Flirtatious student

vrhodes · Feb 7, 2007

You will find this at school, you will find it in the workplace. I know its annoying, but try not to let these types of things annoy you. In the end, she makes a fool of herself... and it probab ly makes for a good laugh for you!

Gennaver, MSN · Feb 7, 2007

Hi all,
There is a girl in my class who is really bothering me. Most of our preceptors are male and this girl is trying to ingratiate herself to them by acting all flirtatious. None of the preceptors seem to mind; in fact, the head guy seems to enjoy the attention. ...Quinze

I would almost want to gaurantee that the preceptors are fully aware of her overt sexual manipulative coersion attempts.

Most likely they discuss her inappropriateness behind the scenes. She may be lucky if she lasts the entire program.

It is evident from your post that she is getting away with manipulating class time for everyone, now that is something that seems worthy of complaining about, directly to the profs first, then follow up.

Gen

Daytonite, BSN, RN · Feb 7, 2007

I spent a good deal of my career addressing other people's behavior because I was in supervision and management positions. Some of the biggest troublemakers I saw among employees are the ones who get involved in gossip and start pointing their fingers at other people's personal behaviors. Let me tell you that behavior works both ways. It takes two to play the same game. Something that I found blatantly unequal in your post was your degree of anger with the preceptors for participating and permitting the behavior of this girl. From your account, they're obviously not seeing her behavior as being disruptive and manipulative. You can deny this all you want, but I think you want to be a part of what is going on so badly it is making the worst of you come out. Deny it all you want. You need to sit down and think about this. In general, people who are very critical of a specific behavior they see in others are doing this because very deep within their psyche they (1) secretly wish to engage in this behavior themselves and for some reason can't or won't, or (2) are seeing a behavior of their own being imitated by another person in a much better or worse way and they want to see them punished for it.

What can we do to stop her acting like this? I would appreciate any advice you can give.

Take a serious look at why YOU are so bothered by this girls behavior. This is about YOU not her. The only behavior you have any power to change is YOURS. Stop gossiping about this with "the guys" and the other students. All you are doing is making yourself angry for no good reason at all and focusing all your attention and energy on an innocent group of people who are exercising the freedom to act as they please. (You are a free country down under, aren't you?) Spend your energy on learning how to be a nurse, not on being the Behavior Police.

llg, PhD, RN · Feb 7, 2007

As is often the case, I find myself in agreement with Daytonite. Unless it is having a definite impact on your learning, stay out of it. Your classmate's relationship with the preceptors is none of your business. Your goal is to learn what you need to learn and move on. If/when her behavior interfers with your learning in class, then be politely assertive and make sure you get what you need. Other than that ... don't do anything. Don't try to become the behavior police. Let other people live their own lives and make their own foolish mistakes.

DermNP2Be · Feb 8, 2007

I completely agree with the above 2 posts. No, I'm not trying to be accusatory, but watching the behaviors of so many different personality types (I'm a bartender), I think they have a hint of truth in their opinions. I, too have dealt with this (though not in the nursing program, as I'm not even in it yet), but honestly it's never bothered me; it actually provided me with a little entertainnment that came right on time to ease whatever stress I was dealing with at the moment. When confronted with this type of behavior, us non-trads had a good laugh over the lunch break on how stupid and ridiculous the we perceived the person to be- even if the instructors were naiive enough to be flattered by it.

nurseangel47 · Feb 8, 2007

Whether it has touched something in you personally that you need to deal with as the previous posts suggest, or not, just ignoring the situation by concentrating hard on topics covered in lecture and blocking the annoying behavior and reactions of instructors/preceptors from your cognizance should eliminate any continued ill effects of the flirt's actions. Hope this helps...don't take it to heart so much. Perhaps the flirter's own inadequacies/nervousness towards learning a difficult profession is getting the best of them and they are "acting out" in a way that they feel more comfortable with in dealing with the learning process. Everyone processes thoughts, learning things in different ways...some quietly and with great seriousness, others with challenges to management/professors/instructors, etc. still others with grace and fortitude...some manage to struggle day to day and barely make it thru, then act out when pressures of the working world strain their not too well developed affect in stressful situations.

