Being Sexually Harrassed

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I need some advice. I am a male nurse that graduated in December. the first month or 2 I loved my job. Then the ADON began making comments of a sexual nature to 2 female nurses in front of me. At first I would just leave and try to find something else to do and catch up on my charting later. These comments escalated into her asking me questions about the size of my member and actually asked me to go into the bathroom and measure it and let her know how big it is. This behavior by her made me very uncomfortable and I let her know. She blocked the exit to the clean utility room once and just started saying very nasty stuff to me and also would try to embarass me in front of the 2 other female nurses. I would say that she got angry that after many episodes of this nature, I would not engage her with that type of discussion. This woman also sends Mediaography via her cell phone to several employees including some very young CNAs. Now this woman has pulled me off the hall I was working and given me the worst scheduling/assignments. I finally went to the DON and Adminisrator and lodged a complaint. The admin. and DON called in witnessess who told them it was true and then some. I called the Admin. today and he said that he hadn't spoke to the ADON but that I just needed to show up for work and I cut him off and said that I could no longer work under this woman as my boss. He sounded upset and asked "What do you want me to do, fire her?" I responded that it wasn't my place to answer that but that I think this is their chance to send a clear message that this kind of behavior wont be tolerated. I dont know what to do. If they want to keep her as my boss, should I go over his head? I live in a small town and feel I might have a hard time getting a job after this. I cant believe that they would want someone like this to run the facility. I am no prude but when it is your boss doing this you relly feel helpless. I know if it was me that treated one of my female CNAs this way I woul have been fired the same day. I worked hard in school and now I am wondering if my Nursing career might be ended prematurely. My question is, do I stand up for what is right or do I just give in? I know this woman will retaliate if she remains my boss. Thanks

THis is not new to the work place but it should be stopped. Things they will use have you ever had a conversation with a nurse about your personal life? did you ever talk about your "relationships" with a co worker? they are going to try and turn it at you. that you started this by saying something suggestive! Beware upper management like to work cover number one first. start a log back date to time and incident include meetings with your superiors and responses as accurate as you can. I try to avoid conversations about such things with co workers becuase you never know who will hear something and think it is alright. I worked in factories where you held your tongue in the presence of the opposite sex for the threat of a lawsuit could get you fired , now when i am the minority... wow the things i have heard from my co workers. Our work enviroment needs to change but we still need to be able to work togather with out fear of saying something that might be misconstrued. you did the right thing by addressing her first then her immediate supervisor got to give the person a chance to correct them selves first then do as you did. future reference though stop it in front of your co-workers as they are your witness's and never address her with out a trusted co-worker present! Good luck hope it gets bettter.

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Specializes in Psychiatric, MICA.

No-brainer...well, slight-brainer!

1) Follow the advice about collecting evidence, including a journal listing dates, times and direct quotes. Amazing how convincing it can be to have a list of detailed entries:

6/20/07 2200: In hallway 20' from nursing desk, states "Go in the bathroom and measure it, then!" (referring to my member), with Gale G. and Joe N. within hearing distance. This was following several comments discussing the size of my member. I replied "I don't feel comfortable with this kind of discussion." I then left that area and attended to other regular duties at a distance from this person.

2) Contact the lawyer for sure - get a list of what is needed for a successful case *before* you are prevented from doing so.

3) Record if allowed.

4) Continue to meet the valid requirements of your job.

I think you are already on the right track here. I am a SN and a hospital tech. Although I am not fanatical, I am constantly on guard against situation where I might be construed as breeching any woman's comfort zone. This sounds so simple, just a matter of behaving professionally and letting others set the pace for our relationships, but sometimes the simplest comments or body language can set off another's alarms. It's a bit scary, actually!

I agree with others that you would likely be up against the wall for far less provocation. Women are learning aggression faster than the popular culture is changing its picture of this subject. Personally, I don't mind a women making an interest known, but it's not very likely I'm going to be bullied into anything.

Aggression is simply that, not a sexual or romantic inquiry, but an attack. Attacks are to be defended against. You are right to do so.

D

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Being a former police officer, operations manager, and now a nursing student, I smell a HUGE lawsuit. You (nor any other personal for that matter) should ever feel necessary to tolerate this. I am AMAZED that the Director and Administrator responded in this manner. :trout:

As far as working in a small town, I would consider relocating to a larger facility. The larger the town, the more knowledge the hospitals will have on losing the budget to a lawsuit!!:idea:

Good Luck!!

