So, I had a baby this past summer. I was working dayshift 40 hr/wk (5 8-hr shifts) plus a prn job. I had all intentions to go back to working my full time job.... until I laid eyes on my sweet baby. I have always wanted to work (I'm the "I don't need a man to support me" kind of gal). Daycare isn't even an option for us. I refuse...
Well, now I am working nights part time -2 nights a week.. but it's getting hard on my body (compared to when I used to work nights). I work nights to avoid having to arrange childcare. Plus, they're only babies once... and I want to spend as much time as possible with my baby.
were financially stable but we've had to cut out a lot of our extra spending (which is hard) Plus we want to purchase a home within the near future (which won't be happening with our current income. Also, hubby is carrying insurance on me and baby but it's very expensive.
I have the opportunity to go to dayshift full time. One job offers 7a-7p 3x/wk(with every other wknd)...or... 8a-3p 5x/wk (off weekends)... Or I could continue doing night shift and pick up an extra shift here and there to help cover my insurance cost.
What advise do you working mamas have? Would you saythat it was easier leaving your baby in the daytime once they got to a certain age? Do yall feel like you miss a lot by working dayshift? Does it better your bond by being away from baby in the daytime? Any advise is greatly appreciated
I would avoid working FT if at all possible. I've done it and it's hugely stressful, and we didn't even use daycare; my MIL was/is our daycare. I've also worked 0.8 noc's and stayed up w/ the baby all day, and to be honest we both suffered. I started getting sick a couple of times a month, after a few months of sleeping 2-3 hours a day between shifts. I work 0.5 now and I feel like I have the best of both worlds.
To be honest, for me it gets HARDER as they get older. Around age 3 they start with the "Mamaaaaa, don't goooooo!" that breaks your heart. And then when they start school they get busy with homework, activities, social calendar, heartaches... So I personally wouldn't stay home full-time unless we planned on being able to afford it long-term. Not everyone agrees with me, and I get the formative years are important, but for me I wouldn't want to HAVE to go back to work once the kids were in school.
At one time I desperately wanted to SAH and at the time I felt like I was missing a ton. But actually the big missed firsts happened when I was at home. My oldest daughter smiled and laughed for the first time when I was in the shower. My MIL gave my 2nd child his first bites of food at the Thanksgiving dinner table as I was there, but she hadn't asked me and I didn't have my camera ready. Much more recently I missed my older kids' first choir concerts because their directors didn't inform us of the dates until after the schedule came out, and I wasn't able to find anyone to trade with. But that's kind of my own fault because I am working now by choice, and I chose to work 3-11.
In my experience, going away didn't help improve the bond, but it didn't cause lasting negative effects either. I did stay home for a year following a lay-off when my 3rd was a baby; with my others I've worked FT, PT and per diem. There's really no difference in my relationship today between the one I SAH'ed with and the other four that I worked with. I also cosleep, babywear when they are little, and extended-breastfeed so I'm sure that helps with the bond.
What about keeping your PRN job? That way you can keep your skills up and bring in some income, but you have more control over your work hours.
I would avoid working FT if at all possible. I've done it and it's hugely stressful, and we didn't even use daycare; my MIL was/is our daycare. I've also worked 0.8 noc's and stayed up w/ the baby all day, and to be honest we both suffered. I started getting sick a couple of times a month, after a few months of sleeping 2-3 hours a day between shifts. I work 0.5 now and I feel like I have the best of both worlds.
To be honest, for me it gets HARDER as they get older. Around age 3 they start with the "Mamaaaaa, don't goooooo!" that breaks your heart. And then when they start school they get busy with homework, activities, social calendar, heartaches... So I personally wouldn't stay home full-time unless we planned on being able to afford it long-term. Not everyone agrees with me, and I get the formative years are important, but for me I wouldn't want to HAVE to go back to work once the kids were in school.
At one time I desperately wanted to SAH and at the time I felt like I was missing a ton. But actually the big missed firsts happened when I was at home. My oldest daughter smiled and laughed for the first time when I was in the shower. My MIL gave my 2nd child his first bites of food at the Thanksgiving dinner table as I was there, but she hadn't asked me and I didn't have my camera ready. Much more recently I missed my older kids' first choir concerts because their directors didn't inform us of the dates until after the schedule came out, and I wasn't able to find anyone to trade with. But that's kind of my own fault because I am working now by choice, and I chose to work 3-11.
