Straight out of school I went into OB. My lifelong dream! I was thrilled and excited. WHen the time came for my 3 month eval. I was freaked out and overwhelmed. I too was 'just not getting it!" I was frustrated with myself. Frustrated with the lack of orientation (I had NO orientation) and lack of experience. THrown to the wolves on my 3rd delivery (that I had even seen) I started feeling sick. It progressively got worse. Ended up developing ulcers due to stress and the constant pain relievers I was taking (for my back problems). Well the day before I was supposed to be having my evaluation. I pulled all of my strength, grew some balls and posed the question to this forum. I told them of how I was feeling, what was going on, and posed the question. "what should I do? Should I quit? I just felt terrible physically and mentally because of the just 'not getting it'.
So - at the advice of the people on this forum, and under the advice of my doctor even, I called my nursing manager up and attempted to give my two weeks notice. She said, nah your in orientation, you don't need to give 2 weeks notice. She was very understanding about it. Quite nice for the same person who told me "I'm just going to put you straight on the floor, I don't think you need orientation"
Don't get me wrong, I did get some orientation in OB. By the end of my orientation I was quite comfortable with PP and Nursery. I hadn't taken care of any REALLY sick babies, but those always got shipped anyway (small hospital).
So - I quit that job, it was very financially hard for us. But my health and sanity was on the line.
It took me a full month to find another job. But I look back and I do NOT regret the decision I made. I just wasn't ready for that specialized of nursing.
Now I work nights on a busy ortho/neuro unit. I am very comfortable in my job, and in fact I love it.
I know where my heart lies, and someday I will go back to OB. But I had to be comfortable with simply being a nurse WAAAAAAYYYY before trying to be a nurse and a SPECIALIZED nurse at the same time.
Dig down deep, think long and hard if this is affecting you enough that it is worth a change, and follow your gut.
I am glad I did. In no way am I saying that you should quit, what I am saying is that you should consider that maybe you need to learn to be a nurse before you specialize. You can always specialize later. Get comfortable with your routine, with your knowledge then try something else.
Personally I'm going to further my education before I try to switch back to OB. That will give me a stronger base to work on.
If you ever need to talk, feel free to PM me. I know what your feeling, I've been there. Don't let yourself get physically ill on top of the mental strain before you do something about it.
Thinking of you,