An upset elderly patient...

Published

Hello,

My aunt, who had a stroke about 3 years ago was recently admitted to the hospital twice because she fell twice. The stroke has left her limited use of her right side and her eyesight is all but gone. While in the hospital the last time, the decision was made that my aunt should stay in a nursing home temporarily. My aunt has family to visit her and do things for her, but there is no one who lives with her.

When my aunt was told that she was going to the nursing home by her doctor, my aunt leaned toward the doctor (she probably couldn't even see her), shook her finger at the woman, and yelled "I'm not going to the nursing home, and you can't make me." She probably said some more stuff, but she never cursed and she certainly didn't put her hands on anyone. (By the way, it was my mom who told me about this story, I live 200 miles away from my family).

My mother, who is my aunt's younger sister, was able to convince my aunt that this would be in her best interest and that she should go. Going to a nursing home temporarily would be must better than continuing to fall around her home. When my mom went to go get the doctor, she refused to talk to my aunt. The doctor was so upset that my aunt had raised her voice and shook her finger that she refused to talk to her anymore. Well, I have read many of you all's stories on this site, and you all have dealt with A LOT more than that, and still did your job. I am not saying that my aunt was right for shaking her finger and raising her voice, but I can understand why she was upset. I think the doctor should have understood too. My aunt is:

1) Being told that she can't live in the home that she has lived in for the last 60 years or more. She went to the hospital and is told she can't go home (even if it is temporary).

2) She is losing even more of her independence than what she already lost.

3) If she goes to a nursing home she is losing more of her privacy.

4) With losing numbers 2 and 3 you also lose at least part of your dignity.

5) Nursing homes are under more laws to be good nursing homes, but nobody still really wants to be there. Things still happen in nursing homes.

6) She has spent the last 50 years being a grown woman and now she has people telling her what she can and cannot do and she can't do anything about it.

I know the nursing home is certainly for her own good, but I understand why she was upset. I just think the doctor was a little thin-skinned. What do you think? Was the doctor right for being so upset that she didn't want to talk to my aunt? Are the doctors you all work with like that?

Thank you for reading and responding. I know this was long.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Critical Care, ED, Cath lab, CTPAC,Trauma.

Our jobs first and foremost is to protect the elderly. She is falling and it is only a matter of time before she breaks her hip or hits her head very hard. It is very difficult to "give up" our independence and sometmes the medical profession has to step in and take over and do what is right even if someone is angry. Technically.....unless you Aunt signed a health care proxy designating your Mom as the healthcare proxy....the MD doesn't have to talk to your MOM.

But we cannot give medical advice here and without details it is impossible to pass judgement. I sugesst you speak to the social service department or case management people to help you all make the best decision possible for your Aunt. There are also health care advocates you can hire to advocate for your loved one........I hope your Aunt feels better

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Our jobs first and foremost is to protect the elderly. She is falling and it is only a matter of time before she breaks her hip or hits her head very hard. It is very difficult to "give up" our independence and sometmes the medical profession has to step in and take over and do what is right even if someone is angry. Technically.....unless you Aunt signed a health care proxy designating your Mom as the healthcare proxy....the MD doesn't have to talk to your MOM.

But we cannot give medical advice here and without details it is impossible to pass judgement. I sugesst you speak to the social service department or case management people to help you all make the best decision possible for your Aunt. There are also health care advocates you can hire to advocate for your loved one........I hope your Aunt feels better

Thank you for your reply but my question was if the doctor was right to be so upset with my aunt that she refused to talk to her when my aunt decided that she would go to the nursing home. I really wasn't looking for medical advice. I don't have a question whether or not my aunt should have gone to the nursing home (even though I agree with the decision made; I totally agree with your first sentence). The doctor had no problem talking to my mom. It would take A LOT to get my mom to shake her finger and raise her voice at anyone (except her own kids :D). Only my aunt did that.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

I don't understand the doctor's refusal to speak to your aunt. Anyone who works in healthcare should definitely be able to remain professional. Refusing to speak to your aunt sounds pretty childish to me.

But then I work LTC so I am used to what the elderly may throw my way :)

Up Vote Up Vote ×

The doctor is being a big baby. I in no way condone abuse but your aunt wasn't abusive in the least. She was upset and you need to give some leeway in a situation like this one. She responded in a normal way like many of us would. She needed time to absorb the info and did. The doctor is being unprofessional and lacking compassion here.

Up Vote Up Vote ×

That is what I thought Batman and SkiMama, but I don't work in healthcare...yet. I mean, from the stories I have read about people flinging trays of food, poop, cursing, and have 20 family members at the hospital acting just as bad, I thought the doctor got off pretty light. I mean, what kind of response did she think my aunt was supposed to give?

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in PACU, Surgery, Acute Medicine.

Yeah, that doctor's got some kind of problem. At the very least he or she should have asked another doctor to talk to your aunt. But really, it makes me wonder what kind of utopia you work in if a doctor thinks that kind of treatment is so awful!

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in LTC,Hospice/palliative care,acute care.

Maybe the doc felt that further discussion with the aunt would upset her further? Maybe the doc was a little rattled because they were swamped and really didn't see the need to go back and see the patient again. I would have had to be there to judge the doc's demeanor.."Upset" can be interpreted in many ways..

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in acute care.
I don't understand the doctor's refusal to speak to your aunt. Anyone who works in healthcare should definitely be able to remain professional. Refusing to speak to your aunt sounds pretty childish to me.

But then I work LTC so I am used to what the elderly may throw my way :)

From the description of the situation, I think the doctor's reaction was inappropriate--sometimes we all have to talk to grumpy/upset patients and it's just part of the job. I had to chuckle at the last part of your comment--I have worked LTC as well and know exactly what you are talking about--often literally! :D

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Maybe the doc felt that further discussion with the aunt would upset her further? Maybe the doc was a little rattled because they were swamped and really didn't see the need to go back and see the patient again. I would have had to be there to judge the doc's demeanor.."Upset" can be interpreted in many ways..

The doctor told my mom she was upset:down:

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Maybe the doc felt that further discussion with the aunt would upset her further? Maybe the doc was a little rattled because they were swamped and really didn't see the need to go back and see the patient again. I would have had to be there to judge the doc's demeanor.."Upset" can be interpreted in many ways..

You have a good point. She did say she had to see other patients.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
Specializes in Oncology; medical specialty website.
The doctor told my mom she was upset:down:

Doctors are people, too. Your aunt may have been one of many people to chew out that doc that day, and maybe she'd just had it at that moment.

Not meaning to start a flame war here, but I am not sure I understand why someone who is not a nurse is posting here asking questions about medical situations. I thought this was a forum for nurses/nursing students, not health care consumers to air complaints about their/their family member's medical treatment.

Up Vote Up Vote ×
+ Join the Discussion