Apology from a doctor!

lhflanurseNP, APRN · May 23, 2014

While not an actual apology, I remember one particular doctor with whom I would just cringe when needing to call during the night. When I announced I would be moving away and leaving my job, this same doctor brought me a handwritten, and typed, letter of recommendation! One never knows.

ClearBlueOctoberSky · May 23, 2014

We have a Dr. That isn't fond of LPN's, hasn't said so in so many words, though, and although polite with the nurses can go off on rants. Old Fashioned doc. He was reading a very specific care plan I had written. He looked at me and asked if it was mine, I said yes.

He then said, well I have another patient that could benefit from this, and I keep getting the run around. Could I get a copy of your care plan?

It may not seem like much, but from this Dr., it was a HUGE compliment. I couldn't help but wear a smile on my face all day.

NurseGirl525, ASN, RN · May 23, 2014

I had a boss in retail that I absolutely did not like years ago. He was the DM and would call his store managers and just cuss them out all of the time. Customers on the sales floor could hear him. I felt he was so disrespectful towards his staff. To me, respect must be earned. So when he would come and tour my dept. I just would barely give him the time of day. I was very short and curt with him and I figured that he did not like me at all because neither one of us were nice to each other.

I had gotten pregnant and was having some issues with seizures and had to quit my job there. After all of this time, he came and it said it was such a loss to the store for me to leave and he was really going to miss me. He asked what he could do to convince me to come back after my baby was born. I had planned to be a stay at home mom. I told him I appreciated it but there was nothing as I really wanted to spend time with my baby.

He thanked me for all of my service and told me I was an excellent manager. So here was the gruff, rude, intolerable, man who I thought couldn't stand me, actually had the highest amount of respect for me. So sometimes beneath that rude exterior, there is a person who does respect and like you.

Here.I.Stand, BSN, RN · May 23, 2014

I worked at this LTACH where we had one doc who was notorious for yelling at nurses. I never had a problem w/ him myself (granted I worked 1-2 shifts a week for 1.5 yrs, and he didn't work weekends, so I didn't have the exposure the FT'ers did), but his reputation made me a bit nervous when having to talk to him.

Well, this one time he gave another nurse a compliment for my idea. We had this pt w/ severe gastroparesis. He had a G/J tube w/ his feedings through the J port and the G port draining to gravity into a Foley bag. Despite draining his stomach, he was still vomiting, and now had gastric contents coming out his trach he as well as his mouth. His nurse came to the desk, muttering "I'm not sure what to do for him." I said, "Maybe it would help to put the G port to suction instead of just to gravity?" She said, "Low intermittent suction?" Me: "Yeah, get those secretions out before they have a chance to accumulate." Her: "Hmm." She kind of looked like she was shrugging it off if that makes sense." But then I hear her go to this MD and say "Hey dr. T, should we put his G tube to LIWS?" He said, "Yes! Great idea!"

kbrn2002, ADN, RN · May 23, 2014

Dealing with on call MD's in the middle of night can be real hit or miss...some accept that being the on call means they will get called and are awesome, others not so much. One of the famous for being in the not so much camp of MD's, he really resented his on call rotation and took it out on us gave me a "what to you expect me to do about it" lecture when calling for a pain med increase on an actively dying resident. I was not in the mood nor did I have the time to listen to him rant so I gave him the "I expect you to do your job" lecture right back. Now keep in mind this could've really backfired, but what ended up happening is I gained his respect. While I never got an outright apology from him, I also never had a problem with him again. Other nurses have also commented that Dr so-and-so is more more polite and willing to address our residents needs when he is on call.

Collor · May 23, 2014

My first RN job I was working on a med/surg floor..we had a lot of renal patients. One of the nephrologists was an absolute jack*ss. Some thoughts explain him. Condescending. Straight-up mean. Terrible on the phone--would hang up on you. When making rounds, he would write orders (terrible handwriting) and when you would verify what he ordered, he would bark back at you. Needless to say, he was NOT well liked and nurses did their best to avoid him when possible.

About a year into that job, I was applying for a care management position on the same floor. It involved a few interviews and one was by a MD. Guess who the the MD was? Yup, mean old nephrologist. He had so many patients on the floor, our hospital wanted him to conduct the MD interview. So I went in with my "happy" face for the interview. To my surprise...he asked a few questions...but then said, " I am recommending you for this position, you are a great nurse with strong leadership skills and qualities". "I pay attention when I make rounds...and not just to my patients".

I did get the position. And although he was still a bear when he did rounds, I always got a smile out of him!

Kittery · May 23, 2014

I was fresh out of my internship when I made a mistake (that I've NEVER made again.)

Renal patient with a low H&H, nephrologist wanted a type & cross for 2 PRBC's, planned to give the following day with dialysis and wanted them ready (but didn't write that explicitly). I can't remember why I called to clarify the order the first time but I did. For some reason my eyes read "type & cross" but my brain interpreted it as "transfuse." So here I go, transfusing my fluid overloaded renal patient (like I said, fresh out of my internship). For some reason after the 1st unit was completed, I decided to call the doc again and re-clarify that he wanted two units, and boy did I hear it! "NO NO NO NO NO! We already talked about this, he's supposed to get it TOMORROW with dialysis, he's already fluid overloaded! Do NOT transfuse anymore!" I probably sputtered a barely audible apology before getting hung up on.

Two days later this doc is rounding when he pulls me aside and says, "I just wanted to say I'm sorry for how I spoke with you the other day. I was just having a really bad day, and I don't want you to think that I'm mad at you."

I was flabbergasted. Not only did a doctor apologize to me, little newbie nurse, but I was the one who made the mistake in the first place.

Other things docs have done that surprised me: surgeon helped me clean up a patient so he could do a rectal exam (like, actually helped with wiping/turning and everything), intern wanted to ask a question about a patient and actually introduced himself to me and asked how my day was (of course, after he moved up to "resident" status he was just as rude as anyone else, funny how that happens). It was my last day on the floor before resigning and I'd really come to respect many of the physicians I worked with. One of the docs had a very well established reputation for being stern and demanding, you can bet all the nurses crossed their t's and dotted their i's if this doc was on the floor. Heck, I think even other doctors working on the same cases with her did the same. This doc walked the fine line between being respected and being feared all the time. Anyway, I told her it was my last day and she said that she was very sorry that I was leaving, I'm a great nurse and would be a huge loss to the floor. Coming from her, that meant the world to me and still does.

nurseprnRN, BSN, RN · May 23, 2014

Not really an apology, but an unexpected compliment: One of the very best compliments I ever rec'd from a physician was that he loved my documentation because he could really see what the patient looked like by reading it (bless you, John Mehigan, vascular surgeon, wherever you are).

Guttercat, ASN, RN · May 23, 2014

The last Dr. to cuss me out (there's only been one or two), later asked me out. ***???. Anyway, it just goes to show that we're all people working in a highly stressful environment. Nurses are easy targets for venting of frustration because there are usually no repercussions. I've vented against peers and subordinates myself. Not proud of it. I'd rather have a doc unleash his or her pent up fury on me after months of "sucking it up," than deal with the truly narcissist doc who routinely takes pleasure in making "the little people" feel little just because they can. Those are the ones who need a liver stabbing.

iPink, BSN, RN · May 23, 2014

On my previous unit as a GN, I had a patient's AV fistula burst open and pt was hemorrhaging. Called a code, and put all my weight into holding his arm to stop the bleeding. When helped arrived, I got on the phone to call the vascular surgeon and received orders from him on what consents and meds to give. Long story short, surgery was a success and was personally credited by the surgeon for saving the pt's life. Other docs that were there made sure the Chief Medical Officer knew as well. I was surprised and humbled.

A coworker of mine got yelled at by a doctor and then the next day gave her a gift card and an apology.

Ruby Vee, BSN · May 23, 2014

Years ago and in another state, I was taking care of a patient with leukemia who was actively dying. His expressed wish was to die at home, and his family was supposedly on board with the plan. But as families sometimes do, they got scared when he was nearing the end, and called 911. He was admitted to my very famous teaching hospital so he could die all alone in a hospital room. (The family didn't bother to accompany him.)

The resident on that night was brand new -- did I mention this was July? -- and had obviously never dealt with a dying patient. He ordered morphine sulfate, 2 mg. IV every hour. Not prn, which would have made sense, but every hour. When I made my initial rounds, the patient, whom I'll call Bradley, was in a lot of pain. I happily gave him 2 mg. of morphine. But an hour later, he was comfortable and refused the morphine. And the hour after that he refused it again. By now it's 9 PM, and I'm done with my med pass, staffing was unusually plush, so I went in to sit with Bradley and talk if he wanted. He told me all about the happy life he'd had, and how he was ready to die, but that there was one big mystery left -- death -- and he didn't want to miss it.

"That morphine makes me sleepy," he said. "I'm only going to die once, and I don't want to miss the experience."

Right about then, the resident, whom I'll call Mike G. Hotel came into the room to check on Bradley. We went out into the hall to talk, and I mentioned that MS 2 mg. q 1 h seemed like more than Bradley needed, and that he'd refused it. Mike went off on me, shouting about how he'd ordered MS 2 mg q1h, and that's what he meant to be given. If he'd wanted it prn, he would have ordered it prn. I tried to explain that Bradley had the right to refuse, but Mike went stomping into the room and announced to Bradley "you have to take your pain medication when the nurse brings it. Every hour." You know how patients are sometimes when the "doctor" tells them something -- they agree whether they mean it or not. Bradley said he'd take the morphine.

When I brought the morphine, Bradley refused it. "That doctor is young," he said. "He isn't comfortable with death, and he doesn't understand. You understand. I don't want that morphine."

So I didn't give it to him, and I spent most of that night sitting in his room, first listening to him talk and then just holding his hand as death approached. The aides came and got me if there was something that needed an RN. Mike went off to bed. About 3 AM, Bradley died peacefully, holding my hand. And I called Mike to pronounce him.

Mike came into the unit on a tear. "I just checked the medication records," he accused. "You didn't give Bradley his morphine."

"He didn't want it," I tried to explain.

"No one should have to die alone," Mike returned. "You refused a direct order. I'm going to have your job for this."

And he almost DID have my job. My manager wasn't interested in my explanation. I went on probation and almost lost my job.

Fast forward 20-some years. I've married and changed my name, moved to the opposite coast, gained a bunch of weight and accepted God's final word on whether my hair is straight or curly. We have a new medical director of our ICU, a physician from a world famous teaching hospital. Who should it be but Mike G. Hotel? I didn't think he recognized me when we were "introduced", and I certainly didn't want to tell him who I was after our previous experience together. So I didn't say anything.

A few days later, he brought a group of new interns through the ICU on a tour. "This is Ruby," he said to the medical students. "We go WAYYYY back, and she saved me from a really big mistake when I was a brand new intern. If I ever hear of you disrespecting Ruby or any other nurse, we will have real problems. And remember -- if the experienced nurse asks you if you're sure you meant to order something that way, you really don't want to order it. If the experienced nurse asks you "are you sure you really want to do that doctor," she's telling you you're f***ing up. You don't want to do that. And if you get into a disagreement with the nurse, I will ALWAYS back the nurse in the absence of proof that you're right and the nurse is wrong." Then he nodded at me and led the interns away.

It wasn't an apology, exactly. But he acknowledged his mistake, and he influenced generations of interns to respect and trust the nurse.