babies having babies

allnurses Guide · Dec 4, 2003

Originally posted by Mimi2RN
Several years ago, we had a 15 y/o on Peds for pp. She was giving her baby up for adoption, knew that it was best for both her and the baby. She was planning to go to college, and was much more mature than her 17 y/o boy friend. Her mother supported her in the decision. She roomed in with the baby, and gave it up when she was ready for d/c. It was good to keep her on the peds unit as she did not need to be around the other new moms. This was a small hospital and peds nurses would float to pp when it was quiet on peds.

I wish more teenagers and their families were able to deal with pregnancy as she did. There is so much pressure from family and friends that they can't think about adoption being a possibility.

That is a great story to read after all the other sad tales. Thanks mimi . . and you are right. If only more of these "babies" would think about adoption.

The youngest I've seen was in clinicals 6 years ago. 13 year old preggers with her 2nd (1st was an abortion) and her 11 year old sister, also pregnant. Their mom was oh so very happy about becoming a grandmother.

Oh, sometimes you really have to work hard to hold yourself back.

I've done the same as you Deb . . talking and talking from a young age with all my kids. It isn't a guarantee however. My 20 year old listened and has made a commitment to virginity and my 18 year old listened but chose another path.

Now I have a 14 year old girl to contend with and that is even scarier. I'll be really old when our 2 year old needs "the talk" . . maybe in an Alzheimer's dementia somewhere, oblivious.

Keep talking . . . .

steph

tntrn, ASN, RN · Dec 4, 2003

I think one of the saddest cases I ever had involved a 15 yo who was pregnant by her brother in law. His wife (patient's sister) and he had a 9 month old--you do the math. While she was in labor she would cry out, "Mommy, mommy." As if that wasn't bad enough, many people from her church including the pastor spent the entire day there, cooing about the "blessed event." I had to bite my tongue more than once. I wanted to shout, "And just which blessed event are we talking about here?" I went home and hugged my then-16 yo daughter, and all her friends. They asked me, " how old was your patient today?"

Sarah Kat · Dec 4, 2003

I am 26. We had a daycare center in our high school. Yes, there were THAT many teen moms that we needed a day care center. There were teachers who had their kids in the center, too, but mostly it was the students. They used the daycare center for educational purposes as well. We had a parenting class which all of the kids with the babies in the daycare center were required to take and it was optional for any other kids.

Some people say that having something like that encourages kids to become parents. I don't think that is true. When my friends and I were done with classes for the day we would talk about going to the mall or a movie, and the mothers would talk about picking up their baby, taking it to their mother's house, then going to work. It was a big eye opener for me. Although I was sexually active in high school, I was on birth control and used condoms. My mother wasn't afraid to discuss those things with me.

The day care center was also good for the teen moms because it allowed them to continue school. This gave them the hope of a better future. Some of them even got off welfare (most were 2nd and 3rd generation welfare kids) because of their education.

It's sad that babies have babies. Unfortunately, here it's pretty common. So much of it is culture.

This issue is one of the reasons that I am pro-choice. My best friend was raped at 12 (by her brother's best friend) and got pregnant. I can't imagine how her life would have been if her parents had forced her to have the baby.

a_clay · Dec 4, 2003

Originally posted by PJMommy
And this is exactly what isn't happening with the teen mothers we see. So many times, no one is there to listen or to guide. What a sad, vicious cycle.

I do the same thing with my daughter who is also 11. We've been talking about sex and pregnancy for a couple of years now. If she doesn't hear it from me, she'll hear it from someone at school. No subject is taboo and no question is a "bad" one -- If a mom can't talk to her kids, then who else will!?!

