Are many nurses products of abusive/drug dependent homes & parents?

[wsp4905]

I have heard several times, including in nursing school; that many nurses are products of broken homes, drug dependent/sickly parents, abuse etc. I have not been able to find true statistics online about this topic. I remember a nursing instructor listed a stat as high as 85% of nurses come from drug/sick/abusive homes and parents.

If you are willing to share your own personal story or also have a link to an article that shows data r/t this topic, I would be very interested.

I'll start by saying that growing up my Mom was and still is a very strong habitual marijuana user. Now I know some would argue that pot is not as bad as others or whatever. I'm not trying to start a discussion on that issue. But with my MOM, she had to smoke, all day long, every day. Wake up, smoke, eat, smoke, smoke before work, smoke before she went to bed, road trips etc. And if she wasn't " high" she was quite cranky. She also was abusive to me. Her and my Dad had a rocky relationship the last few years and she took it out on me. Verbally, emotionally, physically, spit in my face...etc. It caused my parents to have even more arguements, including physical, cause my Dad would stick up for me.

On to my father, he also was a substance user, cocaine, early on in the 80's, in fact he went to rehab shortly after I was born for some time. However, I don't recall him ever relapsing or such afterwards. He did however, have cardiac and renal disease (PKD), he had MVP repair and CABG when I was 7, and I remember, he had a very SLOW recovery, and just was always very sickly afterwards. He tried his best to help, try and coach me when I played basketball and in band, but he was physically limited. He ended up on dialysis for 5 years before having a MI at the age of 60.

My family situation made my grow up real fast, I had to help care for two younger siblings, who honestly did not have it like I did. By the time they were my age (teenager), our parents had divorced and did not live together. I would say it affected me the most. But, I do believe it has made me a stronger person and a better mother and nurse. In fact, when I get angry with my child, often I distinctly remember how my Mother would lash out at me, and I am able to recompose myself, something I am proud that I am able to do. Cause I remember how devastated I was when I was younger. Oh course, I do not abuse pot or any other drugs. Which I believe was part of my Mom's issue, along with stress from relantionship with my Dad.

Thank you for reading, I know it is a long post. I just wanted to share my story and I am interested in other's similiar stories. And again, if you have a article or link to such data, Please also post it.

[VivaLasViejas, ASN, RN]

Well, I'm going to go ahead and buck the trend on this thread by saying that I grew up in an upper-middle-class home where everything looked wholesome on the outside. On the inside.......not so much. My parents were very uptight people who drank like fish behind closed doors, and then judged other people who did their imbibing at the local watering hole. I had an uncle who molested me when I was 14 but was never confronted because, as my mother said, "he's my brother". (Same thing happened with a salesman who came to the house one day while my parents were out; my dad called his boss and had him fired, then called the man at home and threatened to kill him if he ever set foot on the property again. Now, guess which incident traumatized me the most?)

Nothing I did was ever good enough, so I usually didn't even try, earning myself the label of 'problem child'. Mother took me to a child psychiatrist when I was six years old, and he told her that while I was exceptionally bright, there was something wrong with me because I drew my balloons stuck to the ceiling with straight strings hanging down, instead of curly ones. (Well, how many times have YOU seen a curly string on a balloon that's stuck to the ceiling??) Thank goodness they didn't have the diagnosis of Oppositional Defiant Disorder back then, or I'd have wound up with it for sure.

Adolescence was a nightmare, and young adulthood wasn't much better---my mother apologized to her friends behind my back because I gained a lot of weight with my first baby, while conveniently ignoring the fact that I'd also developed a serious ETOH problem. And when I landed in legal trouble, she was concerned only because she was afraid of "what people would think of us".

As for Dad....well, he just looked the other way and let Mother do her thing. So by age 25 I was fat, alcoholic, poor, in trouble with the law, and seriously messed up.

Fast-forward to today, and you'd never know I was such a loser back in the day. Sure, I've got some issues (who doesn't?), but overall I am a successful RN who's worked her way up to Administration in a large assisted living facility, published many articles in newspapers and magazines, and raised four beautiful children to adulthood. This I owe to the three things I had going for me all those years: pride, stubborn determination, and the love of a God who sees me as I am and wants me to be happy anyway. :)

[wooh, BSN, RN]

I think the "alcoholic family" paradigm is just a potential creator of the "fixer" type of person that is common in nursing. You grow up fixing things for your family, you'll likely gravitate to a career doing the same. There are other ways to become a fixer though. :)

[carrie_c]

I don't know how true the stat's are, but my childhood was pretty crappy. My father was an alcoholic. My mother was verbally abusive. They divorced when I was 9, only for my mother to marry my step father, who was a worse alcoholic than my father could have ever been, not to mention abusive. We were also dirt poor. Although I have never been addicted to anything (other than food maybe), I was pretty messed up mentally when I was in my 20s. (I am 34 now). I suffered from major depression. It was only by the grace of God that I got to where I am today. I don't know if that shaped me into becoming a nurse or not. I remember wanting to be a nurse since I was a little girl, after my father bought me a watch with a nurse head on it. Then my first job when I was 16 was as a housekeeper in a nursing home. So maybe it was a combination of everything. I do know that I feel a need to be caring towards other people. Maybe it's because not many people have been that way towards me in my life. Who knows?

