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Exhausted; I want a way out.

Nurses   (13,713 Views | 141 Replies)

KalipsoRed21 has 12 years experience as a BSN and specializes in Currently: Home Health.

4,825 Profile Views; 246 Posts

You are reading page 4 of Exhausted; I want a way out.. If you want to start from the beginning Go to First Page.

Davey Do has 41 years experience and specializes in Psych, CD, HH, Admin, LTC, OR, ER, Med Surge.

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On 6/18/2019 at 1:51 AM, KalipsoRed21 said:

To be the kind of person that I could role model to my children to. 

I don’t give a *** about other people’s children.

 

Elbert Hubbard wrote in his 1903 book Contemplations (of which I own a first printing): "He remained childless in order to love all children".

Had Mr. Hubbard ascribed to this way of thinking, he may have written, "She had children in order to be a role model that didn't give a ***  about other people's children".

Okay. I'm done.

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2 hours ago, Davey Do said:

 happiness cannot come from external gratification!

True happiness comes from within; being at peace with oneself.

 

Completely agree with this.

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Mavnurse17 has 3 years experience as a BSN, RN.

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Look into school nursing.  I left the bedside for a school and my stress level plummeted.  The hours are good and stable, you get loads of time off for holidays, and the pay actually isn't as bad as I think it's made out to be.

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1 hour ago, not.done.yet said:

 About her husband, via stating his reluctance to embrace alternatives is due to ego over producing sperm that isn't getting the job done

She said he's reluctant and jokes about it by saying he already has children. So you're loudly wrong by claiming I assumed anything when she said this herself.

and nothing to do with how much he does or does not love her.

I never said he didn't love her. I also said they need to sit down and discuss their options. Again, you're loudly wrong.

The interpretation of his so-called ego driving his reluctance to foster/adopt were the words you stated that I am uncomfortable with. It assumes a degree of selfishness that may or may not be there.

So what you're uncomfortable. His selfishness was clearly evident in the comment about him having children so he's indifferent in her having them or not. Also, he's against adopting for whatever reason and not supportive. Again, all OP has stated herself so you're fake "interpretation" of my post is loudly wrong, again.

There isn't just one right answer here. No sane person can demand a baby at any cost, in any situation, at any expense in order to fulfill this desire, whether that is IUI, IVF, adoption or fostering. He has reasons. We do not know what they are. We do not know that it is his ego and to state it is is unfair to him.

We do know what his reasons are, OP told us he verbalized them and what they were. No one said demand a baby, where the hell did that come from? What part of they need to sit down and have a serious discussion TOGETHER keeps passing you by? And someone saying they have children and don't care that you don't (OP's own admission) is about his ego because it was his response to her being able to have children and his sperm being the culprit. Read it again and this time comprehend it.

The interpretation if his so-called selfishness and laying down of black/white terms is not going to serve the OP, her spouse, her marriage, her career choices or a child. He deserves the same understanding she does.

Have you read any of the OP's posts in depth, not skimmed but actually read them? She addressed all of your fake issues of concern herself. I'm at the point where it's redundant that I have to keep referring you to OP's posts. Seems like you're more hell bent on finding fault in what I said than objectively understanding the point. So which part are you pissed about? The part where OP's husband isn't supportive, selfish, or they need to sit down and hold a discussion? All of those points have been addressed and/or said by OP. I clearly said they need to sit down and hold a discussion in the same post you're so up in arms about. Did you read anything in this thread or you skimmed through and looked for something to be mad about? 🙄

 

Edited by NurseBlaq

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1 hour ago, not.done.yet said:

Because you asked, let me begin by saying you do not know me or what I have or have not lived. You make a lot of assumptions. About me. About her husband, via stating his reluctance to embrace alternatives is due to ego over producing sperm that isn't getting the job done. That is a huge assumption. There are tons of valid reasons for not being interested in fostering or adopting that has nothing to do with ego regarding viable sperm and nothing to do with how much he does or does not love her. Those reasons also don't add up to "bad person". Those feelings are just as valid as someone who wants to adopt or foster.

The interpretation of his so-called ego driving his reluctance to foster/adopt were the words you stated that I am uncomfortable with. It assumes a degree of selfishness that may or may not be there. There isn't just one right answer here. No sane person can demand a baby at any cost, in any situation, at any expense in order to fulfill this desire, whether that is IUI, IVF, adoption or fostering. He has reasons. We do not know what they are. We do not know that it is his ego and to state it is is unfair to him.

You had an abusive, narcissistic spouse, an experience that has undoubtedly impacted how you see the world and interpret the behavior of others. The interpretation if his so-called selfishness and laying down of black/white terms is not going to serve the OP, her spouse, her marriage, her career choices or a child. He deserves the same understanding she does.

