Cocky :(

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2007

Why do people always have to go behind your back?

As usual, I must offer my controversial two cents on this issue. The field of nursing tends to attract individuals who have passive-aggressive personality types. These people, typically women, will smother you with kindness when you are in their presence, and frequently act as if nothing is wrong. However, passive-aggressive nurses are the first ones to report you to management behind your back.

In my humble opinion, you were underhandedly reported by a passive-aggressive nurse who is secretly jealous of your ambition and desire to learn. Keep doing what you are doing, because it is normal to ask a ton of questions at this point in your career. Good luck, and don't allow these people to pervade your thoughts!

P_RN, ADN, RN · Aug 1, 2007

you don't sound cocky.

you sound self assured. if you can trace the source ask them if they'd define cocky vs self assured.

i'll tell you about a young lpn we had many years ago. he was attractive and always willing to help. something wasn't right though. he and i hope im not misquoting, told us he had been in the granada invasion, he had been a medic, he hadinserted more central lines than any of the nurses, he knew how to take xrays in the field, he ran his own ward. then he was in the panama invasion, same thing, now get this he had just turned 20. so was he a medic at 18?

always willing to help give other's pain meds. had one instance where he "dropped" an entire 10 pack of prefilled demerol and "stepped on it. he got one of our other lpns to "witness the crushed box. later on she admitted she hadn't actually seen broken glass.

one night nurse ran the pyxis report on her patients, it should have been about 10" or so long. it was over a yard long. meds "given her patients" that they weren't even ordered for those patients. all signed out by this male lpn. the the rest of the night staff ran theirs and same thing.

i am in no way saying this is anything similar to your practice. but nurses have a second sense when it comes to the new person being too helpful-and that's a shame. but we all got burned on our guy.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2007

In all my life I have never been told that I was cocky! Why do people always have to go behind your back?

I would be very upset as well. Since in all your life you've never been told this, your just going to have to chalk it up to one immature person's opinion and move on. Not everyone is going to have a positive image of us regardless of what we do. Try to move on with the confidence of knowing since you've never heard this in your entire life, it's not true and don't change a thing.

Why do people always have to go behind your back? People don't want to confront. I don't think it's just a nursing thing, industry is full of stories of people not confronting, ignoring things that bother them or going to management (which studies prove is ineffective in resolving issues). It's often advised on this board to report behavior to management rather than confront the person directly. You might tell them that you would appreciate a meeting with this person, or that if this person continues to have a problem with you that you expect them to do the right thing and talk to you personally. A good manager wouldn't put much creedence in "cocky". Ask for specific examples, a good manager would want specific examples, dates and times of inappropriate behavior and it's quite doubtful they would come up with any.

Often rather than a weak passive-aggressive type, it's a typical person who is just exhibiting fear-based behavior that is very common in our society. Thick skin definately helps, but it doesn't necessary have to happen a lot.

SuesquatchRN, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2007

So who told YOU that you're too cocky? HR? Your manager? Do they care?

KeechieSan, you MUST develop a thicker skin, at least as regards your co-workers.

I realized ystdy that my charge nurse doesn't quite trust me. Now, I've been told by many people there that a) I'm new and it takes them a loooong time, and b) I come from NYC so I'm automatically suspect, as what, I don't know. But normally, when I realized she was nervous about my doing a dessing change on a humongous decubitus, I would have been destroyed. FINALLY, yesterday, my thoughts were, "Hey, I'm busy enough. So change the stinky, necrotic thang yourself."

Not everyone will love you, not everyone will appreciate you, not everyone has to.

:)

FireStarterRN, BSN, RN · Aug 1, 2007

So who told YOU that you're too cocky? HR? Your manager? Do they care?
KeechieSan, you MUST develop a thicker skin, at least as regards your co-workers.
I realized ystdy that my charge nurse doesn't quite trust me. Now, I've been told by many people there that a) I'm new and it takes them a loooong time, and b) I come from NYC so I'm automatically suspect, as what, I don't know. But normally, when I realized she was nervous about my doing a dessing change on a humongous decubitus, I would have been destroyed. FINALLY, yesterday, my thoughts were, "Hey, I'm busy enough. So change the stinky, necrotic thang yourself."
Not everyone will love you, not everyone will appreciate you, not everyone has to.
:)

You're from NY CITY???? :eek: OMG!!! :uhoh3:

TazziRN, RN · Aug 1, 2007

Speaking as an old nurse who has seen a LOT of new grads cross her path: newbies often do come off that way when they are fresh out of school. We oldies call it "RN-itis." It goes along with the comments that I have made here whenever a newbie complains about us oldies eating our young and being mean: young ones often treat us oldies like we're ancient and ready to be put out to pasture because we can't possibly be up on all the new treatments and thinkings in nursing. Or, it isn't always treating us that way, just an "I'm a nurse, I know what I'm doing" attitude.....not realizing that brand new grads have the diploma/degree and the license but not the experience.

