I just don't think I'm cut out to be a nurse. Well ... my patient interactions/assessments/care etc are very good. But I have no spine when it comes to dealing with many of my coworkers. I can't stand the undermining.. yet I say nothing to confront it, can't stand the bad mouthing of others, yet I say nothing about it, can't stand the feeling that I'm always having to watch my back so noone drives a knife into it.
Maybe because I don't get involved in the gossip.. I don't fit in. I just don't like the gossip and feel bad for the person they're talking about. And it's 90% of the time downing their capabilities as a nurse. It's very disheartening. I find that.. I just want to cry sometimes. And mostly because I'm ****** off at MYSELF for not having a spine and standing up for myself.
I'm tres sensitive, I know this.. even though I portray myself to be a roll off the shoulders person and happy go lucky.
I just don't know how to go about this anymore. I find I'm losing the battle...I'm TIRED of feeling like this. I do love my patients and letting them see a smiling face and happy person amongst many unhappy people...but I just feel so defeated.
Thank GOD for this forum. Thank you for any advice or support or just plain hugs. I really need it today.
Specializes in geriatric, pediatrics, hospice, home car.
I thought to reply to your post. I too am a "sensitive". I've had to leave nursing jobs that were not a good fit for me. Imho; God made you as such, so follow your inner guidance and look for a nursing position that needs your keen skills. The profession needs you.And most of all; your future patients do too.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
:hug: i have seen units with that kind of toxic atmosphere. sometimes it's a part of an entire culture at the facility and you need to cut your losses and look for another job. if it's just your unit ask for a transfer so you can "further your experience and education as a nurse". if it's the culture of the whole place, like the one at a small critical access hospital i supervised, just start looking for another position.
i too, am one of those sensitive people but i never let them see me flinch. don't let them steal your self esteem or wanting to be a nurse because they have no self esteem or confidence in them selves......love yourself and move on.:redbeathe
although......
no one can make you feel inferior without your consent. eleanor roosevelt, 'this is my story,' 1937
If you want to make a change, I think that would be a great idea, but just know this, you will more than likely have to deal with these type of people anywhere you go! They are everywhere!! Definitely not good for our profession and I question how these type of people treat their patients. No matter what you do, NEVER stoop to their level, but of course you do not even sound like the type of person that would even do that! I have learned a lot during my 40 years of life and one of those things is that people who feel the need to put down others are the people that feel inadequate themselves. They will all get their "due" in the end!!
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i just don't think i'm cut out to be a nurse. well ... my patient interactions/assessments/care etc are very good. but i have no spine when it comes to dealing with many of my coworkers. i can't stand the undermining.. yet i say nothing to confront it, can't stand the bad mouthing of others, yet i say nothing about it, can't stand the feeling that i'm always having to watch my back so noone drives a knife into it.
maybe because i don't get involved in the gossip.. i don't fit in. i just don't like the gossip and feel bad for the person they're talking about. and it's 90% of the time downing their capabilities as a nurse. it's very disheartening. i find that.. i just want to cry sometimes. and mostly because i'm ****** off at myself for not having a spine and standing up for myself.
i'm tres sensitive, i know this.. even though i portray myself to be a roll off the shoulders person and happy go lucky.
i just don't know how to go about this anymore. i find i'm losing the battle...i'm tired of feeling like this. i do love my patients and letting them see a smiling face and happy person amongst many unhappy people...but i just feel so defeated.
thank god for this forum. thank you for any advice or support or just plain hugs. i really need it today.
i know a lot of other posters are advocating you getting a different job. i'm not sure i go along with that. if the problem -- or part of it -- is you, that won't help. funny, but everywhere you go, there you are. you cannot escape yourself. you can, however change yourself -- which is good news because you're the only person you can change.
part of the issue is that you're "tres sensitive". keep pretending to be a "roll off the shoulders" type of gal -- in other words, fake it 'til you make it. eventually you'll find that you can just let stuff roll off your back. you may not be able to stop others from gossiping, but you can change how you react to it and what you do -- or don't do -- about it.
i'm not going to jump on the bandwagon and tell you that you're a fantastic nurse and that the problem is with everyone else. i don't know what kind of a nurse you are -- and neither do they. i will tell you, however, that you need to grow a spine. no matter where you go or what you do, you'll need that. again, fake it 'til you make it. if you behave as if you had a stainless steel spine, the day will come when you do have a stainless steel spine.
if you keep expecting someone to put a knife in your back, sooner or later someone will oblige you. but if you expect folks to be pleasant, straightforward and helpful, you're more likely to elicit those behaviors. a good friend of mine once told me -- when i was in a situation similar to yours -- that you elicit the responses you get. i was 100% sure that the problem was everyone else, not me, but i was wrong. i changed my attitude and they changed yours.
i hope you can turn things around. it isn't easy, but it sure is worth it! good luck.