You are right and keep up the good work Mom. I'm speaking from someone on the OTHER side of the fence. I do not have any kids and I am now 26 years old. But I was almost raped by my cousin when I was 9 years old. The only reason he didn't follow through was because I somehow (I'm thinking God) suddenly got sick and almost threw up on him and he stopped. I did become sexually active at 13 and my parents never said a word to me about sex....THEY DIDN'T EVEN CARE THAT I WAS RUNNING WILD AT 12-13 YEARS OLD and now it pisses me off that they didn't care more than that. There are so many bad things that could have happened to me that didn't back then and the ONLY explanation that I have is that someone was watching over me and kept me safe. I got my first period at 10 years old and I thought I was BLEEDING TO DEATH because no one ever talked to me about ANY of that stuff..I DID find out about it in every OTHER way besides the "right" way. I consider myself lucky but KNOWLEDGE is the key. I praise you mothers and fathers out there who ARE talking to their kids. IT DOES MAKE A DIFFERENCE. I only wich mine had gave a damn enough to do the same.

BRANDY LPN · Dec 4, 2003

Should have knocked on wood or something, had a girl com in 16 y/o G3Pnow2AB1, I've never seen a young girl come back for more i guess most of them learn :eek:

several of the nurses remember this girl ( i wasn't there then)

and at least they all agree thatshe is really mature, and her 2 y/o seems to be well cared for (by her), and she's even still in school!

road runner2003 · Dec 4, 2003

Reading all this makes me very upset. I have watched a program numerous times on the Discovery Channel called Maternity Ward. Even then, knowing what some of the problems are that arise in the younger patients/teenagers . . . I know I am only a student, but I could not imagine a 9 year-old . . .

DoctorRN · Dec 4, 2003

Originally posted by BRANDY LPN
Should have knocked on wood or something, had a girl com in 16 y/o G3Pnow2AB1, I've never seen a young girl come back for more i guess most of them learn
several of the nurses remember this girl ( i wasn't there then)
and at least they all agree thatshe is really mature, and her 2 y/o seems to be well cared for (by her), and she's even still in school!

Come to Mississippi and you will see it EVERY day. It is the exception rather than the rule that they only have one.

We are the land of G4-5p4-5 by the time they are old enough for a tubal.

13-14 year old mom to be with her 28 year old mother and 42 year old grandmother in the room with her are an every day thing.

goober4699 · Dec 4, 2003

I have to say that being a teen mother myself gives me incite into the many issues arising when young women have children. I was top of my class and had an excellent, open relationship with my mother. Truth was I was seventeen and on birth control when I forgot a weeks worth of pills and instead of just waiting I had sex, must have dropped an egg and ended up pregnant.

I rememebr the hardest thing was telling my mom because of how close we were, when I did she got upset but then we sat down discussed everything and ultimately ended up deciding to keep my daughter.

My daughters dad and I have remained together to this very day, we have dated since freshman year in highschool and despite the hardships of parenting I love him dearly. We got to grow up together and in the process form a family, my mom included.

My mom has been our saving grace, she helped us out immensely because having had only one child and not until she was twenty eight, she didnt want us to miss out on all the things being young afforded. I believe her help has contributed to both of our maturity in ways unimaginable.

My point is that I know I will never have another child, not because I can't but because I want to have the bond that my mom and I share and I would also like the freedom of knowing that when she grows up, she will be my one and only responsibility. I can give her everything my mom would have liked to have given me and noone has to suffer for it. I turned out to make an execellnt mom and at 22 with an almost five yearold child, I already know we will be ok. i never took from the welfare system and my boyfriend and I have held jobs since the moment we knew she was coming. it may seem sad when you see immature women out there breeding children, but just think about the ones out there with honors in college who are just trying to do whats best for there unexpected children.

try and understand their particular circumstances and thank god that you didn't have to go through what they are going through. Some of us are misjudged, when we are really only trying to make the best out of our unplanned situation.

kisses to all!

:kiss

goober4699 · Dec 4, 2003

I thought I should add that it is very hard to decide to give up something that has become a part of you for 9 months. Regardless of age, you moms out there need to take a moment and imagine what it would be like if you had given up one of your angels. Believe me it is just as hard for someone as young as a teenager to do so. I never in a million years could have given my daughter up for adoption, in fact I don't know how anyone could. I am sure certain circumstances provide no other alternative but I am sure the decision will make it difficult to continue on psychologically.

