Calling all compassionate nurses... teach me

*LadyJane* · Dec 15, 2008

Just because one patient tells you that doesn't mean it's necessarily true. Would you believe something because of what one person said one time? NO! Check into this further. Look at motives, and if you come to believe that you aren't compassionate(enough), then you can always start by imagining that you are the person in the hospital bed.... and think of how you'd like to be treated....

Jane

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Dec 15, 2008

Smiling a lot. People like that. Placing a hand on the shoulder when auscultating heart and lung sounds. Asking them if they are warm enough, offering snacks and water, making small talk. People seem to think you're compassionate when you do those things.

Tweety, BSN, RN · Dec 15, 2008

Compassion is having a high regard for others. You got it or you don't.

Agree with Virgo above, those little things will demonstrate compassion. I think too I would add listening. Most people just really want to be listened to and understood. Stop, listen and look them in the eye. Tell them you understand, or simply nod your head.

This patient was more than likely manipulating you. Take an honest look at yourself, and I'm sure you'll find that you're a compassionate person. Most nurses are. Don't let this patient get under your skin.

RedhairedNurse, BSN, RN · Dec 15, 2008

I think sometimes we can become too busy. That's why I went to nightshift, so I can actually do special things for my pts. Dayshift was just too fast paced for me, I had compassion, but didn't have enough time in my day to show it.

Virgo_RN, BSN, RN · Dec 15, 2008

I agree with Tweety. That kind of comment sounds like someone who didn't get what they wanted. That has nothing to do with your level of compassion.

oldiebutgoodie, RN · Dec 15, 2008

If several patients begin telling you that you aren't compassionate, then you may want to worry. But if it's just one patient, I wouldn't worry about it. Just today I had a patient VERY angry with me, told me I was horrible, and that he was going to write a letter about me, because I would not discharge him from the hospital. He didn't understand that as the wound care nurse, that is not my job. However, later, he was sweet as pie ( I think beginnings of dementia). Other patients may be angry about their illness, have cabin fever, delirium, etc.

I have found that sitting down to talk to the patients seems to help, it makes it seem like you are settling in for a nice talk. And sometimes, they will just not like you. (Maybe you remind them of their mother-in-law, sister, ex-friend, brother, etc...)

Good luck!

Oldiebutgoodie

zuzi · Dec 16, 2008

Sure that you are...but may be you didn't discoverd your self how compassionate you are or you was in hurry, or still is hard for yourself to let out other know hw much you care.... some time is happen.

Practical advices to enhance your compassion

1. see in each of your patients your mom, dad, relatives, love ones

2. See your slef in the place of him/her

3. Speach, do it what do you think that will make him/her happy, watch the feedback and change your atitude depend of patient reaction

4. Always think like... "may be for him I will be the last one that he will look on this world"...keep him/her happy!

You are a great nurse and just because you ask us about compassion. Hugs!

ECKPowers · Dec 16, 2008

I'm not a nurse. But I am a mother.

And to me if this worries you that shows that you are compassionate.

Compassionate enough to make sure you are doing all you can to care for your patients. I think that's admirable.

And not defending her rude statement, as a patient, sometimes we are so miserable we snap. And I have had to apologize to nurses before for snapping. She owes you an apology. But you probably won't get one.

VICEDRN, BSN, RN · Dec 16, 2008

This is a quality I frequently get complimented on when I work with clients or patients. I am also a mother and 30 years old so I have some practice with this.

1. Do not judge. In fact, look for reasons not to judge. I try to imagine all of the things that might be the reason rather than the most obvious.

2. Try to see it from their point of view. For example, what seems like common knowledge to you does not mean they know it. Look for signs that something is going over their head. Look for signs that they can't read.

3. Look for the good in everybody.

4. Squeeze, pat or rub when possible. The shoulder, the forearm, etc.

5. Repeat every feeling word someone says. Say "I understand you feel ..... because ...." or "Its understandable." I find this makes me focus on their feelings. You also vaguely describe it, "How frustrating" "How upsetting."

6. Tell your story, a little. Say "I know how long the wait can seem when you are waiting to get discharged. I have been there before."

7. Explain everything. There is a miniature scientist inside of lots of people and a lot more people just want answers. It doesn't hurt anybody to say "The blue band is Falls precautions. Sometimes its for people who are taking certain medications that might make them unsteady."

6. Look them straight in the face. Every time. I waited tables for a while. Its amazing how people can go a whole meal and never look straight in your face.

I think if its possible, go back and explain to that guy that you want to know why he thinks so because you want his help in improving. Ask for his suggestions.

I bet you get two answers: what he wants (what made him say that) and what improves your practice. If it hurt you, then clearly you have the capacity. Its another skill, just like any other. Please don't view it as a personal failing!

Long Term Care Columnist / Guide · Dec 16, 2008

These are all well-written posts that I can't really add anything to, except this: Compassion is an ethereal quality which doesn't fit into any one description, and it's a lot like humility---if you have to question whether or not you have it, you probably don't.

That's not to say that you cannot develop compassion, or that you're a bad nurse because it may not come naturally to you. You don't say how old you are; I know that when I was much younger, I didn't automatically think about other people, or how they might react to my words or actions, before I said or did things. So I often alienated people and hurt their feelings, completely unintentionally of course, but the results were the same.

I'm not saying that you personally have this problem; I don't know you or your situation well enough to judge. I'm just throwing this out for your consideration because YOU have asked the question "what does it take to be a compassionate nurse?" Everyone here has given you some great suggestions; listen and learn from them.

Best of luck to you in your career, and in life.

TheCommuter, BSN, RN · Dec 16, 2008

Just wondering what it takes to be a compassionate nurse? A patient has just told me that i'm not a compassionate nurse. Just want to improve myself. Hope you guys could help me. Thanks!!!

You don't need to change simply because one patient expresses his/her opinion. You cannot be all things to all people, so continue to remain true to oneself.

In addition, I feel that many patients need attitude adjustments, too.