I have been an RN for over 30 years, and I currently work in home care. I also have bipolar disorder, which is very well controlled. Recently I was hospitalized because I was getting suicidal. The day I realized I was in trouble, I called my patient's mother and asked her to come home. It was a difficult recovery, and I missed 2 months of work. The mom knew I had bipolar disorder (big mistake on my part). My company gave my job away after 2 weeks, even though they held my job in the past when I had surgery and was out for a month. Not nice, but legal. Now I am healthy, and there are open hours on my job. My employer is OK with my return, and I do have a doctor's note stating I am fit to work. My problem is that the other 3 nurses on my case are telling the mother she should not let me come back. I don't even know 2 of the nurses, and the third takes daily medication for depression. Keep in mind, I was employee of the month earlier this year, for the entire southwest region of my state. I have NEVER endangered my patient or anyone else for that matter. I am taking issue with my coworkers discussing my personal health information and deciding if I am fit for duty. I have an appointment scheduled with my supervisor next week, but I'm looking for some advice as to what to say. I just want my coworkers to mind their own business and avoid making the work environment hostile. I hadn't been hospitalized in many years, and even if I was, it doesn't make me a bad or dangerous nurse. Help me please!
Sour Lemon, mom has been in touch with me frequently, asking me to return. It started when she said "I can't wait for you to come back, even though (nurses A, B, and C) don't think you should come back. But (expletive) them, none of them take care of (pt) half as well as you do". And I'm not just trying to throw the other nurses under the bus.
In that case, your relationship with this mother has gone way past professional. I find it difficult to believe that each of the three nurses spontaneously stated that taking you back would be a big mistake. More than likely, the client initiated the conversation(s) and is interpreting the other nurses' attitudes and words as she sees convenient. What is "mom" up to??? And why???
Go back if you like, but think about it long and hard. This woman knows a lot about you and doesn't mind "stirring the pot". If your good relationship breaks down, which relationships often do, what will her reaction towards you be? What problems might she try to cause for you? I don't trust her. After all, she's presumably been chatty with these other nurses and has no problem talking trash about them to you.
Specializes in Peds/outpatient FP,derm,allergy/private duty.
I have been an RN for over 30 years, and I currently work in home care. I also have bipolar disorder, which is very well controlled. Recently I was hospitalized because I was getting suicidal. The day I realized I was in trouble, I called my patient's mother and asked her to come home. It was a difficult recovery, and I missed 2 months of work. The mom knew I had bipolar disorder (big mistake on my part). My company gave my job away after 2 weeks, even though they held my job in the past when I had surgery and was out for a month. Not nice, but legal. Now I am healthy, and there are open hours on my job. My employer is OK with my return, and I do have a doctor's note stating I am fit to work. My problem is that the other 3 nurses on my case are telling the mother she should not let me come back. I don't even know 2 of the nurses, and the third takes daily medication for depression. Keep in mind, I was employee of the month earlier this year, for the entire southwest region of my state. I have NEVER endangered my patient or anyone else for that matter. I am taking issue with my coworkers discussing my personal health information and deciding if I am fit for duty. I have an appointment scheduled with my supervisor next week, but I'm looking for some advice as to what to say. I just want my coworkers to mind their own business and avoid making the work environment hostile. I hadn't been hospitalized in many years, and even if I was, it doesn't make me a bad or dangerous nurse. Help me please!
A few thoughts on your situation, catcar. First, I do believe that in agency jobs there is no expectation they will hold your job for you. That's the trade-off we make for having flexible hours. In practice our jobs can have longevity with one case, that is often not the norm, and it goes without saying the agency and family are interested in having the scheduled hours fully staffed.
I don't think you can control coworkers gossiping or make them mind their own business. You can control how you react to it, though, so if your goal is to stay there (which sounds like an uphill climb at this point).
Private duty is notorious for the back-stabbing behavior you describe, so if you want to stay there you can't let it get under your skin. If you are on good terms with your DON and the family, ignoring it and giving a noncommittal reply makes a lot of it die on the vine.
When you meet with your supervisor, I think your best approach will be to skip making the major topic your coworkers but yourself. Most people already know bipolar disorder is not synonymous with dangerous, so in my mind I'm thinking erroneous beliefs from others don't need to be preemptively defended.
It can be difficult to return after a leave of 2 months, but once that is hurdled, things fall into place pretty quickly.
Having said all of the above, as Caliotter suggested, the dysfunction may be incurable, and to start with another case your best option.
You're stronger than you think. Wishing you all the best!
If you had had a medical leave for a more conventional condition, the patient relationship and lines crossed was still enough on its own to be concerning. Regardless of who is behind the gossip and its accuracy, I think the resolution must come with changing your perspective and behavior (maintaining a professional relationship), not in trying to hold other's responsible.
Specializes in LTC, assisted living, med-surg, psych.
I know this sounds like closing the barn door after the horse got out, but in the future you would do well to keep anything personal out of professional relationships. As wrong-headed as it is, people with bipolar and/or other mental illnesses are still stigmatized in this supposedly enlightened age.
I once made the mistake of sharing my own bipolar diagnosis at work, and it was disastrous for my career; of course it was hard to hide sometimes, but my bosses were more or less OK with me until I formally announced it. I was sent home on medical leave at one point during a mixed/manic episode, and it wasn't long after this that they found a way to get rid of me without violating the Americans with Disabilities Act. My career never recovered, and I retired from nursing at the end of 2013. I am now on disability.
I hope this will work out better for you than it did for me. Wishing you the very best of luck.
You can never expect a home care client to keep your secrets or to act in any manner that is not what they perceive to be in their own interests. That is why boundary keeping has been made a tenet of home care.
Thanks for all the advice. I do think that I crossed the lines of professionalism getting too close to the mom. The more I think about it, the more I think I need to move on to a different case. If I did go back, I think it would be stressful dealing with my real or perceived discrimination from my coworkers, and I will always feel like they are just waiting for me to trip up. That in itself is enough to make me think it wouldn't do anything good for me. That was my first long term home care case, after spending 25 years in ICUs, PACUs and cardiac units. Live and learn, I guess.
They got your hours while you were out, and they are obviously moving to keep them. If they perceive that the agency will hesitate to stand behind you, no telling how nasty they will get when they go in for the kill. You are wise to realize this. Best wishes.
Specializes in Case mgmt., rehab, (CRRN), LTC & psych.
Although it is not right or fair, mental illness continues to carry a pervasive stigma in all facets of society. If I had bipolar disorder or any type of mental illness, I would not ever disclose it with patients, families, coworkers or managers.
My personal health information is none of these peoples' business.
The OP's post reminds me of one of those sayings circulating on Facebook that reads: "Don't tell me what others are saying about me until you can tell me why they are so comfortable saying it to you".
I agree with Sour Lemon. Mom is definitely stirring the pot and is not to be trusted.
Update- - Thank you all for your comments, I appreciate everyone's point of view. Even the comments that stung a little helped me to realistically evaluate the situation. I met with my supervisor and DON, and told them it was a bad idea for me to return to that case. they were very understanding and encouraging, and found a new assignment for me that day. They also agreed that it was best for the supervisor to call the family to inform them that I wasn't returning. The mom did call me, begging me to return, and I respectfully declined without any drama. She said she was sad that she "lost a great nurse to bipolar". I told her that it wasn't the bipolar , but me sharing too much information, and all the gossip that followed. I felt empowered by making a healthy change and leaving on good terms. I start my new assignment this week, and will bring all the lessons I learned with me. Thanks to all!
Sour Lemon
5,016 Posts
In that case, your relationship with this mother has gone way past professional. I find it difficult to believe that each of the three nurses spontaneously stated that taking you back would be a big mistake. More than likely, the client initiated the conversation(s) and is interpreting the other nurses' attitudes and words as she sees convenient. What is "mom" up to??? And why???
Go back if you like, but think about it long and hard. This woman knows a lot about you and doesn't mind "stirring the pot". If your good relationship breaks down, which relationships often do, what will her reaction towards you be? What problems might she try to cause for you? I don't trust her. After all, she's presumably been chatty with these other nurses and has no problem talking trash about them to you.