Kiekuh · Dec 4, 2003

Thank you Goober for sharing your wonderful story. You are absolutely right, many young parents are misjudged. However, many do not have the support system you have had-you are not only blessed with a beautiful little girl, but a wonderful Mom as well! I guess I have let it get to me-I see so many teens come in and treat their new babe as a doll, or barely do any cares on the babe-lets us do it all-then on top of it look bored during discharge teaching. These are the stories that sadley stick in my mind. I get so sad some days, thinking "Oh my gosh, I actually have to let this little miricle of life go home with her" And then I think, as someone said earlier-I hope I dont see this one come in in 13-14 years... But with your story in mind, I love to do teaching with all parents who are willing to learn, and its a added bonus when it is a young mom like yourself-with focus and a goal! Sounds like you have done great!

New CCU RN · Dec 4, 2003

I just would also like to offer the other side of the issue. Not all teenage moms are running wild, having sex w/ every boy they encounter and were raised by unresponsible, undedicated parents.

I was raised in a Catholic family by good, caring and supportive parents. We were given the sex talk, etc etc. My sister was dating a boy for 1.5 years. Now, maybe this was too long for a teenager to date someone, but well... you cannot reverse the past. At the tail end of those 1.5 years they made a mistake and decided to have sex. They used condoms and the pill, however, she ended up getting pregnant at the age of 15. Faced with what to do, she couldn't get an abortion... she just couldn't bring herself to do that. She decided that she would at least carry the pregnancy. My parents were supportive of whatever decision she made. She did end up deciding to keep the baby. My parents support her still financially and emotionally. She does a wonderful job caring for Aidan (her son). She also is now applying to colleges, has an A average in all her classes, didn't get let behind because she did at home tutoring when she had him, runs track and cross country, as well as a few other activities. Aidan is also doing very well... he is such a beautiful little boy and a joy to all of our lives.

Aidan is financially supported by my parents but as far as the "mothering", my sister is doing a wonderful job in that role. My mother watches Aidan during the day so Becky can go to school and do her various activities and Aidan's other grandma also helps out.

Life is harder for my sister. It is not a route I would suggest to anyone. But things happen. She was definitely given the ideal situation in that my family was able to help as much as they do.

I just wanted to add a little to the other side...... not all are horrible stories.

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 4, 2003

I SURE DID NOT INTEND TO MAKE THIS AN ADOPTION DEBATE...yet one is ensuing already.

All I said was, "rare is the teen girl who gives up a baby". What a firestorm I started...but did not mean to.

Anyhow it is a FACT---- not a judgement call. The fact is, as I see with MY OWN EYES, few are truly prepared to deal with being parents at age 12,13. Yet in the last 5 years I have seen ONE girl give up her baby for adoption. That is truth, not judgement.

In such cases with EARLY teen parenthood, others very often wind up parenting and providing for these kids. A vicious cycle can often ensure. Those are FACTS, not character judgements. That was all I was saying.

Who here believes it's a good thing to become a mother at age 12????? really is a girl at 11, 12 prepared emotionally and financially to be a TRUE parent? I did not say she MUST give up a baby for adoption to be a "good person" and never once did I say these girls are running around, with wild abandon having sex indiscriminately. I think more often than not, a girl who winds up pregnant at age 11 IS NOT LIKELY in a committed relationship; consenting to sex is not an issue, legally. SHE IS LIKELY being coerced, molested or raped. I don't have statistics handy, but I have seen them to feel confident making this statement.

Please, I am sorry if I was unclear ---and please, let's dont' debate the evils/virtues of teen parenting. THE ORIGINAL TOPIC was one concerning YOUNG teen parenthood....not the virtues/evils of choosing to keep one's baby when unexpectedly pregnant! Like abortion, the debate has no winners and each has the right to his/her opinion on this.