I'm sure many of you who work nocs have experienced this...
HOW in the heck do you get through to people who think that you are out of your mind for working nights and "normal" people would never CHOOSE to work the night shift...that you LIKE night shift, it is not a punishment, and HELLO nursing is a 24/7 operation and MOST of us knew that when we went into this profession.
My FIL is the worst, I'm sick of making excuses as to why nights are OKAY to work. In my previous career, I also chose to work nights (law enforcement). I have explained all my rationale to him and now I just need some good comebacks. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy...I really like him. He is just very opinionated and I'm sick of the comments! I know I'll never change his mind, I'd just like to shut him up for a while! LOL
It's good to keep in mind that people will try to tell you why you're doing something wrong, or that you're making the wrong choice, to rationalize THEIR own view of something.
It's not that your FIL can't understand it; he does, he just doesn't like it (for whatever reasons he may have) and therefore, YOU are the one who is wrong. Your choice is bad because it conflicts with his image of what his DIL should be doing.
I see the same thing with parenting choices; I happen to be an advocate of breastfeeding and help other mothers to succeed, if breastfeeding is what they wish to do. I don't denegrate mothers who have NOT breastfed, that's out of line and it's a waste of time, frankly. I don't even deal with them, typically, as it's not part of my job. However, that doesn't seem to stop countless women (who find out my sideline) from telling me why breastfeeding was icky, how it didn't work, how they can't imagine being "tied" to the child, etc etc. My point is, MY choice has made THEM uncomfortable, probably because those women aren't secure in their own choices. Otherwise, why the need to tell me that they made good choices and I have not?
Your FIL seems to have the need to have you doing what he thinks you should, and that's unfortunate for him. All you can do with that when he starts in is to shrug it off as "well, I guess that's another reason I'm going to Hell!" LOL.....or, you could be less emphatic and just do the shrug and "I'll keep that in mind, thanks". :)
How about "So which one is the hospital that's only open from 9 to 5?? I guess that'd be the one for people who are only sick in the daytime. As soon as you find one like that, I'll be there!!"
Although I'm a morning person (sorry) my dear brother worked nocs for 20 years. I regret all the grief I gave him about it and finally got a clue and let him live his own life. Good luck.
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
greattttt thread, can 100% relate, i just started working nights not to long ago.....I'm 23, and let's just say my income is pratically a gold mind compared to what my BF of 4 years is making...anway, whenever I have to work a weekend his parents are always like " oh really, that's such a shame" or " oh man , you have to work fri and sat night " it is soooo annoying, it makes me feel like crap....good response though by everyone, it cheered me up :balloons:
Brooke
"Yes, it's such a shame they only pay me double/triple/quadruple what your son makes!!!" :lol2:
Maybe if you don't say it but think it, you won't feel quite so bad!
Not that I'd feel bad about it anyway.
And, if you stay with this BF, you'll find that work sometimes gives you a lovely built-in excuse.
"So sorry, I can't go to Great-Aunt Edna's birthday party, I have to work!"
Specializes in FNP, Peds, Epilepsy, Mgt., Occ. Ed.
My FIL is the worst, I'm sick of making excuses as to why nights are OKAY to work. In my previous career, I also chose to work nights (law enforcement). I have explained all my rationale to him and now I just need some good comebacks. Don't get me wrong, he's a great guy...I really like him. He is just very opinionated and I'm sick of the comments! I know I'll never change his mind, I'd just like to shut him up for a while! LOL
I worked nights for years and actually didn't have to deal with this; my in-laws were too clueless to really grasp that I actually did work at night!!
I'd probably just launch into my best Dracula impression. "But, I must vork ze nightsssss. Ze sun, ze sun, ze horrible sun, it burnssss ze skin, it hurtsss ze eyesssss..." :roll
Heck, I'd probably buy black scrubs and a cape and start taking an inordinate interest in his veins and arteries, just to push the point!
"Yes, it's such a shame they only pay me double/triple/quadruple what your son makes!!!" :lol2:
Maybe if you don't say it but think it, you won't feel quite so bad!
Not that I'd feel bad about it anyway.
And, if you stay with this BF, you'll find that work sometimes gives you a lovely built-in excuse.
"So sorry, I can't go to Great-Aunt Edna's birthday party, I have to work!"
LOL!
