Yesterday, I worked as a sitter and had one particular pt. that really touched my heart. We were talking and she revealed to me about how hurt she was.
I asked her to continue on and this is what she told me:
She said last night a nurse attempted to stick her to draw blood but she requested that the nurse use a different area because her veins are small and she usually feels pain. The nurse responded twice that " He doesn't care" she replied " I know you don't care but I do"
He then replied again that he doesn't care for a second time. She said the way he said it was so cold and so disrespectful. She said that she was so hurt that she wanted to leave the hospital. She said that nurses should be affectionate and compassionate and when they don't it really hurts and makes patients feel worthless.
This is not the first time I've seen and heard of nurses showing little to no compassion. I worked with a nurse last week in CCU and his patient was very restless and agitated. He told me right in front of the patient that he had no sympathy for her and that she was just " showing off" and how he felt that it was completly behavioral.
This women was 1 day post-op and I asked him when the last time she had pain med because the way she was acting indicated that she may be in pain. Anyway, I was shocked and appalled at his behavior.
I may not have worked as a nurse yet so I don't know how stressful it can be. However, before I get to the point where I show no more compassion I rather turn in my nursing license. It literally breaks my heart on how nurses can be so inconsiderate.
Anyone can read a text book and pass a nursing exam. Anyone can do extremely well in clinicals taking care of 1-2 patients and providing competent care. But it takes a special someone to actually care and show compassion and at the same time providing competent care.
I don't pray for the perfect job, or making over 20 bucks an hour. I pray that I will be a caring, compassionate giving, and competent nurse. I'm sure I'll get overwhelmed at times , patients will test my tolerance and that I may make mistakes. I may even get accused of not being competent or making too many mistakes, but one thing that won't be mistaken is the compassion that I have in my heart for patients. :heartbeat:redbeathe
i have been in situations where i have witnessed a pt lie on one nurse to another, while trying to seek sympathy from who they think will give it. i am not sayng that your pt did not have a valid complaint, but sometimes pts can be very manipulative and when you become a nurse you will see just how difficult this can get. i am nice to all my pts, but i try not to get too involved with their complaints because it can get nasty. when a pt complains about another staff member to me i politely say "i am sorry for your experience what can i do to help you now" it usually cuts the conversation short. of course if you are well aware that a nurse is abusive then you must tell management.
Ok sooo we show compassion to pts... UNLESS they are lying. And we show compassion to our collegues... ok.
Do we not show compassion to student nurses?
I mean seriously yes, pts lie. We know that, nurses lie. EVERONE lies. But I didnt take her question as offensive. I have been witness to many burned out nurses who no longer have compassion towards their pts. And I can understand COMPLETELY how it feels to be drained emotionally while at work. However I am under also the assumption that nursing is more than just passing meds and knowing basic fundamentals. Nursing is also about supporting the pt emotionally as that can affect their health.
When a pt complains I take it seriously. It may add a little stress to my job as I actually have to deal with it. But that is my job as a pt advocate. PLUS if a pt is lying and continues to complain and make false accusations it is important to have that documented. I think we should all take a deep breath and treat our pts the same way we would want our parents/fam members treated.
Nursing Student there is a reason for the saying "nurses eat their young" I hope that you find a good nurse that will take you under their wing
As a graduate of an institution who has taught us the 3 C's- compassion, commitment and competence, compassion should be first. Because skills, knowledge, and theories can be learned and relearned, but personality and attitude cannot, or at least be forced to change overnight. And nurses are different from doctors this way because we have TLC.
With the stress and toxicity of daily hospital workload, we (or others)sometimes forget that patients are people, not room 1111. The care that we give to our patients should not just focus on the physiologic but hollistic as well. The total well-being of the person, not just the disease. :)
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
ok sooo we show compassion to pts... unless they are lying. and we show compassion to our collegues... ok.
do we not show compassion to student nurses?
i mean seriously yes, pts lie. we know that, nurses lie. everone lies. but i didnt take her question as offensive. i have been witness to many burned out nurses who no longer have compassion towards their pts. and i can understand completely how it feels to be drained emotionally while at work. however i am under also the assumption that nursing is more than just passing meds and knowing basic fundamentals. nursing is also about supporting the pt emotionally as that can affect their health.
when a pt complains i take it seriously. it may add a little stress to my job as i actually have to deal with it. but that is my job as a pt advocate. plus if a pt is lying and continues to complain and make false accusations it is important to have that documented. i think we should all take a deep breath and treat our pts the same way we would want our parents/fam members treated.
