Broke and about to be more broke!

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

I don't have a "dog in this show"/horse in this race.....so to speak. Which perhaps gives me a little less bias. First jhopper has said, right up front that they are priviledged, they have the where-with-all to make it work. Those who "would go crazy" if they were home fulltime, did you perhaps think that maybe you shouldn't have had them? Or should have thought it thru better?
I grew up on a farm, so I had two SAH parents, so to speak. and they both had their things/jobs, so they werent without positive feedback. Unless it financial nec. I don't see the reason for going back to fulltime school with small children. I have my asbestos suit ready!

I'm going to just leave this alone and enjoy my coffee. If you do not have kids, well then you should have nothing to say. Just like someone who doesn't have kids telling someone who does how to do things with them. I'm done. I'm sure others will respond. Because honestly I'm not wanting to be very nice and that's not the person that I am.

Have a nice weekend.

Stephalump · Jul 28, 2012

I. Those who "would go crazy" if they were home fulltime, did you perhaps think that maybe you shouldn't have had them? Or should have thought it thru better?
!

Those thoughts would only make sense if:

1)Parents felt as jhopper - that using Childcare is a fate worse than death. If you have no desire to be a stay at home parent and don't mind hiring a nanny, using relative care, using daycare, etc, why would you consider not having children?

2)You were somehow aware you wouldn't enjoy staying at home long-term BEFORE having children. For some people, that is the case. But many women (and men) don't realize it isn't for them until they're families have already suffered the consequences of their unhappiness, such as depression, etc.

Other than that, I do have friends who choose by to have children based on their desire to work. I chose to have mine before I started my career, the main reason being that I've been able to stay at home with them while they're babies. Once they hit preschool age, I have no qualms with them being in school. As a stay at home mom, I send them. Frankly, they learn things there that they don't at home and it gives me a few hours a week to get things done.

But now that I'm on the path to working, we will not be having any more children. Putting a 6 week old baby in daycare would be so difficult for me, I'd probably quit my job and render all the stress of becoming a nurse pretty useless.

Stephalump · Jul 28, 2012

And btw I just woke up. I am aware of typos. I just do not care enough to fix them! ;-)

I'm right there with you. I started to go back to fix autocorrects and typos but I give up. I think it's somewhat readable. FYI jhopper, I don't remember what I actually was trying to type, but the word "precious" in the phrase "your precious comments" was some sort of autocorrect that made it come off much more snarky than intended. I'm not sure how much snark I was going for at the time, but not that much.

morte, LPN, LVN · Jul 28, 2012

The person on the outside looking in, commonly has the most unbiased opinion.

I'm going to just leave this alone and enjoy my coffee. If you do not have kids, well then you should have nothing to say. Just like someone who doesn't have kids telling someone who does how to do things with them. I'm done. I'm sure others will respond. Because honestly I'm not wanting to be very nice and that's not the person that I am.
Have a nice weekend.

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

The person on the outside looking in, commonly has the most unbiased opinion.

And? My point is that they have no clue what it's like. You can have your opinions. I couldn't care less. But, I am not a bad, or selfish, mom because I'm in school and my kids go to preschool/daycare. They haven't started yet. And they have been with me 24/7. I am a good mom and going to school will not change that.

morte, LPN, LVN · Jul 28, 2012

Of course I "have a clue", just because I don't have the full experience, doesn't mean I am clueless. If my thoughts don't apply to you, why are you acting so guilty/stressed out by them?

And? My point is that they have no clue what it's like. You can have your opinions. I couldn't care less. But, I am not a bad, or selfish, mom because I'm in school and my kids go to preschool/daycare. They haven't started yet. And they have been with me 24/7. I am a good mom and going to school will not change that.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

Being a parent is the hardest job in the world. Unfortunately, staying at home with one's child is different than it was years ago when it was simpler times. It is NEVER about the quantity of time spent with your child but the quality that is important. It is NOT OK to attack someone parenting style when the child is happy and healthy. People take these types of citicinemas seriously and to heart. It is difficult to impossible to know how one would act as a parent when you have never been a parent. What is not ok for one family is not for another. But it is not for one to judge another.

