There's a girl I like in nursing school whom I met in a math tutoring center at my school we were both going to. Right now she's in nursing school and I'm doing pre-reqs for nursing school. I only met her during her last semester. The first time I met her was her last semester there at the school we were at. She got accepted into nursing school at a college I'm trying to get into. She visited the campus we met at a couple times in the math lab she used to work at where I'd get help from her and her colleagues her first semester in nursing school. I talked to her a bit about me working for a warehouse that was operated under a hospital and managed by a former Surgical tech. The surgical tech who managed the warehouse inspired me into nursing school where I'd go to use my GI bill.
I asked her if I could keep in touch with her and she said yes and I asked for her email which she gave me. Toward the end of her first semester in nursing school and for school for me I asked her if she was seeing anybody. She said not while she's in nursing school. Now, SHE DID NOT say "No, not while I'm in nursing school but if you want to do something sometime, I'm graduating in December of 2016 so shoot me an email". She also did NOT say "No, not while I'm in nursing school and I'm not into you anyways but thanks for asking". She just simply said "No, not while I'm in nursing school." Any way, I was cool with her discipline.
So, I emailed her throughout the following semester(her second in nursing school). I'd send her emails maybe once a week about stuff like news or events or how she's doing or something about the lottery or anything. The only time she ever emailed me was about a filipino dessert. The whole time she's not responding to any of my email. I'm like it's ok, she's focusing on a very important career.
One night, I go into the college, the one she's going to for nursing school, library and see her with a group of people I'm assuming her classmates. I am in a room doing Russian homework and she goes into one next to mine with her classmates. I see her and walk up to go outside and wave hello. She's digging in her bag for something and sees me, as I'm about to wave she turns her back on me not acknowledging me. I've been patient with this girl for 5-6 months with maybe 1 email reply about Filipino dessert.
It was as if I was shutdown or something. Or blown off or ignored. It was rude because I just wanted to say hello. I felt crushed and went back into the room I was in. I then see her walking around with some guy in the library as if they're talking. I don't know who the guy is. So seeing that she couldn't even WAIVE at me hello and that she walked around with a guy as if they were "talking", I sent her friend a tense email with a lot of name calling.
I didn't send it to her because she was in the program and I was honoring her discipline. Kinda like a sniper not shooting at a combat medic letting the combat medic attend to a wounded soldier. I'm not in nursing school yet so I don't know what it's like, I've only heard rumors. I also sent her a separate email that didn't have name calling.
I think a month later she sends me an email "Please delete my email". I don't know if she read the email that I sent her friend but I've been waiting for 5-6 months for this girl and not once for one hour could she have ever sent me an email saying "Hey, how's your pre-reqs going?" or "Hey, nursing school is kicking my ass but I'm still trying the best I can. I'm still up for whatever you're up for I haven't forgotten about you." NOTHING.
After she sent me the "please delete my email" message, I kept emailing her begging for an explanation and why she sent it, kinda playing stupid and kinda not. She doesn't respond with an explanation. Just a week ago she send another email saying "Delete my email. Don't contact me again." But instead of responding and keep emailing I just stopped contacting her. I sent maybe one message after that asking why but she wouldn't respond.
Am I in the wrong for sending the email to her friend even though I've been waiting a long time and not once did I ever get a reply about anything except stupid filipino desserts? Is she being an ******* by letting me email her rambling on and her never speaking to me? What about not acknowledging me when I was trying to say hello? Why are girls such *******s like this? Why can't they just be simple and keep things simple like "You seem cool, you're former military and you want to do what I want to do...seems not too bad" or "Sorry but I'm not into guys like you for ******************** reason."
I have no beef with this girl. I just kindly asked her if she was seeing anybody this past December. She's beautiful, smart, and she comes off as focused which I like a lot and I was just trying to say hey I like you, when you have some time, I'd like to maybe spend time with you and get to know you. I'm not trying to ruin her life or bring her down or her career down. Just casual, come off as innocent type guy.
