Being Sexually Harrassed

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I need some advice. I am a male nurse that graduated in December. the first month or 2 I loved my job. Then the ADON began making comments of a sexual nature to 2 female nurses in front of me. At first I would just leave and try to find something else to do and catch up on my charting later. These comments escalated into her asking me questions about the size of my member and actually asked me to go into the bathroom and measure it and let her know how big it is. This behavior by her made me very uncomfortable and I let her know. She blocked the exit to the clean utility room once and just started saying very nasty stuff to me and also would try to embarass me in front of the 2 other female nurses. I would say that she got angry that after many episodes of this nature, I would not engage her with that type of discussion. This woman also sends Mediaography via her cell phone to several employees including some very young CNAs. Now this woman has pulled me off the hall I was working and given me the worst scheduling/assignments. I finally went to the DON and Adminisrator and lodged a complaint. The admin. and DON called in witnessess who told them it was true and then some. I called the Admin. today and he said that he hadn't spoke to the ADON but that I just needed to show up for work and I cut him off and said that I could no longer work under this woman as my boss. He sounded upset and asked "What do you want me to do, fire her?" I responded that it wasn't my place to answer that but that I think this is their chance to send a clear message that this kind of behavior wont be tolerated. I dont know what to do. If they want to keep her as my boss, should I go over his head? I live in a small town and feel I might have a hard time getting a job after this. I cant believe that they would want someone like this to run the facility. I am no prude but when it is your boss doing this you relly feel helpless. I know if it was me that treated one of my female CNAs this way I woul have been fired the same day. I worked hard in school and now I am wondering if my Nursing career might be ended prematurely. My question is, do I stand up for what is right or do I just give in? I know this woman will retaliate if she remains my boss. Thanks

That's right. I would not record any conversation, but I would make very careful written notes ("At 1:17 p.m. on June 15, she blocked the door").

Before you hire a lawyer, I would suggest taking advantage of the free legal services that are available to you, either through your state's human rights commission or the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission. I hope you and your co-workers will also keep in mind that you are not the only victim. The law says that a victim is anyone affected by the offensive conduct.

I am baffled that this kind of offensive behavior continues in workplaces. Every once in a while we hear about these egregious cases -- sending Media on a cell phone to co-workers? -- and you have to wonder what rocks these people live under. I can only presume that your employer does not comply with laws that require employees to undergo training on sexual harassment. I'm sure any regulatory agency would be happy to investigate that.

I agree with the above post. The recorder could be used against you. The one thing that WILL stand up in court is documentation. Write down everything you can remember...dates, times, the weather outside at the time (this really works-believe me) things she or he said, what you were wearing etc... And get some witnesses too! Good luck to you. Sexual harassment needs to be taken seriously. I cannot believe the attitude of the administration. Causing a stink with an attorney will get their attention and it's within your rights. Until then, dot your i's and cross your t's and stay the heck away from that abuser!

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Turn the tables on her.

Seriously.

Start having things sent to her at work, like blow up man dolls and sexually themed toys. You could make it really embarrassing for her and you never have to let anyone know it was you.

Sometimes you have to get on your belly and crawl like the snakes to get even with them. No more Mr. Nice Guy.

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In all due respect, if my employer is breaking the law by not looking out for my interests on a clear-cut case of sexual harrassment, I would probably care less if it was legal or not to record conversations I had with my employer. I would get the evidence first and review it with a lawyer later. No one has to know you are recording it.

As far as recording patient conversations....that isn't part of the topic.

In Tennessee conversations can be legally recorded with the consent of one party: you.

Better to check out the law in your state, though.

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Update. They called in one of the witnessess against her and pretty much intimidated her infront of the ADON. The one who came forward with the Media was told that it would be confidential and now the ADON knows that she told on her as well. They want all of us to have a meeting with her on Thursday. I cant believe that they would want a woman with such character flaws running their facility. All I want is a job where I can be free of retaliation but if this woman remains our boss, we all are done. Should I attend this meeting? I just dont understand what the purpose of this is. If they did the right thing I would forget about this. Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am off to work and I must say its going to be real uncomfortable. By the way, she admitted the allegations but said she was joking and that 2 other nurses had put her up to it. Nice excuse coming from the ADON, huh?

