babies having babies

mother/babyRN, RN · Dec 5, 2003

I have to say that I am not sure anyone is ever truly optimally prepared to have a child until they arrive and then you figure it out...You of course have different tools at different ages, experiences and time frame, but the good thing is around here at least, in the 15 years I have been doing labor and delivery, we do not see the volume of younger mothers as we used to. They of course, are still around, but not the massive amounts we used to see. We older moms seem to be the volume at the moment, and we have our critics too....Each case is different...Adoption is certainly an important and wonderful issue, but like abortion and any such life altering decision, it can't be solved in a thread like this...

I have had supposedly well prepared moms to be all gung ho on all the stuff with having babies, including the "best" teaching, turn to me and tell me they can't handle their fussy breast feeding baby and they need their sleep, while I noticed the other night that my teen, no prenatal care 18 year old pt was routinely breast feeding her baby around the clock every two hours with no complaints or expectations. Her view was that she loved her baby, wanted the best for him and it should just be done..Her issues aside, (and there were many), it just shows the individuality of the whole thing..And in cultures aside from ours, it is NOT considered morally reprehensible to be a teen mom......

mother/babyRN, RN · Dec 5, 2003

You know, it occurs to me that in the real world, people do have opinions, get upset and occasionally, even disagree...Since when did we become so concerned about hurting everyones feelings? That perhaps didn't come out the way I meant it to, but if someone disagrees with me and vice versa, why can't it be discussed in such a way that the subject is adequately debated?

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 5, 2003

true motherbaby but when insults begin to fly it is time to take IT PM!!! and really i wish we would stay on topic.

a_clay · Dec 5, 2003

Originally posted by New CCU RN
And I would like to remind you that in order to have an opinion you have to know the details, not bits and pieces.

I agree this is a public board. It is fine to have differing opinions but without knowing the whole story you have no basis.

Your comments came across as a harsh personal attack.

And honestly what you are saying above is that you specifically said that in order to upset me. That sounds a little trollish to me.....

As far as it being via PM, I do see your point SBE, however, it also seems to be the weaker way to go. I pubically disagree with what the poster is saying... just my opinion. :)

As an adult, I respect your opinion, and have no interest in beating this dead horse any longer.

a_clay · Dec 5, 2003

Originally posted by mother/babyRN
You know, it occurs to me that in the real world, people do have opinions, get upset and occasionally, even disagree...Since when did we become so concerned about hurting everyones feelings? That perhaps didn't come out the way I meant it to, but if someone disagrees with me and vice versa, why can't it be discussed in such a way that the subject is adequately debated?

I TOTALLY agree with you....well said! We are all adults here and should all remember to conduct ourselves as such.

mother/babyRN, RN · Dec 6, 2003

Right for sure Smiling Blue Eyes, but what place do insults have in a discussion anyway? I don't have a problem with PMing people but as adults people should figure out that we just won't always agree with each other and might say so strongly...I just wish it didn't have to get to that point...Oh well, you could say I'm a bit of a dreamer....

goober4699 · Dec 6, 2003

You cant prevent someone from falling in love, therefore regardless of how OVERPROTECTIVE a parent may be, a child needs to learn by doing, there parent can restrict all they want but the child will still find a way to have a relationshop and maybe even have sex Thats Life!. Sometimes this is the result of an unprepared teen, however I am sure many prepared teens end up in this same SITUATION. Bottom line is I think restricting dating may lead to more teen pregnancys then it will stop them. Try and lock the door and throw away the key but teenagers are wonderful escape artists. My feelings are if my child ends up in the same scenario as I did at 17 then I will be just as loving and supportive as my mother was to me. I would just thank god it wasn't something worse, like contracting HIV or another STD. I have seen mothers go hysterical and disown their teens over something as trivial as becoming moms. Yes it is a difficult thing to deal with when you consider that your young child is going to become a parent however, when you look at it after the initial taking in of the news, its another life to love.

jkaee · Dec 6, 2003

I just want to say God Bless all the L&D nurses out there. Since nursing school, I had always wanted to do Maternity Nursing, and just recently I was offered a job in a city hospital that did 3000+ births a year. After speaking with other nurses and doing a lot of soul searching, I decided that I didn't think I could handle the stress of seeing drug addicted babies and young young moms. It was a big shock to me that I would decide not to take the job, considering that's what I always thought I'd wanted to do. But I have so much respect for all those L&D nurses out there that deal with this on a daily basis. It's about time that nurses stop labeling other specialty areas and start realizing that all nurses in all fields have demanding, difficult jobs.

Jennifer

BBnurse34 · Dec 6, 2003

The youngest new mother that I have ever seen was a 12 year old developmentaly delayed girl.

What bothers me the most is, after the screaming of labor and delivery is over, the teenager's girlfriends come in to visit. The look in their eyes as they "ooh" and "awe" over the baby and the way the noted the "special attention" the new mother is getting makes me think that I will be seeing them very soon under the same circumstances.

