It's like family members automatically assume nursing homes are out to harm their family members. Do they understand the hardwork and dedication it takes to caring for their loved ones?? I think they think it's easy. There are those family members that are thankful. But the ones that are negative and ANNOYING take the cake.
If your 80 something year old mother falls out of the bed, how is that the facility fault??
If your 96 year old mother dies, how is that the facility fault?
If your 80 something year old wife is treated like everyone else, how is the nurse racist?
I think there're some unrealistic expectations, but they are fueled by denial and guilt.
I know some of our residents' families are impossible but I believe SuesquatchRN's quote says a lot. One of our res.'s family members comes in once a month and all this man does the entire time he is there is complain about the res's care. A couple of months ago I saw him in his car bawling. The window was down and he reached his and out to me and said, " I am really not this man, I love her so much I know you guys give her good care, she always tells me about " her little angles". I just never thought I would have to put her in a home. I feel so guilty I can only bear to come in once a month, and when I do I get so upest seeing her here and not in our home I go into @$$**** mode." I of course was taken back. I told him you do not have to feel guilty this happens to many families. Every situation is different. I also recommended that even though it is hard to come, maybe try coming once a week or maybe coming on some outings with her. She always mentions how nice it would be if he came with us. He stopped crying and said " you know what you are right. i need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and do more for her". Since the he has been in twice a week and not missed one outing, and she has blossomed. She is socializing more with the other residents, which she already was social but is more so now, and she is more active with inner events such as: resident council, outing planning, and social events.
Now I know this is not the case with every family member some are just plain unpleasent. However, sometimes they just need to talk.
I think one of the reasons there can be conflict between family and staff is that our perceptions are not colored by emotion. Their dying family member is not starving and do not need IV fluid. Bodies that are dying don't need those things. They need to know their life counted for something and your presence tells them that. Your wife's condition is getting worse, she has a progressive disease. I love my residents and I wish the family could see the many times I sit with their loved one, holding hands , talking about the life they lived and the family they love. Family members don't understand that nurses are advocates for the patient first always. That can cause conflict.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
Candyheart;3952005]I think one of the reasons there can be conflict between family and staff is that our perceptions are not colored by emotion. Their dying family member is not starving and do not need IV fluid. Bodies that are dying don't need those things. They need to know their life counted for something and your presence tells them that. Your wife's condition is getting worse, she has a progressive disease. I love my residents and I wish the family could see the many times I sit with their loved one, holding hands , talking about the life they lived and the family they love. Family members don't understand that nurses are advocates for the patient first always. That can cause conflict.
I think it's wonderful that you have the time to do that. When I re-entered nursing after taking time off when kids were younger, I hoped that if I ended up working in LTC that I could do that. My eyes were really opened up by reading what seems to be the usual experience of nurses in LTC. Stressed out, overwhelmed, disrespected by staff, etc. It's good to know that those residents have someone who will sit, listen, hold the hand, etc. They have so much to offer just based on their life experiences, I think.
I just take the time. I get in trouble with administration sometimes, but my residents love me. Its the most impotant thing I do at work, the minutes I take to rub a back or listen to some poor scared to death elder the first night in a facility. Its a crime not to have more time to do what you know as a nurse is your real job. Handing out 200 pills is not nursing.
So true in alot of cases. I've had my share of awful families but now we get along good.it's all about building that trusting relationship . But don't yA just love it when you are in the middle of counting narcs or getting report and they come up like you are doing nothing only to ask you if mom went to bingo? Those commerciAls don't help either. I now have certain families that know my work schedule and will call me at work to chk on mo
and one dtr told me that the don answered one day and told her she could help her but she wAnted to only talk to me because I take care of her mom and know more about her. ThAt actually made my day alot brighter.
ExtraShotNoWhip
60 Posts
I know some of our residents' families are impossible but I believe SuesquatchRN's quote says a lot. One of our res.'s family members comes in once a month and all this man does the entire time he is there is complain about the res's care. A couple of months ago I saw him in his car bawling. The window was down and he reached his and out to me and said, " I am really not this man, I love her so much I know you guys give her good care, she always tells me about " her little angles". I just never thought I would have to put her in a home. I feel so guilty I can only bear to come in once a month, and when I do I get so upest seeing her here and not in our home I go into @$$**** mode." I of course was taken back. I told him you do not have to feel guilty this happens to many families. Every situation is different. I also recommended that even though it is hard to come, maybe try coming once a week or maybe coming on some outings with her. She always mentions how nice it would be if he came with us. He stopped crying and said " you know what you are right. i need to stop feeling so sorry for myself and do more for her". Since the he has been in twice a week and not missed one outing, and she has blossomed. She is socializing more with the other residents, which she already was social but is more so now, and she is more active with inner events such as: resident council, outing planning, and social events.
Now I know this is not the case with every family member some are just plain unpleasent. However, sometimes they just need to talk.