[BostonTerrierLover, BSN, RN]

I drew a house with no doors in High School after my brother died in 1997, they told my parents that it was very typical of Schitzophrenia which might appear in my early twenties. It scared them to death.

What the bright Doctor didn't know was his cute nurse was distracting me, and the real diagnosis would be closer to ADD (although I had NO problem focusing on her!), So, . . .I didn't have enough enough time to draw the freaking the door.

Now, If he'd ask, "I noticed you didn't draw a door?" and He got the responce, "That's how THEY get in!" then yes, Dx Me. Otherwise, No voices yet- but I do feel "watched" at work (but that's probably the camera's.) What I thought was cute, was sitting around the table, and when it got quiet, looking confused, and saying, "Did y'all hear that?" I got grounded.

[Catzilla]

Kellyski and VivaLasViejas, I can relate.

Congratulations for rising up and out of the crap!

And thank you for sharing.

[merlee]

Good, loving home. My dad died a week before my parents' 55th anniversary. And although they were surprised that I wanted to go to nursing school way back in 1971, they were very supportive.

Still miss my dad, gone 11 years, and my mom, 2 years, my bro - my only sib - 5 years. Every day. Just 'visited' them all last week.

I think that statistic is simply made up.

[Merlyn]

Don't like to tell about p[personnel stuff but here goes. IO come from the wrong side of the tracks, we where poor but I never knew it. I had my first beer when I was 4 years old, first fight when I was seven the same year the Sisters of mercy took over my education. for nine years I thought every in the world was Irish Roman Catholic. Thank God for public school, At eighteen join the Air Force where I learned to kill people. went to college for another degree unrelated to nursing . Got the calling when I was 22. been a nurse ever since. Haven't talk to my mother or sister in 7 years. My wife is disabled with RSD and fibro In spite of all of this tragedy , I am happy.

[SHGR, MSN, RN, CNS]

When people spout "statistics" like that I want to also see two-sample t test that shows whether there is a difference between people that chose nursing (or it chose them) and people who are in other fields. The number in and of itself means nothing. Especially with no reference.

No drugs or alcohol drama past here, but it was not normal either. No sunshine or rainbows.

[subee, MSN, CRNA]

To the OP: If you can find a copy of Tanya Hugh's (not sure if that's entirely speelled right) book "I'm Dying To Help You", she published stats on your questions. Book was published in the 80's and one of the first about nurse addicts.

[nurseprnRN, BSN, RN]

being as how approximately half of all marriages end in divorce, 85% doesn't look that high.

if the op's premise was that it was related to families with illness, divorce, or susbtance abuse (if i read it correctly), the the 85% looks even less startling. i think you're beginning to approach the population norms. i mean, if you said "85% of persons come from families with some illness, substance abuse, or divorce," not limiting it to nurses, that begins to make us a lot less "special."

me, i came from a family with illness. two of my three siblings had severe illness through much of their childhood, with multiple hospitalizations and occasional near-death. i (the oldest) got very interested in science and medicine and caregiving at an early age. besides, the hospital was the biggest employer in our little town, so that's where i got my summer jobs when i was old enough.

there is extant research showing that marriages of people with very ill children, or children who die, fail at a very high rate. in our case, the kids got better but the marriage got worse, and they separated when i was in my last semester of high school. but my nursing career was already in the cards by then.

it would be interesting to look at the marriage failure rate of nurses of all backgrounds. as caregivers, we tend to take responsibility for the relationship, according to a therapist i knew. we tend to let bad marriages go on longer than necessary. this was true in my case. fortunately, this also leaves open the possibility of learning how to do it better, and that was true in my case too.

[Hygiene Queen]

Don't like to tell about p[personnel stuff but here goes. IO come from the wrong side of the tracks, we where poor but I never knew it.

I didn't know it either!

I thought everybody woke up with ceiling tiles on their bed and a wet carpet after a heavy rain...

I thought everybody woke up to find a complete stranger in their room because their house was so easy to break into...

I thought everyone got robbed every year...

I thought everyone lived in crap.

When I figured it out, I was very angry and bitter.

Today, I am not and have not been since I learned I can control where I go from there.

I think such a life will either break you or make you stronger. I have no clue what I had in me that did not make me give up and fight.

I didn't seek nursing, it came to me and I do believe it saved my life.

You take an awkward and directionless 18 year-old and make them responsible for the well-being of the most vulnerable people in our society and THAT shapes 'em up real quick.

[TheCommuter, BSN, RN]

I'm raising my hand. I'm another 'statistic.'

I grew up as the only child; however, I definitely was not spoiled or lavished. My father used crack cocaine during my early and middle childhood years. He drank heavily up until a few years ago. He was verbally abusive toward me during my childhood and adolescence, frequently reminding me that I was stupid and had a weight problem.

My parents' financial situation was disastrous due to my father's compulsive-addictive behaviors. I can recall feeling hungry on occasion as a child with no food in the refrigerator or cupboards. My father remained unemployed for several years, so my mother was the breadwinner. However, there were times when her income covered the monthly rent and nothing else.

My mother and father are still married. Although my father no longer drinks or uses drugs, he is now a compulsive gambler and has lost tens of thousands of dollars at casinos in recent years. Although I admit that my parents and I should have a closer relationship, forgiving and forgetting has been a difficult feat for me to accomplish.