It's like she's wasting a good guys time or she makes good people turn into bad people.
Has anyone ever been through nursing school and they were asked out on a date? Or was being in the program so important that you did not date? I respect her discipline but out of the 5-9 months ish I've been trying to get a reply out of her, I didn't get one email. I don't think it's fair.
Am I being stupid for talking to someone that sounds like she's out of my league or is she just being a ***** to a nice guy who doesn't expect **** from anybody?
I'd send her emails like "if we dated, I'd do this for you..." I'd send her emails about things(all of them being non-sexual obviously as I'm trying to be respectful and serious about someone who is serious about themselves and their future) and I once sent her an email saying I like talking to you like this because it's like you're a patient in a coma and you're in a tough situation and I"m here by your side supporting you. Basically using a patient in a coma thing as an analogy showing that I'm being or can be supportive. I thought it was sweet.
I don't want sex out of her. I'd like her time and company.
Specializes in CNA 8 yrs LPN 6 geri, chemical dependency.
Is that after dating them that you know whether their your type or not? This is something I've been trying to figure out myself as what is it that makes guys not be a girls type. Is it more personality, attitude, sense of humor etc
Sometimes, just seeing them weeds them out. If the personality sucks, too, that gets a cuter guy with a chance rejected. Not tons, not trying to sound like a jerk. Just some.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
You missed the point. As well as where I said you can't fix crazy.
We still should tell people what we're thinking.
I do not believe I missed the point, although I might have. I still stand by the assertion that directly rejecting certain people can bring varying degrees of harm, up to and including death, to our doorsteps.
My point is that many females use and will continue to utilize indirect routes of communicating their disinterest (e.g. slow fading, avoidance, ghosting, not responding to texts and emails) because the direct way of saying "I am not interested" has resulted in an explosive response from some males.
Sometimes, just seeing them weeds them out. If the personality sucks, too, that gets a cuter guy with a chance rejected. Not tons, not trying to sound like a jerk. Just some.
Why would you say you sound like a jerk? this makes perfect sense. I guess I try to figure out what goes wrong on a date. Growing up, I always thought the cute guy has more power and the girl won't dump him because he's good looking. Kind of to be popular such as "Kelly is dating the football captain" sort of thing
So she's basically a selfish *****. Seems like she was a worthless **** that wasn't worth ****.
Well she was a fool to let you get away. I can't imagine what she was thinking, a charming guy like you.
In all seriousness, stop the sexual harassment, stalking, hostile behavior. You will shoot your career in the foot. This will NOT be tolerated by your school or by future employers...even by law enforcement. Stop it. Erase her email address like she *explicitly* asked you to do.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Growing up, I always thought the cute guy has more power and the girl won't dump him because he's good looking.
In general, women are far less focused on the visual aspects (e.g. looks) than men.
For instance, a drop-dead gorgeous man will still struggle to attract the types of women he likes if he is illiterate, jobless, boring, creepy, etc. However, less attractive men with pleasant personalities and visions for their futures are dating and marrying women every day.
Specializes in Home Health, Mental/Behavioral Health.
In general, women are far less focused on the visual aspects (e.g. looks) than men.
For instance, a drop-dead gorgeous man will still struggle to attract the types of women he likes if he is illiterate, jobless, boring, creepy, etc. However, less attractive men with pleasant personalities and visions for their futures are dating and marrying women every day.
In this and other threads in which you've participated you come across as very...intense. If this is how you act in real life, then I imagine you might be a little off putting.
I would suggest that you take a couple of days away then come back and reread your posts as if they are written by someone else. Honestly think about how they sound.
We all need to self reflect and tweak ourselves a bit now and then. A minor adjustment in how we approach life now can make a great difference in the future.
