Dad just doesn't understand...

[kool-aide, RN]

Hello AN brothers and sisters!

I'm just having a little trouble getting my Dad to see things from my point of view....here's the story:

I'm 20 y/o, a pre-nursing student, and have worked as a CNA in my hospital for 2 years. I love my job and truly enjoy taking care of people (especially cute old people, you guys know the type), but I think my Dad still can't understand why I would chose nursing over medicine. He doesn't out and out say this to me, but implies it in talking about the benefits of being an MD, mainly the monetary benefits.

I'm not so much lacking confidence in my decision to go into nursing, but more of disappointing my Dad. He really cannot fathom why I would not choose medicine so I can make more money.

When we have visited some family in the past and discussed my career choice, he almost immediately told them that I'm going to be an NP, which is not necessarily true. I may become a NP later on in my career, but right now I'm looking forward to becoming an RN and proud of that! In fact, I'm darn proud of being a CNA!

I don't think I'm necessarily looking for advice or opinions, but I just needed some way to let all this out! Thanks for listening, everyone!

[bluemushroom]

I think lots of us have gotten the "Why don't you become a doctor?" thing from people. They don't understand that it's something totally different, and they have no idea of what nurses really do.

Please don't do what one person suggested and consider med school just because your dad may be willing to support you through it if that's not what you want to do (no offense meant to the person who suggested that). A parent's advice on what they want their child to do should not matter in their career choice. You are the one who has to get up and do that job every day, not your dad or anyone else. Do what makes you happy. (Sorry. Didn't mean to give advice. I know you said you just wanted to vent. :) )

[Flare, ASN, BSN]

I am sorry your dad isn't more supportive of you. Please don't let that dissuade you from such a rewarding career.

I originally went to school on a pre-med track, but quickly found out how competitive and cut throat it could be. I had other things going on in my life and when I saw that things weren't going to work out, I transferred out of college and into a 2 year ADN program. Initially, my mom was really upset and embarrassed for me until people started telling her how great it was that I was becoming a nurse. In retrospect, after having worked for a few years at a teaching hospital and having a few friends that went through a residency, I'm glad that I made the choices I did. "Settling" for nursing allowed me to persue other passions alongside healthcare. "Settling" for nursing allowed me to not have a ton of student loans and subsequently allowed me to save money to buy my first house at age 23. I'm glad I "settled"

[ShayRN]

Just the other day I had a confused little lady call me "doctor." When I said to her, no honey, I am not the doctor, I am your nurse. Her granddaughter said "don't she wish she was a doctor?" I spoke up immediately and said, Actually, no I do not wish I was a doctor. Had I wanted to be one, I would have applied to medical school. I love being a nurse and would never want to be a doctor. You should have seen all eyes in that room on me, lol.

[mama_d, BSN, RN]

My Dad also would have preferred that I went a different route. For him though I thimk it's also a pride thing...he was the first in his family to get a college degree, all of us kids are above average (in everything but sports and singing :) ), and only one of the five of us has a college degree at this point. So for him it's somewhat personal, that he tried to "raise us right" and we've got the ability, but some of us let life get in the way. He only wants the best of the best for us, and it hurts him that we don't have that financial stability he'd like for us to, like he somehow let us down along the way somewhere.

That said, he and I had a LONG conversation alomg the doctor vs nurse lines long ago. I pointed out to him that raising kids and going to med school was not an option I was willing to consider, it was rough enough doing nursing school, and I could do that at my own pace to an extent. Also the whole being on call thing...blech. We've got docs with little ones and I know I'm interrupting family time when I have to call sometimes; not what I want for me and mine. He also knows that I'm aiming for a terminal degree, whether it be PhD or DNP, so that has mollified him somewhat.

As a parent, I can tell you that we're already having the college conversation to a limited amount with our 14, 12, and 11 year olds. I am somewhat disappointed that none really consider nursing to be a career they'd choose at this point...even the four year old says he'd rather be a doctor! I want my kids to find a career they love as much as I love nursing, though, so we're exploring just what it does take to be "a luxury automobile interior designer" or a professional baseball player.

Now if only I could convince them to stay at home for the first two years of school instead of moving out on me...

[morte, LPN, LVN]

I would suggest taking an "interest inventory" test.....if it comes up no go on the md etc....you can show it to dad and say "see, medicine is not for me" now please be happy for me, finding what make me happy.

[SonorityGenius]

Go into medicine... nurses are losing and losing every single day.. now its all about customer service - morale be damned!

[woknblues]

BTW I often wonder what a 'pre-nursing student' is? Is it an American thing, where you have registered as a student or are you a nursing student?

Pretty straight forward I think. Either in contemplation mode, or taking prerequisites.

___________________________________________________________________

OP, I feel ya.

One thing overlooked today is that primary care Docs and some specialties are really getting squeezed. Physicians are not necessarily the end all be all for financial compensation. Usually on call 24/7, cost of malpractice insurance, etc. Then the 10+ years of school. And not just classes at the CC here. Most Docs catch up eventually, but delayed gratification, to be sure.

Just sayin': I'll take my 36hr/work week lifestyle, thank you very much. School loans are paid, rode out the housing bubble, saving money, setting my own schedule at work, taking time off to enjoy life, learn new things.

[oaktown2]

kool-aide - I hear ya. I have struggled with those thoughts of not wanting to disappoint my Dad and continue to choose things that I know aren't what he would chose. The way that I have finally (somewhat) come to deal with it is to tell myself that he only wants what is best for me. He worries as any parent does. And he has his own insecurities that drive those worries and those are ones that I don't necessarily hear about. I just hear the end result. But in the end, he has always come around. I agree with one of the other posters, if it makes him happy, let him say that you are going to be a NP and then hopefully notice the day when he stops. It doesn't sound like you are leaning towards not doing this, but I do think it is really important to follow what you feel driven to do. If you feel a calling to be a nurse, go for it and don't let all those who will tell you thousands of reasons not to phase you in the slightest.

[canesdukegirl, BSN, RN]

Well tell your Dad that you are a great guy, lots of fun and funny and you have tons of friends on AN. Then say, "I guess you musta raised me right, Dad". Then hopefully he'll think to himself "ya know, maybe he's onto something there" and trust you to be the captain of the ship (while valuing his input at all times of course!).

Usually the cure for this is information and education. He probably has all sorts of preconceived notions based on a lifetime of input that doesn't really reflect how radically the face of nursing has changed in the last 20 years. I'd just let him tell people about the NP thing - it won't really do any harm and who knows? Maybe you will become an NP someday.

I think this is great advice. Especially the second paragraph. Does your dad have any idea how much MEDICINE has changed over the past 20 years? Docs are enslaved to mountains of paperwork, married to their pagers, spend an obscene amount of money on years upon years of education, only to spend another few years in residency and fellowship programs. One of my close friends, who is in the plastic and reconstructive surgery residency program, was complaining about how much crap he had to deal with...clearly the stress of the job and the lack of sleep was getting to him on this particular afternoon. He finished his rant with, "Canes, I am in the 25th grade for God's sake! I am so ready to be DONE!" Another pediatric resident whom I adore to the nth degree was telling me yesterday that when he is done (he is currently a chief and will move on to fellowship in August), he will have another 3 years to complete in his specialized fellowship program. GAWD!! I could not imagine going into medicine these days knowing what kind of hell these residents go through. Oh, and if you want to be an attending at a private hospital, forget about having residents round with you, dictate for you, follow up with patients, fill out paperwork, check labs, etc. You have to do it yourself. When I was working at a private hospital in the OR, I asked one of the attending surgeons what the difference was between being a resident and being an attending in a private hospital. He said that it was much harder now because he has NO help. He can rely on his partners, of course, but the grunt work is still his responsibility.

I wonder why your dad is so quick to want you to become a doc? Is he the old fashioned type of guy who believes that only women should be nurses? Or that only men should be EMTs and MDs? I don't know what to suggest to help him understand that men in nursing are so very valuable. However, I can tell you that I am proud of you for pursuing nursing!

[Chaya, ASN, RN]

Speaking from experience w. MY family the ONLY time I get to see that look of dawning realization on their faces is after they've had extended personal experience either with their own hospitalization or a close relative. After about 3 days I get "OMG- is THAT what you do? For 12 hours at a time? I had no idea" (Yeah. Kind of suspected you didn't!).

People-Nursing is a destination, not a stop along the way! (How's THAT for a swell Nursing Week slogan?)

[leslie :-D]

your dad isn't alone...

most folks have NO idea what nurses actually do.

rather, they are guided by a lot of deluded perceptions of our roles.

iow, a bunch of hooey.

somewhere, somehow, get a copy of an nclex practice exam.

heck, get a study book and grab the test out of there.

once i showed my husband exactly what the exam was about, he eyes popped out of his head.

he shut his mouth after that.

(keep in mind, dads will always want what they see as most advantageous for their little girls.)

leslie

[sunnycalifRN]

Kool-aide,

I can relate to your situation. I did go to med school with lots of parental pressure . . . found that it really wasn't for me and quit after two years. I got the silent treatment for about 4 years from my Dad. I did not immediately go into nursing but instead puttered around in odd jobs and high tech for about 25 years before going into respiratory therapy and finally nursing. By the time I was back into health care, my parents had pretty much forgotten about my earlier foray into medicine.

Medicine and nursing are really apple and oranges . . . both in health care but very different roles.

I don't know your age, but no decision is set in concrete . . . you can always pursue medicine at a later point in your life.