Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

[nilepoc]

To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply

Darwin Consult

and was signed by the resident. Well the attending did laugh, but it was not the highpoint of that residents day.

so do you have more?

[GadgetRN71, ASN, RN]

On elderly female patient's transfer orders to care facility "Patient may go to the craft store". Cracked me up!

That's funny but kind of sweet too. I'm glad this doctor realized that the patients hobbies were important to her and that he/ she wasn't just treating a body, but a person.

[DixieRedHead, ASN, RN]

You know foley catheter to beside drainage always cracks me up. As opposed to what, Suction?

[jmdRN]

in my cardiac patient's chart:

fu ck TNT

(I think the resident forgot a slash in there somewhere when he asked for the cardiac enzyme folow-up)

[maelstrom143]

DC ER orders:

"Instruct the patient that if he does not take antibiotics this time he will probably die."

This regarding a FF who had come in for right lower lobe pneumonia, d/c'd w/abt po and failed to fill prescription so now had worsened bilateral pneumonia.

[Cuddleswithpuddles]

I would refuse to massage anyone's scrotum as a female nurse. I don't think things like this are appropriate at all.

Let the doctors do it if they want it done.

If the patient has hands, he can massage his scrotum himself.

As nurses, we must preserve the patient's own dignity and strength.

And ball-rubbin' ability.

I'm sure Florence wrote that somewhere.

[KentechRN]

This was in the MAR: Ice chips STAT!. Pharmacy never did verify that one.

[elthia]

We had a pt who was NPO except for ice...pt c/o he wasn't getting ice as often as he wanted. There was an order. Pt may have 30cc ice q1 hour. So every hour we went into the pt's room and gave him a pill cup of ice.

[talaxandra]

I had a frequent flier with DKA in once, who complained to the (cabbage-green) resident that the nurses weren't letting her have sips of water.

He looked at me as though I was a monster, and said authoritively, "She can have sips of water, as documented in the unit notes!"

I turned to the patient and said, "Jane, did you tell the doctor that you tried to drink your soapy washbowl water until you vomited?"

Doc looked at her, looked at me, looked at her, said "Whatever the nurses say goes" and left the room

[Seohyun]

I had a frequent flier with DKA in once, who complained to the (cabbage-green) resident that the nurses weren't letting her have sips of water.

He looked at me as though I was a monster, and said authoritively, "She can have sips of water, as documented in the unit notes!"

I turned to the patient and said, "Jane, did you tell the doctor that you tried to drink your soapy washbowl water until you vomited?"

Doc looked at her, looked at me, looked at her, said "Whatever the nurses say goes" and left the room

BWHAHAHAAHA!!!*wine

[fantasyworld]

Transcribed in progress note....

"fireballs of the eucharist" (fibroids of the uterus)

"screaming mighty jesus" (fibromeningitis)

[systoly]

I would refuse to massage anyone's scrotum as a female nurse. I don't think things like this are appropriate at all.

Let the doctors do it if they want it done.

Thanks a lot carolmaccas66, what makes you think I wanna do it?

On second thought, let me explain tapotement to the patient, we'll get that order changed.

[nursefrances, BSN, RN]

We have a wound care nurse who comes to our unit sometimes to eval the patients. Whenever we see her we internally groan because she is notorious for writing a full page of orders for us to do. She will also take off every dressing the patient has on and we have to go back and redress them. It's annoying if it was just done that morning.

I don't know if she thinks we are incompetent or stupid but she has written orders like:

Santyl cream, apply to left stump as thick as the white fluff of an oreo cookie.... or as thick as a nickel.

I didn't know the white fluff of an oreo cookie was a standard medical measurment.

The sad part is, I can actually guesstimate how thick that would be.

Now I am craving milk and cookies....