I work in neuro. the land of confusion. I spent my entire evening last night in an abortion clinic (according to my patient)...
Its a unique thing when a pt. that looks so intact says something so off such as: did ya know if you name your kid something less than 5 letters its free but if more than 5-you pay more taxes. Or the lady who when asked her PMH on the admission forms says: i died twice, the drs brought me back to life with toothpaste and extracted the devil from my rectum....right.....
when i first started as a nursing student in good old germany, i had a patient asking for a scissor, well i gave it to her, she ended up cutting all her lines including the catheter
that thought me a lesson, never give a scissor to a patient
Upon touching a confused, combative little old man's hip (to give im Haldol), he says (about my hand), "There is something in this world colder than your heart."
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
I once walked into a patient's room and found him sitting up in his chair. He was making some sort of odd motions in the air in front of him.
"Mr. Jones, what are you doing?"
"Oh, I'm trying to get this carburetor on this old truck fixed. "
I went and told the charge nurse I thought Mr. Jones just might be going into DT's.
Another DT patient on that floor swore someone was looking in his window. Unlikely, since we were on the 8th floor and they weren't doing windows that day.
Before I went to nursing school, I went to visit my husband's elderly great-aunt in the hospital. She had some physical problems but her mind was as sharp as ever. She'd been given some kind of medication that caused her to hallucinate. She said "I was seeing kittens on my bed, and I knew there couldn't be any kittens there!!"
I think the thing my co-workers found the funniest was a psychotic patient we had on a medical unit. I went in to give his meds and had to explain what each and every one was. What they found funny was the sight of me standing there with my right hand raised, swearing I'd told him the truth!! (We were on a monitoring unit and so I was on camera at the time).
Just recently in our first day of LTC clinicals I followed a cute fat cat into a resident's room. Looking for something to do, I struck up a conversation with this resident in order to get some history from him. I didn't get far in my interview because all he kept saying was, "If you marry me I'll give you half my cat." He never did say which half I would get so I didn't take him up on his offer.
The other one was really embarrassing...
I had to be a sitter for a little old lady who was confused and disoriented. She slept pretty much all day long, and I sat there watching her while I read books, did homework, or watched movies on tv. When her daughter who is a nurse came in to see her later on she happily tells her, "This is my new friend. We slept all day. I have been taking care of her!" I was so embarrassed. Luckily the daughter laughed, and told her she had been the one napping, not me.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
a little old man told me that his wife would be very angry if she knew i'd been spending the night with him in his bedroom. (icu patient, and yes, i spent the night in his room, trying to keep him in bed, his monitor leads on, his lines in, etc.)
another little old man wearing a condom cath was convinced a snake had him by the member and was trying to pull it off. (sir, if you'd stop pulling on that condom cath, i'm sure that "snake" would leave it alone!)
and then there was the man who, in his confusion, removed his oxygen saturation probe from his finger and stuck it on his member. i left it there, because he was sound asleep and not trying to climb out of bed or remove any other equipment. when he woke up, he panicked. "help," he screamed! "i got my dick caught in a vice, and you'll have to cut it off!"
I hear a lot, (i work neuro too, but we get a lot of the altered mental status)....
Just from last night, (see other post for craziness)
-from the guy who wouldn't stop getting out of bed, "Watch out for that treeeeeee, buddy! You're gonna hit the treeeeeee!!!!" (the TV was turned to the information station at the time)
-another fresh knee patient goes "how old are ya, honey? (26)....oh, my son's are 41/39, about your age.....same one also removed her dressing, because she wanted to count the number of stitches in her knee.....
-Another lady was up walking around pulled out her foley...and when we put her back to bed, I asked "didn't that hurt?" She goes, "honey, you don't wanna know what I've had up there! (in the urethra??????) Same one also took the pudding she asked for, got mad, and dumped it down her front...."that'll show ya!!!" yep, sure will...................................
I was walking past one of our alzheimer ladies and she bellered to me" YOu have a great big fat ass" and to the visitor who was walking behind me she yelled " YOur ass is bigger and fatter than hers" The visitor was horrified, I thought it was one of the funnier things this gal had ever come up with! Same woman also said to me one morning when I went to give her her meds " Oh, I thought you died" I smiled and told her nope, I aint dead yet!!!!
I had 2 Vietnam vets thinking I was a Vietnamese hospital dude and a Korean War vet thinking I was a Japanese hospital dude. They seemed happy to be in the hospital and were behaving appropriately for hospital patients, and I figured they probably were living through the better parts of their war experiences, so I sure as heck wasn't going to reorient them. I figured if I did yank 'em into the present, they might well recall or re-experience something really bad that may have happened subsequent to their overseas hospital stays. If the mind brings a patient back to happier times, who could deny him that respite?
I had an elderly patient who had one of those cylinder shaped neck pillows, and she looked at me and said "That pillow over there is filled with pieces of s***." On another occasion she told me that her sister was a b**** and had slept with her doctor. Still not sure if that was true or not
and then there was the man who, in his confusion, removed his oxygen saturation probe from his finger and stuck it on his member. i left it there, because he was sound asleep and not trying to climb out of bed or remove any other equipment.
did it give a good pulse ox reading with a good wave form? i have tried fingers, toes, nose and ears. you have given me a new idea!!:innerconf:innerconf:w00t:
That is wonderful!
nici1978
70 Posts
when i first started as a nursing student in good old germany, i had a patient asking for a scissor, well i gave it to her, she ended up cutting all her lines including the catheter
that thought me a lesson, never give a scissor to a patient
nici