I just don't think I'm cut out to be a nurse. Well ... my patient interactions/assessments/care etc are very good. But I have no spine when it comes to dealing with many of my coworkers. I can't stand the undermining.. yet I say nothing to confront it, can't stand the bad mouthing of others, yet I say nothing about it, can't stand the feeling that I'm always having to watch my back so noone drives a knife into it.
Maybe because I don't get involved in the gossip.. I don't fit in. I just don't like the gossip and feel bad for the person they're talking about. And it's 90% of the time downing their capabilities as a nurse. It's very disheartening. I find that.. I just want to cry sometimes. And mostly because I'm ****** off at MYSELF for not having a spine and standing up for myself.
I'm tres sensitive, I know this.. even though I portray myself to be a roll off the shoulders person and happy go lucky.
I just don't know how to go about this anymore. I find I'm losing the battle...I'm TIRED of feeling like this. I do love my patients and letting them see a smiling face and happy person amongst many unhappy people...but I just feel so defeated.
Thank GOD for this forum. Thank you for any advice or support or just plain hugs. I really need it today.
Truthfully, I'm motivated by praise, never berating or condescending comments - they just motivate me less.
How have you managed to survive in nursing?
To no one in particular...
For all the years I've been working (10 prior to nursing) and especially in the few months that I've been a nurse, I've realized that being motivated by praise will mean a miserable career. Don't look for it; it will never come. If by some alignment of the stars it does happen, enjoy it while it lasts.
I tend to be my own worst critic anyway, which serves me well in being able to accept criticism without feeling like I'm being picked on. I don't react with, "How was I supposed to know that?" or "Why is she pointing that out to me? Is she being mean?" Instead, I react with, "I didn't know that, but now I do" or "Damn, I should have done that differently!"
I have yet to work in a toxic environment. Maybe I have, though, and I just didn't recognize it. I've been told more than once by an amazed co-worker in my previous career, "You are oblivious to the crap that goes on." Yes, I am, thankfully.
Specializes in Med-Surg/Peds/O.R./Legal/cardiology.
Nocturnenrse, you will eventually grow a spine and just may surprise yourself one day. Hang with it! You are not alone. Their are times when being a beeotche is the highest honor and rude people will back sloooowly away! :)
For all the years I've been working (10 prior to nursing) and especially in the few months that I've been a nurse, I've realized that being motivated by praise will mean a miserable career. Don't look for it; it will never come. If by some alignment of the stars it does happen, enjoy it while it lasts.
Agreed. Though if one is forthcoming with praise, other people are sometimes motivated to be forthcoming with it was well.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
You are in a toxic environment. Not all workplaces are that toxic. If you can ignore the crap and still enjoy your job otherwise, stick with it. If the crap rides home with you every day and is starting to suck the joy out of life in general, start shopping for a new gig. It may take a while to find something, but even just looking is empowering. Hang in there; we're pulling for you.
I posted something related to this a while ago; I wondered if there were any places that seemed to be less gossipy than my current unit. I'm obviously not perfect, but I lament the laziness of some of my co-workers as well as the gossiping and backstabbing that happens constantly in the breakroom. I've finally reached my 1 year anniversary as a nurse and am now more comfortable constructively confronting my peers (I knew that before, some of them would have definitely taken offense at being gently chided by a newbie, so I bit my tongue and bided my time).
I want to transfer to the ICU badly, hopefully if they're hiring in about 8 months. More men work there on average and when I was a student, I found it to be less gossipy, more focused on the patients.
Hang in there...it sucks. Nurses can be some of the most gossipy, judgmental bunch around...
Thank you everyone. I'll take the advice. I know I have to work on my assertiveness and will. I'm also seeking part time employment.. who knows, may find a jewel in the rough and make it a full time place.
I really appreciate all of your support!! Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU!!!!!:redpinkhe
You know, I don't think "whart" is the correct word to use either.