I think that Dave Ramsey's take on gossip should be part of the culture at all workplaces: it's toxic, it's bad for morale, and it's disloyal. He defines it as "discussing anything with anyone who can't solve the problem. Gossip is degrading and destructive. People need a place to express themselves, but it should be to someone in a position to do something about it. In our company, negatives go up and positives go down--period."
I especially love that last part. You don't discuss problems with people at your level or below you, because they don't have the power to change things. You send that information up the ladder. What comes down the ladder are the positives, the praise, the recognition, etc., comes from the top and rolls downhill (as opposed to that other thing that rolls downhill and should be dodged immediately).
Please do not be offended or hurt, but I just cannot stand to see the word "impact" incorrectly used as a verb. I know it's a losing battle, but whart is wrong with using "affect"?
Please do not be offended or hurt, but I just cannot stand to see the word "impact" incorrectly used as a verb. I know it's a losing battle, but whart is wrong with using "affect"?
You know, I don't think "whart" is the correct word to use either.
First, rest assured that, as a nurse, you WILL ask yourself "Why am I doing this? I'm too stupid/not brave enough/too sensitive/not sensitive enough/whatever for this." I have had that crisis several times now. It seems to be pretty normal and, after the dust clears, I think this self-reflection can be beneficial. Just don't give up because some people are backstabbing jerks.
Second, as others say, this is not your fault. I don't know if you're new to nursing or not. As you get more confident, you may feel braver and be willing to politely ask that they be more considerate. I quickly realized, as you did, that some staff love to backbite, use others as patsies, etc. After I discovered I actually knew what I was doing, I " got a spine" and spoke up. As I'm sure you know, though, that's a lifelong learning process in itself. HR, administration, etc may be a good route to go.
Worst case scenario, as other have said, try a new place of employment. What you're seeing are signs of general stress, discontent, and burnout. If a place has employees that feel empowered and meaningful, you'll see less of this behavior.
Specializes in Trauma Surgery, Nursing Management.
I completely relate to what you are describing. When I first started out in nursing, my peers would RIP the weaker nurses to SHREDS. I hated being around that, excused myself or moved to another location to do my charting. It eventually got back to me that the vultures were telling everyone who would listen that, "Canes thinks she is better than everyone else. She won't even engage in conversations. What a princess!" Yeah. Whatever, jackwagons.
I used to really let it bother me. When I overheard the 'proctectomy via nursing peers', and I KNEW that the nurse being ridiculed was a wonderful nurse who didn't deserve the bashing she was unknowingly getting, I remained silent. When I went home, I beat myself up for not taking a stand.
My husband used to tell me, "Honey, why are you stressing out about a problem that isn't even YOURS? Why do you feel that your intervention is needed? How 'bout you just do your job, mind your business, and let the miserable biddies stay miserable? Stop owning someone else's problems."
I took his advice, and now have been infected with a rather virulent strain of sarcasmia. When co-workers try to get me to join the lynching mob, I say something completely sarcastic, yet leaves no room for doubt that they can COUNT ME OUT. For example, a nurse was making fun of the way a co-worker wore her scrubs. She kept on, and then said, "Don't you think so too?" I replied, "Um....and I didn't care for the suit that Alex Trebeck was wearing last night on Jeopardy either. Who freaking CARES?!"
Toxic environments CAN weigh on you. The key is to shuck that negative energy as soon as you walk out the door. Don't dwell on it...you have no dog in the fight.
I understand what people are saying re: going elsewhere.....but will it be better (initially, probably so- until the newness wears off), or a major XXXX hole???
The turds in life aren't worth the time of day. Easier said than done, but possible.
Do you like the job other than the co-workers? if so, focus on that. If not, well- then maybe it's time to try somewhere else.....but EVERYWHERE has rectal-exit holes. Everywhere....
I've got one former PITA that wants to "friend" me on FB....Yeah. Like that's going to happen. That one was cruel on a personal level. But, I still got my job done (and we shared office doors).
litlgrn
13 Posts
I thought to reply to your post. I too am a "sensitive". I've had to leave nursing jobs that were not a good fit for me. Imho; God made you as such, so follow your inner guidance and look for a nursing position that needs your keen skills. The profession needs you.And most of all; your future patients do too.