just as guilty to find their baby in his crib, if the baby died from sids. They probably feel like if they had put him to bed with them, it could have been avoided. Babies die in cribs and babies die in parents bed. As to the percentage of babies that die in beds vs. cribs, the numbers are not exact (as to how many babies go to bed with parents) b/c people don't 'fess up to putting their babies in bed with them, I know I don't tell certain people that I sleep with my kids , cause I don't want a lecture. I think we should stop blaming parents, and try to find the reasons babies continue to die, and hopefully stop it.

BTW, I do follow Dr. Sears "rules" and would hope every co-sleeping parents does! My dd is almost 3 and we finally have a headboard back and our mattress isn't on the floor anymore, :balloons: :)

Oh, and pillows and heavy covers, like the pillows and covers now that she is older, lol

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There are a lot of inherent risks in putting your kids in a 1000lb steel death machine and driving to the store or wherever else too, but most of us do it every day. Having your kids in the bed with you seems a lot safer than having them in the car with you.

I certainly don't look down on anyone because they DON'T cosleep but do educate parents who want to how to do it safely.

I think that is the key - don't look down on those of us who choose to co-sleep using common sense and rules to keep our kids safe.

And educate people - don't leave them in the dark about the data regarding the safety of co-sleeping, when the rules are followed.

Exactly by the same logic that something might happen, we probably shouldn't get in a car with our kids.

steph

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Specializes in Neuro/Med-Surg/Oncology.

I've seen lots of info regarding safe co-sleeping and will probably do so when this boy decides to come out. (He's only due on Monday . . . .:sigh: ) We have a co-sleeper and there's no way he's going near dad's side of the bed. He's too heavy of a sleeper. Half the time he doesn't know if he's rolled over on me. I may put the baby between me and the co-sleeper if I decided to keep him in bed.

However, one concern I do have has not been addressed. What do people do when baby's old enough to start crawling? I'm afraid of him waking up before me/us and launching himself off the bed. I really don't want to be awoken by a thump and scream. I'd like to have him in our bed longer than the first few months, but I don't see how I can.

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I haven't read any of the other posts yet ( I intend to... I just wanted to give my honest opinion first)... my DH and I slept with our first born from the day she was born until she went to kindergarten. She WOULD NOT sleep any other way. She would sleep all night in our bed or cry all night in her crib. We let her "cry it out" for over 2 hours one night and she still wouldn't quit. She is a very healthy happy 7 year old.

There are dangers involved... but you can take precautions as well. Do not use drugs or alcohol if your infant is going to be sleeping with you, place a small pillow between you and the baby if you are afraid of rolling over on them... etc. As a new mom, you don't get much sleep anyway (waking every 1-3 hours to feed) so it's very unlikely that you would be in that deep of a sleep to allow something to happen.

It's also important to have the baby sleeping on their backs on a firm mattress and make sure the baby isn't pushed up against the wall or a crack between the mattress and the wall...

A baby can die alone in a crib. You just never know. But I don't think that sleeping with a baby is any more dangerous than having them sleep in their crib.

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Specializes in OB, M/S, HH, Medical Imaging RN.
There are a lot of inherent risks in putting your kids in a 1000lb steel death machine and driving to the store or wherever else too, but most of us do it every day. Having your kids in the bed with you seems a lot safer than having them in the car with you.

That's not even a remotely similar comparison......

We have to drive unless we want to live as a recluse. Car seats are made to keep the baby as safe as possible. Sure kids die in car wrecks but the vast majority survive when safely buckled into an approved car seat. Adults also die in car wrecks but many more survive when buckled in. We have a choice as to whether or not to sleep with our babies.

Babies die co-sleeping, Adults don't die co-sleeping.

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Specializes in OB, M/S, HH, Medical Imaging RN.
Good Morning - if you look at the link from Dr. Sears, it addresses the above issues and refutes them. (Especially the SIDS stuff).

