I work in neuro. the land of confusion. I spent my entire evening last night in an abortion clinic (according to my patient)...
Its a unique thing when a pt. that looks so intact says something so off such as: did ya know if you name your kid something less than 5 letters its free but if more than 5-you pay more taxes. Or the lady who when asked her PMH on the admission forms says: i died twice, the drs brought me back to life with toothpaste and extracted the devil from my rectum....right.....
we have one Gentleman in a w/c that has a nearbeer every night he enjoys having it by the nurses station... the first time he stood up every one rushed to him... they were going to sit him down I told them if he stands for a few Min this can be a repositioning... as i was visiting with him i have him a peice of paper an a pencil and told him to write me a note... as he was talking of many different things he wrote (a confusing aray of things).... "is anybody out there?" and signed his name
Specializes in Med/Surg, Tele, IM, OB/GYN, neuro, GI.
When I worked as a sitter I had an elderly man who was combative and pulling out his IV's and digging at his incision. He looked at me after I came from the bathroom with his denture cup and asked me why I left him for his brother. I told him that he broke up with me and he just nodded and said sorry for being an a$%, I should have treated you better. He was perfect for the rest of the night.
When my grandmother was in the hospital for ESRD the MD d/c'd a lot of her meds which caused her to have a slight case of dementia. She would call us on the days we were unable to visit and tell us how she had been up all night partying with my dad (who has a phobia of going to hospitals so hadn't visited her during this admission). Then she would go on and on how she was staying at XXX Hospital Grand Hotel and that her sitter was her personal maid cleaning the hotel room that they had trashed the night before. She would also describe how the hotel staff that came in and out of her room (nurses) were wearing these flowy floral print dresses which I always found funny because 90% of her stay her nurses were male. So we would ask to talk to maid/hotel staff to find out how she was doing.
Right before she passed she started speaking Spanish fluently to all of the staff at the LTC facility (most were hispanic). I went to visit her one day and heard her talking to an aide and asked her when she learned Spanish. She looked me straight in the eyes and said I don't know Spanish. What are you trying to do embarrass me in front of my friends? If you keep it up I'm going to put you over my knee (her famous line that she never went through with). Then she turned back to the aide and went back to speaking Spanish.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
did it give a good pulse ox reading with a good wave form? i have tried fingers, toes, nose and ears. you have given me a new idea!!:innerconf:innerconf:w00t:
One of my friends was POA for her very elderly aunt and uncle. One time Aunt Neefa had to go to the hospital. She took Uncle Harold in for a visit. They stayed for 30 minutes or so and had a nice chat. When they left Uncle H. turned to Charlotte and asked "Who was that woman"? Charlotte answered "Why Uncle Harold that's your wife." He looked disturbed and said "What did I do marry the first one I saw on the street? What am I going to tell my father?" Charlotte nearly peed herself. So did I when she relayed this to me.
Specializes in Day Surgery, Agency, Cath Lab, LTC/Psych.
I had a totally confused neuro patient who kept insisting she saw spiders crawling on her blankets. I quickly gave up trying to convince her that there were no spiders and instead focused on "squishing" as many as I could. I really hoped none of my coworkers would walk by the room as I methodically squished the spiders on her bed and sheets.
Had a lol with a hip fracture. Was flat in bed but she thought she was standing up. She kept calling out to us all shift long - begging us to help her lay down.
After several hours of this she started getting ****** off and told us were were sadistic SOBs for not letting a hurt old lady lie down.
We had a pt that was a "little" off the wall until he said this to me and we knew he was totally off..... "I would like to F you but you are too big and my dick is too small". Now, what man would say that his is too small?!?!?!?
One ole feller had some kind of urinary stricture less than an inch or so into his urethra. Seriously, no power on this earth short of a scalpel, was gonna get a catheter in him. He's the type to pee all over creation, then sit up and yank IV's out and bleed all over it too. SO. Three of us had been trying to cath him and decided on a condom cath, which wasn't any easier due to the decision by his member, to hide.
(Can't really blame it.)
The guy looks at me and says, "I ain't got a big one." I say, okay, size doesn't matter (and then promptly wonder what on earth am I talking about, this isn't the conversation I thought we'd be having) so the fella looks back at me, and says, "well then what are you all staring at it for?" A few minutes later, he spits out "my sister didn't kill her baby."
Then there was a LOL who was in the process of beginning to die from her massive MI. CHF, etc and her brain was really playing tricks on her from hypoxia. She was really hungry and told me the samwich she had, was really good. I asked what was on it, she said "french fries and lettuce." I told her to enjoy. Okay, so I come back a few minutes later and she complains of thirst. I asked her how that sandwich was. She said "it was awful, it was so tough that I never even got one bite off of it." Looking at her I realize her blanket and bedsheet are all wet between her hands. She spent about 20 minutes chewing on them trying to eat that sandwich.
I work in a LTC and one of my female residents has trouble sleeping at night. She'll help the CNA's by pushing their barrels, bringing them briefs, etc. She really enjoys stocking my med cart with cups and straws. She'll fill the water jug, also. I always give her 2 or 3 dollars for helping.
One night her "boyfriend" told me I was working her too hard and that she needed a night off. When I asked him why. He stated, "cause she's pregnant. I knocked her up"! It was all I could do to keep a straight face with that one.
this might be the funniest thing i've heard in a long time.
Did it give a good pulse ox reading with a good wave form? I have tried fingers, toes, nose and ears. You have given me a new idea!!:innerconf:innerconf:w00t:
Try the middle of the forehead...they tend to forget its even up there and it makes me laugh a little every time I look at them.
We had an eldrly black man a few weeks ago that takes the cake.
1. I told him I was going to get him a drink. She said, "That's the best idea I have heard all day...make sure it's moonshine"
2. We were going to turn him, and he held up two fingers and said "Oh no, I dont' think so...my eight hours are up with"
3. When he was transferd home by ambulance, the ambulance crew (both white) called back to tell us how mad he was about a bunch of white "honkies" tying him down and throwing him in the back of there truck. Actually, that was kinda sad, but he had some funny stuff to say about it. Most I couldn't repeat on here
deleern
510 Posts
we have one Gentleman in a w/c that has a nearbeer every night he enjoys having it by the nurses station... the first time he stood up every one rushed to him... they were going to sit him down I told them if he stands for a few Min this can be a repositioning... as i was visiting with him i have him a peice of paper an a pencil and told him to write me a note... as he was talking of many different things he wrote (a confusing aray of things).... "is anybody out there?" and signed his name