I have a hard time seeing the word affect (refers to a person's general overall mood/external presentation ie. a flat affect)
effect is the correct word to use when referring to a situation. (this effects the overall attitude on the unit.
I can't believe I just posted this! I pretty much just roll my eyes and move on when people start the grammer correction...mom was a teacher and never missed a "teachable moment"
To respond to the OP: Rule of thumb, the busier the unit, the less gossip. No time, and working as a team is a must. However, there are always a few gossips. I worked on a unit where a constant negative critique of other Nurses was the norm. I brought a book and like canesdukegirl was called "not very friendly" "thinks she's better than us." My feelings were hurt and I initially tried to undo my image. I gave that approach up. I wasn't part of the group unless I joined in trashing other Nurses. I have used a few key phrases that might be helpful. "I really don't feel qualified to comment, I haven't been here that long." "wow that sounds serious when are you going to talk to her about that.?" "Is anyone going to order take-out tonight?" "What's up with (the latest memo)" "is anyone keeping up with whatever reality or American Idol show?" (My eyes glaze over when people talk about this stuff but it's better than the negative stuff.)
In other words, grab hold of the conversational topic. The subject will switch back to negative stuff esp. at change of shift. When I hear a really over the top unfair comment like "she's going to kill that baby." (NICU) I might say mildly "that seems a bit harsh." My other all purpose phrase is "oh, that's not been my experience with (name of person)." Then make an excuse to go do some pretend task, away from the gossip. I also ask one of them to come see something about one of my patients regarding assessment. Lung sounds or something. A lot of times these people are smart and good resources,they just want their skills to be acknowledged. I like to learn and even if they talk about me negatively later as in "she couldn't even start the IV, I had to do it for her."
I still have started to build a working relationship with that person.
I long ago quit feeling the need to defend someone who isn't there.
I did figure out what was really bothering me. What horrible things are they saying about me. I'm not half the nurse so and so is and look what they say about her. I got so twisted up inside I utilized EAP and talked with a therapist. She was blunt and helpful. "What someone says about me when I'm not there is none of my business."
I hope this is helpful to you. For what it's worth I wouldn't quit. This is a life lesson that will not go away until you learn how to cope with this kind of situation.
(and yes to all the punctuation people out there...I really have a bunch of run on sentences in this post. I'm so glad my mom doesn't follow AN!)
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
So is an impaction an affection? I think not. :) No matter. Punjabi's admonition and request will be put in the same folder as the request made by a guy who started a thread to tell everyone he didn't like the term "OP" and please stop using it.
Specializes in Psych, Corrections, Med-Surg, Ambulatory.
I have a hard time seeing the word affect (refers to a person's general overall mood/external presentation ie. a flat affect)
effect is the correct word to use when referring to a situation. (this effects the overall attitude on the unit.
I can't believe I just posted this! I pretty much just roll my eyes and move on when people start the grammer correction...mom was a teacher and never missed a "teachable moment"
quote] Sorry, I have to disagree with your grammar.
Affect can be a noun (He had a flat affect.) and a verb (This affects everyone.)
Effect can be a noun (What was the effect of that action?) and a verb (We will try to effect a change.)
dudette10, MSN, RN
3,530 Posts
How have you managed to survive in nursing?
To no one in particular...
For all the years I've been working (10 prior to nursing) and especially in the few months that I've been a nurse, I've realized that being motivated by praise will mean a miserable career. Don't look for it; it will never come. If by some alignment of the stars it does happen, enjoy it while it lasts.
I tend to be my own worst critic anyway, which serves me well in being able to accept criticism without feeling like I'm being picked on. I don't react with, "How was I supposed to know that?" or "Why is she pointing that out to me? Is she being mean?" Instead, I react with, "I didn't know that, but now I do" or "Damn, I should have done that differently!"
I have yet to work in a toxic environment. Maybe I have, though, and I just didn't recognize it. I've been told more than once by an amazed co-worker in my previous career, "You are oblivious to the crap that goes on." Yes, I am, thankfully.