Do your family members "get it"?

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Specializes in ED.

...or friends for that matter

I'm almost 40 and in my last year of my BSRN program. I took a job as a patient care aide as few months ago. I'm working nights, mostly on the weekends. I've been picking up more hours during the summer months.

My ex dh is very supportive and very flexible in caring for our 10 year old daughter so I'm very fortunate.

It is my parents and other close family members that just don't quite "get it" sometimes. I live very close to the hospital so I get home and ready for bed by 8-8:30am. I keep up with my mom and other family and friends about my weekly work schedule so they know when I'm working and when I'm trying to sleep. Why is it that they always call my cell just as I'm dozing off and when I don't answer it, they call the house? Or they'll call at noon or something? I've turned ringers off and all that but I can still hear it ring in my little ol house. I usually keep my cell nearby too if I know my dd may need to reach me so I know that's partly my fault for having the cell phone nearby.

Another example, this 4th of July will be my first big holiday to work and I'm working Saturday and Sunday. I'm totally fine with it really. It is hotter than H E double hockey sticks here and I could really use the money. I would rather work these little holidays in hopes that I might not have to work on Christmas Eve.

My extended family is planning on a reunion of sorts that weekend and my mom keeps pushing me to "just go for a few hours." I keep telling her that it just isn't doable for me because I have to sleep at some point. She pushes with "Aunt X and so-and-so would really like to see you and dd." After a few exchanges like this I had to get really firm with my mom and tell that going out to the lake (45 mins away), sitting in the heat all day is just not possible when I have to be at work all night.

Do they not realize we like to work holidays to avoid stuff like this? :rolleyes:

I truly love my family, especially my mom, and it is great to feel loved and wanted. I just really wish they would just "get it" a little bit and understand that I have to do this. I don't think they understand that it is a tough job market out there in health care and I have to make myself stand out and take advantage of this great job I have. Ok, vent over.

meredith

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Specializes in Med/Surg, Neuro, ICU, travel RN, Psych.

Call their phone at 1 am when you know they are sleeping, lol. When they answer tell them next time they pick up the phone to call you, remember that phone call:) I used to tell people do you want me calling and waking you up?

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Specializes in Psych.

You might want to invest in a prepaid cell phone that you can buy airtime/minutes for as needed. Don't give the number to anyone but dd. Then turn this phone on and the other one off when you're sleeping.

At least you'll feel a little more in control as to who can and can't disturb you whilst you sleep. :o

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Specializes in Peri-Op.

LOL. I have called people on the way to work at 5 am That I know don't wake up until 9 usually. They get all mad until I remind them They woke me up at 10pm the night before just to say hi. So I say hi back an hang up.

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NO, family members and relatives, extended family... ETC. --- pretty much related to me in some way, DO NOT get it (or anything for that matter).

The funny thing is, family members/anyone related to me --> know how to push the right buttons to get on my nerves. Then, I feel guilty afterwards for getting mad at them. This is probably the result of me being raised catholic. I swear, catholicism has a way to mess with peoples' heads! lol.

By the way, even if it isn't my fault --- they find a way to make it my fault. Well, not all of them do this. Let me put it this way, I've always known the reason WHY people get wasted during the holidays! They "feel" they have to be there (with family, etc.), but a part of them always wished they hadn't shown up.

I love my family/extended family?, but most of my family members don't have boundaries. Yes, there are times that I've pointed "boundaries" to them, but I end up being the 'bad guy' -- at least, with people I'm NOT related to (in any way), have some kind of boundary!

Sheesh, "Just because someone is related to me, doesn't necessarily mean I like them" ---> this should be my next book (I'd probably make millions off of it!) and another book, "Everyone has their own boundaries ... recognize them, respect them, and move on." This concept isn't that hard to live with, but people don't want to acknowledge, that they EXIST.

Sorry, had to vent. If I ever win the lottery, I'd most likely move to --> some place where I am not related to anyone. Anyone who is related to me in some way, can come for a short visit. This way, I don't have to write books and have to vent on websites!

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Specializes in Med/Tele, Home Health, Case Management.

As a former night-shift worker, I can relate to people waking you up. The worst part is the solicitors (phone and door). Put a "DO NOT DISTURB....SLEEPING" sign on the door and turn off the phone. Tell your daughter to call and leave you a voice mail or send you a text/e-mail if she wants to tell you something. If it is a true emergency, your ex can come bang on your door. It is very important to get your sleep, and our bodies do not adjust easily to daytime sleeping and nighttime working. It will get better in time.

Good luck~!

