Boss Keeps Asking Me to Lunch

systoly · Feb 8, 2011

Your lead nurse is a pit viper. She stated "he" shouldn't do it, yet chose to address it with you. She stated it smacks ( what vocabulary [unprofessional] ) of favoritism and that other nurses won't like it. I know you don't want to make waves so I won't tell you how I'd handle this old bag, but my suggestion is to take the wind out of her sails. Invite her and all the other nurses to lunch and if anyone declines, keep a record and the first time this person takes lunch with anyone else scream favoritism (too wavy ?).

ShannonRN2010, BSN, RN · Feb 8, 2011

In my first LPN job, my best friend was still an LPN and she was friends with the ADON of that facility. She had went to grade school with her, high school, they went to LPN school together. The ADON went on to get her RN and became Jo's boss. They would still hang out on weekends together, the admin. went to the ADON and told her that she really shouldn't hang out with an "LPN" on the weekends, esp. since she was her boss. The ADON told her that when she was off the clock, she could hang out with whoever she wanted to, LPN, CNA, Dietary, Laundry, Housekeeping.

I would think that you would want your staff to build...relationships, if not friendships...instead of trying to cause isolation among them. *shrug*

Ackeem, BSN, MSN, RN, APRN · Feb 8, 2011

The boss likes who he likes, can't change that really so I wouldn't see the BOSS going out to lunch with someone he doesn't like in that way. Then again it would be only logical to throw in others to hinder the controversy when or if you do get a promotion of some sort. I don't know but you lead nurse sounds a tad bit jealous to me so it could be way beyond the whole promotion thing only if that's the case.

So friend, my advise is to continue lunching with your friend/boss, and if any body doesn't like it tell them to go to consult the BOSS since he's the one who's doing the inviting and not you.

You can't force someone to lunch with someone they don't want to lunch with, just to please other people.

RNfaster · Feb 9, 2011

Wow. To me, her actions smack of pettiness and bullying. I think other posters might be right...she is frustrated that she doesn't have the access that you do and that she might be passed up for promotion. That still doesn't excuse her actions.

I think I might mention her comment to your friend. I think it's irritating to have to lunch with folks due to outside pressure. On the other hand, you might be surprised to find some new friends.

I guess I'd weigh how much negative influence your current supervisor may exert. Hopefully you will be able to defuse things. Maybe a group lunch now and then might not be a bad idea. Wonder if she'll get over herself then.

I think folks that suggest you tread lightly are right.

canesdukegirl, BSN, RN · Feb 9, 2011

Hmmm...OP. This is a sticky situation. While I understand your wanting to go to lunch with the ADON if he asks you to, it seems that your direct supervisor is raising her hackles about it. This puts you at an immediate disadvantage in her eyes. However, the fault lies with HER, not with YOU. The comment that she made to you shows her insecurity like a neon light on her forehead.

As a previous poster stated, tread lightly. This is good advice. Politics can become very messy very quickly. You are really between a rock and a hard place. If you say something to the ADON, he may very well go back and mention something to your boss, putting her on the spot and making her embarrassed. Who do you think will bear the brunt of her anger? As unfair as it may seem, she seems to me to be very passive aggressive since she did not speak to the ADON about this. She chose to say something to YOU. It is clearly HER issue and you are indeed caught in the middle.

Why don't you ask your supervisor to go to lunch with you one day? Maybe you can break the ice...she may say something like, "Oh, is your buddy busy today or something?" Diffuse the situation by telling her that you took what she said to heart and would like to have lunch with her as well. This tactic puts the ball in her court and also takes the heat off of the (perceived) situation with lunching with the ADON. You never know what kind of convo you might have with your supervisor at lunch. It may surprise you.

ArizonaMark · Feb 9, 2011

To all the posters, THANK YOU for your responses, each and every one.

I read as many as I could prior to going to work this morning. And, based upon a steadfast desire not to allow myself to be tread upon, as well as strength from your support, I called my lead nurse into my office to have a little chat.