For some reason, teen motherhood has become "cool" at our inner city hospital in Phoenix.

lilpoo_1 · Dec 17, 2003

This is such a sad subject. Six years ago my niece (then 12) was preggers and didn't tell anyone. She hadn't really popped out and it wasn't really noticeable. She didn't have a bf (still playing with dolls) so of course it was the last thought in the world for us. Went skiing with her in February and she was complaining that her snowpants didn't fit. Kiddingly, I said, "What, are you pregnant?" I will never forget the look in her eyes. She gave birth in April to a baby boy, Mom's live-in leech of a friend (male, however not male bashing here) went to prison as he had been molesting my niece for 7 years prior!!!!!!! My sister is still on probation and had lost my niece to a foster home for the year after the birth. My niece gave the baby up for adoption, thankfully, to a wonderful family and the adoptive mom just happened to be a nurse (so is my sister and I). I think that helped as my niece and her mom have a good relationship and she could see her baby go off to a good family. It was quite the tribulation for all of us to get her beyond what she thought was "love" with this man. Mom left her with him while she worked as he had been a family friend for years before they ever moved in together. We thought we "knew" him and he and I got along well as we were both the same age (at the time, 25). My niece is now 18 and is engaged to a man of 21. She has now healed, although not completely, and can lead as normal of a life as possible.

Sorry for going on and on about this, just touched a very dear part of my heart seeing all of the bashing back and forth with the young mother story. Yes, it all depends on if you are ready and willing to be a parent but at 12, you definitely do not know what it takes to be a parent. At that age you should be playing with dolls, watching cartoons, and enjoying your freedoms as a child!!!!!

allnurses Guide · Dec 17, 2003

This is a little off topic but it struck me after reading the post about the boyfriend molesting the daughter. Seems like there is a stat about who abuses kids most and it was the boyfriend of the mother. I just read another story about that in our local paper this morning.

http://www.redding.com/news/stories/20031217lo008.shtml

Autopsy: Blunt force killed girl

Mother's boyfriend pleaded innocent in toddler's death

Kimberly Bolander

Record Searchlight

December 17, 2003-2:07 a.m.

ANDERSON-An autopsy performed on a 2-year-old Anderson girl Tuesday found she died of blunt force injuries to her head, the Shasta County coroner's office reported.

The toddler, Evelynn Johnson, was "breathing funny" last Wednesday while in the care of her mother's boyfriend, Timothy Scott Gridley, 24, he told police.

However, Anderson police Capt. Dale Webb said he believes the boyfriend is responsible for the girl's death.

"We believe that the child was in the care of Mr. Gridley at the time she received those injuries," he said.

Gridley pleaded innocent Monday to charges of second-degree murder and assault on a child causing death.

He apparently lives with the girl's mother, Danielle Johnson, 19, of Anderson, but he is not the toddler's father, police said.

A police report released Tuesday reveals the 2-year-old may have suffered child abuse prior to her death Friday at UC Davis Medical Center in Sacramento.

According to the police report, Evelynn "had been going to day care with an unusually large amount of bruises and abrasions on her body, head, chest and arms."

A Shasta County Children's Protective Services investigation had been opened, although it was unclear how long ago.

A CPS worker had visited Johnson's Briarwood Drive home about two hours before police and paramedics were called there last Wednesday. However, that worker saw no signs of a serious head injury then, according to the report.

During police interviews with Gridley, he denied striking the toddler, without detectives mentioning that someone might have hit her, the report reads.

"I could never do this to a baby. I could do it to a grown man because I've been in my share of fights, but I could never hit no kids," the report quotes him as saying.

Gridley was watching Evelynn on Wednesday when Johnson left to pay the rent, he told police. The girl had begun "breathing funny" about three days prior, and she started sweating and having trouble breathing again while Gridley baby-sat her, the report reads.

The toddler was unable to hold the cup of milk or water Gridley said he gave her because "something was wrong with her." She spilled it on herself, and Gridley put her in a shallow bath, thinking "it might help with her breathing problem," the report reads.

He told police he left her unattended in the bath for five to 10 minutes, returning to find her lying face up, not breathing, with water up to her ears.

He panicked and ran warm water over her to try to revive her, then told a neighbor, "There's something wrong with the baby." The neighbor called 911.

Evelynn was struggling for breath and had a rapid heart rate when police arrived.

At that time, Gridley pointed a police officer upstairs to an apartment, saying, "She's up there," and started walking across a dirt field and talking on a cell phone. He told a police officer he was extremely confused and having trouble concentrating.

"Gridley did not appear as concerned for the child as he was about himself," the officer noted in the report.

When asked if he wanted to ride in the ambulance, the report says Gridley replied, "Can I change my shoes first?"

Evelynn was rushed to Mercy Medical Center in Redding, then flown to the Sacramento hospital.

Law enforcement officers, but not CPS workers, can remove a child from a home that shows sufficient evidence of abuse or immediate risk to a child, said Phil Paulsen, deputy director with the Shasta County Department of Social Services.

But bruises alone are not necessarily indicators of abuse, he said. In other cases, CPS employees might not see any indications of abuse during a visit, only to learn later a crisis could not be anticipated, he said.

"The signs are not always there," he said. Reporter Kimberly Bolander can be reached at 225-8339 or at [email protected].

Wednesday, December 17, 2003

SmilingBluEyes · Dec 17, 2003

I Hope they lock both up and throw away the key. Any woman who would let into her life a monster like this to harm her babies is subhuman. Really and truly. I would rather remain celibate the rest of my days than have a so-called "man" like this in my life...or more importantly, my kids'. They come FIRST always.