**canoehead, BSN, RN** · Feb 8, 2007

Wow, daytonite, great post. It actually made me think in a new way about some of my pet peeves.

I want to add that complaining will do nothing for you. You'll look like a shrew,especially if the instructors enjoy her attention. It's pretty certain she can't do this for more than a month without hurting someone's feelings or becoming boring. Just wait it out.

wildmountainchild · Feb 8, 2007

I think Daytonite and others have a valuable point, always look to yourself first!

BUT...I too have a classmate who drives me batty. He is a compulsive liar. He will lie about anything. Everytime someone has an interesting story about something unique in thier life he has to one up it....."Wow..you were in a hot air baloon crash? So was I, except the baloon caught on fire and I suffered 3rd degree burns only you can't tell because they used this new baboon flesh grafitng technique..........."

I just let him be, but now that we are in clinical together I find myself worrying that b/c we necessarily are together often that people will think I'm a liar too. You only have one chance to make a first impression, and if the guy next to you is telling some off the wall story of his abusive childhood and how he studied martial arts for years as a result (yet is remarkably overwieght) and how he can't have carbs becasue he'll be poisoned by them, you have to wonder if that is rubbing off on you.

I don't know how to handle it. I've thought of confronting him w/ some of the provable lies I've caught him in but I just don't know what is best.

txspadequeenRN, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2007

if i were you i would just let her be and not involve so much energy in thinking about all this. worry about what you are doing and don't gossip. you don't want to be at the center of any drama and get in trouble during nursing school... you are going to run into people all the time that try to use what there momma gave them to move ahead.. just let her be the class hooker and you worry about passing...

midcom · Feb 8, 2007

I think Daytonite and others have a valuable point, always look to yourself first!
BUT...I too have a classmate who drives me batty. He is a compulsive liar. He will lie about anything. Everytime someone has an interesting story about something unique in thier life he has to one up it....."Wow..you were in a hot air baloon crash? So was I, except the baloon caught on fire and I suffered 3rd degree burns only you can't tell because they used this new baboon flesh grafitng technique..........."
I just let him be, but now that we are in clinical together I find myself worrying that b/c we necessarily are together often that people will think I'm a liar too. You only have one chance to make a first impression, and if the guy next to you is telling some off the wall story of his abusive childhood and how he studied martial arts for years as a result (yet is remarkably overwieght) and how he can't have carbs becasue he'll be poisoned by them, you have to wonder if that is rubbing off on you.
I don't know how to handle it. I've thought of confronting him w/ some of the provable lies I've caught him in but I just don't know what is best.

I used to work with someone like that, fortunately not in nursing. She, actually, told us she had a split personality & when her other personality came out, she was 12 inches taller! That was just one of the strange stories. The rest were almost as outlandish. We both were laid off from the job & I immediately got hired at a different company. She sent my manager a resume, listing me as a reference. You bet, I clued him in really fast.

Sorry for going off on a tangent. I do agree with what most are saying. OP, Let it go. I suspect that it won't be long & her way of getting attention will blow up in her face.

Dixie

WDWpixieRN, RN · Feb 8, 2007

We have a couple of folks who are the constant disrupters in our class....the joker, the one who likes to be the center of attention, the one who always knows someone with the same symptom being discussed, etc. I see a lot of folks roll their eyes at each other every time these folks open their mouths, but really, if they've gotten this far in college, as students our saying anything isn't going to make a difference. It's up to the instructor to take the reigns if they feel it's taking away from class time. Sometimes they do by ignoring the raised hand or asking them to save it for after class, etc., and sometimes they don't.

I think the best advice you've already been given is to keep your nose to grindstone and take care of you. It can be irritating, but unless you're not getting your education, it's about all you're entitled to do.