Caring as Facade profession

LadyFree28, BSN, LPN, RN · Mar 5, 2014

You had one of those days, too? I recently got to tell a family member that they were to leave the room until they could learn to keep their hands off the patient's medical equipment. I guarantee that "angelic" and "chipper" would not have described my demeanor, either.
Wanna know the funny part? I was irritated because I do care. I care about my license and I sure as **** care about my patient. How does my "Lieutenant Face" work into the "caring façade" conundrum, OP?

Ha! "Lieutenant Face"!!!!

One of my previous jobs called me "Lieutenant" another one called me "Warden"...it was positive. :)

That "Lieutenant" hasn't left me, and glad it's MUCH appreciated.

souleater11 · Mar 5, 2014

Whose expectations?
See, that's where these "expectations" are open to interpretation and can be misconstrued by the unsuspecting public, where most people who put their dues in the trenches know otherwise..
I've NEVER thought nurses to be "angels of mercy" , and there are many who have taken the methodical, logical lens to the profession. Knowing the history of the professions and the evolution of what it is today, one can see it was done with grit, logic, and with a pioneering attitude; not by "fluff"
Those who place unrealistic expectations in their personal life needs a little soul searching, IMHO-as some posters pointed out, "expectation struggle" is not the premier cornerstone of nursing-that can happen in any career when one decides that their career will define them.
Me being a nurse is ONE, yes ONE aspect of me, not the be all end all; I found more nurses in my line of thinking-heck, they helped support my thinking in my 14 years of being in healthcare-the ones who struggle; probably 5-10 percent of my peers have had this "experience", maybe less.

Well said, ladyfree :)

vianne · Mar 5, 2014

Yes agree with ladyfree, souleater 11, think you've touched on the nature/nurture debate too, can we really teach student nurses compassion I wonder? But I digress, I think we aren't all one thing all of the time (your friend), to not see a nurse as a person with an outside life etc surely diminishes that nurse to a point we would not tolerate as a profession were it applied to "a patient" ? Do into others and all that ? Enjoying the thread though these thing are good to discuss

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Mar 5, 2014

I've been called things worse than Lieutenant or Warden.... :roflmao: .

I think we all put on a facade. It's called professionalism. Have I been professional at work while my life was falling apart and being held at gunpoint at home? Yes. Did my co-workers know? No.

Sure there are times I would LOVE to give someone an airway obstruction called four fingers and a thumb....right in their face. Or take their blood pressure around their neck. I used to fantasize about intubating my ex husband, giving him Pavulon, and a call light on a T-piece and tell him to call me if he has trouble breathing....HE was an ass...but I digress.

But these are only fantasies that I find amusing. I always said I wanted to work one week before I retire when I could say exactly what I wanted in triage. So that when people walked up to the window demanding to be seen immediately because "it hurts when they move their arm"...for a week...I could say...then don't move your arm and make an appointment with your PCP. Or the "I need a pregnancy test"...I would tell them to go to CVS and buy or steal one. At least thinking it made me feel better.

I have been known to forearm a gang member to the ground and I can take down a drunk (at least I used to) have them in four points before they can spew the next profanity or spit in my face. My language can make a truck driver blush.

IN the ICU I am organized and meticulous...obsessive about my patient meds and IV lines. I can remember labs from 3 days ago and the treatment for them. At home I have trouble with my own phone number and forget birthdays and anniversaries. My closets and drawers are...shall I say...not so meticulous and you aren't allowed in my pantry or spice cupboard.

Do I sometimes smile and be pleasant while I am thinking that the person in front of me is an ass? Yes. I can smile and seem empathetic while listening to a complaint thinking "What an idiot!" and tell them I clearly understand where they are coming from. Do I sometimes restrain my real thoughts here for the political neutral response? Yes.

Am I different at home than on the job? Yes. Would I put up with being called foul names and physical assault at home? NO!

It's called professionalism. I love my job. I love being a nurse. These strangers that are foul behaved have no impact on my life other than a casual annoyance in the moment.

Do I out on a facade at work? Yes. Do I really care about my patients?ABSOLUTELY

elkpark · Mar 5, 2014

Maybe because I have an unrealistic expectations of nurses?
Maybe I was wrong of placing her RN profession as her identity outside of work?

Sounds to me like, yes, you have unrealistic expectations of nurses and, yes, you are wrong (to) "place" (?)her licensure and occupation as "her identity outside of work."

NurseDirtyBird · Mar 5, 2014

I have compassion for my patients and provide the best care I can. Most times, I can sympathize with them. I treat them as the people they are, and not just another task, with respect for their individual needs and wants and their dignity. But I am not a big "people person." I don't talk to strangers outside of work. I despise idle chit chat in my personal life. I am respectful but aloof. Some people think I'm not very nice when they first meet me, because I don't want to talk about the weather or high gas prices. However, I am not a bully, I don't go out of my way to be mean to people, I care about my family and friends and treat them that way.

But just as in every other area of life, some people are jerks. Nursing students, nurses, doctors, patients, grocery store cashiers, cops, firefighters, restaurant servers, etc. Jerks are everywhere.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · Mar 5, 2014

I have a nurse friend who is caring in her workplace but totally opposite at home.
Maybe because I have an unrealistic expectations of nurses?
Maybe I was wrong of placing her RN profession as her identity outside of work?

