I am just flabbergasted. My best friend, who is manic depressive is an excellent, organized nurse who really puts a positive foot in her work. Since her last manic episode, she has really been diligent in taking her meds. A downfall of the medication is that her hair has broken off and she gained weight. Because of that, she decided to cut her hair very short and wear it natural (she is African American). Sometimes, it is a short afro, other times, small twists.
Well, this morning, in front of at least 10 other witnesses, a head nurse walked up to her and said that her hair is horrible, she looks disheveled and also looks homeless. She also said that 'everyone is talking about it' and it appears that she is decomposing 'before their very eyes'. My friend was horrified, to say the least. She called me on my cell phone as I was on my way to work and told me this. This is the first day of her vacation and this is how it is supposed to start??
First off, did this woman even think...my friend was very meticulous in how she wore her hair in the past...now that it had broken off, and she has to pay cash for her medication to keep her stable, she decided that it was not worth spending money on the chemicals-it was wiser to take her medications as prescribed. Can that make her happy? But, she accepted it and make accomodations for her new hair.
All I can say is if I were present to witness such behavior, especially after knowing what my friend went through, I would have probably been the one suspended by the time I put that witch in her place. See, this is why nursing is going down. We can't even respect or show empathy for each other. It is all about embarassment, harassment, competition and insults. What has this line of work come to where our so-called leaders can get away with this?
My friend reported this to the Director of Nursing. Thank goodness, before she became a nurse, she was the DON's private secretary and she adores my friend. She told her that she WILL speak to that fool before the end of the day. Also, you never know who you are speaking to. This sorry head nurse doesn't even know that the DON and my friend are so close that she has been invited to spend the weekend with the DON many times over the years, with her children and the DON has also paid my friend's tuition for her daughter to attend private school. My friend, however, is not a name dropper, nor does she exploit her relationship with this woman. Oh, I am so angry...
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
and i'm tired of posters unhappy with the behavior of one nurse manager, or one preceptor, or one nurse starting threads with headers condemning all nurses. "disgusting behavior of nurses" is one thing; this is more about "i'm disgusted by behavior of nurse manager."
I'm Black and I know firsthand how sensitive the issue is in the black community. many African Americans have a negative view on natural hair, and from being a member on black hair care forums, many other black women who decided to go natural have received negative reactions/comments from their family/friends/employees, etc. I'm not surprised by the comments.
I think this is a very objective opinion..I'm sure that any nurse regardless of color,gender would be reprimended for her/his unkept appearance...I'm not saying that the head nurse was right in saying those things to your friend (since obviously your friend is on meds) but we as a nurses are expected to look neat since we take care of arleady sick people who needs our help..once a nursing instructor told me "If nurses cant take care of themselves how can take care of other people"
It's often easier to take care of others than to take care of ourselves.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
Please go back and re-read the second post.
Yes, race was mentioned in the OP..if it wasn't relevant...then the OP shouldn't have mentioned it.
I felt that it was relevant to mention that my friend is African American in order for the participants in this thread to be able to visualize natural styles, nothing else.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
and i'm tired of posters unhappy with the behavior of one nurse manager, or one preceptor, or one nurse starting threads with headers condemning all nurses. "disgusting behavior of nurses" is one thing; this is more about "i'm disgusted by behavior of nurse manager."
while i definitely agree with it not being wise to generalize all people in one pot, allow me to also say that many times, when we share information, it is in the heat of the passionate feelings we are currently experiencing. in those cases, many of us (including myself) do tend to forget to cross our "ts" and dot our "i"s, or sometimes, forget to enter what may be considered to be pertinent information for those participating in a thread.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
I also want to repeat that it is not a secret that my friend is manic depressive and taking medications. The DON, nursing supervisors and head nurses are aware as well. Keeping that in mind, she still received a promotion from being a staff nurse to being an admissions nurse and was also consulted to assist them with reviewing policies and procedures to present to the Magnet surveyors...all while they knew of this diagnosis. Obviously, if they thought enough of her to allow her to participate in such things and elevate her position after being an RN for only 9 months, this sort of treatment makes it even worse in my eyes. Not one person complains of her job not being thorough, she creates excellent careplans according to them and she is cognizant of the sort of documentation that is important for reimbursment. Sorry, she did not deserve to be openly criticized before a crowd of people. In fact, many people called me today to tell me what they witnessed, so, it was even more than what my friend initially stated. Should not have happened...sorry.