Just my opinion.

llg, PhD, RN · Aug 1, 2007

As a few others have said, you DO need to develop a thicker skin. It is not realistic to expect everyone to like you.

On the other hand ... feedback should not be ignored. You should use it as a stimulous to reflect on your behavior and ask yourself if maybe there isn't even a small grain of truth in it. Could it be that your efforts to appear like a "confident professional" are coming across as being a little over-confident? Are your offers to help everyone coming across as implying that you think you are so good at your job that you are better than others? You may intend to come across one way, but perceived by others in a different way.

I recommend a "middle ground" here. Do a little reflection and perhaps be a little more sensitive to how you are coming across to others ... but don't make a big deal out it. If there is some senior person in your department whom you trust, you might want to ask them for feedback in this area to add to your self-assessment.

Yes ... it could be that you are perfect and that the person who called you cocky is 100% wrong. However, it could also be that you are coming across as being a little over-confident for someone with little experience (5% cocky, 95% perfect) and you may learn something valuable by thinking about that.

GilaRRT · Aug 1, 2007

Sounds like typical passive-aggressive Nurse interpersonal communication. You can easily understand why I decided against working full time within a facility after only a few years of Nursing experience.

CRNI-ICU20 · Aug 1, 2007

I wonder what kind of philosophy the HR and facility invokes by wasting their time on something so petty as "she's cocky"???!!

For pete's sakes...it isn't like you harmed a patient, another co-worker, or even your self!! Even IF it were true, why would ANYONE with manager or HR after their name even LISTEN to someone whining about such a thing!! Good grief! Don't they have any REAL issues to deal with?? is this the biggest drama of their day?

PLUEEZE! are there managers out there actually managing, or are they just running around in minutia?? I would hope they would want to focus on staff developement, nurse retention, excellent patient care, nurse practice, nurse driven protocols, just to name a few.....

If I were you, I would remember that great minds think and speak of ideas.....and small minds talk about others behind their backs....

crni

GadgetRN71, ASN, RN · Aug 1, 2007

Just chalk this up to "eating of the young". Why do I say this? Because if you're not too cocky then you're "not confident enough" and "not assertive enough". Don't worry about it-some cranky ole bitty was having a bad day/year/lifetime and decided to take it out on the new person. After all, when she started, everyone treated her like garbage, so you should be too.

You're never going to make everyone happy. It sounds as though you're NOT cocky-just not willing to kiss cranky ole nurse fanny. And there is nothing wrong with that. Just brush it off.

Sisukas · Aug 1, 2007

I'm a relatively new nurse who (so far) has been having an excellent experience... until recently. Someone (and I don't know who) actually told HR (or my nurse manager, I'm not really sure on the facts).. that I act too cocky. I was totally blown away by this!
I ask 14 million questions a day..I'm always *ALWAYS* polite and respectful to the other nurses, even going so far as to give their meds while they are busy. I always offer to help the aides and I just generally try to hang back and learn all I can."
Do some of your questions make the nurses feel defensive? Do they maybe start with the word "why"? That word immediately makes anyone feel as if they have to defend their actions, even if you are asking truly to find out the answer in order to educate yourself.
Do you give the meds when they are behind and then tell them what you did, or do you offer to give their meds first? Same with the aides...do you take out a bedpan and then announce to the aide that you did in front of the nurses' station?
We had an RN who did exactly those things, and she was a new RN; she had more time to help because she was task-oriented and not proactive with her care. So, when all her tasks were done, she ran around asking how she could help and doing things without checking with us first, instead of tending to things with her patients like discharge planning, making sure meds were available for the next shift, premedicating them before change of shift, etc. When she ignored our suggestions of what she could be doing, she came across as "cocky".
In no way am I saying you do this, because I don't know, but look at yourself. And definitely encourage people to talk to you instead of about you. That takes some work on both sides, but it can be done in time. Glad everything has been excellent before this. Don't let it take you down.