Aha. Now I get it. (And it occurs to me that there is a language barrier here, too.)

I think you may have been under the common misapprehension that all nurses are nurses because they are angels of mercy, infinitely compassionate, and universally tender, and that these are the definitive attributes of nurses. This unfortunate stereotype has been used for generations to keep nurses subordinate and poorly paid compared to their education and responsibilities. This stereotype also discourages many strong (mostly) women and men from entering the profession.

In answer, then, yes, you are correct. You are wrong to make those assumptions about nurses in general, and therefore about your neighbor specifically if based on those assumptions.

We are human beings like anyone else. We may, as a group, have more empathetic skills or have deliberately chosen to develop them for our work more than, say, chemists or insurance agents or gymnasts. That doesn't mean we are naturally inclined to be selfless and 100% nurturing all the time.

amygarside · Mar 5, 2014

Maybe there are lots of reasons why we chose to tread the nursing career. The best thing we can do, is by being a nurse during our shifts. No matter what are your interests. One should understand the true essence of nursing.

OCNRN63, RN · Mar 5, 2014

Hello GrnTea,
My thread may sound a kinda frown by our Nursing Culture but the facade image in my theory kinda explain some observations of uncivil behavior and bullying behavior towards their coworkers while putting a caring facade towards patients.

Huh?

souleater11 · Mar 5, 2014

I've been called things worse than Lieutenant or Warden.....
I think we all put on a facade. It's called professionalism. Have I been professional at work while my life was falling apart and being held at gunpoint at home? Yes. Did my co-workers know? No.
Sure there are times I would LOVE to give someone an airway obstruction called four fingers and a thumb....right in their face. Or take their blood pressure around their neck. I used to fantasize about intubating my ex husband, giving him Pavulon, and a call light on a T-piece and tell him to call me if he has trouble breathing....HE was an ass...but I digress.
But these are only fantasies that I find amusing. I always said I wanted to work one week before I retire when I could say exactly what I wanted in triage. So that when people walked up to the window demanding to be seen immediately because "it hurts when they move their arm"...for a week...I could say...then don't move your arm and make an appointment with your PCP. Or the "I need a pregnancy test"...I would tell them to go to CVS and buy or steal one. At least thinking it made me feel better.
I have been known to forearm a gang member to the ground and I can take down a drunk (at least I used to) have them in four points before they can spew the next profanity or spit in my face. My language can make a truck driver blush.
IN the ICU I am organized and meticulous...obsessive about my patient meds and IV lines. I can remember labs from 3 days ago and the treatment for them. At home I have trouble with my own phone number and forget birthdays and anniversaries. My closets and drawers are...shall I say...not so meticulous and you aren't allowed in my pantry or spice cupboard.
Do I sometimes smile and be pleasant while I am thinking that the person in front of me is an ass? Yes. I can smile and seem empathetic while listening to a complaint thinking "What an idiot!" and tell them I clearly understand where they are coming from. Do I sometimes restrain my real thoughts here for the political neutral response? Yes.
Am I different at home than on the job? Yes. Would I put up with being called foul names and physical assault at home? NO!
It's called professionalism. I love my job. I love being a nurse. These strangers that are foul behaved have no impact on my life other than a casual annoyance in the moment.
Do I out on a facade at work? Yes. Do I really care about my patients?ABSOLUTELY

Thanks for sharing your anecdote, Esme12 :)

On the flip side there may be nurses who wears a facade of caring and compassion image while having a cunning unprofessional intent secretly.

mclennan, BSN, RN · Mar 5, 2014

I fake it 90% of the time. My patients and co workers love me. I take home a paycheck. I get good performance reviews. Done.

Ruby Vee, BSN · Mar 5, 2014

Hello GrnTea,
My thread may sound a kinda frown by our Nursing Culture but the facade image in my theory kinda explain some observations of uncivil behavior and bullying behavior towards their coworkers while putting a caring facade towards patients.

Huh? "My thread may sound a kinda frown by our Nursing Culture" -- not sure what that means.

I'm not sure I understand your point. It has been my experience that most of what is called "bullying behavior toward coworkers" is merely some brand new nurse who hasn't had a real job before and hasn't learned how to get along with coworkers. Not that there isn't some real bullying out there; but it's much less common than a perusal of AN posts would have us think. As far as the "caring facade toward patients" -- I'm not sure what difference it makes whether it's a facade or real as long as the nurse cares enough about her job to do a good one.

Compassion is much easier to fake than critical thinking, and of the two, I'd rather the facade be caring than see a bevy or nurses faking competence.

Hello everyone,
I observe that most go to Nursing School to earn big and not entirely motivated by the traditional "caring" personality.
is it true that some Nurses put on a facade on being caring in their workplace but have entirely have uncaring personality outside their workplace ?

For example, a Janitor employee mops and cleans around but it does not mean he enjoys cleaning or have a neat personality. He is driven by financial need and similarly a Nurses could be driven by financial gain while masking a facade of a caring image at her workplace.

I suspect this is yet another attempt to justify the need for a "calling" in order to be a "real nurse." I wish that, along with "Nurses eat their young," the "calling" could be put to permanent rest.

It's not our business -- not yours and not mine -- why someone else chose to become a nurse. I can assure you it wasn't for "big bucks." But as long as they're competent, I don't really care whether they have a "calling" or just wanted a technical job with flexible hours, decent benefits and reasonable pay.