there is also no evidence that she wasn't looking unkempt . . . no one knows for sure except the person in question. the op wasn't there and didn't see her. i'm thinking the shaming may have possibly been in the eye of the beholder as well. we just don't know. as far as "natural hairstyles" go, mine looks horribly unkempt when left natural, and i'm blonde.
with all due respect ruby, you don't know what you're talking about. this is not about letting your hair go "au naturelle" as in not combing or grooming, natural in this instance refers to the choice by the op's friend, myself and many other african-american women to wear their hair without chemically straightening it or using heat to straighten it. also, in the op pagandeva stated that the rude head nurse said "everyone" had been talking about it and it sounded to me that they had been talking about her hair all along, not just this particular day. as many of us have said over and over, this is a huge issue in the african-american community and many of us feel that the head nurse likely had an aversion to natural hair in any instance as some of us have experienced similar reactions and attitudes.
at any rate, even if she had unkempt hair that day, that does not give the hn the right to approach her in that way. it was unprofessional and intimidating and it was meant to humiliate, not correct. that is not okay under any circumstances.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
With all due respect Ruby, you don't know what you're talking about. This is not about letting your hair go "au naturelle" as in not combing or grooming, natural in this instance refers to the choice by the OP's friend, myself and many other African-American women to wear their hair without chemically straightening it or using heat to straighten it. Also, in the OP pagandeva stated that the rude head nurse said "everyone" had been talking about it and it sounded to me that they had been talking about her hair all along, not just this particular day. As many of us have said over and over, this is a huge issue in the African-American community and many of us feel that the head nurse likely had an aversion to natural hair in any instance as some of us have experienced similar reactions and attitudes.
At any rate, even if she had unkempt hair that day, that does not give the HN the right to approach her in that way. It was unprofessional and intimidating and it was meant to humiliate, not correct. That is not okay under any circumstances.
And, do you decide to humilate a person in front of an audience? I admit, I trust my friend's word, but she was not the only person who told me this. I received three calls from people who know we are close that told me their versions and asked me if she was okay. The three of them stated it was so horrible that they decided to leave the area in order not to embarass my friend any further. This head nurse wanted a crowd of people...she wanted a scene (and got one). My friend was not even aware that these other folks witnessed this and left. But, they were outraged and concerned enough about her to reach out to me to see if she was okay.
My friend is flying to Puerto Rico tomorrow. She came to the job to pick up her check today. And, she looked great. Now, whether or not she groomed herself specific to this humiliation, can't say (but she looks this way-neat and fresh often) or not. But, I introduced her to some of the nurses I work with and when she walked away, someone commented that she looked nice. Heck, she works night shift, and she combs those floors with a fine tooth comb to complete admissions so that the floor nurses can continue their work unhindered. Many times, she will even go to the ER to get to the patients before they arrive to their designated floors. Maybe she had a bad night.
Do we embarass our collagues by saying loudly that they have a red spot on their behinds because their period soaked through (especially because many times, we can't get to the bathroom to clean ourselves because we are too busy caring for those less fortunate than ourselves), or do we take them to the side, offer them a sanitary napkin and a lab coat? Do we say to a person that is taking steroids that they look like fat pigs?
There is a nurse I work with that wears thick glasses, has bad feet, walks like she is in pain and sometimes, she is sweating. I would not DARE even think to humiliate her because I see she is hurting physically. But, she is kind to the patients and supports me on a daily basis. She doesn't let her personal frailties and discomfort interfere with being a great team player. But, keep beating down people and see what happens. It is bad for the self esteem, unsafe for the patients and even the staff, because that one person can say just the right thing to send them off the edge.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
The bottom line is that a truly professional head nurse or nurse manager would have taken the subordinate nurse aside, perhaps to her office or another private area on the floor where no one else could overhear them. A truly professional head nurse would have tactfully approached the subordinate employee about her hair, appearance, and behavior while utilizing basic principles of therapeutic communication, without trying purposely to hurt feelings or hurl insults. A truly professional head nurse would never throw someone's mental illness in his/her face and use it against that person while a crowd amusingly looks on.