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Specializes in Med/Surg, L&D.

Heck no, they don't get it. They actually come into town, without calling, when they know I worked the night before. In their minds I am not at work, so I have the day (as in daytime hours) off. Then they get irritated that I just sleep the whole time they are here.

Also, my landlord is the WORST. He is trying to sell the property and never gives notice when he wants to show the place (no matter how many times I deny them entrance and tell him he has to give me 24 hrs of notice). It did get a little better when I basically told the realtor and the prospective buyer to get the f*** out and that I just got off of night shift and had not been given notice. I was also wearing nothing but a towel when they came in without knocking. Probably why the house is in foreclosure right now.

My husband also seems to resent me sleeping when I get home and leaving him to take care of our one year old. He never says anything, but gets a bit huffy.

Oh well, such is life. They should make a reality show where you swap jobs with your family/friends and make them go through one week of your life. Maybe then they would get it.

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Specializes in PACU, CARDIAC ICU, TRAUMA, SICU, LTC.
As a former night-shift worker, I can relate to people waking you up. The worst part is the solicitors (phone and door). Put a "DO NOT DISTURB....SLEEPING" sign on the door and turn off the phone. Tell your daughter to call and leave you a voice mail or send you a text/e-mail if she wants to tell you something. If it is a true emergency, your ex can come bang on your door. It is very important to get your sleep, and our bodies do not adjust easily to daytime sleeping and nighttime working. It will get better in time.

Good luck~!

I have to disagree with putting a "DO NOT DISTURB.....SLEEPING" sign on the door. There are wackos out there who would use this as an opportunity to break into the house.

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You might want to invest in a prepaid cell phone that you can buy airtime/minutes for as needed. Don't give the number to anyone but dd. Then turn this phone on and the other one off when you're sleeping.

At least you'll feel a little more in control as to who can and can't disturb you whilst you sleep. :o

Excellent idea. :)

My husband finally got it last week. I had worked 5 12's in a row, 7 A - 7 P. I had 2 off before I had to work 3 more. He had been a bit pouty, and as always could not understand why I didn't want to socialize, chat, etc. "I wish the kids and I could see you when you're awake and perky..." Okay...maybe I AM a bit surly sometimes. :D

I asked him to imagine that the rest of the world operated on my hours (he works a normal day job.). All phone calls, banking, school functions, family needs, commerce, etc. happens from 8 PM to 6 AM. Everyone he knows wants to talk, complain, have their needs met, be picked up at the airport and so on during that time.

Would he do it if he had to? Probably. Would he rather french kiss an electrical outlet? Most likely.

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Specializes in ED.
You might want to invest in a prepaid cell phone that you can buy airtime/minutes for as needed. Don't give the number to anyone but dd. Then turn this phone on and the other one off when you're sleeping.

At least you'll feel a little more in control as to who can and can't disturb you whilst you sleep. :o

I actually think I might do this!

Better yet, I'll develop an iPhone app that will allow me to temporarily block all calls except from certain contacts during a specified time. I'll charge a dollar and make millions! This solves two problems! :yeah:

Oh well, such is life. They should make a reality show where you swap jobs with your family/friends and make them go through one week of your life. Maybe then they would get it.

I like the way you think! We could create an app AND market this idea to some TV network and make even more. We'll be famous!

m

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No way they rest of the world gets it. This passed Father's Day I worked the Sat. into Sun. so getting to spend the day with my dad was gonna be difficult since he insisted on going to his summer place which is an hours drive from my house. He wanted us to be there before noon so he could let all the kids in at once & not have to keep coming to the gate. I told him that I couldn't get there that early because I had worked that night. He told me that sometimes you have to make sacrifises. ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!! Or my sister will call me & want me to stay up the whole day after I've worked 7P-7A to go to the zoo with her & my neice, but she's a night shift nurse too & she would NEVER do that, but thinks I should because I should want to spend time with my neice! Oh, please!

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I work nights also and my family is pretty understanding about it now. But I had to work on them for a while. I remember a conversation as follows with my mom after she called me at 3pm (I didn't answer). I called her back that night...

Me: "Mom, do you realize that you called me at 3 pm today? Your 3pm is my 3 am."

Mom: "Well, yes, but I'd thought you'd be up!"

Me: "Why would you think that? So can I give you a call at 3 am this morning?"

Mom: "I don't know. Oh gosh no!"

Me: "Well please don't call me at my "3 am" or you'll be hearing from me at your 3 am."

It was all in a joking tone but I think she got the hint because she hasn't called at that time since. lol

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