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lively debate. This means you are free to disagree with anyone on any type of subject matter as long as your criticism is constructive and polite. Additionally, please refrain from name-calling. This is divisive, rude, and derails the thread. Our first priority is to the members that have come here because of the flame-free atmosphere we provide. There is a zero-tolerance policy here against personal attacks. We will not tolerate anyone insulting other's opinion nor name calling.
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We can agree to disagree without being disagreeable. Please respond to posters accordingly or the thread will be closed to cool off.

NICUmiiki, DNP, NP · Jul 28, 2012

Whoa!!

Ok. I guess I'm gonna have JHoppers back for a sec.

I agree that jhopper's first post came off a bit chauvinistic and demeaning. But that's why I questioned him: to get a better understanding of his point of view. From the answers he gave me, I don't believe he is oppressing his wife. She wants to be home with their kids. He admitted that his wife would have a turn to finish school. He honestly believes kids belong at home. It's a completely valid and traditional opinion.

I only disagree on the point of 'women should be the ones doing it' as per his list of cultures that do it better than the US. Not that women shouldn't, but men should also.

One of my professors taught on TTh while his wife stayed home with their baby, and watched the baby on MWF while his wife went to school. Their arrangement seemed the most healthy for a stay at home child. They divided child rearing responsibilities between them, and the baby got quality time with both parents and not just the mom with an overly busy dad. Both parents are able to work on personal achievement in addition to parenthood. That would be my most idealistic child care arrangement.

Esme12, ASN, BSN, RN · Jul 28, 2012

That is what my husband and I did .......He worked days I worked nights. Did it require sacrifice? Yes but it was worth it. My sister traveled 4 days a week for her job and her children were in daycare at a very young age....did they suffer? No.....my niece will be graduating nursing school soon and my other niece will be graduating with an engineering degree in a year. They are bright, intelligent, loving responsible women.

Stephalump · Jul 28, 2012

Whoa!!
Ok. I guess I'm gonna have JHoppers back for a sec.
I agree that jhopper's first post came off a bit chauvinistic and demeaning. But that's why I questioned him: to get a better understanding of his point of view. From the answers he gave me, I don't believe he is oppressing his wife. She wants to be home with their kids. He admitted that his wife would have a turn to finish school. He honestly believes kids belong at home. It's a completely valid and traditional opinion.
I only disagree on the point of 'women should be the ones doing it.' Not that women shouldn't, but men should also.
One of my professors taught on TTh while his wife stayed home with their baby, and watched the baby on MWF while his wife went to school. Their arrangement seemed the most healthy for a stay at home child. They divided child rearing responsibilities between them, and the baby got quality time with both parents and not just the mom with an overly busy dad. Both parents are able to work on personal achievement in addition to parenthood. That would be my most idealistic child care arrangement.

I have no issue with his set-up, nor did it occur to me that he could be oppressing his wife. If they are happy in their set-up, that is perfectly fine. As a feminist, I support choice. Many women happily choose to be stay at home moms and find it fulfilling. I've been a stay at home mother/student for 10 years...my entire adult life.

I have a problem with the things that are being said, but not said.

morte, LPN, LVN · Jul 28, 2012

yup, choice is important. One is responsible for the consequences of those choices.

I have no issue with his set-up, nor did it occur to me that he could be oppressing his wife. If they are happy in their set-up, that is perfectly fine. As a feminist, I supper choice. Many women happily choose to be stay at home moms and find it fulfilling. I've been a stay at home mother/student for 10 years...my entire adult life.
I have a problem with the things that are being said, but not said.

CRNBSN18 · Jul 28, 2012

I didn't read the rest of his posts. That one did me in. I love being home with my children. But, I am allowed to have a dream aren't I? And it is in my children's best interest to have interactions with other children. They need that. My 4 year old needs to have that preschool curriculum. He isn't for letting me try to teach him. My 2 year old also need that interaction. Do you not think that I feel awful that my kids are going to be away from me? That it's not been hard on me? And has made me feel selfish? It has. And probably always will. Like I said before, I didn't have parents. They still don't care about me. That's why I do my best. I make sure my children feel that they are loved and I spend a lot of time with them. So does my husband. He is home with them while I go to school at night.

I assure you that I will be crying my eyes out when I leave them for the first time. And probably for a while after. I don't need someone else trying to make me feel even worse about it. The way that I am making myself feel better about it is telling myself that they need it and it's in their best interest to be learning and have interaction with other kids.