The head nurse certainly needs some counseling and disciplinary action if she has behaved exactly as the OP has described. She'll only continue her detrimental treatment of subordinate nurses if she is allowed to get away with this incident unscathed.
Specializes in Community Health, Med-Surg, Home Health.
the bottom line is that a truly professional head nurse or nurse manager would have taken the subordinate nurse aside, perhaps to her office or another private area on the floor where no one else could overhear them. a truly professional head nurse would have tactfully approached the subordinate employee about her hair, appearance, and behavior while utilizing basic principles of therapeutic communication, without trying purposely to hurt feelings or hurl insults. a truly professional head nurse would never throw someone's mental illness in his/her face and use it against that person while a crowd amusingly looks on.
the head nurse certainly needs some counseling and disciplinary action if she has behaved exactly as the op has described. she'll only continue her detrimental treatment of subordinate nurses if she is allowed to get away with this incident unscathed.
bravo! i agree with this! maybe this hn felt that she had to address the issue. again, i was not there, nor am i in her brain. maybe in her eyes, she saw a disheveled person and felt it needed to be addressed. had she taken her to the side and said " hey ___ i see a difference in your appearance and i want to know how you are fairing...", it would have been a world of a difference. it should have opened the door to a dialogue. but, what happened is a group of witnesses saw this, were horrified and are silently wondering if they will be the next one to be humiliated. who wants to come to work and wonder if they will be next to be embarassed by someone, especially a superior??
It definitely is in the approach. Had the head nurse truly felt that something was amiss with the nurse in question, she should have pulled her aside and gently addressed the concern, and asked her how she was faring. To do so in front of an audience, no matter WHAT words she chose, was completely inappropriate. I feel badly for your friend. It makes it hard to come back to work and face those that witnessed the encounter.
Most of my coworkers are aware that I've struggled with depression in the past. I'm not shy about talking about it....now, mind you, I don't just bring it up randomly, but when you work with some of the same people over a period of years, you learn things about them. Several years ago, I had lost a lot of weight...I was working out at the time, so that was the primary reason, but got thin enough that one day my director (who was an AWESOME guy all around, we really miss him!) called me in to his office and told me that some of my colleagues had expressed concern to him about my weight loss, since it really was quite dramatic (I never had been that thin in my life, and never have been again....I am average weight now, and was almost 40 lbs lighter then!). He simply asked me if everything was going all right for me, and let me know that if I WAS having any troubles, that I could come to him. While it DID make me wonder WHO had expressed concern, I appreciated that he had addressed the issue in private, and in a supportive way. That weight loss did coincide with my engagement ending, so their concern did have validity.
I hope that this head nurse is reprimanded for how she handled the issue, whether there was true concern or not. It sounds like if she has a position of authority, she needs some training in management roles.
I'm caucasian, but have friends that are African American. I learned from them that hair can be a point of contention ie those who straighten and those who wear natural hairstyles. I completely believe that this incident happened as the OP stated....I've seen first hand how catty women can be with each other in the workplace. I've experienced it too, and the humiliation can really impact you. I have some pretty intense GI issues that are chronic and in one of my previous facilities would get made fun of for them. I'm pretty tough but day after day it can get to you.
I really hope the head nurse who behaved so inappropriately is dealt with harshly. That's the only way this stupid workplace bullying will stop. People have to be held accountable.
i agree with this! maybe this hn felt that she had to address the issue. again, i was not there, nor am i in her brain. maybe in her eyes, she saw a disheveled person and felt it needed to be addressed. had she taken her to the side and said " hey ___ i see a difference in your appearance and i want to know how you are fairing...", it would have been a world of a difference. it should have opened the door to a dialogue. but, what happened is a group of witnesses saw this, were horrified and are silently wondering if they will be the next one to be humiliated. who wants to come to work and wonder if they will be next to be embarassed by someone, especially a superior??
Ruby Vee, BSN
17 Articles; 14,051 Posts
and i'm tired of posters unhappy with the behavior of one nurse manager, or one preceptor, or one nurse starting threads with headers condemning all nurses. "disgusting behavior of nurses" is one thing; this is more about "i'm disgusted by behavior of nurse manager."