I know there are regional variations in the use of honey with non-family members. I happen to live out west, where it's rare. I lived in the South for a few years, way back when, and it seemed to be common.
What do you think of it? I have a younger, bossy co-worker whom I'm going to request that she stop calling me 'hon'. Am I being petty? I find it irritating to have a woman who is younger than some of my children call me 'hon'. I don't mind it from sweet people who are my age or older, from this gal it is part of a general pattern of disrespect that I get from her. She is NOT from the South, by the way.
Being called "Miss Ruby" sends me straight up the wall! I've told several of the folks I work with over and over, but they still don't seem to get it. (Or else people love to see me riled up!)
Oh Miss Ruby!!!
I would drive many of you up the wall. I wasn't raised doing it, but working in a southern nursing home, you turn into a Waffle House waitress. I knew I'd lived here too long when I referred to someone as "Sweet Pea."
I call people "love" all the time. It's a habit that stubbornly sticks with me. If you want to know the truth, so many times I ask what the patient would prefer I call them, and if I don't write it down, I end up forgetting. Then if I call them Mr., Miss or Mrs. so-and-so, I look like a jerk for not complying with their request. (Heck, probably I am a jerk for it.) I am so awful at names. I haven't felt like anyone has been annoyed by it. Not yet anyway. I've had some people seem to enjoy it, actually. I wouldn't say I live in the south, but the area I am in has a slightly southern vibe to it.
It's because everyone forgets names sometimes even with whiteboards. And if a patient is climbing out of bed I don't always get a chance to ask their name. Hon, sweetie, sweetheart, dear are just faster and I try not to use them all the time, I also us sir, and Mammam. But the endearments used apprioately and occasionally are fine.
I've certainly been called all of the above too. I don't mind as long as it isn't constant. I did have one case where a patient was referring to me as sweetheart continuously and I simply ask them to use my name instead, which they did.
Coworkers are harder, I tend to just retaliate with a nickname or endearment for them too. Usually takes very few times for the point to sink in.
I call people "love" all the time. It's a habit that stubbornly sticks with me. If you want to know the truth, so many times I ask what the patient would prefer I call them, and if I don't write it down, I end up forgetting. Then if I call them Mr., Miss or Mrs. so-and-so, I look like a jerk for not complying with their request. (Heck, probably I am a jerk for it.) I am so awful at names. I haven't felt like anyone has been annoyed by it. Not yet anyway. I've had some people seem to enjoy it, actually. I wouldn't say I live in the south, but the area I am in has a slightly southern vibe to it.
I can tell you this would annoy the carp outta me. We have a space for preferred name on our whiteboards in each room. It takes a half a second to glance at it to see/remember what to call me. I know I have had to do that once in a while, but I'd far rather it than someone just call me whatever they feel like - 'hon' 'love' 'darling' etc.
I get that everyone forgets names - I do too! But if you refer to them by name EVERY time you go in there it will get easier, and if you can't see the board/take the second to glance at it sir/ma'am sounds so much more respectful (I know it might seem like you forgot their name, but let's be real, if you call every other patient honey does it seem like you are making a point to remember their name either?). This is just in my opinion though. I have had patients who have said everyone calls them dear/honey and so we do, but if I can help it I'd rather not and personally would rather keep terms of endearment toward me with those people I know well.
Not saying you are 100% wrong - cause I get forgetting names! That's totally human. I just am highlighting that people may really not like it and not say anything like I wouldn't so they avoid seeming impolite.
I live in the South and this a common occurrence, even in the workplace. My co-workers and I rarely engage in the "honey-sweetheart-darlin" dialect to each other but when it comes to caring for a patient those words are frequent (myself included). I do not personally find this offensive but if someone kindly asked me to not refer to them in those terms of endearment I would not be offended. I work in Trauma ICU and I've noticed during serious times (speaking with family, family meetings, when bad news is relayed, etc) those words are left out; however when the patient is awake and talking/laughing/smiling my Southern Belle attitude tends to slip out more.
I can tell you this would annoy the carp outta me. We have a space for preferred name on our whiteboards in each room. It takes a half a second to glance at it to see/remember what to call me. I know I have had to do that once in a while but I'd far rather it than someone just call me whatever they feel like - 'hon' 'love' 'darling' etc. I get that everyone forgets names - I do too! But if you refer to them by name EVERY time you go in there it will get easier, and if you can't see the board/take the second to glance at it sir/ma'am sounds so much more respectful (I know it might seem like you forgot their name, but let's be real, if you call every other patient honey does it seem like you are making a point to remember their name either?). This is just in my opinion though. I have had patients who have said everyone calls them dear/honey and so we do, but if I can help it I'd rather not and personally would rather keep terms of endearment toward me with those people I know well. Not saying you are 100% wrong - cause I get forgetting names! That's totally human. I just am highlighting that people may really not like it and not say anything like I wouldn't so they avoid seeming impolite.[/quote']
Everything you say makes sense. I'm still in school now, so it's good to hear these perspectives early in my nursing journey. I've learned in my tenure, though, that the white boards aren't always up to date. What I've learned is every morning or evening when we "hand off", white boards will be among the first things I do for this exact reason. I don't want to be bad at names!
As my previous comment states, I have lived in the deep south for 57 years. I can honestly say that I have never heard of that type of language being used as a "put down," or derogatory, in any manner. I find it strange that anyone would think that it is! While growing up in the south, we had to address adults by "ma'am, or sir," like "yes, Ma'am." My brother lives in the pacific northwest, and he claims that is a "no no" there. He claims that is considered rude, and you just say "yes" or "no" without the ma'am or sir. Oh, well. Personally I am glad we are all different. How boring our world would be if we were all the same. I don't call my co-workers sugar, etc., but I do use those terms of endearment for my patients. They seem to like it, but most of them are southern, too. (I think a lot of people have misconceptions about the south, judging from stuff I have heard or read.)
....lol
NutmeggeRN, BSN
2 Articles; 4,743 Posts
Paul Simon "You Can Call Me Al"
A man walks down the street
He says why am I soft in the middle now
Why am I soft in the middle
The rest of my life is so hard
I need a photo-opportunity
I want a shot at redemption
Don't want to end up a cartoon
In a cartoon graveyard
Bonedigger Bonedigger
Dogs in the moonlight
Far away my well-lit door
Mr. Beerbelly Beerbelly
Get these mutts away from me
You know I don't find this stuff amusing anymore
If you'll be my bodyguard
I can be your long lost pal
I can call you Betty
And Betty when you call me
You can call me Al.....
But for the love of Pete, do NOT call me Honey Boo Boo!!!!