Do you ever blame yourself for things that you had no control of, or wasn't your fault?

[Convoy2022_TrumpSupporter]

I feel like as a new nurse things happen and you want to prevent things, but in the end you have no control of it. etc... behaviours etc.. falls..

[Davey Do]

In our endeavors for a universal consensus, considering ourselves as being the one responsible is a variable in the equation.

[Been there,done that, ASN, RN]

10 hours ago, Convoy2022_TrumpSupporter said:

I feel like as a new nurse things happen and you want to prevent things, but in the end you have no control of it. etc... behaviours etc.. falls..

You answered your own question. ####happens. Your job is to deal with it when it does.

[Davey Do]

With experience comes knowledge and wisdom and it is a rough row to hoe in getting there. In the meantime, the words of the wise often buoyed me through the waters of self-doubt, such as:

God grant me the serenity to accept
the things that I cannot change,
courage to change the things that I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

[SilverBells, BSN]

All the time, and I'm not a new nurse anymore.  I've even blamed myself for patients getting sick and requiring hospitalizations, even when we've done everything possible within my work setting to manage their medical condition.  Realistically, I also know that sometimes things are going to happen regardless of how much we try to prevent them, but, as a nurse, this doesn't sit well with me.  

[JBMmom, MSN, NP]

For years I have referred to myself as a recovering Catholic, not to bring religion to much into things here, but I grew up hearing a common sermon of "you're all bad people and probably going to hell, but if you give us your money, things might go better for you". Perhaps my young child's brain heard something in the Polish accented monsignor's sermons that was not intended, but that's most of what I remember. The reason I mention that is because for MANY years of my life I seemed to feel an inappropriate amount of guilt for situations over which I really had no control. 

As I've gotten older and realized that my actual influence in life is much more limited than I thought I back then, I don't attribute my own actions as the causal event for many things in life. That's not to say that I don't have empathy when others are going through difficult times, but I don't feel their difficult times are related to my actions. 

[hppygr8ful, ASN, RN, EMT-I]

On 2/12/2022 at 9:31 PM, Convoy2022_TrumpSupporter said:

I feel like as a new nurse things happen and you want to prevent things, but in the end you have no control of it. etc... behaviours etc.. falls..

You have to be more specific as many falls and behaviors can be a direct result of action or inaction on the part of the nurse 

[SmilingBluEyes]

You already said it. In the end you have no control of it. If this is true, I honestly don't see the problem or the point of your post. It makes no sense to blame yourself.

[Tweety, BSN, RN]

Yes.  Part of it stems from the blame game.  Recently we had a fall in on our floor.  The doctor chastised us saying "there's no excuse whatsoever for a fall on this unit with my patients".  His patients are elective surgeries and alert and oriented.

Bed alarm on and alert and oriented patient decides to get up on his own and falls.  Not my fault is it?

But yes, I've lost many a night's sleep when a patient has crashed, knowing they would have crashed and nothing I could have done.  I fine tooth the day:  what did I miss?  what were the signs I could have seen earlier that lead to this?  I should have seen something....

[DavidFR, BSN, MSN, RN]

On 2/14/2022 at 1:45 AM, JBMmom said:

For years I have referred to myself as a recovering Catholic,

That's a great one and I share your backround. My other label is born again atheist.

Scottish comedian Billy Connoly once said he went to a catholic school and the only qualification he left with was a degree in guilt. 

Over the years I've worked on myself and got better.

If I make a mistake I own up and apologise. I NEVER feel guilty or apologise for things I had no control over and are not my fault. This is harmful to your psychologcal wellbeing and you shouldn't do it.

And I also NEVER apologise on behalf of the hospital or on behalf of the organisation. I don't get paid enough for that. The Chief Executive and his senior cronies do.

[John2018]

I think the "blaming onto oneself" happens if you know you could have done a better job or you could have prevented something to happen. 

[Davey Do]

Once we criticize ourselves saying, "I could have done better", we open ourselves to a never-ending regime of self-criticism.

A truth is that we all do the best we can at any given moment.

Due to circumstances both internal and external, we meet or fall short of expectations. The majority of negative feelings both about ourselves and others occurs when expectations are not met.