In my experience, going away didn't help improve the bond, but it didn't cause lasting negative effects either. I did stay home for a year following a lay-off when my 3rd was a baby; with my others I've worked FT, PT and per diem. There's really no difference in my relationship today between the one I SAH'ed with and the other four that I worked with. I also cosleep, babywear when they are little, and extended-breastfeed so I'm sure that helps with the bond.
What about keeping your PRN job? That way you can keep your skills up and bring in some income, but you have more control over your work hours.
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.
I have been a nurse a LONG TIME 35 years. I have been a Mommy 18 years....not so long.
I cannot tell you what is best for you and your baby. Here is what I did.
I did not live near anyone I knew or family. Yet after being a nurse for 17 years I wasn't willing to give it up. I worked opposite shifts from my hubby or weekends. I spent the first 17 years of my career avoiding nights.....I HATED THEM!!!!!!! Well....I had to change my mind as my babies were more important.
I worked for a while at a local ER doing a 5P to 1:30A shift...it worked out well....my hubby worked near by and we would car swap the kids in the parking lot. I always liked evenings and partying after work so this worked for me. Until they went to school. They were gone during the day and I would have to leave almost the minute they were home....no bueno. Then the deleted those hours....sigh
I went to nights. When they were little....I say they as they are 11 months apart (breast feeding isn't birth control....LOL) I worked 2 12 hours shifts. Never 2 in a row unless on the weekend. Then I worked 2 12 hour one week and 3 12 hours shifts. ON the week I worked 3 12 hours it was over the weekend. I had to absolutely have my hubby's cooperation. Those weekends were come home cuddle the babies, eat then sleep....wake up cuddle some more and off to work. I didn't cook. I didn't clean. I ate and slept.
On the days I worked 12 during the week I got very creative on tiring my kids out and I have a no Binky unless in bed policy for rest time (I never used the word nap....LOL) I remember they were about 2 and CRANKY. Mommy was more the CRANKY. I used a hot glue gun and molded a liner for the tub and faucets, shut the water off to the tub and let them finger paint each other and shaving cream the walls....while I rested my eyes on the floor in front of the tub. MY years of flight nursing made me an expert in power eye resting.
Yes you are tired. Yes it is exhausting. Yes you need a husband that participates....a lot. I would make up frozen batches of spaghetti sauce and chili or soup for the heat and eat nights.
I never missed a party. I never missed a field trip. They never spent a day in daycare (which the kindergarten teachers felt was appalling for my children were "behind" the other children "What ever"....LOL). They had play school for a few hours a couple of days a week when they were 3 and 4. We are incredibly close.
My daughter just made Deans list 3.97 in her first semester of her BSN program. My son is straight A's and got into his first choice college early action for robotics.....life is good.
Specializes in CLC - Certified Lactation Counselor.
My hubby and I switched off who was home with baby for the first 2 years of his life. Once he turned 2, off to daycare he went. He got RSV twice in the 10 months he has been there so far. But you know what? He LOVES it!!! Sure, I have mommy guilt...but there are days I go pick up my little dude and he doesn't want to leave. Actually - that's most days. He loves it. It gets better as they get older. I'm in school right now and I work 19.5 hours a week on top of that. My husband works full time. There was no way I could leave him when he was so very small...and I had huge anxiety when it was time to leave him at 2...but he made me so proud. He marched right up to that daycare, threw open the door - and never looked back. Well, he looked back with a smile when he said "bye bye mommy!".
They are pretty resilient :)
The key is finding a place you really love. My son is at a green daycare where they teach him to garden and they eat very clean and organic. We aren't huge on that at home, but I love that they are huge on that at school. Nothing is toxic and the school is relatively small and personable. Every teacher knows him, and all of the kids know each other and we go to each other's birthday parties.
