Dating co-workers

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I'm just curious what others would think of this situation. A nurse manager is dating a CNA at the LTC facililty I work at. They are both wonderful people. Of course people are talking, some say the CNA is getting special treatment now (I honestly haven't noticed that) and others say it makes the nurse manager look bad to date someone she supervises. My opinion is that there should be no dating among co-workers in any workplace. I just wondered what others would think of this situation!

Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

I worked with a couple who dated and the majority of the time it was fine but if they had quarrelled at home, it was awful and you could cut the atmosphere witha knife. So when it works it works but I would recommend it because when it goes wrong the staff have hell to pay.

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Noryn

If you as a supervisor, in a position of authority, date an employee directly under your supervision and somehow that situation goes bad and the employee decides to sue for sexual harassment, your name will most assuredly be sent to your state's BON. Then once you are before the board, the members will say something along the lines of...nurses are professionals who must use good judgement, and your decision to date an employee you supervise indicates that you do not use good judgement.

And remember...when it comes to sexual harassment and favortism, it doesn't necessarily matter if you are guilty or not...it's the perception of others, right or wrong. And if you have made enemies with any 3rd parties, you can bet their perception will be that you are guilty and will have no problem seeking revenge.

Dating a co worker is an entirely different subject all together than sexual harassment. The two are not related. Sure an ex could lie out of revenge but the problem would be that the ex is a liar (if they are indeed making this up). Therefore place the blame on the person lying not the issue of dating. In all honesty if they are that type of person then they are liable to make a false accusation if they get upset, get in trouble, etc.

In my experience most people who claim sexual harassment did not "date" the person who harassed them. It would seem to harm their credibility if they did date someone for 6 months then claim sexual harassment after the break up.

I think a nursing board would have a hard time justifying that dating a person you supervised was a "poor decision." I think that would be more of a personal opinion.

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who's to say the ex is lying? maybe they really felt (i.e., there's that word "PERCEIVE" again), that they needed to date their sup. or suffer consequences. It doesn't matter the true motive of the sup., as pure as it might have been, and in a sense it doesn't matter if the employee is lying...if he/she says they felt they had to date you to keep their job, it puts the burden on the sup. to prove otherwise.

If you are still working with your husband and you are his supervisor, I'd implore you to call you BON and/or a lawyer who knows specifics about the laws in your state. I guarantee you won't hear what you'd want to hear.

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who's to say the ex is lying? maybe they really felt (i.e., there's that word "PERCEIVE" again), that they needed to date their sup. or suffer consequences. It doesn't matter the true motive of the sup., as pure as it might have been, and in a sense it doesn't matter if the employee is lying...if he/she says they felt they had to date you to keep their job, it puts the burden on the sup. to prove otherwise.

If you are still working with your husband and you are his supervisor, I'd implore you to call you BON and/or a lawyer who knows specifics about the laws in your state. I guarantee you won't hear what you'd want to hear.

Again the issue is dating and not sexual harassment. Perception is not absolute and the burden would remain on the employee to prove guilt. If you are in a court of law and when asked what evidence you have--you say, "I perceived that I was sexually harassed." That will not override a lack of evidence backing your claim.

If I have a worker I am supervising and I ask them out that is not sexual harassment. Now if I repeatedly ask them out, threaten them or "not take no for an answer" then that would be.

I mentioned lying because of your statement about the third party seeking revenge. That was my wife btw not my husband :nuke: and we no longer work together.

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Specializes in Pedatrics, Child Protection.

Dated a co-worker once. Just wasn't worth it. We worked in 2 different areas, mine clinical, his not and I swear all he did was phone me all day. Started feeling like I didn't ever have any "me" time.

Now...work in a smaller hospital and half of the docs are married to eachother. Never seems to get in the way of pt care. My hubby works elsewhere and I love it. He drops me off in the morning and picks me up at night.

But, alas....to each their own. My only words of advice: try not to let your relationship get in the way of your work, and vice versa.

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I honestly cannot see how dating someone you supervise could put your license at risk. Again, in my opinion if your supervisor is dating a fellow co worker it is none of your business what they do off hours.

On the same token, if your supervisor is playing favorites (regardless if they are dating someone or not) then that is wrong and they are a poor supervisor.