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Specializes in Geriatrics/Med-Surg/ED.
I am against all sexual harassment, I am also against a hostile work enviroments of any kind.

But after carefully reading your post. How do I put this. I dont believe you. I feel you are posting this just to stir things up.

If Im wrong I apologize.

I have to confess that this thought crossed my mind as well. The reason is b/c I find it hard to believe that any business- no matter how small- would tolerate sexual harrassment- it is in every employee handbook I've ever seen! I decided to give the OP the benefit of the doubt, even tho he seemed to be half-joking in some of his posts. I have worked in small rural facilities where there were sexual harrassment accusations, and believe me, if they didn't know the law, they learned it very quickly. The other thing is, if you get nowhere w/admin. don't play their game-- go to the EEOC!

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Specializes in Psychiatric, MICA.
I have to confess that this thought crossed my mind as well. The reason is b/c I find it hard to believe that any business- no matter how small- would tolerate sexual harrassment- it is in every employee handbook I've ever seen!

I think another option here is the consideration that the offender in question may never have been challenged. Sex and power can be a heady combination, and I believe a physiologically-directed surge in female sexual activity is common at late middle age. This person may be stressing in a manner new to her and not thinking before she spouts.

Consider the extremes to which sex has driven other professionals in the news lately. And it doesn't always take high intelligence to land a managerial job!

As for the administrator mentioned, he or she may be unprepared to deal with a confrontation if this offender is a powerful personality. Also consider that sex can be a sensitive issue for many, embarrassing even without confrontation over workplace aggression. The administrator may be facing a public discussion on the subject for the first time in his life.

I admit it's not a likely combination of circumstances in this day and age, but I could see it happening in a small facility with ingrained practices regarding managerial staff. Perhaps an external arbitrator is needed...:).

D

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It's a bit late now, but what anyone who is being sexually harassed at work needs to do is keep a paper trail. It starts off as a notebook documenting what, when, how, and who was present. Later, all visits to HR should be documented and a copy of your complaint form should be given to you.

When does the documentation start? Well, one pass that is turned down is a mistake, two is the beginning of a bad habit, and three means it's a set pattern that is not going to change unless higher ups intervene.

Places don't take sexual harassment of men seriously, still, yet it does happen rarely. Some places still make the mistake of firing the person who is being sexually harassed, and that's when your paper trail comes in most handy.

Sue the pants off 'em.

I'm sorry you fell into this situation at your first job. They're not al like that.

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Specializes in Tele/ICU/MedSurg/Peds/SubAcute/LTC/Alz.

I was in a very similar situation. Nothing was done for months about the situation. I thought it was rectified until the harassment kept happening. It became unbearable. At the end of it and going from superior to superior, my voice waasn't heard, and still nothing was done. I immediatley found an attorney. The worse part most of my coworkers who witnessed the harassment either stayed out of it, or went on his side. Even still, I now have a suit with the former employer.

Kudos to you sticking up for yourself and not putting up with the BS. If you don't like the way you are being treated, don't put up with it. It doesn't matter when you reported it in my mind, it matters that it happened to you and you did report it. If it continues or you aren't satisfied with there actions, I would definately seek the advice of an attorney.

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Its over and she is gone. I thought I would feel good about it but I don't. I just wished it never happened. I learned a really hard lesson though. Even if you are right, mgmt. is gonna look out for mgmt. and thats just how it is I guess. Ultimately, I had to really dig my heels in but I had to just stand up for what was right because I knew if it been me that had done this I would have been shown the door right away. Thanks for all your support and advice. It really helped. I plan to go back to school in August to widen my opportunities.

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Congratulations for sticking it out, no matter how unpleasant. Good luck in improving your future.

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any type of disruptive environment will take its' toll on those subjected to it.

what you're feeling is completely natural and expected.

the adon is gone, as she should be.

time to move forward.

you've made amazing strides.

leslie

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Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.

Good onya Mark. You have got to stand up to your principles and watch your back. No one else is going to do that for you.

So she should be gone!!

Best wishes in your studies and future nursing opportunities.

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Specializes in RN, BSN, CHDN.

Move on because you cannot let anyone continue to ruin your life and career. Negative feelings are just so destructive-I have had some really horrible things happen to me and after they were over I am one of those lucky ones who can disect, reflect and then learn from anything no matter how horrendous they are. I wish you luck in your future-Hold your head high and move on

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