Broke and about to be more broke!

jhopper · Jul 28, 2012

Miiki, I am enjoying your thoughtful questions and curiosity.

I'm not sure what we would have done if my wife wanted to go to college, although she had already gone to college and I had not. As for sacraficing, I guess my wife looks at going to work and college as a sacrafice on my part, because she loves being at home with our children. I guess its' all a matter of prospective.

My wife and I live in our own home. I am the only income.

It is true that Asians tend to send their children to school for long hours, however this is still recently new in Korean and Japanese cultures. Women tend to stay at home, esp in the traditional Japanese culture. But for the most part the traditional culture of Mexico, Asia, and Pacific Islands revolve around dad at work and mom at home. Obviously there are expcetions to every rule.

The effectiveness of a parents decisions... that will be decided when the kids are adults. We'll know in about 12 years.

NICUmiiki, DNP, NP · Jul 28, 2012

The women at home in those traditional cultures are generally oppressed and educationally deprived. I'm guessing that there's a positive correlation between # of daycares and # of women who can read.

jhopper · Jul 28, 2012

That may be a bit of a blanket statement. I know a lot of Mexican stay at home moms who read People Magazine and use a cook book.

I'm not advocating ignorance, illiteracy, or bigotry. I simply believe it is healthy for a mom and dad to provide a wholesome home enviroment for their children, with plenty of one on one time as opposed to the kids being in an institution all day. I simply believe in healthy families where mom and dad are involved with their kids for more than breakfast and dinner.

jhopper · Jul 28, 2012

How did this all get taken out of context so quickly? Since when was it wrong for a guy to have wholesome values? Apparently a gentleman is no longer allowed to be a gentleman. Years ago our culture embraced the stay at home mother, and the hardworking and upstanding father figure.

Opinions aside. We are taught to understand and educat our patients through the lens of cultural relativism. That the family and community play a key role in one's health. Day care (community) can be a good enviroment under the right circumstances, but it is not a replacement for an absent (family) mother and father.

bubblejet50 · Jul 28, 2012

Jhopper...being a mom of 1, soon to be 2 kids and in an unhealthy relationship that is in the process of ending I will be utilizing daycare out of necessity. I would love if I had had a husband who let me stay at home. I am 25 and wish I were around more for my kids. I worked fulltime and went to nursing school and still have ambition to do well in my.career but if I were given the choice I would totally.stay home. The.daycare I use is amazing. My 3 year old is starting to read.and can write her name. I also have toured some very bad daycares so I can see your side too.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

How did this all get taken out of context so quickly? Since when was it wrong for a guy to have wholesome values? Apparently a gentleman is no longer allowed to be a gentleman. Years ago our culture embraced the stay at home mother, and the hardworking and upstanding father figure.
Opinions aside. We are taught to understand and educator patients through the lens of cultural relativism. That the family and community play a key role in one's health. Day care (community) can be a good environment under the right circumstances, but it is not a replacement for an absent (family) mother and father.

I think your printed words sounded slightly........superior and "privileged".....giving the impression of superiority and "looking down" upon those "driven by materialism". Your meaning didn't translate well to many hard working families struggling to hang on in this horrible economy doing whatever they can to improve their life for their children making them sound petty and selfish.

There are many mothers out there who want to be home with their children and they can't.....yes it is sad, and believe me they are sad as well.....saying it's because they are materialistic and selfish.....well......any Mother will feel threatened and attacked.

I am sure that was not the intention of your point of view but it came out sounding that way. Those Mom's that are doing their best and really have no choice but daycare came out fighting when they felt attacked and cornered. Actually I Am happy everyone was able to voice their opinions in such a constructive manner!

mzrainydayz, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

I am a single mother and that alone is hard. I start nursing school next month. My daughter has 4k testing on Tuesday and I am praying to God she gets in. I can't afford childcare because I will be only working one day when nursing classes start. I haven't been able to save any money this summer because I had major car repairs, and still have minor car repairs to fix before school starts. I am just trying to take one day at a time and trust and believe God will see me through to the end.

Stephalump · Jul 28, 2012

@ Stephalump
Did I mention your name when I made any of the above statements? Why are you making this personal? My beef with daycare has nothing to do with you, nor do any of my statements.
.