nursing student there is a reason for the saying "nurses eat their young" i hope that you find a good nurse that will take you under their wing
no one was "eating" nursing student. however, if nursing student (or anyone else for that matter) starts a new job and immediately starts judging her colleagues, she won't be popular with those colleagues. and if a nursing student goes to clinicals and begins to self-righteously tell her would-be mentors that they lack compassion before she has enough experience to understand the whole story (or at least the possible other sides to the story), she may well become one of those newbies who swears up and down they're being "eaten." seasoned nurses don't like it when a new nurse (or worse, a nursing student) comes into the unit and tells them they lack compassion, or they're not careful enough with their "5 rights" or that their instructor tells them to do things a different way. the seasoned nurse may conclude that the newbie isn't interested in learning from them. then the newbie complains that the seasoned nurse isn't mentoring them appropriately, is eating them, or whatever.
we should all be patient advocates. however our job to "support the patients emotionally" does not include judging our peers without knowing the whole story.
if we as seasoned nurses can get that point across to a nursing student before they go to work or to clinicals and raise a ruckus or behave like a know-it-all, we've saved them buckets of troubles in their clinical or their first job. as a seasoned nurse, i take that responsibility very seriously.
As a graduate of an institution who has taught us the 3 C's- compassion, commitment and competence, compassion should be first.
Well, I'm totally down with the 3 Cs but I'll take competence as a priority over compassionate if forced to choose between the two. A competent professional over a compassionate boob is an easy choice for me. When my wife was in L&D for 5 days, we had one of the latter. Nicest, sweetest, most caring and compassionate nurse you could ever ask for... but also incompetent and apparently unaware of her own lack of skill and knowledge.
And nurses are different from doctors this way because we have TLC.
You've clearly never met our pediatrician, neonatologist, or neurosurgeon.
don't judge until you've walked a mile in our shoes.
\. and even if it did happen, there are explanations -- maybe it was a very important lab, that was the only vein she had, and the nurse was very frustrated trying to get blood from it.
you said it yourself. you're not a nurse yet. but instead of being understanding of the stresses of nursing that you know you know nothing about, most of your post is judging nurses for lacking compassion. then you get very self-righteous about how much compassion you have. you're judging things that you don't understand.
compassion . . . why is it so difficult to give some to your future colleagues?
i completely disagree here. if you can't find a vein, you're having a bad day rather than taking it out ony our patient you need to behave like a professional and seek counselling, take time off work, try and resolve any issues or even find work somewhere else if your working conditions are leading to this sort of behaviour. as nurses we have the responsibility to treat patients with dignity and respect, you never say i don't care to a patient. it's unprofessional and does not comply with any nursing standard that i'm aware of.
as a student nurse i judged nurses for their competence and skills and lack of. i worked with many nurses who i saw as an inspiration, and other as an example of how not to behave. i believe i had the right to do this as part of my clinical placement as a student was to gain experience and knowledge. nursing is not a vacuum, it does not have a monopoly on caring and compassion and just because you don't have nursing experience doesn't mean you not allowed to question the way a nurse speaks to a patient.
i don't have any problems with being question and even judged by students and new nurses because as a registered nurse i want to hear feedback and how i can improve. i think it's important for students to be able to identify role models and learn how to deal with unprofessional behaviour right from the very beginning. i don't believe in the old school mentality that just because you have 20 years nursing experience means your right every time, how dare a new nurse or student judge me! this sort of attitude i feel contributes to the lack of assertiveness in nurses. i see a lot of disgusting behaviours from very senior nurses every day who i feel would benefit from listening to the advice of newcomers.
I remember those days that I was a student...me, self-rightous with my 1-2 patients, maybe 4 max, and taking the time to talk/know their story, talk, talk, give meds, slowly explain procedures...do them right away instead of having to go see a admission, etc.....I thought that the staff nurses were uncaring due to whatever reason...but I thought that the reason was that they didn't care anymore....
Then I became a nurse.
OVERNIGHT, i became responsible for ALL the care a patient received while I was on duty...often coming in to 4-6 patients and a admission that may have been there for a hour already before I came on shift.....patients who don't know their dosages of meds, just "i take 1 and a half blue pills, i think they're a triangle"....well, I need a little more to go on. I am friendly and try to get along with all my patients...but it doesn't always work....I can give care without having the greatest rapport with my patients, but it hurts me. It hurts that the environment has become one where I am a pill popping, catheter inserting, IV starting machine.....I am never above shaving, bathing, or changing someone...if I have that time....changing for sure, the shaving and bathing depends on how my night is going.
