any comment?

  1. Hello, I have finally decided to join this forum for maybe somebody somewhere is in the same situation I am in right now, and maybe that very person could advise me on what I can possibly do. I have graduated with BSN last year in May and ever since I have stayed home taking care of my children unable to work. My problem is that I am doing all the parenting myself because my husband has started his business and somehow thinks it is below him to help me at least take the children to school in the morning, even though he leaves home around 10:30 am to his office! as a result I am unable to begin any training or internships which are available only in hospitals and are all day. The internships include classes, certifications, and of course rotating shifts which are 7 am to 7 pm for about 2 months. There is absolutely no way I can do this because I have to take the kids to school in teh morning and pick them up 3:30. I told the hospitals that I can train between 8am and 3:30pm to learn skills and see how the shifts work, and work full 12 hour shifts on weekends nights, but they say I had to experience the shift changes at 7 am and 7 pm. So, my inability to complete the internship lies in not being able to attend the shift changes. During my school practicum I have done about 200 or more shift changes and I am very familiar with them it is not a new concept so, I cannot understand why all teh hospitals are so adamant about the shift change? I am more concern about learning my skills that might be new to me. At this point I am so frustrated because not a single hospital in Houston has enough sense to offer me some flexibility . I have an active license and offering enough time to train, but I cannot because of some inconvenient standards . Unwanted RN whose license is rotting away.
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    About unwanted RN

    Joined: Feb '07; Posts: 8


  3. by   Silverdragon102
    Sorry that you are having problems, Know you have probably discussed this with your husband but is ther no way he can compromise and at least help you get through this internship. Could this be a way on him not wanting you to go to work?

    Anyway welcome and hopefully some more answers will be coming your way
  4. by   Tweety
    Good luck.

    It wouldn't be fair for them to create a special shift just for you and your family. Then every other mother would be requesting the same, and there are a lot of mothers in nursing with kids in school. So I understand and support your hospitals stance.

    As a preceptor, I would be irritated if I had to take report, get started on the work, and then stop at 8AM when you showed up and give you an assignment and report all over again.

    Your options include working around the hospitals schedule and asking your husband to step up to the plate for a mere two months. Or finding a job that hires new grades and has the hours you need.
    Last edit by Tweety on Feb 16, '07
  5. by   traumaRUs
    I am sorry you are in this predicament. Here are some options:

    1. Talk to your hubby and tell him how important working and using your nursing is to you. Enlist his help.

    2. If your kids are old enough, I would explain to them that it is important for Mommy to work.

    3. If they are old enough, (school age) can you get them ready in the morning and then have hubby take them to school?

    4. Before and after school programs are often offered with transportation provided.

    I do apologize too if I am stepping on toes, but this is just a sign that you and your husband are not agreeing on priorities. It might be important later for you to have a career where you could raise your kids on your own if you would have to. Good luck..maybe some counseling is indicated?
  6. by   Patti 2nd gen RN
    I understand about living with someone who won't be flexible with your priorities--feeling trapped with someone who is obviously de-valuing what is important to you, and your own value as a whole person. If you can't get rid of the husband--or he's actually got something worth keeping above and beyond the poor way he seems to be treating you--may I suggest 2 things--ultimatums--either support my career and step up to the plate as a father, taking the kids to school, and dealing with what comes up while you are working--(which there will be--like overtime, last minute mandatory shift changes--it goes on)-and the other option, is hire some nice little old lady, or great teenager to come in early and get your kids to school--and live around the man---maybe he will either get the message or the kids will get better care than someone who is unwilling (their own father) would give them.....
  7. by   canoehead
    What about a babysitter?

    Trade babysitting duties with another mom?
  8. by   tvccrn
    A question that I have is why this wasn't taken care of before you invested the time and money to complete your schooling. Getting your BSN, while commendable, was a long and arduous task that should have been discussed with your husband before you entered into it.

    That being said, if you DID discuss it with your husband and things were agreed upon, HOLD HIM TO THEM. Marriage is a partnership and both parties should be represented equally. If that isn't happening you need to sit down with him and talk about your feelings. If it continues in this manner, you may end up feeling resentment toward him and that could undermine the foundation of your marriage.