Not to get in the middle of this conflict but I see the same red flags that NurseBlaq sees. It is not conjecture. It is based on kalypsored's own observations about her husband:

21 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

It isn’t something I’m willing to borrow for either. A wage slave is not something I enjoy being. I would like to try a sperm donor and IUI which is something I can afford on my own without my husband’s help. The crazy thing is that we’ve both been checked out. I have no apparent issues with getting pregnant. The only identifiable issue is his sperm count and morphology. We were pregnant once last year but miscarried at 6 weeks.  But his ego is getting in the way and he often says stupid *** like “I don’t believe that doctor. Of the two of us, which has kids?” And I want to just scream, so like what? It’s my fault that I practiced safe sex until I got married? Geez, I’m a ***ing idiot for practicing safe sex and for wanting the guy I married to be my friend and a lover....not just a guy who liked my paychecks?

IMO ^ is a cruel thing to say to one's wife who is heartbroken over infertility.

and she carries him financially- the last sentence sounds like she is feeling used by him as a meal ticket

doesn't sound like a very nice and loving relationship to me....

 

 

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11 hours ago, KalipsoRed21 said:

To be the kind of person that I could role model to my children to. 

I don’t give a *** about other people’s children.

So fostering or adopting is not a good option, then. As far as having your own, bear in mind that their father is also a role model to them. If he role models disrespect and abuse, the children may very well treat you with disrespect and abuse. If he role models addictive behavior, the children may very well become addicts.

etc...

I won't go into my experiences. I have many natural children and when the Bible says there is pain with childbirth, be assured that does not stop when they are adults...  Childlessness could very well be a blessing in disguise....

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To the OP.  I dont know how to PM, but if you PM me, I can reply back and I know of something that will help the motility, I did it for two kids and two acquaintances did as well.   Take care. Dont give up hope yet!

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There are nursing jobs with easier schedules - someone mentioned school nursing & outpatient surgery, for example.

Anyone doing as much driving as you would be EXHAUSTED.

I also suggest looking for a government job - maybe the VA or the state.  Look into which employers' benefits might include fertility treatments.

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4 hours ago, Davey Do said:

Unless that woman is my wife, the brat!

Sorry. I couldn't help myself.

I can't imagine having an unsupportive husband and working as a nurse. It would be so draining. 

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On 6/17/2019 at 11:19 AM, Davey Do said:

Twenty years ago, I attended an outstandingly excellent seminar on stress. The presenter put up a picture of his beautiful six year old daughter on the big screen and said, "She is my biggest stress reliever but is also one of my biggest stressors".

I have never wanted to father a child and I made that decision permanent when at age 29 3/4 when I had a vasectomy; three months before I got married for the first time. 

 A life stance, something one accepts as being of ultimate importance, has also been ruled by the Supreme Court to carry the same weight as one's religious beliefs. Not fathering a child is one of my life stances and I have difficulty understanding why anyone so stressed would want to add another "one of (their) biggest stressors".

I understand that we as human beings are driven by, among many other things, our hormonal secretions. But logically, I cannot fathom the reason why one snowed in under an avalanche of stress with heavy financial burdens would even consider adding a liability to the mix. Children are more of a liability than an asset, financially speaking.

I realize that my belief is not a popular mainstream one and maybe I'm opening a can of worms by mentioning it. However, this is a discussion forum and I am entitled to express my opinion and perspective.

Thank you.

Great points but from a womans perspective having a child, is what our bodies are made to do. We are formed to perform (the red sea that comes monthly says, hey you gonna take one of these eggs so I can stop bugging you every month), of course with a man's help but we carry the baby. Not having a child for some women is huge. I don't judge people for not wanting children. It's better to not do it if you don't want to instead of doing it because you think you should or for selfish reasons.

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TriciaJ has 39 years experience as a RN and specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.

14 Followers; 3,685 Posts; 38,178 Profile Views

1 hour ago, Workitinurfava said:

I can't imagine having an unsupportive husband and working as a nurse. It would be so draining. 

Can't speak for anyone else, but from my own experience:  Yes.  It was.

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Pixie.RN has 12 years experience as a MSN, RN, EMT-P and specializes in EMS, ED, Trauma, CNE, CEN, CPEN, TCRN.

8 Followers; 32 Articles; 13,353 Posts; 130,321 Profile Views

OP, I am so sorry for your struggles and your loss. For years I was blissfully and purposefully child-free. Then I met my husband. Then I actually got pregnant for the first time in my life at age 42, and that turned everything on its head. That pregnancy didn't last, nor did the next one at 43, but I wanted nothing more in the world than to have a child. I understand what it is like to feel that nothing beyond growing a tiny human will complete you as a person. It can be all-consuming. I know you feel like you are running out of time, but my opinion — first get yourself into a healthy space (physically, mentally, etc.) so that you will be 100% prepared to grow and sustain a life. I was in my best place physically, mentally, job-wise, stress-wise, etc., when I got pregnant with my rainbow baby girl at age 44. I hope you have a positive outcome too! But first things first — a new job. Lots of great suggestions here for you. ❤️

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