Don't judge em too harshly, if they needed a sitter, they may have been a little confused. Those sitter patients are the same ones who try to pull out everything in sight, yell, and don't understand when we stick or do things it's to help them. wait for the day you have a license, then come back and tell us what you learned.
no one was "eating" nursing student. however, if nursing student (or anyone else for that matter) starts a new job and immediately starts judging her colleagues, she won't be popular with those colleagues. and if a nursing student goes to clinicals and begins to self-righteously tell her would-be mentors that they lack compassion before she has enough experience to understand the whole story (or at least the possible other sides to the story), she may well become one of those newbies who swears up and down they're being "eaten." seasoned nurses don't like it when a new nurse (or worse, a nursing student) comes into the unit and tells them they lack compassion, or they're not careful enough with their "5 rights" or that their instructor tells them to do things a different way. the seasoned nurse may conclude that the newbie isn't interested in learning from them. then the newbie complains that the seasoned nurse isn't mentoring them appropriately, is eating them, or whatever.
we should all be patient advocates. however our job to "support the patients emotionally" does not include judging our peers without knowing the whole story.
if we as seasoned nurses can get that point across to a nursing student before they go to work or to clinicals and raise a ruckus or behave like a know-it-all, we've saved them buckets of troubles in their clinical or their first job. as a seasoned nurse, i take that responsibility very seriously.
it seems as if you have come into contact with many judgmental nursing students. i'm sorry about that.
imo it is never ok to tell a pt "i dont care" or say in front of a pt "i have no sympathy for her" there is absolutely no situation where that is justified. there arent enough sides to a story to make that ok lol... how much "experience" does a nurse need to think a statement like that is justified? 10, 20, 30 years? let me know so i can be aware when i am getting close. if i get to that point please, take away my licence. regardless of my feelings toward a pt, my job is to care for them... we as nurses are here to minister to them physically, emotionally and spiritually.
it is also imo that a student should question a seasoned nurse if they were taught something in a different way. the only way they learn is by asking questions and they only know what had been taught to them up to that point. i would rather work with someone who wasn't shy and afraid to ask questions vs someone who just does things bc they were told to by another nurse and have to clean up the mess they leave.
i agree that know it all nurses are a terrible breed lol... and they are also potentially dangerous. however i think we all know there are many seasoned nurses that feel they know everything bc they have been doing this for x amt of years. i never understood why any nurse feels as if she/he is immune to being questioned as to why they do things. many seem to feel insulted like "how dare they ask me that? dont they know i have been doing this for 15 years?" dealing with ppls lives is kind of a big deal lol and no one actually knows it all. in fact sometime those little nursing students know newer information or... its a little fresher on their minds.
bottom line is there are nurses that dont care. and they need to get out of nursing. if judging my peers and their actions keep my pts safe... well..... ok i'll do it. i am not in nursing to be "popular" with my coworkers... that being said, i have worked with some amazing nurses and havent had a problem working with most of them....
i think it is obvious that the nurses that post on allnurses seem to be very passionate about their jobs. which shows they care lol... being open to new ideas and to discussions is what makes this board so great..... although it is wreaking havoc on my sleeping :uhoh21:
I remember those days that I was a student...me, self-rightous with my 1-2 patients, maybe 4 max, and taking the time to talk/know their story, talk, talk, give meds, slowly explain procedures...do them right away instead of having to go see a admission, etc.....I thought that the staff nurses were uncaring due to whatever reason...but I thought that the reason was that they didn't care anymore....
Then I became a nurse.
OVERNIGHT, i became responsible for ALL the care a patient received while I was on duty...often coming in to 4-6 patients and a admission that may have been there for a hour already before I came on shift.....patients who don't know their dosages of meds, just "i take 1 and a half blue pills, i think they're a triangle"....well, I need a little more to go on. I am friendly and try to get along with all my patients...but it doesn't always work....I can give care without having the greatest rapport with my patients, but it hurts me. It hurts that the environment has become one where I am a pill popping, catheter inserting, IV starting machine.....I am never above shaving, bathing, or changing someone...if I have that time....changing for sure, the shaving and bathing depends on how my night is going.
Don't judge em too harshly, if they needed a sitter, they may have been a little confused. Those sitter patients are the same ones who try to pull out everything in sight, yell, and don't understand when we stick or do things it's to help them. wait for the day you have a license, then come back and tell us what you learned.
I agree with you for the most part. Nursing is VERY different from school... however being too busy to get to know a pts life story is very different than flat out saying I dont care.