    I wish you luck in your situation.

  9. by   Larry in Florida
    Hey! Its simple! Get a sitter!! Critical thinking come on!
  10. by   meownsmile
    I am sorry you are having this struggle with your hubby. But I really think HE needs to readjust his focus. It took 2 of you to have the children so why shouldnt he step up and take some of the responsibility? Who is he expecting to watch the kids while you work weekends? It sounds as if he isnt going to readjust his fishing or golf time because you have to work the weekend, if he wont even drop them off at a sitter/school.
    I agree you maybe could enlist the help of parents, aunts, uncles etc. but not because of the inconvience to your husband having to watch the kids or take them to school/sitters. Thats not fair either. You may have to rethink your family situation and decide what is important to you. But DONT lose who you are and who you want to be to make someone else happy!!! Live for yourself and your children and what is good for them. Hes an adult and if he cant act like one and take some of the responsibility then.....
  11. by   Tweety
    Quote from Larry in Florida
    Hey! Its simple! Get a sitter!! Critical thinking come on!
    I imagine finding a sitter that comes in and takes the kids to school. Then takes the day off until they are ready to be picked up and baby sits them until mom or dad gets home isn't an easy task, perfect solution though it might be.
  12. by   PurrRN
    I often tell people I'm a single mother who just happens to be married. My husband is a Drill Sergeant in the Army who leaves our home at 0400 and doesn't often get home before 2030-2100. In addition, out of our 7 year marriage, he's been deployed for three of those years. Is it hard? Of course it is, but if there is a will there is a way to get things done that are important to you.

    Right now I have clinicals that start at 0615 which means I have to leave at 0520. I take the twins to the babysitter (who transports to school at 0800 and picks them up at 1530 until I get back at 1700) then I drop my little one off at the daycare at 0530.

    If your husband won't take up any responsibility in helping you with the children, you need to find a way to make it work for you. Maybe your descision will be not to work at all, or that you will put together an infrastructure that works in your favor. However, you need to realize that MANY MANY people are in the same boat in regards to trying to balance family and work and child care responsibilities, and that empployers are not often going to bend to what works easiest for you.

    I hope you find a solution that works for you.
  13. by   JustJen
    My husband works and does a fair amount around the house but his schedule doesnt always allow him to help with the kids.

    Call the school and see what kinds of after or before school programs are offered.

    Ask friends for help. Many would be perfectly willing to help you if you are able to return the favor. With 7 to 7 shifts you are talking about needing help 3 days a week. FOr friends with kids your childrens age, it would be like built in play dates.

    After you are "in" at the hospital, your friend list will grow at it will be full of moms in your same predicament. Help each other, work opposite days so you can reciprocate.

    Just some suggestions...

    P.S. Any grandma's or aunts in the picture? They are usually good to get help too!
  14. by   TazziRN
    OP, I sympathize with you because of the frustration, but you have to work within the facility's hours, not the other way around. Also, just because you learned things in school doesn't mean you don't have to go through the hospital's training as well. They may do things differently. The more attractive nurse works with the facility's policies, not change them to suit her.

    There are options, all without fighting with your husband. The children are his responsibility too, but you can't force another person to do something. Therefore, take care of the problem without him. Talk to your neighbors. Find someone who is willing to let you drop them off in the morning and take them to school for you, then pick them up after and keep them till you get home. If that's too much, find someone to get them to school in the morning and talk to the school about after school programs until you get home. You are not the only parent in this predicament, although most of them are single parents.

    I was a single parent who happened to be married also. My husband was put on the night shift at the store right before our youngest was born, and stayed their until she was about 4-5 months old. She had colic and her attacks came in the evening, after dinner, and would last about 2-3 hours....right when Hubs was asleep. I found a neighbor who was willing to pick her up at daycare and keep her until I got home at 8 on the nights Hubs worked so that he could sleep.

    There are options out there, you just have to research them. Good luck.