family issues

Nurses Stress 101

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My sister has cancer, she's 40 years old with two elementary school kids and a single mother. she is not likely to survive, though we might get ten years of ups and downs if we get lucky.

I can't talk to any friends because of her legal issues with the ex. I've mentioned my need for time off to the boss and filled her in, with the surgery date. Unfortunately my head is likely to blow off before we even start this roller coaster, I'm a bit stressed. I'm upset at home and cranky at work.

My sister and I have a rocky relationship at the very best of times. Dad called me about her illness. I emailed her with sympathy and offers of help, got a short thank you and then I asked her if she would like me to get her a freezer for Christmas, so we could fill it, and she wouldn't have to worry about meals. No answer.

I guess we all know this, but it's so different when it's your own family. HUGE difference.

All I can say is be gentle with yourself. I remember when you became an Auntie.

Just be there if and when she decides she needs you.

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Canoehead,

I can't imagine what you are going through. You have my sympathies.

If you truly have no one to talk with about this with amongst family or friends then I would strongly suggest that you seek outside support.

Search for online support groups, a therapist, or a trusted pastor/priest/spiritual advisor whom you can trust to confide in and keep your confidences as well as providing nonjudgmental feedback. If you're a writer keeping a journal may help as well. Emotions can run high during a time like this and while it's great that you want to support your family, if they can't return the favor of providing the emotional support you'll need, then you need to seek it out elsewhere before it takes a toll on your health.

Best wishes.

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Specializes in Family Nurse Practitioner.

I'm sorry to hear about your sister. Your offer was very thoughtful. Even if she doesn't answer now, she make take you up on the offer down the road. You have a difficult time ahead of you. I hope your past relationship troubles won't get in way of making the most of the remaining time you have together. Sending good thoughts your way :)

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Sorry to hear about your situation...life is constantly putting us all to the test. I think you are so kind and thoughtful to consider getting your sister a filled up fridge (heck, I would LOVE that as a gift as well...who would not like a brand new fridge filled up with goodies)! I think you could never go wrong taking the high road and being the one to do something positive, even if the relationship with your sister has been negative in the past. You sound like a very nice and thoughtful person, I believe in you to make the best decision for yourself and your sister. Hugs and condolences*

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Specializes in LTC Rehab Med/Surg.

I'm sorry that anybody has to face the impending death of a family member.

I'd buy the freezer, have it filled and delivered, and never once expect the thank you I thought I deserved. It comes down to who YOU are, even more than who your sibling is.

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Specializes in ER.

You all have been so kind. Fiona59, you seriously remember when my nieces were born? That is just amazing. Allnurses has been around a long, long time. I remember what a great thing it was to be able to talk with nurses from everywhere, not just my own hospital. We see things differently.

I'm going to just ride it out. Email her monthly maybe, and reoffer help every time. It annoys me so, that she doesn't answer, even "no thanks" would be fine. But this is her life, and I do want to respect her choices. I plan on telling a few good friends and swearing them to secrecy. Having it be unit gossip is what I want to avoid, I don't want to talk about this at work anyway. Thank you everyone. Plan on seeing me here in January when she has her surgery...I'm bringing my iPad to the waiting room. We'll have a singalong.:yes:

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Specializes in ER.

I'm home, and my sister arrived today. We're on good terms, she's just been so busy she hasn't answered emails consistently. She's lost weight, and more worrisome, she's got that grey cancer pallor. If she came to my triage chair I would expect a serious result from a work up, no matter what her presenting complaint was. She's acting well, and we'll have a good Christmas, but send us good thoughts...she will need them.

I'll update as things develop. And thank you all for listening.

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Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
I'm home, and my sister arrived today. We're on good terms, she's just been so busy she hasn't answered emails consistently. She's lost weight, and more worrisome, she's got that grey cancer pallor. If she came to my triage chair I would expect a serious result from a work up, no matter what her presenting complaint was. She's acting well, and we'll have a good Christmas, but send us good thoughts...she will need them.

I'll update as things develop. And thank you all for listening.

I will definitely send positive vibes for you and your family. As always, thank you for returning with an update.
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Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.

Yes.....please keep us posted. We'll be here for you whenever you need us. ((((HUGS))))

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Specializes in ER.

So...surgery was on the 16th. I was driving into the city, and stopped to check my map. I got an email from Dad. He said they found NO cancer. The mass was the remnants of an ovarian cyst that had swollen and popped multiple times. They removed the l ovary and tube, and that's all she wrote. My sister is fine. Pallor and weight loss from stress I suppose.

i don't understand how you get cancer that originates from the appendix, (cancerous appendix confirmed two years ago) and translate that to cancer throughout the abdomen, from one mass by the left ovary. I understood that she had it in many sites, but I didn't directly talk to the doc.

THIS is what happens when we send laypeople in to try and translate medicalese. I bet that cancer was one of many possibilities, and she zoned in on that one word. That was a lot of stress and tears from a simple mistake.

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Specializes in Nephrology, Cardiology, ER, ICU.

Oh gosh - am so happy for you and your sister that there was no cancer.

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