Do your family members "get it"?

Nurses General Nursing

Published

...or friends for that matter

I'm almost 40 and in my last year of my BSRN program. I took a job as a patient care aide as few months ago. I'm working nights, mostly on the weekends. I've been picking up more hours during the summer months.

My ex dh is very supportive and very flexible in caring for our 10 year old daughter so I'm very fortunate.

It is my parents and other close family members that just don't quite "get it" sometimes. I live very close to the hospital so I get home and ready for bed by 8-8:30am. I keep up with my mom and other family and friends about my weekly work schedule so they know when I'm working and when I'm trying to sleep. Why is it that they always call my cell just as I'm dozing off and when I don't answer it, they call the house? Or they'll call at noon or something? I've turned ringers off and all that but I can still hear it ring in my little ol house. I usually keep my cell nearby too if I know my dd may need to reach me so I know that's partly my fault for having the cell phone nearby.

Another example, this 4th of July will be my first big holiday to work and I'm working Saturday and Sunday. I'm totally fine with it really. It is hotter than H E double hockey sticks here and I could really use the money. I would rather work these little holidays in hopes that I might not have to work on Christmas Eve.

My extended family is planning on a reunion of sorts that weekend and my mom keeps pushing me to "just go for a few hours." I keep telling her that it just isn't doable for me because I have to sleep at some point. She pushes with "Aunt X and so-and-so would really like to see you and dd." After a few exchanges like this I had to get really firm with my mom and tell that going out to the lake (45 mins away), sitting in the heat all day is just not possible when I have to be at work all night.

Do they not realize we like to work holidays to avoid stuff like this? :rolleyes:

I truly love my family, especially my mom, and it is great to feel loved and wanted. I just really wish they would just "get it" a little bit and understand that I have to do this. I don't think they understand that it is a tough job market out there in health care and I have to make myself stand out and take advantage of this great job I have. Ok, vent over.

meredith

My family gets it. Still, since my overnight shifts rotate, and I pick up occasional OT during the day, it's hard for them to keep track of when I'm working. So I created an electronic calendar in my Yahoo mail account and gave them all access to it. I put my shifts and my sleeping times on the calendar. That way they can log on at any time and see when I'm at work or more than likely sleeping. That's prevented a lot of wake-up calls.

I also bought a Tracfone and gave only that number to my employer. My family knows to call that number for emergencies only. So if that phone rings while I'm sleeping, it's more than likely the hospital.

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In the end it is about insisting on being treated as an adult. Simply state your expectations and stop the discussion at that point. I know, easier said than done......

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Heck no, they don't get it. They actually come into town, without calling, when they know I worked the night before. In their minds I am not at work, so I have the day (as in daytime hours) off. Then they get irritated that I just sleep the whole time they are here.

Also, my landlord is the WORST. He is trying to sell the property and never gives notice when he wants to show the place (no matter how many times I deny them entrance and tell him he has to give me 24 hrs of notice). It did get a little better when I basically told the realtor and the prospective buyer to get the f*** out and that I just got off of night shift and had not been given notice. I was also wearing nothing but a towel when they came in without knocking. Probably why the house is in foreclosure right now.

My husband also seems to resent me sleeping when I get home and leaving him to take care of our one year old. He never says anything, but gets a bit huffy.

Oh well, such is life. They should make a reality show where you swap jobs with your family/friends and make them go through one week of your life. Maybe then they would get it.

I like that idea

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My sister is an X Ray tech, my brother is a doctor in residency and I am a nurse. They at least, get it.

We coordinate our schedules so we can have at least one holiday as an extended family. Last year we all had Thanksgiving off.

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Specializes in CCU,ICU,ER retired.

It took years for my family to "get it" and I did call friends and family at 3 am all the time it took about 2 yrs of that before they figured it out. I worked night most of my career and my kids knew waking me up before 5 or six pm was not going to be good ole mom time. The only time I worked days was when they were teenagers anad needed to supervise them at night (the little hoodlums) even now I have a hard time sleeping at night and I retired 5 yrs ago. So all my friends don't call until after 5. It will take a little time but do start calling at 3 and 4 am I promise you it works fast

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Specializes in Med-Surg, ICU.

Oh my goodness, I understand this completely. When I used to work in the ER as a nurse extern from 3PM-3AM, my annoying friend/roommate would wake me up during the daytime, knocking on my door asking about stupid stuff. She just could not comprehend that I needed to sleep during the daytime! She would always try to guilt-trip me, saying that I never spend enough time with her blah blah blah...

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I have to disagree with putting a "DO NOT DISTURB.....SLEEPING" sign on the door. There are wackos out there who would use this as an opportunity to break into the house.

NO SOLICITORS might be a better wording on the sign

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Specializes in Geriatrics.

Hi!

I would turn off all the phones completely. Have your voicemail to say "Hi this is soandso. I work 7pm-7am so if you are calling between the hours of 8am-3pm. I AM SLEEPING. If this is AN EMERGENCY please call 9349033 (a prepaid emergency cellphone you'd have by the bed). If this is not an emergency please leave a message and I will call you back. Thanks"

Seriously.

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Oh god no! I worked as a sitter last summer while in nursing school overnight and just started my first nursing job overnight. My parents are constantly saying it must be nice to sleep all day. Well they sleep all night...what is the difference. Drives me nuts. My mom used to call me just to talk but she has seemed to learn that i need to sleep too.

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Specializes in PACU, CARDIAC ICU, TRAUMA, SICU, LTC.
Hi!

I would turn off all the phones completely. Have your voicemail to say "Hi this is soandso. I work 7pm-7am so if you are calling between the hours of 8am-3pm. I AM SLEEPING. If this is AN EMERGENCY please call 9349033 (a prepaid emergency cellphone you'd have by the bed). If this is not an emergency please leave a message and I will call you back. Thanks"

Seriously.

Ideally, this would be a good message to leave on voicemail. Realistically, IMO, recording a voicemail message that says you are sleeping is leaving you very vulnerable to all the "crazies" who may view this as an opportunity to break in to your home. Imagine waking up from a sound sleep with a nut case standing over your bed with some sort of weapon! :eek:

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