Comments do not have to affect me directly for me to find them offensive.

You can add "Just my opinion" to the end of the world's most vulgur diatribe, and it doesn't somehow absolve you from your words. For the record, neither does the phrase "no offense."

In your case. I don't know if you're blissfully unaware of the implications of your sweeping generalizations or if that's simply a passive-aggressive style tempered by "your mileage may vary." I have no idea, but I do know that if you are truly concerned or puzzled as to why the reaction toward your comments was negative, you'll be able to figure it out.

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

I am a male nursing student, father of 3. We are priviledged, because my wife is able to stay at home with the kids. I have my own opinions about this subject.
I have traveled into Mexico, Asia, and the Pacific Islands interacting with families from other cultures. It's my impression that we Americans have an upside down concept of parenting. Because we are driven by matieralism we tend to pursue our careers at the expense of spending time with our children. We pay another person to watch the kids for 8 hours a day while we go to work or school.
This sort of parenting is found in other cultures, but is reserved to the upper echelon of society. Usually this is in the form of a nanny or in home care giver providing one on one care. In america we have developed the daycare system involving a few care givers and many children.
At the end of the day all I am saying is that there is no better day care than home. I'm sure glad we made it work...

It is taking all I have in my to NOT say something very ugly to you. And trust me buddy.. I am not that type. But you have seriously made me mad. I have always been a stay at home mom and I LOVE my children and taking care of them. I didn't have parents, so I know what it's like; therefore, I do my best to be a darn good parent. How dare you? Seriously. Am I not allowed to have dreams? I am a smart person and my dream is to be a nurse. And no, it's NOT for the money. No one in my family has ever made anything of themselves. It makes me proud to hear my 4 year old say, "I'm so proud of you mommy! You're going to be a good nurse!" he needs that preschool setting. And as for my almost two year old, he has a big speech delay and daycare is going to do wonders for him. How do I know? Because my four year old already sees a speech therapist and we have talked about it. They daycare I picked is also a school-type environment. They all have early childhood education degrees. You will NOT make me feel bad about going to school. My children are well taking care of. And they will not be there for 8 hours a day. I plan to get them right after school.

I have a friend who use to go to school because she said she wanted to be a nurse. Now she has two kids and stays At home. Out of jealousy, she always makes comments about how her kids need her at home and blah blah. Trying to make me feel bad. Guess what? Now she is asking me how I do it all because she can't figure it out herself!

My pharmacist? Yeah, she always comments on how I do it all and she can't believe it and so on. Ya know what, I do it all. I really do. And I always put my family first.

The nurse that was in my class this summer? Yeah, she constantly told me how wonderful of a nurse I'm going to be and that I'm going to do great. I dont bring this up, she does. And ya know, it means a lot that someone, a nurse, can see that in me and has only gotten to know me a little during class time. When I told her that I got accepted, she had the biggest smile, stood up to hug me, and said she had been telling her husband about me and praying for me.

I am going to be a great nurse. I work my tail off to be a great mom and student. I've somehow maintained pretty happy kids and husband, a clean house, and a high gpa. Don't give me a hassle about going to school.

I am seriously not a mean person and i do not like confrontation.. But you, my dear, crossed the line. And it just so happened to be seen right when I woke up and hadn't had my coffee yet. I'm really glad my husband is supportive, and not like you. Heck, he's the one who cried when I got in! He made it real for me.

God bless.

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

And btw I just woke up. I am aware of typos. I just do not care enough to fix them! ;-)

jhopper · Jul 28, 2012

Yes, I need a big cup as well.

morte, LPN, LVN · Jul 28, 2012

I don't have a "dog in this show"/horse in this race.....so to speak. Which perhaps gives me a little less bias. First jhopper has said, right up front that they are priviledged, they have the where-with-all to make it work. Those who "would go crazy" if they were home fulltime, did you perhaps think that maybe you shouldn't have had them? Or should have thought it thru better?

I grew up on a farm, so I had two SAH parents, so to speak. and they both had their things/jobs, so they werent without positive feedback. Unless it financial nec. I don't see the reason for going back to fulltime school with small children. I have my asbestos suit ready!