Confession

[learningnsgstudent]

I recently just graduated from nursing school August 2011. I started my first nursing job in the hospital pretty much 2 weeks after graduating. I struggled through nursing school, as I'm sure everyone has, and the first couple of months, heck even now, working at the hospital is occasionally a struggle as well. And as I've been working I had an epiphany.

I don't want to be a nurse. I have struggled with coming to terms with this fact throughout all of nursing school and the more I delve into this nursing career, the more I realize that this might not be the job for me. All throughout nursing school, I literally hated my life. I did not look forward to much of anything, not even clinicals (which is supposed to be the part of nursing school that you like - isn't it?), but I brushed it off and focused on the light at the end of the tunnel; that one day I'll graduate and won't have to study for tests and work on care plans into the night.

Then I graduated, passed my HESI, passed my NCLEX, and got a job all within a few weeks time. I was super excited for this new chapter. Nursing wasn't going to be so bad now that I don't have to study for tests, I can just work and I'll be okay, right? And I was. For a while. But the longer I worked, the more I realized how unhappy I am with this career. Nursing is challenging and also rewarding. But let me repeat, very challenging. I hate working at the hospital. 12 hour shifts will be the death of me. But the fact that I'm only required to work 3 days a week? I can suffer through those shifts, I guess. And the fact that I learn so much from the hospital/get good experience are my 2 reasons why I suffer through all that. But the fact of the matter is, I'm just not happy. I know that everyone says the first year is the hardest, but this is so much more than that "first year hump".

Nursing is a terrifyingly amazing career. So much so, that I know that this is not for me. The responsibility of being a nurse terrifies me. Someone's life is in my hands. And it scares me that there are some things that I don't know that I don't know that could make all the difference for someone. I take my job very seriously and try my hardest to give the very best care I can. But I don't want to spend my life settling for something that doesn't make me happy.

I'm sure you're wondering, why did you decide to become a nurse in the first place then? Honestly? Because I wasn't too sure what else to do. I'm filipino, so hopefully that kind of helps you understand why I went into nursing. I mean, I had other reasons too, like I wanted to help people and I wanted to be able to take care of my parents when they got older. But I can't really say I've had a moment that inspired me into becoming a nurse. It just happened.

I'm not sure what I'm asking here. I don't want anyone to think that I'm an awful person for not wanting to be a nurse. Because despite knowing that this is my life and I need to do what makes me happy, I feel like an awful person for not wanting to be a nurse.

Advice? Comments? Thoughts?

[PNW~NP]

Don't feel bad. It's ok if nursing isn't for you and you certainly aren't awful because you don't like nursing. You've learned a lot from your schooling and experience thus far and you will be able to take that with you into whatever career you end up choosing. I commend you for taking your job so seriously and it's obvious you care about your patients and their wellbeing.

Have you considered another field of nursing or healthcare? There are many different career options where you can use your nursing skills or even work as a nurse that won't require you to work directly with patients or in a hospital. You could look into nursing informatics or nursing research for example. Or if hospital nursing isn't for you, you could look at clinic nursing such as aesthetics or dermatology. Think about what exactly it is about nursing or the job you have right now that you don't like. If it's only that you are worried you will make a mistake or hurt someone, consider talking to a mentor or someone you trust about your concerns. If it's the entire career you dislike, do some soul searching to find what interests you and will make you happy. I am sure it must feel disappointing to know you worked hard to get through nursing school only to find out it's not what you want to do, but you shouldn't beat yourself up over it.

Good luck to you in whatever path you choose!

Sent from my iPhone using allnurses

[icuRNmaggie, BSN, RN]

Your post is confusing. You graduated in 2011 and have worked for four years or is this your first year working as a nurse?

Nursing is not for everyone. Go see a career counselor at a Community College. They offer testing that helps to determine what careers are compatible with your personality and abilities.

[learningnsgstudent]

Your post is confusing. You graduated in 2011 and have worked for four years or is this your first year working as a nurse?

Nursing is not for everyone. Go see a career counselor at a Community College. They offer testing that helps to determine what careers are compatible with your personality and abilities.

Oops. I meant to put 2014! I'm so used to saying my HS graduation date still! Lol.

[cubrnjvm, MSN, RN]

it is okay, look for another nursing position, you don't have to necessarily work in the hospital setting nor having someone's life in your hands, there are plenty nursing positions that you can do and are less stressful on that matter. Don't feel bad but you have not experience other things yet until then don't give up.

[CrunchRN, ADN, RN]

You are young. Find something you like more.

[HouTx, BSN, MSN, EdD]

I agree - You seem to have done quite a bit of reflection and analysis about this issue. You can't (shouldn't) try to change your personality and fundamental values. If nursing is not congruent with these qualities, it will never be fulfilling and add value to your life. starting anew will take courage, but I'm sure the outcome would be worth it for you.

FWIW, I have found that many new nurses simply are not equipped to take on the responsibility of 'life or death' decisions that come with our jobs. That may sound overly dramatic, but it is really not.... the consequences of nursing actions (or inactions) can have extremely significant consequences for patients and their families. For instance, a nurse who hesitates to call the physician at 2AM to report vital sign changes may shorten that patient's life by failing to trigger effective sepsis treatment. We frequently have to make decisions very quickly and with very little clear evidence. We may face severe challenges and very real personal and professional consequences as a result of our patient advocacy actions.

Many of us wouldn't want to do anything but nursing --- it's a perfect fit for our personalities, values and goals. But if it isn't for you, by all means take another road. We've got your back.

[~Shrek~]

I feel the same way. Right now I am planning on going back to school to get into administration or research.

[NightOwlPsyRN]

The cool thing with nursing is that there are a bunch of different career paths. There's public health nursing which focuses more on prevention, you can work as a SANE and be involved in forensics, work in smaller clinics (immunization, allergy, STD, etc.), research, rehab, psych, the list is endless. :)

[EmpathyInAction]

There are tons of options with an nursing degree. Not everyone enjoys being a floor nurse. You have a lot of options though. I'd look into other job possibilities that might suit you better while still making use of your degree.

[seconddegreebsn]

I'm in the same boat, just realizing I do not have the personality/ability to handle floor nursing. It takes people who can tolerate a lot more BS than I can withstand. I just do not have the patience to deal with abuse coming from all sides. Last night I almost reached my breaking point with a patient abusing me and administration/security refusing to do anything about. Bless those who do floor nursing long term, I really admire your strength and I wish I had it.

Unfortunately, without much experience I can't get a job doing one of those non-floor Nursing Jobs. Catch 22. Not sure if I'll make it a year in med surg, other positions seem to want much more experience than that. Regretting spending money on a second degree that feels like a washout but I've got to pay that back now so work I must.

You're young, explore your options and see what else you can do that feels like a better fit.

[abixxy, MSN, RN]

I agree, even though you might not feel that patient care is not in your cards there are still options. What about electronic medical records? I worked before I was RN as an instructor for physicians and nurses in a classroom setting teaching them how to chart. There's also doctor's offices where you could work to call patient's regarding lab results. How about case management? That involves no patient care and all you do is copy and paste H&Ps all day and send them to insurance companies. There is also home health, psychiatric medicine, surgery settings. One of the newer positions are clinical documentation specialists that audit charts. You could become a system analyst and work building out electronic medical record systems.

If you don't want to be an RN, what about going on to become a nurse practitioner?

I forgot to mention, call centers. Nurses on call are becoming a huge career branch.