Funniest real orders you have seen in a chart?

[nilepoc]

To start things off, the best and funniest order I have seen on a chart, was in the discharge instructions for a trauma patient. It read simply

Darwin Consult

and was signed by the resident. Well the attending did laugh, but it was not the highpoint of that residents day.

so do you have more?

[carolmaccas66, BSN, RN]

As a recent patient, I was horrified to see how little is done for the patients, that used to be routine care. Backrubs help a patient relax before bedtime, promote sleep/rest and decrease pain. It's also a wonderful time to TALK (remember that) to your patients. The ONLY times I ever saw a licensed person was when they did an assessment each shift (some of these were pretty pathetic) and when meds were given. The PCA (Aides) did everything else and, even then, I had to ask for my bed to be changed and for towels to wash up with. No offered to wash my back, leave alone rub it.

"Back in the day" we (nurses) would pass fresh ice water and a clean towel/wash cloth to all patients after visitors left on evening shift. Backrubs were offered to all and accepted by most patients. Patients used these towels/wash cloths to freshen up before bed or for first thing in the am, before regular linen was passed.

How did we have the time? We just did. We did not have computers to help us chart (everything done by hand), med doses were often not individual doses....we actually had to pour pills out of bottles, and we checked on our patients AT LEAST three times per shift, in person. It seems like today's nurses are losing the "art" of nursing. With everything computerized and simplified, nurses should have even MORE time to spend with direct patient care and tending to the "little" things that mean so much!

When I was doing home health, a few years ago, I actually had a patient start to cry when I asked if I could sit on the chair in her room. Upon further investigation, she told me that none of the other nurses had ever bothered to sit down with her. "They're always in such a rush," she said.

Ladies and gentlemen....slow down and give your patients the time and attention they deserve. It will change your life when you actually TALK to them!!

OK, bring on the rebuttals!

I try to talk to patients as much as I can. I have also worked in mental health and as talking to patients is part of our job, even then we are stretched to find the time to do even THAT.

I don't know what world you live in now, but the busy med/surg wards I have worked on at many large, teaching hospitals, we just do not get time to talk to patients , let alone give them a back rub! I don't know HOW we would ever get be able to fit this in, bar staying back after the shift has finished. The turnover is just too high, and some patients are too acutely ill.

And I also check on my patients every hour at least - which is part of my JD as a RN.

[Aeterna, BSN, RN]

Wasn't my patient so I don't know what the original order said, but we had one elderly man with dementia and a history of alcoholism who was allowed to have one can of beer daily. Indeed, when he started to act up badly (due to his dementia), two or three of us would sit him in his geri-chair in the hall and pour him a nice cold one. He'd settle down immediately and calmly sip at his beer for an hour or two. It was hilarious watching the faces of passing visitors!

I can't remember the med, but there was once an order, "(insert name of med here)...if not ordered already." o_O;

Also, there's one doctor who writes "please" after every single instruction in her orders. I don't know why but it makes me laugh (but it is awesome regardless).

There's also one patient on our floor who has really whacky blood sugars. In the early days of her stay, we'd constantly be paging doctors for new orders because, literally, one hour they'd be sky high so we'd give insulin, and the next hour, they'd be so low that she was slipping into a diabetic coma so we'd be pushing D50W. We now have it all figured out - what to do if sugars are high and what to do if they're low - but there is actually an order: "Do not call MD about blood sugars." LOL I think the docs got too frustrated with the constant pages!

I've seen orders for "Keri lotion prn".

[FranEMTnurse, CNA, LPN, EMT-I]

I would refuse to massage anyone's scrotum as a female nurse. I don't think things like this are appropriate at all.

Let the doctors do it if they want it done.

I asked to be transferred to another unit once, because the male resident I was caring for got an erection every time I entered his room to care for him. I got the transfer too.

[NurseHopefulInOH]

not an order but a diagnosis for a double amputee in the MAR was "abnormal gait"

[Salamandrina]

It wasn't in a chart but in our reservation book one of the neurosurgeons wrote:

"lady partsl Nerve Stimulator Placement"

I want to know how I can sign up for that proceedure.

[sparrowRN]

It wasn't in a chart but in our reservation book one of the neurosurgeons wrote:

"lady partsl Nerve Stimulator Placement"

I want to know how I can sign up for that proceedure.

:lol2:

[Aeterna, BSN, RN]

Not in the chart, as the "order" was over the phone, but a co-worker told me this story when she was working a night shift. On her hourly rounds, she realized one of her DNR patients had died, so she calls the on-call doctor to inform him of this.

Nurse: I'm calling to inform you that Mr. _______ has just died.

Doctor: *sleepily* Oh, ok. We'll just do a chest X-ray in the morning.

Nurse: Um...are you awake?

Doctor: No...

[sharpeimom]

Not in the chart, as the "order" was over the phone, but a co-worker told me this story when she was working a night shift. On her hourly rounds, she realized one of her DNR patients had died, so she calls the on-call doctor to inform him of this.

Nurse: I'm calling to inform you that Mr. _______ has just died.

Doctor: *sleepily* Oh, ok. We'll just do a chest X-ray in the morning.

Nurse: Um...are you awake?

Doctor: No...

:smackingf:smackingf:smackingf:smackingf:brnfrt::grn::grn::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:

[xtxrn, ASN, RN]

Podiatry consult (routine LTC prn order) on a bilateral BKA.....:smackingf:grn::anbd:

[martymoose, BSN, RN]

Thats like getting orders for orthostatics on a bilat amputee,I ve seen those orders twice this year:smackingf

[VioletKaliLPN, LPN]

last semester of nursing school, in ltc facility. order read "apply ky to slit prn lady partsl itchiness and dryness"

slit. i guess i expected a more technical term to be used.

[nite_shift_4_life]

saw this last night at work "milk and molasses enema per rectum"....ummm well duh!! :nuke: