Conflicted....................

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it's 3pm and i have clinical at 5:40, it's my first one. but i am wrestling within myself. because i don't want to go. i truly feel like i want to just give up. i am so sick of crying and dealing with a mega monster of an instructor who of course happens to be my clinical instructor too. she has about 75% of the class failing. we are their "guiena pigs" because we are the first class to start their ladder program which is nuts and i did not sign up for this 2 years ago but what can i do now. it's pretty much self-taught. no demonstrations, not much of anything! so i am so scared of clinical tonight. i feel so alone and lost and conflicted. i do want to be a nurse but i feel like all the sacrifices that i am making,miss my kids and husband, and to not be passing is just not worth it. everyone keeps saying to just finish out the semester, but for what if i don't even pass. and tonite is really scaring me because i know that she will just feed me to the wolves. and i am a nursing virgin too, i have never worked with patients or anything like that...........

don't want to go, but don't want to give up either......

i don't know what to do. :crying2:

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Don't give up! I'm sorry your semester isn't going well. I was overwhelmed for the first couple of weeks too, then things just seem to fall into place.

And remember that this bear of an instructor may just be teaching you more than you know, and she/he may be pushing you because she/he knows what you are capable of...just a thought.

On the other hand, if she/he is just a poor instructor? Well, it's only a semester. YOU CAN DO ANYTHING FOR A SEMESTER, RIGHT?

Keep your chin up, take a deep breath, get yourself a glass of hot tea or coffee, go to clinical, and promise yourself a nice bath when you get home.

:heartbeatYou're in the program because someone KNOWS you can do this!:heartbeat

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I think you should go. Its seems as though you are completely unsure as to what to do, which tells me you are not ready to make this decision yet. Why don't you go to your first clinicals and see what it is all about. Discuss this with your classmates and find out if they are feeling the same way and if there is anyway you can speak to someone higher up than your clinical instructor such as the DON. If you give up now I promise there will come a time when you will regret it. Nursing school is only temporary and is very much worth the high cost and sacrifice that it causes every nursing student. We have all felt overwhelmed and ready to throw in the towel at one point or another, I promise.

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I know you are scared, but you have to go to clinical. If you don't go and you just give up, you will always wonder what might have been.

At least go and give it a shot. You can always decide to leave later. At least try. As for the 75% of the class that is failing, that's unfortunate--but you can only worry about you. Try not to get caught up in all of the complaining and horror stories. Just go to school (clinical), keep your head down and stay focused.

Looking back in my life, I realize now that my teachers that were the hardest on me are the ones who taught me the most. No, I am not a nurse yet, but I have learned plenty of life lessons to this point. Things suck right now, but they will get better. Even if nursing school doesn't get better, it does have an end date, and if you stick it out, then you will graduate and be a nurse. It just might be worth it to go to clinical!

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PLEASE GO!!!

For a number of reasons:

1. It may be your only "good time" this semester. Meaning, working in that setting - you won't be dealing strictly with your instructor. You will be talking to patients, other nurses, other students, family, other workers, etc. --- it may actually give you a little break from your instructor.

2. Is there a counselor or someone you can talk to at your school? I'm not necessarily meaning to rat out your instructor but because if 75% of your class if failing...that means the instructor is failing. Express your concerns to them - that you're paying money for this, you're putting in the time and effort and feel a little lost. Tell them - they wont know if someone doesnt speak up!!

3. Show your instructor that you CAN do this and no matter what hell she puts you through, you WILL triumph!!

Again, go tonight ... you might actually like it!! Then tomorrow, or as soon as possible, get in to a school counselor and explain specifically what is going on. Not angrily but factually. Then, dealing with this instructor and knowing you have let someone else in on it, may actually make you smile. Do NOT let someone else determine your fate!! But please do talk to someone - I would think it's your only chance and while that is being looked in to -- keep going to your clinicals and working hard.

You are most likely NOT the only one that is frustrated!! Take a stand and show everyone else that you will not let this one instructor get the best of you, that you are there because you want to be a nurse and you CAN do it! You will be SOOOOOOOOO much stronger because you went! And you are NOT the only nursing virgin out there - lol - so take comfort in knowing that.

Good luck - please let us know what you decide & if you go, how it went!

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Specializes in Med/Surg n ICU.

Go!!! Go!!! Go!!!!

I understand how you ae feeling! Never go into any situation with a defeated attitude!!! Or you wil be defeated :o:o. Just go in there with confidence!! Hey act like you have been there and done that!!! Just pray because today is jus your 1st day so it will not be that bad!!:bow:

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'nuff said....

now go!!!

(and keep us posted...)

god bless and good luck! (i think you'll be fine!)

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Specializes in NICU.

Some days showing up is the hardest part.

It'll be over soon--give yourself a reward for going and plan something really great for when you are done with this class :).

Just keep repeating to yourself..."Nursing School is not the same as being a nurse." :D

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Specializes in Specializes in L/D, newborn, GYN, LTC, Dialysis.

I felt exactly the same way in my med-surg clinicals. 12 hours of worry, worry worry and run, run, run. Please, hang in there. The reward in graduating and becoming a nurse is wonderful and so worth it. I wish you all the best. YOU CAN DO THIS.

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I hope you went, clinical is much more fun than theory class!

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thank you so very much for all your kinds words and encouragement. :icon_hug:

i went to clinical, its in ltc, and i actually enjoyed it. i don't like my clinical teacher or her attitude but i am not going to let her bring me down. i enjoyed being around patients, and even tho it's only my 1st night, i know that a nurse is what i want to be. i still am nervous and scared cause this is all so new to me but i don't wanna give up without giving it my all first. i know it's going to get rough and i will prob. want to give up again but tonite i don't want to anymore.

anyways thank you all for all your kind words and for being here for me. i am not stupid enough to think that i won't feel this down again but finally now i feel like i can breathe, even if it is just for a moment.

:tbsk:

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Oh ya! I'm so happy you went!! I was actually wondering about you last night, lol.

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