Do patients/families that are hostile, rude affect your morale?

HeatherLPN · Feb 10, 2006

Not too long ago I had a resident that had me in tears b/c of how nasty he got with me. I kept my cool and just kept explaining to him that I couldn't give him things that he didn't have an order for. Not that he was listening to me. Grr.

We have a resident on our rehab wing and his wife writes down EVERYTHING. It got to the point that nurses were afraid to do any treatments when she was there. She would pick apart everything you did, threaten to sure you, ect. It's frustrating b/c she has no healthcare background, yet she knows everything. There are times you'd want to ask her if she'd like to do it. I understand this is a stressful time for her, but there's a difference between concern for your spouse and outright abusive behavior. She is no longer allowed in the facility unless the DON is there, and if she comes in without the DON there, we are to call the police. She threatened to shoot the place up, take pictures of staff, find out nurses addresses, ect. What's really frustrating about it is that her husband would be doing alot better, but he is refusing therapy, has a previous history of depression and suicide attempts, and just doesn't seem to want to get better, so she puts the blame on us. Personally, I feel that a lot of rehab is the desire to get back to your old self and to do the work that's involved to get yourself back on your feet. If he doesn't have that desire and will, then that's his right and we can't force him. But she won't give you the chance to explain that to her, b/c it's not what she wants to hear. But honestly, if she thought he wasn't being taken care of, I would think she'd move him to another facility.

DutchgirlRN, ASN, RN · Feb 10, 2006

I hate when family keeps a notebook and writes down everything you do, every staff member in the room and a physical description of each, at what time and what they did, what meds, what times, etc. But a one time they (family) said why they were doing it which shocked me. Some were just taking down names of meds and treatments and procedures so that when they went home they could research the meds and stuff themselves since staff seemed so busy all of the time.

:yeahthat: I had one patient who was on many different pills and all were either BID, TID, or QID which meant I was in her room alot. She expected me to write down my name, the exact time, and what I was giving her; dosage and all. I was very busy and told her I just didn't have the time but would come back later in the shift and try to write all her meds down (which I did) anyway. I said you take all of these at home, right? Right, but my daughter wants to know if I'm getting them on time in case we need to sue. :angryfire I just wanted to SCREAM ! AHHH! THESE PATIENTS ARE KILLING ME !!!!!

Otessa, BSN, RN · Feb 11, 2006

I listen to the patient/family but don't get sucked into the "troubles" they have. I will only tolerate it as long as I would in the "real" world, anything beyond is just plain abuse on their part and I will walk away or have them talk to someone else.

spidermonkey · Feb 12, 2006

spidermonkey · Feb 12, 2006

blynn · Feb 16, 2006

Some days I go home from work just utterly wiped out. I feel dehumanized, demoralized and depressed because of the amount of abuse I take from some patients. We get people who are worked in same day to our clinic for an emergency, and they complain about how they had to wait until ten-thirty for an appointment when everyone else on the schedule was waiting a good six weeks. And if that patient ends up being operated on same day, they will most certainly turn around and threaten to sue you for not treating them fast enough. (HELLO, we are not an emergency department!)

Or you get people who complain and insult you and yell at you the whole time they are in the office. They're mad because the doctor is running behind, and they've got things to do and places to be and certainly no one else AT THE DOCTOR'S OFFICE can be having serious medical problems. And sometimes you just want to turn around and tell them 'You know, the reason you've been sitting in the waiting room for 45 minutes is because someone in here ahead of you was just told that they have cancer, and quiet understandably they had a few questions. But next time someone is told that they have cancer I'll be sure to boot them right out the door confused and crying because GOD FORBID you should be late for your haircut.

Okay, obviously today was one of the very stressful days.. sorry for my venting..

GLORIAmunchkin72 · Feb 16, 2006

If I ever leave the nursing field it wouldn't be because of the families. MOST of my experiences are pleasant and rewarding. The not so good experiences you learn to put aside and let go. Take that away and I really don't have any reason to be there. Money I can make somewhere else.