I just came home from my 12 hr night. My DH doesn't want me to work noc but I just love it!! The money is great, I love the "tight-knit group" on nights and getting up early in the a.m. makes me physically sick (even when I was in highschool). My 12 weeks of orientation on days where hell because of nausea.... couldn't eat but became hypoglycemic if I didn't...blech! I suppose that's what it feels like when your pregnant?
Oh, I also have a better marriage when I work nights, more energy and all...
25 years on nights now - for all the reasons cited above. I actually had more time with my boys by working nights - I'd sleep while they were in school and be waiting over my first cup of coffee when they came home - time for after school activities, homework help and dinner before work.
Besides that is the advantage of not having to deal with b.s. meetings, administrators, and I only see doctors when I call them. I enjoy the independence and the chance to use my judgement in caring for patients.
Finally, it means that I have only limited contact with those annoyingly perky day people!
I've only been on nights for a few weeks in L & D, after orientation during days. I love nights!! Yes - we have about half the number of nurses they have on days, but we manage. In genreal, the nurses on nights are much more accepting of new nurses, and are much more fun. The residents are all home asleep, and the attendings don't come in until someone is about to deliver. We are more autonomous than the day shift.
I really like working 3 - 12s since the rest of the week is mine!!
I think your father in law needs to mind his own business and fast. The other responses are great. I have a sister in law who can't manage her own life but is quick to comment on everyone else's life. The last time she did it, I just gave her a very hard stare and didn't answer her questions. The funny thing is that recently she wanted my spouse to help her get a job at his place of emloyment, so needless to say that will not happen. I sure hope that your FIL learns to keep his thoughts to himself soon. By the way, I think nights are great for some people, and even for childcare if you have a spouse home or someone there at night when the kids are young. I am a night owl, and I would love a night job but haven't been able to find one.
1) I can go to any of the daytime programs at my kid's school. I saw the value of this last semester when I was one of very few parents (and the only dad) who routinely made it to all the events.
2) I can still have dinner with the family every night
3) Based on my experience in the military and industry, nights are more laid back.
4) Shift Differentials!!!
5) Will let me go opposite the commute traffic
6) It's sure nice to be able to go places during the day when the masses are at work.
7) My schedule will let me take classes at the university during the day when (at the local place) the vast majority are offered.
8) I can pick my kid up from school EVERY day
9) If most people want days then the night shift needs good nurses who want to be there.
So, my response would be: "Why, because it's the best shift on which to work!!"
hopefull your FIL never needs a trip to the hospital in the middle of the night, but its nice to know that for those who do you will be there to help them!!!!!! people do not just get sick during the day. They get sick at night and on the weekends.
Dont forget...Christmas and Newyears too. People are always like..."your working Christmas Again!?"
I worked nights the first seven years of my nursing career. When I was hired the choice was evenings or nights. I figured either work evenings and never see Husband, who works Mon-Fri 7-4, or work nights and have our evenings together. Nights made sense, and I liked it.
Not to say that many people, especially in-laws, thought I was crazy. "Wouldn't you rather work during the day?" I suppose most people would, but I like to think someone may be working if I am in the hospital in the middle of the night-would be my response.
Now I have a clinic job, 8-5. Guess they think I am more normal now.
I'm sure many of you who work nocs have experienced this...
:lol2:
RNsRWe, ASN, RN
3 Articles; 10,428 Posts
It's good to keep in mind that people will try to tell you why you're doing something wrong, or that you're making the wrong choice, to rationalize THEIR own view of something.
It's not that your FIL can't understand it; he does, he just doesn't like it (for whatever reasons he may have) and therefore, YOU are the one who is wrong. Your choice is bad because it conflicts with his image of what his DIL should be doing.
I see the same thing with parenting choices; I happen to be an advocate of breastfeeding and help other mothers to succeed, if breastfeeding is what they wish to do. I don't denegrate mothers who have NOT breastfed, that's out of line and it's a waste of time, frankly. I don't even deal with them, typically, as it's not part of my job. However, that doesn't seem to stop countless women (who find out my sideline) from telling me why breastfeeding was icky, how it didn't work, how they can't imagine being "tied" to the child, etc etc. My point is, MY choice has made THEM uncomfortable, probably because those women aren't secure in their own choices. Otherwise, why the need to tell me that they made good choices and I have not?
Your FIL seems to have the need to have you doing what he thinks you should, and that's unfortunate for him. All you can do with that when he starts in is to shrug it off as "well, I guess that's another reason I'm going to Hell!" LOL.....or, you could be less emphatic and just do the shrug and "I'll keep that in mind, thanks". :)
Hang in there!