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Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.
Be very, very careful with this. In some states it is a criminal offense to record someone's conversation without their knowledge. The admin might even try to play dirty games and accuse you of HIPAA violations. After all if you record staff conversations what is to stop you from recording patient conversations? Of course I don't believe that you will do that, but their lawyers will try every trick in the book to muddy up the waters. This has the potential to be a very large case.

Make an appointment to have a consultation with a lawyer immediately and get advice from your state's Department of Labor. They can tell you how to get all your ducks in a row.

Very well said.

I too am totally shocked at what you have been enduring. I would be getting my ducks in a row for sure.

I am sorry that you have been put through all of this and pray there is a quick resolution.

Do not give up on your promising nursing career because of this one VERY sick individual.

I work with male CNA's and appreciate the love and care they give to my male patients. Without them I would be lost.

This will eventually go away, you will learn and grow from this.

I wonder if this person is behaving this way simply because it is a small place you live and work and she knows your employment possibililties are limited?

I would fire her in a heart beat.

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Specializes in ICU, SDU, OR, RR, Ortho, Hospice RN.
Update. They called in one of the witnessess against her and pretty much intimidated her infront of the ADON. The one who came forward with the Media was told that it would be confidential and now the ADON knows that she told on her as well. They want all of us to have a meeting with her on Thursday. I cant believe that they would want a woman with such character flaws running their facility. All I want is a job where I can be free of retaliation but if this woman remains our boss, we all are done. Should I attend this meeting? I just dont understand what the purpose of this is. If they did the right thing I would forget about this. Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am off to work and I must say its going to be real uncomfortable. By the way, she admitted the allegations but said she was joking and that 2 other nurses had put her up to it. Nice excuse coming from the ADON, huh?

Meetings or not she has to stand up for something that she did that was totally wrong ESPECIALLY as ADON.

Go to the meeting and voice your opinion.

Tell them all what was said to you and what she expected you to do with a ruler.

Tell them you cannot possibly work with someone like this or even have the trust in her ever again. She is NOT a professional person.

Tell them it was sexual harrassment of the worst kind.

Tell them they need to clear out the cupboards and start afresh.

Tell them you read about this abhorent behavior in the papers all the time.

It is NOT acceptable in any way shape or form.

Sounds like the management are pretty gutless to me!!

Stand by your principles Markymark and state your case.

Keep us informed as to what happens at the meeting.

I would still get legal counsel about all of this for sure.

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"No one has to know you are recording it." Actually, depending on the state that you're in, they do. My state is a one-party consent state; only I would have to know about the recording if I were the one making it. Maryland, for example, is a two-party consent state, and authorities there have filed criminal charges against people who violate that recording law. You shouldn't make the mess worse by trampling on someone else's legal rights, no matter how loathsome that person might be. And as another poster noted, if your case goes to court, your behavior will be picked apart, just as that of the accused.

I know what you are referring to...you are referring to the laws that got Linda Tripp criminally charged in the Monica Lewinsky case.

Phone conversations and LIVE, person-to-person conversations....not even close.

Phone lines are state regulated, that is why those laws exist.

This isn't the same thing.

I'm adding this as an afterthought for an example. We used to have a pediphile that lived in our neighborhood...though he was never criminally convicted. About 16 years ago before my rural area had caller ID, etc. We had someone that kept calling the house and threatening to kidnap my then 6 year old neice and rape her. Keep in mind....these were OUR phone lines and the police refused to do anything. The calls kept coming, the police kept saying they couldn't do anything...this was also prior to the stalking laws. At the time, my neice was living with my parents.

We live in a 2-party state...my father recorded about 2 weeks worth of conversations, and then took them to the police. They couldn't use the tapes my father made as evidence HOWEVER, it was enough proof for them to tap our phone, and then they used the NEW conversations as evidence. They could have cared less about the source of my father's tapes or who made them, or if it was legal to...all they cared about was protecting a child. This guy went on to molest another girl in our neighborhood and now he is in prison for it.

Linda Tripp also DISTRIBUTED the recorded conversations, and this is sometimes an element of a 2-party state. THAT is a whole other ballgame.