I told her she made me feel very uncomfortable with her comments. She immediately apologized (perhaps fear of HR), and said she should have spoken to him and not me about her feelings. We had a nice chat. Likely didn't accomplish much, but at least we cleared the air, and I was able to concentrate on work and not her inappropriate comments.

Not 15 minutes later, she brought me "extra" work, outside of my responsibilities. I wondered if she was beginning her passive aggressive response to our chat early in the game. She did leave me alone after that however.

Yes, she is very insecure, and I seem to spend enormous amounts of time just listening to her drone on about how unfairly she is treated. I do appreciate her trust in me (I will not violate our private conversations). Yet, she is doing with me the very thing she accuses our big boss of doing, blurring the lines.

To the poster regarding sexuality. For the record, the ADON and I are both quite heterosexual, thank you.

I am going to let things cool for now. Neither one of them like each other. And, I am sadly in the middle. It's a tough dance, but I do believe I am keeping the peace for now. Hopefully, won't get caught up in the crossfire...

You're all the best!

Mark

carolmaccas66, BSN, RN · Feb 9, 2011

She sounds pretty jealous to me. I usually confront people like that away from other work mates and ask what their problem is. I think the direct appraoch works best. I don't see any harm having lunch with your boss. My old boss/es and surgeons and I used to sit and lunch quite often - they were all happily married, it was just who wants to sit on their own 4 lunch? Anyway I see certain groups of nurses having lunch together all the time, so I don't see what the big deal is really.

Bortaz, MSN, RN · Feb 9, 2011

Or maybe you could suggest he do lunches with the other staff to make them feel "special" too.

Jesus wept. :confused:

madfowl · Feb 9, 2011

I know that you are a guy, so you may have a hard time understanding some kinds of female petty behavior. Allow me to break it down for you.

1. The facility lead nurse may (MAY) be jealous of the relationship b/w you and your boss. Read: She wants to be the one to go to lunch with him. Find out what you can of the current relationship status b/w the boss and insecure nurse. You might find out that they were in a relationship before, or she is trying to suck up to him, or something like that.

2. Invite her along too when you guys go out to lunch. Notice that she is the only one complaining. She is the only one who cares to be taken out to lunch.

3. Speak to your boss about what she said to you. NEVER keep negative behavior a secret. That will only paint you into an uncomfortable corner.

4. You are allowed to have meaningful professional relationships, even at work.

5. Consider the possibility that she may be trying to get rid of you, but cant because of the good relationship that you have with higher ups. (Thus, unable to alienate and manipulate). You need to let your boss know of her nasty conversation. That will stop all this BS immediately.

6. I would watch my back if I were you.

SummerGarden, BSN, MSN, RN · Feb 11, 2011

Maybe he's actually best for a promotion, not just friends with the boss. It is possible, isn't it?

True... but like I mentioned before, it does not matter. One only has to be good enough and get along with the boss whom he/she will have to work closely with in the future. He/she does not have to be the best.

eriksoln, BSN, RN · Feb 11, 2011

I have a great boss. We worked together in a correctional facility, and when he came across my resume in his current position, ADON, he gave me a call. Now, I am working in a behavioral health clinic. Great autonomy, benefits, etc...
Only problem is, he and I get together for lunch about once a week. As well, he will call me at will throughout the day just to shoot the breeze. We are both males, so it is kind of like a "Good ole boy" relationship. My immediate super, my facility lead nurse is becoming more and more irritated at this cozy friendship. She cut into me yesterday about it.
She stated, "You know, he (my boss) shouldn't be asking you and only you out to lunch like this. It smacks of favoritism, and the other nurses won't like it!"
My lead nurse made me really uncomfortable. If she had a problem with HIS actions, I don't know why she wouldn't address him and not come at me. I really like my job and don't want to make waves. I also don't want to alienate my ADON. Any constructive criticism would be really appreciated :heartbeat...
Thank you in advance any helpful suggestions...
Kindly,
Mark

Answered your own question right there. Next time she climbs on her high horse and starts giving unsolicited advice again, echo that to her.