Do patients and families affect your morale? Have you encountered situations which left you feeling demoralized, insecure or denigrated? For example, how many of you have had family members write down everything you do, from the moment you come in to the room? Do you feel harassed? Are there resources available to you such as debriefing programs, one on one counseling, unit meetings or managerial back up? Does the nursing staff provide support for one another? Or do you just "suck it up", being that the "customer is always right" ? Have you left a facility due to these type of experiences? Do you think this is a problem in the nursing profession?

blynn · Feb 16, 2006

Another thought on this topic...

At what point is ENOUGH ENOUGH when it comes to taking rude behavior/abuse from a patient or family member? I'm just curious to know what peoples' thoughts are on this, and I'll be honest with you, I'm not sure that I know what my rights actually ARE when it comes to this sort of thing. I know that there is this general sort of idea out there that nurses are supposed to put up with any sort of treatment/behavior and somehow that's part of giving good care to a patient, but honestly.. at what point would you feel that the issue needed to be addressed? At what point would you enlist the help of a manager or coworker or MD?

Don't get me wrong here.. I have so many patients whom I absolutely ADORE.. but my coworkers and I have noticed a string of 'bad apples' lately, and there is definately a sense of defeat and depression in the office lately.

used to be :nurse:

StNeotser, ASN, RN · Feb 16, 2006

It's not the fact that the patients and families are rude and nasty. It's the fact that I am supposed to accept it and that even if I've been as nice as pie some orificehole from management will call me at home and tell me it's my fault they were rude and nasty.

If there's one thing I've learnt is some people, regardless of pain and sickness are just nasty and there is bog all you can do to diffuse the situation.

So I'd say management are mostly responsible for the rude/nasty patient behaviour as they allow it to happen. The "customer" is always right and you will always be blamed for the doctor not calling back, the TV that maintenance should have fixed, the fact you can't shoot them full of IM demerol, that you didn't heat up a cup of coffee because you had another patient in resp distress, etc.

If I once had a nurse manager who would back me up not just to my face but to the patients/families face as well, I'd feel happier. But I never once have. All I get is, "well I know they're difficult and if I were you I'd have done the same but all the same I need to tell them it won't happen again/our goals are blah blah"

Cute_CNA, CNA · Feb 16, 2006

:yeahthat: I had one patient who was on many different pills and all were either BID, TID, or QID which meant I was in her room alot. She expected me to write down my name, the exact time, and what I was giving her; dosage and all. I was very busy and told her I just didn't have the time but would come back later in the shift and try to write all her meds down (which I did) anyway. I said you take all of these at home, right? Right, but my daughter wants to know if I'm getting them on time in case we need to sue. :angryfire I just wanted to SCREAM ! AHHH! THESE PATIENTS ARE KILLING ME !!!!!

Oh my God. I would have been so ticked. I really hate that we are in such a sue-crazy world right now. Like it's the only answer. And I think the cause is greed.

I hope nothing happens for this family to get an itchy trigger finger.

To answer the OP's question, yes, my morale gets lowered because I think the patients' bad behavior is tolerated. Besides, it's hard to find a workable solution for this vast problem.

Antikigirl, ASN, RN · Feb 16, 2006

LOL, I have had one lady write down the times and everything I did one night, and I simply told her "good, that way we have two records of your stay!" She was perplexed, then I told her "I write it all down too...in narative!". I think that scared her, but I reminded her that I was doing it for the same reason, and with each patient I had...for safety, continuity, and to assure the treatment for her healthcare needs are being done :). She laxed off a bit after that!

I had a guy last night with his wife in the room ask me for a glasses cleaning kit. I went to find something for him (I am agency and didn't know if that hospital had one). Sure enough...no, no cloth or solution for this.

So I went in to tell him, and before I could mention my plan to help, he and his wife started in on me! "Don't you have windex or something for GOD's Sake!". I said, "I am sure that housekeeping has such things, but for patient safety we keep all chemicals locked up, and since it is 2130, it may take a while..but..." Again they interupted me shouting!