I somewhat realize I'm loud, disorganized and misguided. How to stop that? I don't know. I don't know who to go to or where to go, I don't know what to do. This ignorance is something I'm used to because I'm on my own. People can be outgoing and live their lives all they want and they can change how they think but me? I'm slow and like I said before in my past responses, "I wasn't getting the hint"..I wish I asked her more behind her response but for whatever reason I didn't and I wish I did get the hint when there was a communication gap between us.
What makes you think that she owed you email responses in the first place? Her time and attention belongs to her....not you. Why would you think that you were entitled to it simply because you wanted it?
She also doesn't owe you an explanation on why she didn't want to date you. The reason is probably that she just wasn't that into you. No other reason required. That doesn't make her a bad person. She did not wrong you. You need to find another focus.
Shes just. not. into. you.
In the future, I hope that you think about not putting expectations on what someone "should" do in response to you. We cannot control other people's actions, and trying to will only lead to trouble and frustration. You can only control YOU, and YOUR response to situations. If you honestly realize that you were in the wrong and want to improve, then remember that next time and focus on your own behavior. And do some thinking about what appropriate boundaries would be when pursuing a new friendship with a stranger.
What the holy hell? I couldn't believe what I was reading! Surely there must be something wrong with you if this is how you approach dating. Have you never been with a woman before? You come across like a desperate, thirsty, creepy, stalker. And your continual attempts rationalize and not recognize this behavior makes me think something is wrong with you. Quite frankly its guys like you why many women are on their guard. You've made every mistake you could have possibly made in the book here. You were embarrassed and humiliated by your own self. Own that and don't throw a childish fit by calling this poor girl a b****. First mistake was asking the girl for her email. Email is not the preferred method of communication for dating. If you were interested then you should have made that known up front that you wanted to get coffee, dinner, bowling etc maybe some reciprocated flirting... If she was interested then you could have exchanged numbers right there. The fact that you kept emailing her was creepy in and of itself and quite frankly came across as pathetic. Every subsequent unrequited email just compounded that factor exponentially. I assure you the second she picked up on your creepiness and desperation it was an instant turn off. Couple this with your escalated aggression when you emailed her friend and every time she heard from you it would have caused her a great deal of anxiety. Absolutely 100% her friend let her know about the email. Get a grip buddy. You seem to have bigger social issues. Get help and don't project these problems on others. If you need help dating there are resources out there. This screams of bigger issues to me though.
Specializes in Family Medicine, Tele/Cardiac, Camp.
I somewhat realize I'm loud, disorganized and misguided. How to stop that? I don't know. I don't know who to go to or where to go, I don't know what to do. This ignorance is something I'm used to because I'm on my own. People can be outgoing and live their lives all they want and they can change how they think but me? I'm slow and like I said before in my past responses, "I wasn't getting the hint"..I wish I asked her more behind her response but for whatever reason I didn't and I wish I did get the hint when there was a communication gap between us.
It can take some time for people to understand nuanced social cues if you're not used to them and are a very literal thinker. In an ideal world, everyone would be upfront about what they want. But we've seen that this isn't always the best solution.
If you're truly interested in working on yourself, you may consider seeing a therapist. It doesn't have to mean you're crazy. People who don't have any psychiatric issues at all have benefited from seeing a professional who can help them address the way they think and see the world.
You know now that many people won't give direct answers and you have been given some good advice on here about how to move on and act around women in the future.
I imagine you were calling her names because you felt hurt and betrayed and confused and needing to misplace your anger somewhere. Watch that. It isn't acceptable, kind, reasonable, or fair and it makes you look unbalanced and irrationally angry. As others have said, although you felt differently, she didn't owe you anything. Seeing a therapist to help you better understand why she doesn't owe you anything would be a good tool to help you grow throughout your time in school and your nursing career.
Otherwise, I do fear that there will come a time in the future where you react with another knee-jerk reaction that could cost you your job, friendships, romantic relationship, or criminal record.
Pca_85revived, LPN
60 Posts
Sometimes, just seeing them weeds them out. If the personality sucks, too, that gets a cuter guy with a chance rejected. Not tons, not trying to sound like a jerk. Just some.