I agree. This isn't something you'd lose your license over. Your job maybe, but not your license.
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Again the issue is dating and not sexual harassment. Perception is not absolute and the burden would remain on the employee to prove guilt. If you are in a court of law and when asked what evidence you have--you say, "I perceived that I was sexually harassed." That will not override a lack of evidence backing your claim.

If you ask your employee to date you, they can say they agreed to date you because they feared repercussions for refusing to date you. I used the word perceive and stressed it because they might have truly feared some negative consequenses for rejecting you even though you truly would have held no ill will against them had they rejected your offer.

check out the following real case: http://www.court.state.nd.us/court/opinions/20000135.htm

specifically, focus on Section I; paragraph 3; the entire case is pretty irrelevant to our discussion, and don't get hung up on the fact that the employee was terminated; if the employee were to have quit or voluntarily resigned, the case still occurs

remember, people can sue for anything (regardless if you think they have a rightful case or not); and when you have to go before a jury of 12 free thinking individuals, the verdict has the potential to go in any direction. Sure you might get a "not guilty" verdict, but I personally would not be willing to test the justice system.

You really don't have to believe me, but for anyone reading this, I would seriously suggest contacting a good discrimination lawyer and your state's BON.

If I have a worker I am supervising and I ask them out that is not sexual harassment. Now if I repeatedly ask them out, threaten them or "not take no for an answer" then that would be.

Absolutely correct

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If you ask your employee to date you, they can say they agreed to date you because they feared repercussions for refusing to date you. I used the word perceive and stressed it because they might have truly feared some negative consequenses for rejecting you even though you truly would have held no ill will against them had they rejected your offer.

...

Absolutely...in fact it doesn't even have to go to court, a complaint to HR may get the supervisor in trouble since organizations don't like the possibility of lawsuits.

There are other potential problems w/ dating a supervisee - the prospect of the supervisee getting inside information, or the supervisor's opinion of other workers (experienced that). Or the supervisee feeding false info on other workers whom he/she doesn't like (seen that firsthand too). And if the supervisee doesn't measure up & needs to be disciplined/terminated, that's a real can of worms!:twocents:

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Specializes in med/surg.

i met my husband at work, he was my supervisor at a local foundry. shortly after we met he got a promotion and i searched for a different job. i didn't want to get him in trouble, small factory, and wanted to avoid the "she's his cookie, so she gets special treatment." no drama for me please. i think it's inappropriate to date someone you work with, but that's my opinion.

although, like someone else posted, if you are discreet, and it doesn't affect your job, then no one will know except the 2 of you and therefore, none would be the wiser.

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It could be an unwise choice to date a co-worker especially someone whom you supervise, but love has no boundaries and as long as they can keep this relationship strictly professional, then they can go ahead.

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Specializes in CCU,MICU,SICU,CTICU,Renal, Recovery.

Ok, I was a stern believer in the do not SH__ where you eat policy and dated and married LOSERS!! So I broke a major role and well there! Happy Marrige baby on the way!! She was a coworker not a boss and oddly enough there are four other people in our facilty that are marrried some for over 25 years!! No blanket rules here. Case by case as I have learned.. the hard way...

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Specializes in Flight, ER, Transport, ICU/Critical Care.

Hmmm.

I have made this position clear before and now I'll do it again.

BOYS will be BOYS and GIRLS will be GIRLS.

It just kinda fits together - so where is the harm? Right?

WRONG?

Don't make LOVE where you make BACON!

Now, consenting adults is one thing. Supervising adults is another and working together as adults can be something else.

I have never seen it "end" well. I have seen folks depart and go in separate directions and then it may succeed.

As for supervising the one you "love" - everyone can say all you want "Oh, it won't effect my decisions". Crap. If you are sleeping with me and supervising me - trust me YOU will care that I stay happy. So, bad, bad, bad idea. And that is before we look at the legal matters that may arise - and that will kill ANY foreplay, afterglow or well, it will kill it all.

As far as the "drama" or being "together" - spare me and everyone else. Heck, we work too hard to have to deal with this! I generally do not CARE - but, again it always makes anyone else a potential outsider. You share a pillow = you share an opinion. And it my business that can be deadly in more ways than I can count.

Just say no. And if LOVE blooms, great. Love is great. Someone has to leave though - otherwise, it is ALWAYS a big thorny mess.

Practice SAFE!

;)

:luvnltr: :luvnltr: :luvnltr:

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