You have to make daycare more than just "daycare". Make them a part of your life because they are a major part of your child's life right now. I text and call our director all the time just to chit chat about new products and cool play spots and things for the kids. That is very important to me. There are cameras so I can check in on my little guy. He is ALWAYS having a ball. ALWAYS!
The director of my daycare when I was little became one of my god parents. She died recently and most of the children who were in her care when we were little were at her funeral. She gifted me the high chair we used when I had my own child. She was a huge part of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without her. That was due, in large part, to the work of my mom and dad who made her a huge part of our lives. She was never "a paid-stranger". She was Miss Faye, my caregiver, "auntie", and God-mother. And she wasn't an in-home center, or a nanny. It was a small center. She was at my wedding. It doesn't have to be stranger-danger all of the time. Life is what you make of it
I had my first baby on Sepetember 2014. I returned to work after 6 weeks and have been working full time. We complete 40 hours/week which means usually 3 12 hour shift and 1 4 hour shift. Our unit is short staffed so sometimes we work 4 to 5 12 hour shifts. It depends. I work both days and nights rotating shifts, including weekends and holiday. My husband stays home. We decided that one of us works and the other watches our baby to avoid daycare or nanny. He cleans, cooks, and does everything at home so that I get to take care of our baby when I get off from work. It's really exhausting especially because our son just wants to breastfeed when I get home. At this time, I don't feel like I am missing out on any moments with our son. At four months (almost five in a couple days), he still exclusively breastfeeds :) I'm not too sure how things will be when he gets older. I love my career and I want to continue working as a nurse. I guess it will work out as long as you have a husband who will work out the schedules with you or have a family member watch your baby while you're away.
There is nothing wrong with working and using day care. My kids have about 20 hours a week in daycare and stay with me all my off days. They rarely get sick.
My hubby and I switched off who was home with baby for the first 2 years of his life. Once he turned 2, off to daycare he went. He got RSV twice in the 10 months he has been there so far. But you know what? He LOVES it!!! Sure, I have mommy guilt...but there are days I go pick up my little dude and he doesn't want to leave. Actually - that's most days. He loves it. It gets better as they get older. I'm in school right now and I work 19.5 hours a week on top of that. My husband works full time. There was no way I could leave him when he was so very small...and I had huge anxiety when it was time to leave him at 2...but he made me so proud. He marched right up to that daycare, threw open the door - and never looked back. Well, he looked back with a smile when he said "bye bye mommy!".
They are pretty resilient :)
The key is finding a place you really love. My son is at a green daycare where they teach him to garden and they eat very clean and organic. We aren't huge on that at home, but I love that they are huge on that at school. Nothing is toxic and the school is relatively small and personable. Every teacher knows him, and all of the kids know each other and we go to each other's birthday parties.
You have to make daycare more than just "daycare". Make them a part of your life because they are a major part of your child's life right now. I text and call our director all the time just to chit chat about new products and cool play spots and things for the kids. That is very important to me. There are cameras so I can check in on my little guy. He is ALWAYS having a ball. ALWAYS!
The director of my daycare when I was little became one of my god parents. She died recently and most of the children who were in her care when we were little were at her funeral. She gifted me the high chair we used when I had my own child. She was a huge part of my life and I couldn't imagine my life without her. That was due, in large part, to the work of my mom and dad who made her a huge part of our lives. She was never "a paid-stranger". She was Miss Faye, my caregiver, "auntie", and God-mother. And she wasn't an in-home center, or a nanny. It was a small center. She was at my wedding. It doesn't have to be stranger-danger all of the time. Life is what you make of it
Aside from a couple of posts, this thread paints a negative picture of daycare and might make some parents feel guilty for working and missing time away from their kids. I had my first baby in August of last year and returned to work full time 9 weeks later. It has not been easy but I was lucky in that my older sister has a daycare and preschool so at least she is with family and/or the teachers that work for her. I still cried the first day I dropped her off but honestly being a working mom makes me a better mom. I appreciate the time I have with her even more, am able to provide my child with whatever she needs, and I help support my family. I worked very hard for my MSN-FNP and chose this career path so I could have evenings, weekends and holidays with my family all while making a good living. I worked as a floor nurse for years and hated missing that quality time. I'm also under contract for 2 years to get my student loans paid off so this is a sacrifice that will be very much worth it to my family in the long run. I hope someday to maybe work part time or per diem but that's not an option right now. My baby absolutely loves daycare and we use the teachers for babysitting, etc because they are all wonderful and love our daughter. She has not been sick once and our bond has not suffered in the least. I'm rambling but bottom line is you do what you have to for your family. I am the product of two parents who worked full time my entire life-I hope as my child grows older she appreciates the sacrifices her parents made as I do now in regards to my own parents.