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Specializes in Geriatrics/Med-Surg/ED.
Update. They called in one of the witnessess against her and pretty much intimidated her infront of the ADON. The one who came forward with the Media was told that it would be confidential and now the ADON knows that she told on her as well. They want all of us to have a meeting with her on Thursday. I cant believe that they would want a woman with such character flaws running their facility. All I want is a job where I can be free of retaliation but if this woman remains our boss, we all are done. Should I attend this meeting? I just dont understand what the purpose of this is. If they did the right thing I would forget about this. Thanks to everyone for the advice. I am off to work and I must say its going to be real uncomfortable. By the way, she admitted the allegations but said she was joking and that 2 other nurses had put her up to it. Nice excuse coming from the ADON, huh?

There is a proper chain of command in reporting these things. You have done this. You need to get a lawyer-- get his/her advice before you go to any meetings w/the person who has been harrassing you!! YOU are the victim!! Get your lawyer's advice re: contacting the EEOC. What kind of place do you work at?? I find it hard to believe this is a hospital. BTW, it doesn't matter if the ADON was "joking" or not-- sexual joking is STILL considered harrassment. If you do go to the meeting, I would record it - your lawyer could use it even if it's NOT admissable in court.

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I will be very brief. You have described a "hostile work environment". Please...Google the term. Your situation is no different than a woman who is forced to endure lewd and crude commentary about her physical attributes as she attempts to engage in her work. If the ADMIN refuses to act swiftlt and decisively in an effort to protect your right to have a workplace free of harrassing behavior, then the facility is as guilty of the harrassment as is the offending employee. This sounds like a clear cut case of Respondant Superior rum amuck.

Prior to taping any conversations with this woman you need to investigate whether or not your state requires the consent of only yourself (a one-party state) or if the consent of both parties are required in order to tape a conversation. You really should contact your local Equal Employment Opportunities Commission for guidance as well as an attorney who specializes in Labor Law/Sexual Harrassment.

I need some advice. I am a male nurse that graduated in December. the first month or 2 I loved my job. Then the ADON began making comments of a sexual nature to 2 female nurses in front of me. At first I would just leave and try to find something else to do and catch up on my charting later. These comments escalated into her asking me questions about the size of my member and actually asked me to go into the bathroom and measure it and let her know how big it is. This behavior by her made me very uncomfortable and I let her know. She blocked the exit to the clean utility room once and just started saying very nasty stuff to me and also would try to embarass me in front of the 2 other female nurses. I would say that she got angry that after many episodes of this nature, I would not engage her with that type of discussion. This woman also sends Mediaography via her cell phone to several employees including some very young CNAs. Now this woman has pulled me off the hall I was working and given me the worst scheduling/assignments. I finally went to the DON and Adminisrator and lodged a complaint. The admin. and DON called in witnessess who told them it was true and then some. I called the Admin. today and he said that he hadn't spoke to the ADON but that I just needed to show up for work and I cut him off and said that I could no longer work under this woman as my boss. He sounded upset and asked "What do you want me to do, fire her?" I responded that it wasn't my place to answer that but that I think this is their chance to send a clear message that this kind of behavior wont be tolerated. I dont know what to do. If they want to keep her as my boss, should I go over his head? I live in a small town and feel I might have a hard time getting a job after this. I cant believe that they would want someone like this to run the facility. I am no prude but when it is your boss doing this you relly feel helpless. I know if it was me that treated one of my female CNAs this way I woul have been fired the same day. I worked hard in school and now I am wondering if my Nursing career might be ended prematurely. My question is, do I stand up for what is right or do I just give in? I know this woman will retaliate if she remains my boss. Thanks
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Well, the big meeting is today and I just keep telling myself that I will stick to the truth and it will be ok. The administrator told me in a meeting on Tuesday that I am starting to aggravate him and that he knows how to do his job. He also said I should have brought a complaint against the 2 nurses that witnessed it for egging it on. He said they will be written up. he knows they are my friends co-workers so he is trying to lean on me to drop this. Wish me luck

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Specializes in NVICU, NSICU.

May the force be with you!

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Specializes in Medical and general practice now LTC.

good luck

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