I'm in my psych rotation right now and there is a male classmate that is making me (female) feel increasingly uncomfortable. I had been getting strange vibes from him ever since 1st semester, but had nothing concrete to back up my vibes till yesterday.
We were in a meeting with the activities director for the facility we are at to discuss what to expect when going out in the community with the clients. The activities director mentioned there are some clients who like to strip their clothes off and run around naked. Upon hearing this, my classmate (male) pointed to me and said in a monotone voice, "yeah, she likes to do that too." I didn't find this funny and thought what he said was bizarre since I have barely interacted with this person. I felt very uncomfortable the rest of the day having to be around him, but really didn't start to think about how strange it was till the activities director came up to me and another student (female) and said something seems "off" with my classmate (male) because of some of the things he's overheard him say throughout the day including what he said in the meeting that morning.
What do you think of this? Do you think I should tell an instructor about it? I'm thinking I might want to for future clinicals because I feel like if I get stuck in a clinical group with him again, it's going to have a negative affect on me.
Part of the reason I suggested to talk to the guy first is because I think it is counterproductive when someone has an issue with someone, than runs to an authority figure first. (Of course, there are exceptions in nursing that are laid out by law or policy/procedure.)
Here's the thing: When you're an educator, a manager, or even a charge nurse the buck will stop with you, and you have to be able to handle difficult situations primarily on your own. How can we learn to do that if we're always asking an authority to do it for us?
It isn't really sexual harrasment if you haven't told him to stop.
It is college and some men that are not mature yet.
uh ... YES IT IS! yikes. His "understanding" of this behaviour does not determine whether or not it is sexual harassment. The behaviour and the content of his language does.
For your own safety - and that of your classmates - you need to speak to an instructor about this. Documentation is important here - write out your account and hand that in as well.
Confrontation is another issue. Depends on how badly he creeps you out - if it's a 10/10, I'd say don't confront him. Antagonizing him (especially if he's immature on top of being a creep) could make it much worse. If you think he's just socially a**-backwards, say something once.
Whether or not you talk to him - talk to your instructor. Maybe some of your classmates have had similar experiences you don't know about. The more people your program hears from, the more eyes that fall on him.
The part of your post that makes me most uncomfortable is that others have noticed this person's strangeness/inappropriateness to the point that they took you aside and commented on it. There are all types of odd people in health care, but the fact that others even pointed it out means something is obviously off. If I've learned one things as a nurse, it is to trust my gut. Please trust yours now.
In my opinion... if this is the FIRST time he's done something like this, I'd say confront him directly, along with the other student who pointed out the inappropriate behavior and let him know you're just not interested in him or something like that.
IMO, reporting him for doing something once would have a much more negative effect than just telling him straight up. At the end of the day, you're both adults, not school age children... so therefore you CAN tell him to knock it off.
BUT if it's happening regularly, then report him ASAP to someone that can make sure that it doesn't happen again.
I'm pretty sure the guy doesn't wanna be kicked out of school and possibly blacklisted from getting his education for a long time due to some "harmless" flirting.
I'm with dudette too. It isn't really sexual harrasment if you haven't told him to stop.
Seriously?!
Two close friends joking around like that is different than that student saying the comment about a girl he had hardly talked to before. It's always inappropriate to say things like that to people you barely know, especially in a group setting!! Any normal well-adjusted person would know that.
uh ... YES IT IS! yikes. His "understanding" of this behaviour does not determine whether or not it is sexual harassment. The behaviour and the content of his language does.
This is correct.
This would fall under the category of creating/facilitating a hostile work environment.
The offended party would not need to confront the offender directly for it to be considered sexual harassment.
You mentioned students going out into the community with psych patients. If this guy has been inappropriate in the facility in front of staff, I would not want to trust him in a looser environment, even if staff are going to be present. I'm not saying he would do anything of a sexual nature to you or to anyone else. But this kind of "joking" sets a terrible example and could cause problems for your group or even your school if the clinical site takes offense.
Your instructor needs to know what's happening, especially if hospital staff are noticing. And you need to make it clear to this person that you have no interest in this kind of foolishness.
Two close friends joking around like that is different than that student saying the comment about a girl he had hardly talked to before. It's always inappropriate to say things like that to people you barely know, especially in a group setting!! Any normal well-adjusted person would know that.
I'm talking about in the eyes of the college, workplace. I have spend many a day in these awareness classes put on by corporations. You need to first tell the person to stop or that it makes you feel uncomfortable. We don't know from this post if this guy is just weird and harmless. Some people say inappropriate things because they are nervous, have hung around people like that, etc. I have no doubt the op feels uncomfortable and it is inappropriate for that classmate to talk to her like that. But the First step is to say something. Many people with stop if they know they are offending someone.
Like I said, it is very likely that he has already been turned in.
Another thought is to talk to one of her instructors and tell her the situation and ask how it should be handled. That gives the instructor a heads up with really "reporting" the guy.
It seems a little too inappropriate to just be flirting...or if he is, he is seriously bent. Anyway, I'm not the expert on sexual harassment, but I think you do need to take action, beginning with letting the student know he made an inappropriate comment. It is considered harassment if someone makes you feel uncomfortable and you let them know and ask them to stop. If you don't ask them to stop, I don't think it's really considered harassment from a legal point of view. But I'm not 100% sure about that. It's just something to consider.
If this guy has suddenly been acting like this, that would be a warning sign to me that something isn't right, and for your own safety, I would definitely do something about it.
Its harassment if you confront the person or not. When reporting an uncomfortable situation you have the right to let the school handle it for you.
OP - keep us posted on what happens. I wish you the best in this situation. No matter what, it isn't easy place to be. It is easy for me to say that you should have said something, but like I said before I'm 47 and been though the military and the corporate world. :)
PacoUSA, BSN, RN
3,450 Posts
In college, some women are not mature yet either ... just making sure we restore balance to the universe!