And all parents should be educated to make their own choice.

steph

Dr. Sears is controversial. I do agree all parents should make their own choice. "My" opinion is that it is dangerous but I'm not the final authority on this subject or any other subject. Just expressing my concerns and opinion.

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About the side sleeping and back sleeping thing, my nurse specifically told me not to put my dd on her side b/c she would roll on her tummy. However, my mother (who was an lpn back in the day) said that she was always told to put babies on their tummy so they wouldn't choke on their vomit. I chose to put dd to sleep on her back. There are so many studies to dispute every aspect of these debates. On baby message boards, threads like this can get really long with heated discussion and debate. I say as long as you put your child first and try your best to keep them out of harms way then so be it. Everyone has their own methods and opinions for raising their children and it is a very personal and touchy subject.

I was told that the debate about laying a baby on it's stomach to prevent it from choking on it's vomit has been debunked... Apparently if a child were to be lying tummy down and their face turned to the side... any vomit could potentially stay within the oral cavity and block the airflow... However if they are lying on their backs... and vomit... it is most likely that they would cough it out...

Does that make sense...

I googled a Q & A about sleeping on the tummy and choking on vomit... here is a piece of it

Q: Won't my baby choke on spit-up or vomit during sleep if placed on its back?

A: Many parents place babies on their stomachs to sleep because they think it prevents them from choking on spit-up or vomit during sleep. But studies in countries where there has been a switch from babies sleeping predominantly on their stomachs to sleeping mainly on their backs have not found any evidence of increased incidence of aspiration, pneumonia, choking, or other problems. In addition, the AAP has reviewed all the scientific literature and found that there is no additional risk of choking on vomit when babies sleep on their backs. Experts actually feel that babies are at a higher risk for choking or aspirating when placed on their tummies than they are when placed on their back.

http://www.firstcandle.org/expectantparents/exp_reduce_qa.html

Hope that helps anyone worried about that part of it....

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That's not even a remotely similar comparison......

We have to drive unless we want to live as a recluse. Car seats are made to keep the baby as safe as possible. Sure kids die in car wrecks but the vast majority survive when safely buckled into an approved car seat. Adults also die in car wrecks but many more survive when buckled in. We have a choice as to whether or not to sleep with our babies.

Babies die co-sleeping, Adults don't die co-sleeping.

That's a little harsh don't you think?? We actually don't "have" to drive to live... but we do have to sleep to survive.

I think parents who are informed and very careful about sleeping with their infant (as careful as you would be buckling them safely in an approved infant corificeat) are doing the best they can do to keep them safely asleep by their side.

In my case as I stated above, my firstborn would not sleep alone in her crib. And if I wanted to sleep, she had to sleep. So she slept with me. And we slept all through the night... only waking to roll over and breastfeed and then back to sleep we went. It was wonderful and I did it safely. I would do it again if I could.

Babies don't just die co-sleeping. They can also die alone in a crib.

Just a thought.

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Specializes in Ante-Intra-Postpartum, Post Gyne.

What about suggesting one of those cribs that have a fold down side that can butt right up to the bed, so baby is in arms length but still in his/her own sleeping area?

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My daughter was in her crib for her first 3 months then she slept in the bed with me after that. I would never allow a newborn infant to sleep with me on the bed for fear that the baby would fall off the bed or get smothered. My daughter is 3 almost 4 and still sleeps with me.

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Specializes in OB, M/S, HH, Medical Imaging RN.
That's a little harsh don't you think?? We actually don't "have" to drive to live... but we do have to sleep to survive.

Babies don't just die co-sleeping. They can also die alone in a crib.

Just a thought.

What is harsh about saying we have to drive? I have to drive. I am a HH nurse. If I don't drive, I don't get a paycheck or medical insurance.

Everyone knows babies don't just die co-sleeping just as they can and do die alone in their cribs. I repeat that everyone should make their own decision and I have my own opinion. I'm not an authority on the subject but I do have an opinion. Just a thought.

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