"Your a nurse! Why don't you have something as simple as windex!!!"...I started getting a bit peturbed! "Cause typically I don't clean windows or mirrors, we have a department in charge of doing that so that nurses can treat patients...I don't think you would be too very pleased with my service if you waited 15 minutes for a pain pill as I cleaned windows now would you!?". I said with my big smile dumb blonde look! (so they were confused if I was being sarcastic!).

Then the typical stuff "I pay more here than a 5 star hotel, why can't I get a simple glasses kit like at any hotel! You nurses are worthless, I would get more service from a maid!".

OKAY..that was it! "This isn't a hotel, it is a hospital, and although you are paying out the nose for this...we don't tend to cater like a hotel because then people will keep coming back because of our 5 star service! Now, with that said, for hospitals..this one is a 5 star! But you would most likely wait 15 minutes for a maid as you wouldn't ME! So...I came in here with a suggestion if you plan on hearing it...if not I will be on my way to deal with my patients...and send in your nurse who will be happy to say this all over again. I came in here with immediate respect and wishes to help you, you showed me nothing but distain from the moment I walked in!".

I was allowed to give them some alcohol swipes and tissue and they used that. Not a word was said as I walked out! And their nurse...thrilled that I quelled them because they had been that way all day, and she was on a 12 hour shift with them! Poor thing!

I had 5 psych patients yesterday, they were calm and wonderful on my shift, horrid the shift before to the other nurse...but that one dude! OH he made my blood boil!

LPN1974, LPN · Feb 16, 2006

LOL, I have had one lady write down the times and everything I did one night, and I simply told her "good, that way we have two records of your stay!" She was perplexed, then I told her "I write it all down too...in narative!". I think that scared her, but I reminded her that I was doing it for the same reason, and with each patient I had...for safety, continuity, and to assure the treatment for her healthcare needs are being done :). She laxed off a bit after that!
I had a guy last night with his wife in the room ask me for a glasses cleaning kit. I went to find something for him (I am agency and didn't know if that hospital had one). Sure enough...no, no cloth or solution for this.
So I went in to tell him, and before I could mention my plan to help, he and his wife started in on me! "Don't you have windex or something for GOD's Sake!". I said, "I am sure that housekeeping has such things, but for patient safety we keep all chemicals locked up, and since it is 2130, it may take a while..but..." Again they interupted me shouting!
"Your a nurse! Why don't you have something as simple as windex!!!"...I started getting a bit peturbed! "Cause typically I don't clean windows or mirrors, we have a department in charge of doing that so that nurses can treat patients...I don't think you would be too very pleased with my service if you waited 15 minutes for a pain pill as I cleaned windows now would you!?". I said with my big smile dumb blonde look! (so they were confused if I was being sarcastic!).
Then the typical stuff "I pay more here than a 5 star hotel, why can't I get a simple glasses kit like at any hotel! You nurses are worthless, I would get more service from a maid!".
OKAY..that was it! "This isn't a hotel, it is a hospital, and although you are paying out the nose for this...we don't tend to cater like a hotel because then people will keep coming back because of our 5 star service! Now, with that said, for hospitals..this one is a 5 star! But you would most likely wait 15 minutes for a maid as you wouldn't ME! So...I came in here with a suggestion if you plan on hearing it...if not I will be on my way to deal with my patients...and send in your nurse who will be happy to say this all over again. I came in here with immediate respect and wishes to help you, you showed me nothing but distain from the moment I walked in!".
I was allowed to give them some alcohol swipes and tissue and they used that. Not a word was said as I walked out! And their nurse...thrilled that I quelled them because they had been that way all day, and she was on a 12 hour shift with them! Poor thing!
I had 5 psych patients yesterday, they were calm and wonderful on my shift, horrid the shift before to the other nurse...but that one dude! OH he made my blood boil!

Wow! Good job!

If they think they could get better service in a hotel, then why don't they go THERE??

What is it with patients comparing hospitals to hotels??

That's comparing oranges to apples. No comparison. :eek: