It's like family members automatically assume nursing homes are out to harm their family members. Do they understand the hardwork and dedication it takes to caring for their loved ones?? I think they think it's easy. There are those family members that are thankful. But the ones that are negative and ANNOYING take the cake.
If your 80 something year old mother falls out of the bed, how is that the facility fault??
If your 96 year old mother dies, how is that the facility fault?
If your 80 something year old wife is treated like everyone else, how is the nurse racist?
Do you people not recognise, that your training equips you to deal not only with the vunerable patients under your care, but caring & sometimes distressed relatives. I am a SRN in Scotland (although the Scots use RGN), and I must say I am appalled at the remarks on this board and have not heard the like before.
I think you're taking things out of context. This post was meant for the unreasonable family members. I've seen family members come off the elevater angry, wanting to cause problems. The nurses at LTC, for the most part are unappreciated. There are a few family members that are thankful, but there are people out there that want you to stop caring for others and focus on their loved one.
Specializes in LTC, Disease Management, smoking Cessati.
They really don't mean to be annoying, but it is their loved one that they had to help make a decision to put them "in a home". They think that their loved one is the only one needing help, they are after all "paying for their care". Yes it gets old after a while, and some days you feel like tearing your hair out, but try to wear the other shoes for a few minutes. How might you react? Remember there are residents who never get visitors... which is worse? I worked LTC for many years and found no matter what families will tend to be annoying, it isn't you personally, you just happen to be the one available to complain or vent to... develop a thick skin, and learn to let it roll off your back... tell them politely that you will do your best but you also have others that need your attention and walk away... don't let it bog you down.
Specializes in ICU, PICC Nurse, Nursing Supervisor.
annoying family members....:banghead::banghead::banghead:.......here is my rant.....i think there is a distint difference in your typical everyday family that is in denial and having some issues and the contagious crazy family member that has stepped out of his skin to take on the facility and everyone in it......over the years i have definitely become intolerant to these type of families...it has just worn a hole in me..... families in these stressed out situations need to be educated on their loved ones condition and they need to come together as a family.... however , when mom gets sick things fall apart and children that haven't been seen in years start pouring out the wood work....so in addition to our everyday pressures we get to deal with the family dynamics ......there have been several times the families have gotten to be so outrageous that ive had to call the cops ...
example....dad is dying...dad wife died and he re-married but he children does not like the current wife....children no where in sight until dad is put on hospice....because there is a dollar amount involved here they come....they bring their spouses and their children....so now we have 4 children plus the new wife's kids that have come to lend a helping hand to their mom...total of 8 children present ...
children at desk constantly wanting to see orders ..what meds is he on ..."is there anyway we can save him"...i personally liked this one....daughter.."will we be doing cpr today?":angryfire....
this didn't really become a problem until they met in the room....i kid you not i walked in to check in the patient and two of the adult children were choking each other over the bed...then we had a bar room brawl ..with me in the middle....
i think i can handle that alot better than what i'm dealing with now though....now i have several family's that are in true denial and even though they brought the patient to the facility because they could no longer care for them at home we are constantly in the wrong...
i have one that is so confused babbles..word salad ,does not answer questions appropriately...combative aggressive exit seeking.....they brought her and put her on my locked hall....well she is unsteady on her feet and fell down while she was trying to hit one of the cna's who was trying to toilet her ...she slipped in urine....had to send her out to the er....did i mention she was on hospice ...while in the hospital they called in the hospice nurse and the charge nurse on the unit demanding something be done cause yep you guessed it.....we hit her then pushed her down:yeah:...all because they ask mom who is so out of it already and she say's "yep" when they ask her all these questions.....well ask her if there is flying purple elephants in the room she will agree as well....
now that she is back to the facility ...the family sits out in the dining room or even in the hallway...continually asking if we are pushing her or hitting her....in front of other families no less.... i just want to say ....if you can do a better job take her home...good grief....
im starting to think my patience in ltc has worn thin ...my one true love is hospice nursing minus the family bs but i shy away from that area knowing that area fosters some of the biggest family issues ever....like the one time i had a man in for respite care..wife needed a break he was dying of cancer but she would not face it or deal with it...he started going down hill we called the wife several times ..please come in he is declining..multiples times we got "i'm in the beauty shop right now and ive got to get my nails done next"......so he dies about the time she walks in the door...hospice nurse in room with me when she started screaming at us....."you killed him, what did you give him"....can handle that no problem.... prepared for that stuff
what i was not prepared for is her saying ..."oh good gosh i don't know what is going on here but you and i are going home"....she then preceded to pull his deal body out of the bed and try to drag him down the hall:eek:......just a disaster ... up to the facility several times in the next couple of weeks wanting records...wanting his body exhumed....continually asking " why did the nurse kill my husband"....he was ate up with cancer.....but in the end before they buried him refused to pay for a autopsy then later tried to get him dug up "to go ahead and do one":eek:....
i know we have all dealt with some families that are just out of bounds....i'm looking for a nursing job with the least amount of family contact as possible....i have just been worn down to the nub.....and yes i have been on the other side...right now my mother is trying to die....i slap myself back into reality daily....rant over:yeah:
They really don't mean to be annoying, but it is their loved one that they had to help make a decision to put them "in a home". They think that their loved one is the only one needing help, they are after all "paying for their care". Yes it gets old after a while, and some days you feel like tearing your hair out, but try to wear the other shoes for a few minutes. How might you react? Remember there are residents who never get visitors... which is worse? I worked LTC for many years and found no matter what families will tend to be annoying, it isn't you personally, you just happen to be the one available to complain or vent to... develop a thick skin, and learn to let it roll off your back... tell them politely that you will do your best but you also have others that need your attention and walk away... don't let it bog you down.
Have a good day!
Oh I don't need advice on dealing with family members. I am very respectful towards all of them. ALL of them. And I don't understand this notion that nurses or healthcare workers need to be reminded to "put the shoe on the other foot." As if we don't have family members in nursing homes. My grandfather was in a nursing home but we were still respectful towards the staff.
It starts with the admission,: explain from the start " There are hours when I cant be accessible for explanations as I will be providing essential care and cant be distracted, the doctor as well. But here is my personal cellphone number and I will call back as soon as I can".
I would NOT be giving my personal cell phone number out. No way.
personal decision....haven't regretted it not once, I respect your need not to give it out...
new personal peeve- when the immediate family resents their Mother living and using resources (like MONEY) that they believe belong to THEM and try to get their hands on the money (via POA) by claiming to be a caring child then refusing basics like new slippers, haircuts etc.
I have been on both sides as a Nursing Home Administrator/RN and family member. I have always worked LTC for the most part and can tell you
Most people love their family and only want the best for them. When they are being difficult it is
(1) Guilt, that they are not taking care of their loved one for what ever reason and over compensate.
(2) Are really this picky and want to control as a way of providing care.
(3) Have heard stories from others about bad experiences of skilled nursing facilities and are concerned
for their safety
I really do not think people tend to think they are being annoying. I do think we as nurses have allowed to some extent this perception of "care giver" and we as nurses go the extra mile, this cause and effect allows for intrested parties to rely upon nurses for assistance more so than say other professions.
Having great boundaries and stating to those families "I can meet you in 5 mins back in your mothers room to speak to you about your concern/question, I really need to complete this", (As long as there is no emergency). It gets them away from the nurses station and allows for privacy too. No one has ever complained about what I do in the skilled nursing facility and families seem to like the privacy.
Funny cause my grandma who worked the counter at a Bakery would complain "Do the customers know how annoying they can be?" for asking "Why are the rainbow cookies so expensive"(do you know how much work goes into them?) "How many eggs in the Babka" and "Why cant you put this hot fresh loaf straight from the oven into the slicing machine"
Customers and that is what families are...are annoying but whadayagannado...
HERE is a perfect example of what I'm referring to. This just happened. A resident dies. The nurse is in the room tending to the body. Family outside the room crying. Another resident's family member walks through the grieving family members looking for the nurse. The disgruntled family member actually pokes her head in the room of the dead resident to look for the nurse. The nurse comes out of the room and the disgruntled family member starts to complain about her mother's missing bras. WHERE IS THE COMMON SENSE? Someone just died, people are crying and you still feel the need to interrupt everything to complain about your mother's missing undergarments? Where is the respect!
HERE is a perfect example of what I'm referring to. This just happened. A resident dies. The nurse is in the room tending to the body. Family outside the room crying. Another resident's family member walks through the grieving family members looking for the nurse. The disgruntled family member actually pokes her head in the room of the dead resident to look for the nurse. The nurse comes out of the room and the disgruntled family member starts to complain about her mother's missing bras. WHERE IS THE COMMON SENSE? Someone just died, people are crying and you still feel the need to interrupt everything to complain about your mother's missing undergarments? Where is the respect!
you are expecting too much.....:-) ....BTW I HATE having to deal with missing laundry...that wasn't part of my nursing courses and I dont know how to careplan it...
Ling07
135 Posts
I think you're taking things out of context. This post was meant for the unreasonable family members. I've seen family members come off the elevater angry, wanting to cause problems. The nurses at LTC, for the most part are unappreciated. There are a few family members that are thankful, but there are people out there that want you to stop caring for others and focus on their loved one.