I think with all this talk about being non-judgmental towards our colleagues, we should also ask if we should be non-judgmental towards our future colleagues? aka nursing students :/
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
it seems as if you have come into contact with many judgmental nursing students. i'm sorry about that.
imo it is never ok to tell a pt "i dont care" or say in front of a pt "i have no sympathy for her" there is absolutely no situation where that is justified. there arent enough sides to a story to make that ok lol... how much "experience" does a nurse need to think a statement like that is justified? 10, 20, 30 years? let me know so i can be aware when i am getting close. if i get to that point please, take away my licence. regardless of my feelings toward a pt, my job is to care for them... we as nurses are here to minister to them physically, emotionally and spiritually.
it is also imo that a student should question a seasoned nurse if they were taught something in a different way. the only way they learn is by asking questions and they only know what had been taught to them up to that point. i would rather work with someone who wasn't shy and afraid to ask questions vs someone who just does things bc they were told to by another nurse and have to clean up the mess they leave.
i agree that know it all nurses are a terrible breed lol... and they are also potentially dangerous. however i think we all know there are many seasoned nurses that feel they know everything bc they have been doing this for x amt of years. i never understood why any nurse feels as if she/he is immune to being questioned as to why they do things. many seem to feel insulted like "how dare they ask me that? dont they know i have been doing this for 15 years?" dealing with ppls lives is kind of a big deal lol and no one actually knows it all. in fact sometime those little nursing students know newer information or... its a little fresher on their minds.
bottom line is there are nurses that dont care. and they need to get out of nursing. if judging my peers and their actions keep my pts safe... well..... ok i'll do it. i am not in nursing to be "popular" with my coworkers... that being said, i have worked with some amazing nurses and havent had a problem working with most of them....
i think it is obvious that the nurses that post on allnurses seem to be very passionate about their jobs. which shows they care lol... being open to new ideas and to discussions is what makes this board so great..... although it is wreaking havoc on my sleeping :uhoh21:
the op's patient needed a sitter. chances are the reason she needed a sitter had to do with confusion, short term memory issues, impulsiveness, lack of understanding of her environment. the fact that she told the op that the night nurse (or phlebotomist or surgical resident or whomever was trying to draw her blood) said he didn't care does not mean that he actually did tell her that. confused patients, patients with memory issues, etc. often misremember things. i wouldn't rush to judgement about that staff member given no more information than that story. it may have been completely off. he may have replied "i don't care" to a staff member asking if he wanted a 20 or a 22 gauge for his next try, and the patient misinterpreted it. she may have been remembering some other staff member from three days ago. as far as the "i have no sympathy for her", did he say it where the patient could hear him. or "in front of her" but on the other side of the room, in a whisper, with his back turned?
it takes some experience to recognize that what you hear from a patient is not always what actually happened. some newbies learn it right away, evidently some don't learn it in 20 years. but a patient who needs a sitter is likely to be an inaccurate historian. i'd hate to judge a colleague based on a confused patient's claim that he made her feel so bad she wanted to leave the hospital. (one reason patients have sitters is to prevent them from leaving the hospital.)
and yes, students should ask questions. newbies should ask questions. everyone should ask questions if they don't understand. but there's a difference between asking to seek information and learn and challenging the seasoned nurse because the newbie is certain that he or she knows better. the first will get you lots of mentoring; the second will get you very little but hard feelings and preceptors who don't think you want to learn from them.
yes, there are nurses who don't care, but i think you're being harsh and (dare i say it?) without compassion to say that they need to get out of nursing. we all go through periods where we don't care. hopefully we go through them quickly, but anyone who says they've never had a shift or a week or a patient that they just didn't care is either lying or a saint. if someone's stint of not caring lasts 15 years, then you may have a point. but the op hasn't given any evidence to support that. there's a difference between judging your peers and keeping a patient safe. we all have an obligation to keep our patients safe, but a little compassion toward your peers is in order as well.
Specializes in CCU, SICU, CVSICU, Precepting & Teaching.
i think with all this talk about being non-judgmental towards our colleagues, we should also ask if we should be non-judgmental towards our future colleagues? aka nursing students :/
nursing students are there to learn, and to be evaluated. part of my job as a nurse is to evaluate nursing students. it was my evaluation of the original post that the nursing student was being judgemental about the nurses she worked with, making a blanket statement that those nurses lacked compassion. i'm thinking that she didn't know the whole story when she made that judgment. if she did know the whole story, she certainly wasn't including some very pertinent details. i was hoping to encourage her to think past her original reaction and consider some of those details. was the patient confused? manipulative? under the influence of benzos? was the nurse normally brusque? did he have a history of being rough? there's more to the story. what was it? did it support her conclusion that the nurse lacked compassion?
dealing with ppls lives is kind of a big deal lol and no one actually knows it all. in fact sometime those little nursing students know newer information or... its a little fresher on their minds. 
angel337, MSN, RN
899 Posts
i have been in situations where i have witnessed a pt lie on one nurse to another, while trying to seek sympathy from who they think will give it. i am not sayng that your pt did not have a valid complaint, but sometimes pts can be very manipulative and when you become a nurse you will see just how difficult this can get. i am nice to all my pts, but i try not to get too involved with their complaints because it can get nasty. when a pt complains about another staff member to me i politely say "i am sorry for your experience what can i do to help you now" it usually cuts the conversation short. of course if you are well aware that a nurse is abusive then you must tell management.