I am having one of those days that just brings me to my knees in terms of my faith or enthusiasm for this profession.
I see SO much adamant, flagrant unprofessionalism in my colleagues, and my managers and leadership.
I see the quotient of profits quickly overtaking people as a priority on all levels of practice. It's sickening how pervasive this is. And accepted.
I have only been at this a few years and am beginning to see grad school (for something unrelated) as a means to get OUT of this mess, and save my quality of life at age 42. Life is too short to be this miserable.
Compassion and fastidiousness are no longer compatible with this line of work.
Wow, thanks everyone for all the honest and thoughtful replies.
You know what's really sad? I just came off a 5 month sabbatical from being burned out. I took the summer off, plowed through my savings and maxed out a credit card, just to take a break from this merry-go-round. I took my sweet time job hunting and thought I'd chosen so, so carefully.
And, my specialty is case management. Has been for the last 4 years (before that I was a PHN). So to those of you who think a 9-5 desk job in CM is some kind of shelter from the storm.....no, it is not.
Because of the almighty bottom line, the same old mentality regarding nursing exists in case management as anywhere else: trying to squeeze blood from a stone. CMs are juggling caseloads of hundreds of high-risk and complex patients, battling their insurance companies, battling their PCPs, their specialists, their families, playing nurse and advocate and social worker and counselor, with very little support or resources. We are expected to meet TOTALLY unrealistic & outrageous quotas and metrics to satisfy terrifying audits.
Throw in some juvenile co-workers, some cultural issues no one wants to talk about, and typical management that is undereducated and overworked, and it's as bad as hospital unit nursing, LTC, or my first 3 years as a public health nurse at a free clinic. Sometimes worse.
I know, I know. I should give this new job more time. I'm just so disappointed that I feel right back to where I was before I took a break. Same old crap. CM is huge right now and only going to be more impacted after Jan. 1. I have BSN and CCM and wish I hadn't railroaded myself into this. As with most of nursing, it's good money but a rotten quality of life.
Again thanks for listening to me whine. I know it could be worse. I'm gonna give this job some time and hope things improve. You are all wonderfully encouraging and understanding. I just wish I'd gone ahead and become a rocket scientist like I wanted to.
Why are you surprised? You have basically described how it is in ALL "professions" in a capitalist world driven by greed...put humans in the mix and don't expect much more than what you see. Sorry...you're simply describing the reality of our ever worsening USA system. Human beings are nothing more than a number...a tally.
Just an observation, here. No judgement. If you are feeling that you cannot care for your patients that depend on you, that would signal to me that you are simply "burned out". Caregiver burn out is real and documented. If you need a break, take one. Go to your EAP program and get some counseling. Take a couple of months away. And/or search for a new place to work. There are places out there that are rewarding to work, and different areas of nursing that you may not have explored. Or maybe after a short break, you won't feel the same way about the same place. People get afraid to change things up a bit. Sometimes a switch to another type of nursing is a leap of faith, but many good things come from leaps of faith. Rejuvenation can happen, or possibly a nostalgic longing for what you left, and perhaps realize that you really were happy there after all...you just needed a temporary change of scenery. GET OUT there and explore other avenues of nursing.
It's just not that easy. I wish it were. As jrwest pointed out, who's going to pay the bills? There are not enough years left before I can retire, to justify the cost of continuing education.
I am burned out, and it's not just me. I don't need EAP to tell me that.
I feel no judgement from your post, but our realities are obviously not the same.
I wrote this llooooongggg vent post and just deleted it. Self editing is a good thing.
It's not enough anymore to be a good nurse. I was good at that. I also have to be an entertainer. I have to bow and scrape, and sparkle. I'm really, really bad at all those things.
I am having one of those days that just brings me to my knees in terms of my faith or enthusiasm for this profession.
I see SO much adamant, flagrant unprofessionalism in my colleagues, and my managers and leadership.
I see the quotient of profits quickly overtaking people as a priority on all levels of practice. It's sickening how pervasive this is. And accepted.
I have only been at this a few years and am beginning to see grad school (for something unrelated) as a means to get OUT of this mess, and save my quality of life at age 42. Life is too short to be this miserable.
Compassion and fastidiousness are no longer compatible with this line of work.
Thanks for listening. Any pep talks welcome.
I hear you... I don't have any fantastic advice, but I am sending you hugs. :)
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
I can't offer much except to say I am sorry.
Those who suggest EAP, buyer beware, as they say. I have good reason not to trust EAP programs. If you need counseling, best to find your own therapist independent of your employer, if you want to keep your job.
Trust me. they SAY they are confidential. But they will report things they feel may affect your performance critically.
In response to above:Just an observation. How is one supposed to "take a break" who will pay the bills? I would , and desperately need, to take a break, but that means I would have to file bankruptcy as my spouses income can not support this family.Would lose house, etc.
That's why for me this is a big struggle- I want to quit, but since I have no other skills, I have to stay in this job despite being burnt to a crisp.
No one is going to hire me at my age.
Exactly! I bet a lot of us are in this boat together. The level of burnout seems to be directly proportional to the years of experience. I am quite jaded nowadays, and have zero faith that anything will improve. My biggest fears are that indeed it can and will get worse. I have probably 12-15 years to go before I can reasonably expect to retire, not nearly enough time to make investing in further education worthwhile. Not saying I am definitely too old to get hired somewhere else, but realistically...if you were a hiring manager who would you hire, a very experienced nurse that expects pay that reflects those years of experience or a young, new nurse that you can not only pay less but that you can also mold to fit your unit/facilities culture with much greater ease?
Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.
AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH a couple months off, a new job, that's what I need? Of course! LOVELY, only, will someone pay my bills while I take my much- needed sabbatical?????
Oh and who's gonna hire a very seasoned RN, worth a certain amount, based on experience, education, and skill, when there are 100s of new graduates, desperate for jobs, waiting to take the one I take my much- needed break, from?
Specializes in NICU, PICU, Transport, L&D, Hospice.
In response to above:Just an observation. How is one supposed to "take a break" who will pay the bills? I would , and desperately need, to take a break, but that means I would have to file bankruptcy as my spouses income can not support this family.Would lose house, etc.
That's why for me this is a big struggle- I want to quit, but since I have no other skills, I have to stay in this job despite being burnt to a crisp.
No one is going to hire me at my age.
If you are burnt to a crisp you likely have symptoms which support that; difficulty sleeping, changes in eating habits, anxiety, irritability, etc.
Speak to your PCP about taking a short LOA and collect your short term disability.
Trim your finances to the bone, cut out all but the essentials until you get back on your feet.
During that time find YOUR center of peace and discover how to "fill your bucket". Get some counselling (covered by insurance).
I believe that you are referring to those who have earned a "bachelor's degree" (or less); Ordinarily, I would not point out the lack of an apostrophe, however, I would have thought that an individual in possession of an advanced degree might at least use snarky comments in a grammatically correct manner.... But some of us believe that the money could be better spent on caring for patients, rather than making a handful of leaches fabulously wealthy. (my emphasis).
I am afraid you have tweaked the "grammar-Queen" in me with your post. I believe you meant to refer to fabulously wealthy leeches (i.e. blood sucking parasites).
Why would anyone be surprised? How about because this profession is filled with some of the most cynical, callous, and down right A-holes many of us will meet all lumped together in our lifetime? Take a browse through many of the threads here, for example. It doesn't take long to come across berating and dehumanizing comments. I've had jobs in various fields throughout corporate America, as many of us have, and none of them have been so concentrated with emotionally dense and intellectually abusive people as this one. We all know what I'm talking about here. Whether or not you see it through the lens of degree I see it in, is not my point. My point is, regardless of how the financial, corporate landscape of business effects the merits and treatment of the human beings doing the leg work and or receiving services, we are here to care for human beings. Human beings. For every callous remark and degrading comment to a coworker or another person in the field, we are continually reinforcing a landscape of intellectual insult and competition. We don't seek to listen thoroughly or to accept other expressions regardless of experience level. We don't, as a whole, seek to assess more thoroughly before we define and 'diagnosis' the wake up call one another needs in order to be more "realistic" and less "starry eyed". We simply assert that everyone should grow up and learn to accept things just as they are, or be ridiculed until they do. The problem with these callous, cynical, and many times abusive approaches to other human beings is a multifaceted, complex picture. For one, nothing ever gets done, no goal for improvement, no long or short term revolution or evolution, nothing could ever improve much less be worth while if we all waddled around like ducks quacking at other ducks to stop talking and keep paddling. We can either be waddling ducks, or we can be eagles. The choice is ours. Personally, I'd enjoy my job a lot more if I could work away from a village of abusive, quacking ducks, all poking and prodding at each other to keep waddling.
I believe you meant to refer to fabulously wealthy leeches (i.e. blood sucking parasites).
mclennan, BSN, RN
684 Posts
Wow, thanks everyone for all the honest and thoughtful replies.
You know what's really sad? I just came off a 5 month sabbatical from being burned out. I took the summer off, plowed through my savings and maxed out a credit card, just to take a break from this merry-go-round. I took my sweet time job hunting and thought I'd chosen so, so carefully.
And, my specialty is case management. Has been for the last 4 years (before that I was a PHN). So to those of you who think a 9-5 desk job in CM is some kind of shelter from the storm.....no, it is not.
Because of the almighty bottom line, the same old mentality regarding nursing exists in case management as anywhere else: trying to squeeze blood from a stone. CMs are juggling caseloads of hundreds of high-risk and complex patients, battling their insurance companies, battling their PCPs, their specialists, their families, playing nurse and advocate and social worker and counselor, with very little support or resources. We are expected to meet TOTALLY unrealistic & outrageous quotas and metrics to satisfy terrifying audits.
Throw in some juvenile co-workers, some cultural issues no one wants to talk about, and typical management that is undereducated and overworked, and it's as bad as hospital unit nursing, LTC, or my first 3 years as a public health nurse at a free clinic. Sometimes worse.
I know, I know. I should give this new job more time. I'm just so disappointed that I feel right back to where I was before I took a break. Same old crap. CM is huge right now and only going to be more impacted after Jan. 1. I have BSN and CCM and wish I hadn't railroaded myself into this. As with most of nursing, it's good money but a rotten quality of life.
Again thanks for listening to me whine. I know it could be worse. I'm gonna give this job some time and hope things improve. You are all wonderfully encouraging and understanding. I just wish I'd gone ahead and become a rocket scientist like I wanted to.