Do what works for your family. My husband made enough that I got to stay home after my twins were born. Although, I kept on per Diem and work weekend nights 2/3 weekends a month plus another flexible per Diem home health position. I am glad that I am able to do that and I likely will not go back full time till my twins are in kindergarten.
Aside from a couple of posts, this thread paints a negative picture of daycare and might make some parents feel guilty for working and missing time away from their kids.
I agree with you. My kids are almost teenagers now, they both were in daycare even though I wasn't even working. We did it for the socialization (I was a young mother and didn't know anyone else with kids) and because we were told that having them in that kind of environment would build up their immune system and get them ready for school. Not sure how true that is, but my kids are rarely sick now whereas it seems half the school is out with the flu and stomach bug. *shrugs*
They both are still in afterschool 10+ years later and they are very well-rounded, polite, respectful, loving young men. They know mama loves them, there is no doubt whatsoever!
The statements "they are only little once", and the like really are negative. You're right they are only that little once - and that little is very very stressful. I had twins, went back to work part time for the first 2 years. They were colicky and didn't start sleeping until they were close to 4 months old. The day I left them with my mom to go back to work was truly the least stressful!
If you want to work, you'll work it out. Truly you will. Mine stayed with my mom until they were 2 (I worked 3 days a week), and once they hit 2 those 3 days they went to daycare, I went back to work full time and the other 2 they were with my mom. They needed the socialization. They would cry when strangers would smile at them in the grocery cart. Fortunately there were 2 so they learned to share early on.
A good daycare will teach your child what you don't realize they need to know. A good daycare is your ally and friend. My kids still get birthday invites to parties and they haven't been in daycare/preschool since they were 5.
I work 0.5 now and I feel like I have the best of both worlds.
Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN
5,047 Posts
Congratulations on the baby!
I would avoid working FT if at all possible. I've done it and it's hugely stressful, and we didn't even use daycare; my MIL was/is our daycare. I've also worked 0.8 noc's and stayed up w/ the baby all day, and to be honest we both suffered. I started getting sick a couple of times a month, after a few months of sleeping 2-3 hours a day between shifts.
I work 0.5 now and I feel like I have the best of both worlds.
To be honest, for me it gets HARDER as they get older. Around age 3 they start with the "Mamaaaaa, don't goooooo!" that breaks your heart. And then when they start school they get busy with homework, activities, social calendar, heartaches... So I personally wouldn't stay home full-time unless we planned on being able to afford it long-term. Not everyone agrees with me, and I get the formative years are important, but for me I wouldn't want to HAVE to go back to work once the kids were in school.
At one time I desperately wanted to SAH and at the time I felt like I was missing a ton. But actually the big missed firsts happened when I was at home. My oldest daughter smiled and laughed for the first time when I was in the shower. My MIL gave my 2nd child his first bites of food at the Thanksgiving dinner table as I was there, but she hadn't asked me and I didn't have my camera ready. Much more recently I missed my older kids' first choir concerts because their directors didn't inform us of the dates until after the schedule came out, and I wasn't able to find anyone to trade with. But that's kind of my own fault because I am working now by choice, and I chose to work 3-11.
In my experience, going away didn't help improve the bond, but it didn't cause lasting negative effects either. I did stay home for a year following a lay-off when my 3rd was a baby; with my others I've worked FT, PT and per diem. There's really no difference in my relationship today between the one I SAH'ed with and the other four that I worked with. I also cosleep, babywear when they are little, and extended-breastfeed so I'm sure that helps with the bond.
What about keeping your PRN job? That way you can keep your skills up and bring in some income, but you have more control over your work hours.